This is regarding the end of my 4 year relationship. My ex and I, have now been broken up for a few months now. We broke up out of the blue, he said he needed a break and left my house crying. I never heard from him until a week later, and he said he no longer loved me, and has not for 2 years. He also said he did not see my in his future, and I needed to "get over it". We have broken up twice in the past for one day, silly fights led to breaking up, and by the end of the day we would be fine. I thought it was one of those times. I did not call. Weeks past, finally I tried to call after a while, and he just ignored my calls. This hurt a lot. There were numerous fights. Between the both of us, mostly me trying to understand what went wrong, and him being very hurtful telling me he no longer cared, he just needed to "get out", he has changed, and I have not. There were many many fights, usually him calling me a , although I was trying to act civil. I did date someone a few times, and he found out, and casually asked him about me, and told me he did not care I was dating other people. One night we were drinking and bumped into each other and slept together ( big mistake), he cried for abut 2 hours after and would not tell me why, he left crying. I thought maybe he missed me. I asked him the next day and he told me, he just felt sorry for me. WE did not speak for a while. Occasionally when we did he always very mean, by putting me down with certain comments. When I would defend myself he would act like it was a joke, or act like I was overreacting. So here's the kicker. For a while, I thought maybe he was seeing someone else, because it would make sense. MOst of the time, when we don't talk for weeks, he will talk to me, but I talk to him a lot also, just saying hi, how are you. Small conversations. He looked like he had lost about 30 pounds in 3 months. He is not too big, so this was a little odd. He has also been into smoking pot, and has tried other drugs, he admitted to "trying" cocaine, BTU I am nervous he is doing is heavily because of the weight loss. I do miss him, I am worried about him also if he is doing drugs. I just don't know what to do to get him back, I mean I thought we did have a good relationship, I did not see anything wrong but I guess he was unhappy. Is there anything I can do? I do love him deeply.

You're not going to like this...

Personaly - you are much better off without him. He is an abusive jerk and a druggie. Very attractive! - he verbal abuses you and he tortures his own body - brilliant!

I advise seeing a therapist. This guy is NO GOOD for oyur life. All these mind games as well.

You have the bad boy/abusive jerk syndrom. You're attracteds to massive losers who treat YOU like hell. These guys act all nice at times AND you think you can fix them because they put on this 'nice guy' act for short periods. BUT, this guy has massive problems mentally and will ALWAYS hurt you and leave... BUT the yALWAYS will come back one day.

I am sure it's also the hot steamy sex. These guys do not emotionally get involved so the sex is really crazy. He USES YOU!!

Go see a therapist, stay away from this guy. Some one new will lcome into your life.

Crying for 2 hours after sex?? This guy is really screwed up - he feels sorry FOR HIMSELF - he knows he doesn't deserve you!!

I actually spoke to him last night, casual conversation, he asked if I was dating anyone. I said yes on and off. And he went to ask me about work, I told him I was workign full time but also looking into cocktail waitressing as a respectable place. He said " I am dating someone who is a cocktail waitress", and I casually said " oh really?", and he said " no I am jsut kiddig". I didn't udnerstnad that. Also he asked about a vacation and who I was going with. I said " oh jsut some friends" , and he blurted out " well you can tell me if its with your new bf , we can talk abotu it, it dosent bother me, i don't care". Does this mean he is over me. He seems to be, he doesn't seem upset that I am dating.

Oh, he cares. He is just the abusvie jerk - he may come flying back at you in a couple days mad about this. He is trying to be cool about it.

He is being abusive by toying with you about dating a cocktail waitress. That's not right. You should comand more respect from him.

And he is trying gget info from you.

I advise not answering his calls. He does want you back - but he brings massive heartache, drama, and games.

I have the feeling he has a new girlfreind. I just have this feeling its some girl him and his friends used to hang out with. I mean I don't know her I know she is into drugs also but likes same things he does. Maybe that is why he does not care that I am dating. I mean I don't know at all, no one has told me, he's online at night all the time and stuff, but I think they are an hour apart. I just have that gut feeling. I think she is algo going with him and his friends to a 3 day music festival and they will spend a lot of time together. I don't thnk I could ever be with him again because of the mean things he said to me, and was very hurtful and immature but its just hard to know he might have a new girlfreind you know. I haven ttlaked to him in a few days, and I am not going to at all, I doubt he will call me, he hardly ever does.

Well, I think you are better off without. You seem like a smart lady. Move on - be care to steer clear of guys like this. They only create heartache. She they are exciting and fun at first - then they pull crap this on you.

The bad boy/abusive jerk you need to get out of your system. Once they have you hooked, they will treat you like crap.

Wildcat gave some good advice.
Psychologists would say that a woman/girl who tolerates someone abusive, will generally come from a familiy where the father was either abusive to the mother, to the children, both, or was an absent parent altogether. Is this the case with you? If so, you were taught that this is acceptable behaviour, because if you came from a family where your father respected your mother, your boyfriend's behaviour would be totally unacceptable. What man would "respect" a woman who was willing to put up with his abuse? The more you are willing to take his crap, the more he'll crap on you and the less he'll respect you for being so weak.
An even bigger problem is that you are most likely going to continue to attract the same kind of guy. I have a question for you... what would you do if you had a daughter whose boyfriend was calling her a , etc. Would you say, "way to go dear, I think you should marry him!" or would you say, "he's an idiot, you deserve much better!" What you need to ask yourself is this... Why would you accept an abusive relationship for you but not allow it for someone else? An even bigger problem would be to marry someone like him. You'd be really naïve to think he wouldn't be just as abusive to your children.
I'd just say a little prayer to God, asking him to do whatever it takes to keep this guy out of your life.

Also, I'd like to recommend a book (paperback). It's called "Are you the one for me?" and is written by Dr. Barbara De Angelis. I know you would find it very helpful.
P.S. In my opinion he's doing more cocaine than he's admitting to and has probably got himself another sucker to put up with his abuse. Let it be HER problem.
Good Luck

Great post Debra Jill - I agree with everything you said. I was trying to say that - but your perspective is much better.

I dated a woman who kept saying - "I don't normally date guys like you" - I couldn't understand wha tshe was saying... and she left me.

Turns out she was USED to being verbally abused by her mother and father - two actually very smart people - but alcoholics. Both of her parentswere Doctors.

She couldn't handle me being nice and talking clean. I could totally tell she wanted to fire back at me at times as well.

There are MANY people out there who are used to verbal abuse - they don't know any better. It's a HUGE problem in the USA and no one does anything about it.

It's terrible on the self-esteem. TERRIBLE.

Someone woman twant to be treated badly because they don't know any better - there ARE good people out there - unfortunately the abused need to go to therapy.

Big aha moment! Thanks, Wildcat. "These guys do not get emotionally involved" and that's why it's hot and steamy. Everything is so much clearer now. Bummer, man. So you can't have that with someone who cares about you? Shucks. :(

Funny - hahaha - of course you can, with the right person.

This gals problem is being attracted to abusive jerks that use her.

Actually - most of these guys don't care about the woman - it's wam-bam-thank-you-mamam - and they are gone.

A lot of younger gals don't even know what a proper lover is. How the man should please the woman. The jerk/bad boys could care less about a pleasing a woman.

Turtlegirl, of course you can have that kind of "lust" with someone who is crazy about you! You are either very young or very unlucky, and I'm guessing young.

Look, if you go out with a guy and he takes his time with you, really WANTS to get to know you, he's showing you respect. Respect is the foundation of a healthy, and possibly long-term relationship because without that, what do you have? NOT MUCH.

If a guy wants to take you out to dinner, to a dance club, in other words, somewhere public, then drives you home and gives you a kiss goodbye, I consider that a gentleman-like approach. That doesn't mean that his hormones aren't raging, it just means he respects you enough to contain himself for a bit first. If a guy wants to get laid just for the sake of getting laid he's going to be all over you on the first date because he has one thing on his mind, and it isn't from the neck up!! Don't be flattered.

If a girl/woman respects herself, she'll choose a man with a slower, less aggressive approach. I'm not talking, pardon the pun, at a "turtle's pace", I'm talking a couple of dates.

Funny, my girlfriend's used to cry on my shoulder because all the guys they dated would quickly dump them. They'd say "why do you always get and keep the guys?" and I'd say "because I don't sleep with them right off the bat!" My Mom gave me some good advice. She'd say "keep some mystery in the relationship. Don't tell your life's story on the first date!" and that advice has worked very well for me.

If a guy wants to jump your bones, push his hands away EVEN IF YOU WANT IT. If he calls again, he's into you. If he doesn't call again, he just wanted in you!!

Lastly,
Sometimes a beautiful woman in a one piece bathing suit can be even sexier than wearing a bikini (or nothing at all for that matter). Much of that is because there is an element of mystery there.

Seems these days there are more and more girl's who will jump from bed to bed only to end up lonely. Don't be one of them and you'll inevitably hook up with a perfect match. So yes, you CAN have it all.

You dictate how a person is going to treat you. Not the other way around. Good Luck and keep smart!

WOW!! Quality post!! Awesome!!

Debra Jill - will you marry me? Ha!

Seriously - all woman should read that. It would end a lot of heartache.

Thanks guys, but I'm 34. The only hot and steamy I've really ever had is this thing I have going with a guy that was really just a sex thing/fling. My problem is now it's been a year and I feel like I want more or I want out. I don't want to marry him or anything, I just don't feel respected. It's because of what I've created here, I know that. The advice you gave is totally what I've followed except in this one case. (And look where that got me!) I guess I'm not really sure what I want out of it at this point. Seeing him doesn't keep me from going out with my friends, or even other guys. I went through most of my 20's being celibate NOT by choice and I don't want to do that again, so I hate to give up my 'connection.' Especially since it will make it that much easier NOT to give it up to soon to someone I really like. Does any of this make sense? You guys seem to know what you're talking about. Yes, very unlucky in love.

Well, what you have here is 'friends with benefits'. It's for the sex.

No commitment, no dating, no I love you's, no caring, kind of hang out, no caring you date other people.

Why would you want more?

Your using him for sex as well. This is a sex fling that may have gone on too long. A sex affair.

I think you need to find a guy who you can actually get a little ROMANCE! Maybe intamacy! More FOUR PLAY! Better pillow talk! Things woman NEED!!

Emotionless sex can only go on so long.

I don't believe this guy wants to give that to you. He loves the older woman for sex... but, again, you boy toy pines for the 21 year old.

Hi,
Does this make sense to me? Sure it does. The so called relationship you have with this guy is multi-purposed. For one thing, more than the sex itself, he makes you feel "desired," that's a powerful thing. So when you feel lonely, you know you're truly not alone as long as he's waiting in the wings.

Just as you know you are out there willing and ready to date others, you know he's doing the same thing, so that kind of turns the "desired" I referred to earlier, to "desire's you when he's horny," which really nullify's a relationship of any real substance. I'm not coming down hard on the guy, you reciprocate in the same way and it works for both of you; you're adults, do what you want. What I'm getting at is a fulfilling relationship. How you feel about yourself usually draws that kind of man to you. If you feel like you are an average girl looking for anything, you'll get that. If you have confidence, know you have a lot to give, take care of yourself, keep yourself educated and interesting, then you'll attract the same qualities in a partner.

If you really wanted to make more of this relationship, you'd be more passionate about it, but you seem to be more like "sitting on the fence" about it. Kind of shrugging your shoulders saying you might want more or you want out.

I'm glad you are going out with friends and living your life. At 34 you aren't going to be very successful doing the "bar thing" (don't you love my quotes! :p ) because that atmosphere just isn't condusive to someone your age. You might want to try on-line dating but BE SAFE about it.

I wish every woman over the age of 17 would read that book I recommended to another on-liner, ' ARE YOU THE ONE FOR ME?' by Doctor Barbara (something or other). Even if someone is in a good relationship they should read it because it's simply a very good read.

Have any of you watched Oprah where she has a guy on her show that used to be a player but is now happily married and has since written a book called "HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU?" - It amazes me how many women in the audience don't see when a guy is using them as a stepping stone for something bigger and better. This author is so blunt, so matter-of-fact but at the same time, tactful. He's a tell-it-like-it-is kind of guy whose message is "ladies, get your heads' out of the sand!" - I guess women make the same kind of mistakes because we are born nurturers. We have that nurturing instinct and we want to fix all, cure all, and make all better, but all the while accepting the least for ourselves. It's great using those instincts on a child, but it inevitably breaks our hearts when applied to relationships.

Thanks for your proposal WILDCAT21 but I'm already married. I did it right the second time around, guess that's why I seem to know so much about mistakes and how to make them right! ;)

Gosh Debra, You make so many great points here about woman today. We should write a book together. I am the master of the 'Nice Guy' syndrom that 98% of the guys fall into.

This whole 'friends with benefits' erea created what happened to turtlegirl. I don't necessarily agree with it - I have done it. But, I need more to have sex with a woman. Usually some one needs more and the other person doesn't want more. Sure I've had one nighters, but, as you said I don't get emotionally involved with those gals. Woman need 1 nghters - but I agree, woman shouldn't keep making gthe same mistkes and falling in the sack with a guy the first time they meet - it rarely ever works.

There is an article in this months Mens Health were a woman writes about dating and how woman should wait to jump in the sack with a guy. You really should get to know them first - maybe he is a real creep or even married.

I do know the ends and outs of on-line dating because my friends and I have tried it out. There are lot of pitfalls - just meet in a safe place you are comfortable with - ask questions before meeting, find out where they work.

Bummer Debra Jill - you're married? I've made so many mistakes myself. Lost my current gal for a few months because of mistakes - I learned fast and luckily she took me back. I did have to improve myself and learn how relationships work. I am sure more guard and different barriers the second time around - I know I have more.

You're right. I'm on the fence. I think I'll feel better if I just make a choice one way or the other, so the choice is, when he calls I'm not picking up. He'll keep calling, this I know, because I decided to stop seeing him before and he kept calling me for a month until I picked up and told him that I didn't like how he made me feel. He apologized, then called back to apologize again, and then we fell into the pattern we're in now. I don't think I'm hurting myself or missing out on anything due to seeing him, but sometimes I feel like I'm sending the universe the wrong message or creating a negative or inaccurate energy about myself because this whole situation is so different from how I usually think or behave. At first I prided myself on doing something different or new or not being so serious like I always am, but I don't really feel that now. I am worth so much more than he is willing or able to give and I don't think he even knows it. I just never seem to meet anyone of quality and -- sorry -- I don't want to go for years without sex again. (And seriously he was the ONLY person I ever had sex with on the first date, probably because I knew it wasn't going to go anywhere. And the 21-year-old he's pining for, he says he's always gone out with older women.) But for now, no picking up the phone.
:( This face looks just like I feel. Where do YOU meet people?

Where to you live? Haha

" so the choice is, when he calls I'm not picking up." - I DO think you would feel much better. It's also sounds like you have lost control/power in this. I think he fills one void - but to me, there is the void of intamcy, sharing, friendship, true lover etc. that has to be missing.

I kind of like the Yahoo personals. Are you willing to post a picture? I didn't like Match - thought all the woman were desperate OR wante to marry immeditately.

Here in Chicago we have the first Tuesday Or is Thursday at the Museum of comtemparary art where singles go to have beer and wine and chat about art or other things. I know a lot of people who met that special someone.

Work.

Grocery store.

Through friends.

Singles trips.

Bars - I don't think 34 is too old at all for bars - just the right ones AND watch the liquor. Hell I still go bars - not to meet woman right now, but still go and I am older.

Just my thoughts.

Ah, Chicago. I really feel like I could meet people easy in a city. I would do the online thing with a picture if I lived in a big city, but I live in a small town and people sometimes go on those sites just to see who's on there that they can make fun of. There's not much going on -- actually there are articles in the paper about how there's been an exodus of people 25-35 in the area. I tried eharmony twice. I tried 8 minute dating. There's no one around here. I'm going to try to hang out in some of the closer cities this summer, Providence, New Haven. This is maddening. Oh well, the rest of my life is really good.
So how did you get so good at all this advice? And when is your book coming out? :)

You sound like you totally could meet people in big city. You'd do well here. Too many opportunities. There must be a reason why you stay where you are?

Yes - the on-line thing wouldn't work as well in a small town. I can see that.

Eharmony didn't work out?

How did I get good at this - 1. Being with an incredibly wonderful lady and almost losing her because all the relationship mistakes I made. I wanted to improve myself and understand what I was doing wrong.

2. I want to help others - this stuff is so freaking important. If I can help one person - that's all I ask. If I could help one person avoid heartache or get their love back - that would be great.

3. I am fascinated by all the mistakes I made - little I know to do now or not do. Especially in communicating with woman. Woman ask a question or make a comment and they are just getting started on what they want. Men keep short and to the point.

Why do I stay where I am?
I LOVE my job. I have some amazing and supportive friends right here. I like living close to my family (my brother's in town, most everyone else is 1-2 hours away).
I've met people through friends, sister and brother, not so much work (I'm a teacher). There just really is a dearth of quality men around here. And I'd rather be alone then be in a subpar relationship (which is why the friends with benefits thing is getting old).
I have moved away twice, once when I was 24, once at 31. But I'm happiest here. I just wish a bus full of good men would roll up before I start becoming a manhater. I don't want my disillusionment to devolve into that!
Thanks for listening, Wildcat.

I understand now. It seemed like you were a little sad over this.

You'll find someone there - he might even be someone you see almost every day and don't even notice.

What makes a 'good man'?

Well, I AM a little sad over this. I mean this guy I just found out recently had a crush on me years ago, and then we met and actually started seeing each other and he doesn't step up. I asked him to call me on my birthday and say happy birthday and HE was the one who was all, I'll bring you flowers blah blah blah. No flowers. He called on my birthday to invite me to Block Island that weekend, but I had plans. So when ARE we going? Never, apparently.

I'll find someone you say, but I'm not so confident in that. I actually have a lot going for me; people wonder why I'm so single. Where ARE these men? I just don't feel a need to be in a subpar thing just so I have a boyfriend. I'd rather be alone. I just don't want to be alone AND completely chaste.

A good man is (deep breath): sincere, trustworthy and reliable, financially independent (or getting there with a plan), preferably doesn't live with his parents unless there's a really good reason, interested in life, motivated in at least some area, gentle and thoughtful. That's a good man. I'd also need intelligent and funny, although you can be a good person without those things. And I'd like a good attitude about life. I don't care about his job as long as he has one and takes pride in it, I don't care about his money or his car. I don't care too much about looks as long as he takes care of himself. Know anyone? :p

Hey - that sounds like me! Hahaha

You should never settle - I know so many great woman who settled for loser/jerks who cheat on them and treat them poorly - why they stay with them I will never know - because they 'make them feel'.

You do seem like a great lady and deserve the right guy. He will come.

That sucks about the guy you mentioned above - took you for granted. I wonder if it's anything you do? Not to be rude - but maybe you do things to make yourself be a little too available? Have you ever read some of the ideas at: www.lovetactics.com - I believe in a lot of those principles. Love takes time and a folks try to rush into it - being too enthusiastic ca ncome across as needy-clingy and it can drive a person away.

Hi turtlegirl,

The last e-mail you sent about what you expect in a man totally changed my opinion of you (as far as opinions go when you only know people through typing e-mails). In your first e-mail you sounded a bit naïve and sad. In later ones you were self-assured, bright, fun, outgoing with lots of potential. I wouldn't short-change myself by going with a guy who isn't funny though, my God it's great dating a guy who makes you laugh, I put that right up there with good looks/attractiveness (hey, sorry, just being honest!).

Let me give you a "reading" okay? Tell me how accurate I am. I'm doing this for FUN, I'm not claiming to be a psychic, I'm merely doing this for fun, so if I'm way off, so be it.

You are about 5'5 (or a bit shorter) and have medium sandy brown hair about shoulder length. It has a bit of a wave to it - you also have bangs. You rarely wear make-up but like to when you go out. You carry most of your weight in your hips and butt, you are kind of smaller in the upper body. You wear a silver watch on your right wrist. You have some tiny freckles on your upper cheek bones and are fair-skinned. You fight with an extra 10 lbs but you claim you need to lose about 20. You own a cat. It's a male. He's black. You might even own 2. The name "Steve" comes into mind, I don't know if that's your brother or an ex or a future guy. And, by the way, you WILL get married. You are going to be moving. Not too far away but certainly to a bigger city. I see a yellow aluminum siding house with black shudders (weird, who has a house like that?). Your grandparents owned either a farm with a lot of land, or had a lot of property around them. That Steve name keeps popping back into my head... not sure what that means. You have 3 very close girlfriends. All have a loud laugh. That's a good thing. They bring very positive energy but you also are the fourth wheel to give that energy back. One of the girlfriends has 2 children. The other has none, the other will become "accidentally" pregnant (unless that has already happened). "Julia" or "Julie" pops into my head too. The initial "B" is very strong. It's either the first initial of someone very close to your heart or that's what your last name starts with (perhaps your middle name, like Barbara). Your brother had a very scarey experience with water at some point in his young life. Did he almost drown? I see him working as a computer programmer or something (or perhaps will be). You are distanced from one side of your family (not your immediate family, but it's like your Dad doesn't communicate with anyone in his family, or maybe it's because he's deceased and that's how I'm reading into it). Don't worry, I'm not saying he's going to die if he's still alive!! You rarely wear skirts. It's either pants and a top or a dress on occasion but rarely skirts. You hate them. Your hair looks best up in a pony tail. You look much younger than you are. Are you left handed? I see the chalk when you are standing at the board in your left hand. Is the "B" I'm seeing, "Bruce"?
Okay. Enough fun. How accurate was I? ;)

"later ones you were self-assured, bright, fun, outgoing with lots of potential"

I can already tell turtle is a great catch. Just never settle. You have plenty of time.

Don't ever settle for a jerk,

Debra Jill,
I'd love to know what you were basing this on! Here's what's right:
My three closest girlfriends whom I see most often have loud laughs.
My brother almost drowned when he was 3 or 4.
I am distanced from my dad's side of the family; we're just not that close to that side.
I do supposedly look much younger than I am.
That's all! Thank you so much for spending so much time on this, very sweet of you.

So if you're interested I went out last night with some of my most favorite people and left my phone at home (on purpose). Mr. Takes-me-for-granted called ten times. But he didn't leave a message. Lame. I saw two guys who've been interested in the past and I was pleasant when they came to say hi, but that's it. That's good, right? One actually asked why things never went anywhere and I told him it's because my sister and his brother are dating, which is true. (He's also -- surprise -- a lot younger than me and I'm sort of trying to wait for him to grow up a little bit.)

Wildcat, I'm not going to settle. I tried that once and immediately knew that was wrong (about two years ago, a story for another time). But I have 'plenty of time?' Please explain this one to me. :rolleyes: I AM a turtle after all.

Ha! I'm glad I got at least a few right! :D

Let's just say I have pretty good intuition and have been doing this for "fun" since I was about 8 years old. I don't take it seriously, my accuracy rate is pretty high in the 80's but considering I haven't a clue what you look like or who you are, I was satisfied with getting a few right.
Let's just say one of your friends, I'll call her "Sarah" - the one with the great hair, that could do a Suave commercial (dark, shiny, bouncey, looks like she spent hours on it) will have 2 boys (as in children). I wouldn't be at all surprised if you meet Mr. Right this summer. Don't see a t-shirt and jeans, rather a dress shirt and cotton pants (like Dockers) so maybe you'll meet this guy at a wedding, but then again, it could be at a bar if he's just finished work (or maybe works as a manager there). Oh, did I mention a blue dress shirt?

THIS SUMMER turtlegirl! Mark my words!
P.S. Wise not answering the phone - don't you feel smarter already?

That could possibly be my hair, but no one else's who I know. I'll keep an eye out for the guy in the dress shirt. Thanks!

I would say he is over you he does not respond to anything you tell him he is not jealous so now its time to face the truth and move on I just hope you did not make any babies,then it becomes worse.

i would say he is over you he does not respond to anything you tell him he is not jealous so now its time to face the truth and move on i just hope you did not make any babies,then it becomes worse.

What is your problem with having babies? Are you on crusade to stop overpopulation. You sound like Bob Barker.. these are people not pets. This is not a situation to SPAY OR NEUTER!

Kid me if I am wrong, but old Mike was recently very hurt. He is a bitter man. Cynic.

I am a very upbeat person I have no negative forces muddying the shine of my suv wheels,I am a full expert now and of course much higher in real life,but you all are my friends I read and judge most of what you people say and I think in due time you will see what I am all about a friendly full expert to all. :)

Don't know, I thought Mike's response fit the thread a bit better than serialmom's. I wasn't picking up on anyone trying to work on population control; it certainly wasn't MY issue. (And I haven't talked to whatshisname in 3 weeks, although he has called A LOT.) Happy 4th!

Turtlegirl - Good for you!

I am sure that might have been a little tough. You deserve a lot more. You seem like a really great woman.


Just wish you lived closer to Chicago! ;-)

And I thought you had a girlfriend! :)

Yes I do. But, you seem like such a sweet heart and so sincere.

See! He's more interested in the pursuit than the catch. (This is so typical) :rolleyes: . The more you drive him away, the more he is going to want you. If he misses you that badly, he'll hang up the phone and show up at your door (whether that's 5 minutes or 5 hours away). Even if he does, I wouldn't be dragged back into his trap. It's a cyclical thing. He'll keep doing this until he meets somebody else and then you'll feel like a fool for being available to him in the interim. I can tell you are finally realizing that.

I applaude you for not taking his calls.