I've been in a relationship for about 2 months now, it started slow and then it sped up. Where we both realized that we were both in love and loved being with each other. Then all of a sudden the weekdays are great... awesome, but the weekend comes and all of a sudden she says she doesn't want to be with me anymore. Then she will call me back in a day or two and apologize and we get back together... then the weekend comes and it starts all over. This has happened a few times, and its really starting to bug me. The last time it happened we didn't talk for about 3 or 4 days, then one day she calls me asking about one of my tattoos and asks if she can come see me when she gets back to our apartment complex (she lives in the same building by the way), so I say, "Of course." When she gets back here she has gotten a replica of one of my tattoos (a lot smaller) on her shoulder and says that she is so sorry and never meant to hurt me and she realized that she does love me with all of her heart. The next day, she comes up with something like, "that we don't have a lot in common, and that I've lost the spark for you." Even though, she has wrote letters and told me all the time that she whole-heartedly loves me and that I'm the perfect guy for her. Now she says she wants to be friends, but not in a relationship... which comes the day after she admits and says all these other things to me. Now in the past she has had some really really rough relationships (to the point of getting threatened and chased by one of her ex's with a knife) So I'm thinking that its just trust issues with guys and she can't make up her mind. She's admitted that a big part of her wants to let herself go and just be with me, but there is always that part that wants to pull her away and seems scared. We haven't talked in about a week or so, I miss her all the time... seems like every song I hear has at least a line or two in it about her. I want to be with her, and do love her... I'm pretty sure she thinks about me, and I'm doing my best to give her that space. Is there anything else I can do? Should I make an attempt to call her or leave a message? I just don't want her to run away because I didn't make a move. Anybody have any suggestions?

Wow. I don't think I could deal with that type of behavior. Its not all right for her to yank your emotions around like that. I would seriously consider telling that she needs to get some help.

Don't be her doormat.

Honestly, there is something not right here. She seems to be screwed up about her own life and doing that to your life too. What she needs is a good amount of space and time to be with herself, in the meantime, you stop listening to love songs... gather yourself up and move around a lot with friends or by yourself to places that are full of birds and natural beauty. Sometimes nature works wonder on your inner soul... it helps... do anything and let not the thots of this girl depress you to the extent you lose yourself...

I agree that there is something else going on, but I'd like to be the one who's there for her... and let her know that I'm still here... ya know? I've been staying away from her, and not giving her any contact. I actually saw her this morning at the gym, but didn't say anything, but I know that she saw me. Its just hard with all these things still inside me, wondering about her, if she's still thinking about me, and the big one... is it possible that she'll come back... it sounds bad, but this is probably the most mature I've been about a relationship. I just want to make sure that I've done everything I've need to, to let her know that I still want to be with her... Any other thoughts would be awesome.

How serious was the relationship? Any more details you can give?

Seeing each other almost every day, the random "I love you" messages from her, we were staying over with each other (sometimes with or without sex) even a note from her saying that I "am the perfect man for her", "She doesn't wanna lose me", "I don't know why this wouldn't work between us", and that she "loves me with all my heart". So it got pretty serious kind of quick, at first we took it slow for a bit, then both of us just ran with it. And then "BAM" all of a sudden this comes up. I think part of also might be, that she thought that she may have gotten an STD, a bad one (which was wrong and she didn't have in the end) and she was saying that she was so sorry and that she couldn't be with me or stand it if she had given me something. So I think it could possibly be that she is doing this, because of that. Is that good or do you need more?

What is her past like? Maybe she has had some bad relationship experience or family experience. The only thing I can assume from what you have told me is that you haven't done anything that would cause her to act in this way. It is amazing how damaged we can be from our relationships with or family and lovers.

She doesn't know what she wants. One minute she is loving you totally... the next she wants to be on her own. No middle ground.

IF you wanted to be there for her you could try but its going to be a very hard thing to do. Not just because of her but because of your emotional attachment to the situation.

Yea, she has had some rough ones... I had mentioned about one of her ex's that had chased her with a knife threatening her, and she was almost raped once, and has had situations in the past where people have tried to manipulate her into those situations. I do want to be there for her, but I can't let her keep pulling me on this rollercoaster. I know its not good for me, but also I know that she is good, awesome person... she just has these things pulling her away. I don't want to scare her off, or piss her off but I still want to do something...

Its funny that I called it like that. I can say this because my situation is similar. She had bad past relationships... drug abuse... being beaten... a gun put in her face... cheated on... father cheating on mom...

I can say without a doubt that her past experiences have caused some major damage and trust issues. Something's you can help her with... somethings she can only deal with.

Time is the factor here. This is something she has to work through in her own time.

You sound like a good guy... which may be part of the problem for her. She doesn't know how to react to someone that actually treats her right and cares about her.

That's what my friends have said... I agree with them... I just hope that she knows that I still feel the same for her, and maybe she'll come back... I figured time is the only thing that can fix... Oh yea, she came at me with "we don't have anything in common" and "I've lost the spark for you" and "I'm ready for a relationship, just maybe not with you." So that's where I'm coming from... I thought time was the only thing, maybe I am a good guy for her and maybe she is scared of that, but it doesn't stop the feelings and the things I'm going through.. ya know? Thanks for all the comments and talk... it really helped.. and please anything else that you want to say please type it up... I'm always listening and wanting talk especially about this situation..

I think Diya, and Sdjosh have given you some excellent insights, and I can only add that, you cannot let your emotions over ride your own good sense, and you should not ride the rollercoaster with her. She may need a friend, but she needs the kind of help a friend cannot give. Encourage her to get that help, but otherwise know the limits of what you can really do. Sorry, but you should protect yourself.

Another question... I know it gets bad when I have a lot of questions about all this but... well hell you all know the feeling... Should I make the first move and contact her, just to talk and to hear from her or should I just wait however long it takes until she calls me, if she ever does?. which is what I'm trying to do right now Plus, she's got a season of my Family Guy DVD's and got to get those back... haha. Thanks for all the comments and suggestions, just a rough time and its driven me crazy.

I only got one thing to say man...

WOMEN!!

The only way she gets space is if you leave her alone. Sorry you just have to get busy on your own life, and let her deal with her own demons herself. She may call with more of her... misery, but don't let it confuse you. If not(?) you find your own happiness. You can buy more DVD's anytime. (thats only an excuse to see her anyway, we all know that)

Actually she really does have them, and I would like to get 'em back... ahh hell with it, I can get them back later... after she calls me or talks to me first...

Oh god. All right magic, here is your answer. I know what this girl is doing, because I've done it. If you don't understand her past relationships very well and she seems to be a mystery to you still, you should really try to facilitate that issue. You've only known her how long, two months? It sounds to me as if she's still dealing with a past relationship while trying to see you at the same time. She was determined to break it off, and move on. Get rid of the ex. But all the while, she met you. While trying to keep things as casual as possible, she manages to form feelings for you all the while holding feelings for her ex (yes, you can care about two people at the same time). As for all the horror stories of her ex's that she's shared, she could be exaggerating the truth so she can mold you into prince charming and place you into her pre-exisiting dull life. Trust me, if a girl has no other hang ups and says she loves you (a huge majority of women who say love you, really mean it) then she would be with you all the time and you would have no confusion for her whereabouts or mangled stories. She's playing miss elusive, and you're letting it consume you. Figure out the real issue here. There is ALWAYS more than what someone tells you. Always.

Thanks that does make a lot of sense... so I'm just going to continue what I've been doing, just no contact and keep myself busy with things. And maybe, just maybe she'll figure it out and come back to me... maybe. If that's what I got to do, then that's it.. no matter how much it sucks right?

You only have 2 months invested in this. Walk away. Do you really want to deal with someone's baggage? Do you really want to be on an emotional rollercoaster?

just maybe she'll figure it out and come back to me

Waiting for a maybe from a stranger is a total waste of time. She is a stranger, after only two months, and after your brain clears, you will see that. If you stay away from her and her wierdness. Any contact you have WILL confuse you. Read the other post, of those who have gone through the same thing, to know what happens when you break no contact. Its not pretty.

Well, she called me last night and told me that If I needed anything after my friends and I left the bar, to call her or come see her that she'd be up alone watching a movie. So, I called her and talked to her for a few minutes, and she kind of kept bringing it around to that she missed me and some other stuff. So when I got back I when up to her room (completely on the friend level, or at least acting like it) and then we started talking and the she brought it up that she still wants to be with me, that its what she wants, that she had talked with her parents a bit, and they kind of helped bring it into light. So, I told her that yes I did want to still be with her, but all these "withdrawals" that we can't take those, that, that is what's tearing it up. So we talked about that, and we decided that the feelings we have are true, and that we are going to just hang out a couple of times a week, and still see each other. We want to do it like this (both of us decided) until she can completely get over these feelings that she needs to push me away. So, we are going to kind of take it slow, knowing that each other is there and the feelings that we have. So maybe this will work, BTW... she found out that she has cervical cancer last week, they done a biopsy last Thurs. and not sure if it is Malignant or Benign. That sucks, my grandma died from that 3 years ago.

Well guy, talking can solve problems, and create a bond so people can grow together, but only time can tell if you two can deal with things so, sorry about the cancer, and I hope it was caught in time, but be aware that you being there for yet another crisis doesn't mean she won't revert back to her old behavior. Keep your head on straight, and give support without commiting your whole heart and soul, for now. I can't say she hasn't changed, but being nice because she needs you is not a coincidence. I suspect you've seen this behavior before.

Ahh, kind of. But I've already told her that we can't just straight back in that its going to take time, and I'm not going to run full speed back at her. I know I still need to stay a little back for a bit, just in case all this comes up again. Yea, I told her last night, that I can't be with someone who treats me just like a security blanket and wants to keep running back just because I'm here. She was like no, its not like that at all. I believe her, but still going to hold back a bit, you know.

I don't know what the hell to say about all of this. I thought I knew the answer, but what does anyone know? If I was girlfriend's with her, I would get her to spill and I'd tell you all her inner thoughts. Sadly though, I'm here and you're there.