Mom... I miss you. I was cleaning out my closet the other day and I found your old greeting cards you sent. I read them all. I miss finding them randomly in the mail. You words of encouragement. You always said that I was the best thing to happen in your life. You always told me that I was such a good person. You never failed to tell me how much I was loved or how I was a huge influence in your life. You were my hero.

I miss those words. I miss your gentle smile and caring eyes. I miss the warm hugs you gave me. I miss sending you flowers and cards. I miss talking to you on the phone. I miss your supportive words when I am down and need a lift. I miss you so much.

Im sorry that I had to move so far away but you know that I had to. I had no future there and you pushed me to get on with my life. To find a new one. I missed you while I was gone and was heart broken that I couldn't be there for you when you needed me. There for a long while it was you and me. We took care of each other. But when I left I felt guilty for leaving. Like I left you to the wolves to fend for yourself.

I remember when you came to visit me in San Diego. You looked so tired. But you were so happy to be here. I tried to get you to stay. To get away from that life that was dragging you down. Im sorry I couldn't convince you.

When I saw you last you had aged so much. You couldn't breath from the cancer... you didn't even remember me visiting you for a week. My heart was broken. Marshall told me a couple of weeks ago that it was good I wasn't there to see you pass that you didn't want me to see you like that. He said you had asked if I knew you loved me. I know mom... You never failed to tell me that you loved me with all your heart. As I loved you too.

I got something for you. I carry it with me all the time. Its this tattoo on my back. I know you would have loved it. You were never able to start your life. Its for us mom. The wings you never had. You were never able to fly and live a full life. Now you can do it with me. I carry your heart with me...

I miss you so... so much.

http://i51.photobucket.com/albums/f384/sdxtcdrm/tat3.jpg

Josh, I must say that your words hit me like a freight train and I am now crying the tears I have held on to for a week. I too lost someone I love more than life itself. One week ago yesterday my father passed. Like you he encouraged me to spread my wings. I was so far away from him when he got sick. I was lucky though to be here with him when he passed.

Sunday is Father's Day. I will be celebrating for my husband and my children, but I will be hurting because of my father.

Josh, your post is a beautiful memorial to your mother. Please believe that she is with you in times of joy and times of tribulation.

As I read your post there were so many similarities with that of my father. I totally understand EXACTLY where you are coming from. My Dad was my mentor, my hero, my best friend, but mostly my father, and he will be missed.

I am so so deeply sorry for your loss, and I do feel your pain.

Thank you for your words. Im so sorry for your loss as well. It one of the hardest things to deal with in life... the lose of a parent. You will be OK in time just as I will.

They are with us everyday.

Love you mom

Oh, I know I know I know … I left home for a new life to a faraway country. My mom was diagnosed with cancer two years after I left home and had chemotherapy for two years, which ended with her painful death. She came to visit me before I gave birth to my first child, she came here to stay with me to help me with the baby and be with me when I was going to have the baby. But her condition got worse and she did not have insurance coverage here and she had to get back. I could not go with her and could not keep her because it would not be good to her. I went home when the baby was two months old and was there until she passed away. I too felt guilty that I was not there when she needed me. She always told me I was her good girl. That she loved me so much. When she died I felt I had lost the only person who truly loved me. I sometimes feel her talking to me and I start crying. I did not cry much when she died, I think I was numb by her long death, but later over each small memories of her, or when there was news I wanted to tell her and she was not there to hear, my tears dropped. I know how you feel. And you should not think you would feel better if you were there for her death, no matter how much you spent time with her you would still regret the time you were not there. You are a strong willed person and that is what she wanted. I thought to myself, my mom spent her whole life to bring up her children, I am the fruit of her life’s tree, I am what she invested her life on. I should not destroy the result of her efforts with grief. She was so full of spirit and whenever I cried she tickled my stomach to make me laugh. Even in the hospital, the last days of her life, I remember, there was a program on TV showing how to make a cake, and she said, oh interesting let me see what it is. She could not eat or drink for the last 3 months of her life and still wanted to learn a new cake! I cried when I read your post, I can feel your pain. Mom died 2 yeas ago and I just recently can laugh loudly as I did before. I still do not feel as happy, and I know I will never will. I will miss her forever. I like your idea of the wings. My mom’s life was not as happy as she wanted it to be too. You are right I should do what she didn’t have the chance to do. Wish you patience in her grief.

Mom... I miss you.

I wish you were here... I have so much to say. I have been through so much in the last year. Pamela and I broke up. It was hard. It was nothing we did but it just couldn't be. I was lost for awhile. But I could feel you there with me always. I made it through the hard times and finally found the real me. The person that I had been trying to find for so long. The person that could smile and laugh again. Its because of you... your strength... and what you taught me that I was able to.

I have some great news. I met someone... and you would love her. She is so amazing and we fit each other perfectly. She is down to earth, witty, funny, loving, caring, and isn't afraid to get her hands dirty. We get along so well. So well in fact that she asked me to marry her... and I said yes. I'm engaged!

I wish you could have met her. She is amazing mom. She has really shown me what love is. I've never met someone who was so giving and loving. I'm not used to someone giving as much as me. She has a son... Tristan. He is a little firecracker at 2 1/2. But he is so smart... and gives great hugs.

I really miss you mom. I think about you everyday. I love you so... so much.

You have made me cry tears that I thought were gone...

I lost my Dad... and have felt every emotion that you so eloquently described...

I, too, posted a Memorial for my Dad when Father's Day rolled around... My Dad is my wind beneath my wings, my hero, my inspiration... my life, accomplishments, and essence is a living memorial to what he was.

I'm so glad that you have posted here... it is a living memorial to your dear, sweet Mother.

She would be so proud.