Please... all you men out there that are online... I have asked so many questions about my (so called) man, just one last chance before you all ignore all of my requests?! I "think" I am in love with this man but he only flirts with me and pays attention to me when he's horny. God, he is the best kisser I've have ever had... seriously... and he is the best lover I have ever had... please hear me on this one... I am 46 years old, married once and divorced an abusive husband and to put it plainly I will not just give it up to a stranger from a bar. A man has to deserve it from me by flirting and sparring and this man pursued me for 7 months before I gave in to him. He is married unfortunately but terribly miserable but will not grow the balls to divorce her because that is what was done to him when he was a kid. I know he has way too many issues about his childhood but I see so much potential in this man that I just can't pull myself away from him. I have called it "quits" with him probably 20 times in the last 2 years because I know deep down I deserve more and better. He has so much low self esteem and I am way too sympathetic, I know this, but when am I going to realize that someone needs to be sympathetic to me. God, I know this sounds pathetic but he is the first man in 5 years that I truly feel earned his right to sleep with me. I can tell he has feelings for me but he hasn't come right out and said how he feels about me but he has said he has feelings for me. I can tell by the way he makes love to me. His wife does not like to have sex with him and when she feels obligated, she won't kiss him, he has even told me, in total frustration that when he tries she tells him to get the f(***k away from her. I have told him time and time again what a good kisser he is and how he "boils my bananas" and that I am in love with him but he said that there is nothing he can do. God, am I stupid?? I know it's just a marriage of convenience. He has told me that she is a good cook and that she is a good mom to his kids and that she keeps his laundry clean... pathetic!! He just goes elsewhere for sex with me I guess. God, I know he has feelings for me and I have told him that I am in love with him but I don't know what to do. I work with him so I see him 9-10 hours a day, 6 days a week and this is what makes it so hard for me to resist him. For all of you out there that will say, quit your job... the perks are way too irresitable. I get to come and go as I please, I get to do my own personal stuff when we are not busy, I get a free tank of gas a week, I get to take breaks whenever I want. I just don't know the perfect thing to say to him to make him realize what to do with a real woman when she is staring him in the face. When I do call it quits with him, he mopes around and pays an extremely amount of attention to me and is ever so loving. God, I know he's messed up. I can't sleep. I can't eat. All I do is think about him. Please someone give me to proper thing to say to a very sad man who is so screwed up with his own childhood to do anything about his future!! I know deep down I can't "fix" him but I AM a fixer and that is what has gotten me in trouble. Help... someone. Please??

:D :eek: :cool: Well young lady! You are 46. But you seem to be craving for sex. Yur repeated reference to your man's kisses and yr mentioning about allowing him to sleep with you show your weakness. You may sympathize with him. Does it mean you should allow him to use you. Quitting yr job is stupid. Face up to him and tell within yr mind, "I hate you, you cheap exploiter!" You can always find another partner for kissing and sleeping with. Being on the verge of monopause is also acting on yr nerves. If you want, I can counsel you more on this gradually but the first thing u have to do is get rid of yr man. If u can't do this, u will continue to be miserable

Honey, if you are misserable, you know what you should do.

Do what is going to make you feel happy and not used.
Best of luck to you.

You have already been given a lot of good advice in your other threads,
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search.php?searchid=1406357
There is not a lot more to say, I feel your pain and frustration though, and no one can change that but you. Good Luck

There is a book called" Living Successfully with Screwed up people"by Elizabeth B. Brown.. that will help than anyone else here...

When I read your post - what came to my mind instantly was - you divorced an abusive husband just to pick up with someone who can never truly be available to you. So, if he can't be there 100% - you won't get hurt. You are playing it safe.
Of course, messing with a married man is crazy. You know what he wants you to know. He doesn't say he loves you, even though you tell him. He mopes around because his girl on the side is going to walk away. Not the love of his life. His dirty little secret.

He will not leave his wife - not out of obligation - because that is who he made the commitment to. Not you.
Do you really expect him to say that he loves her and that things are great. She is a great lover and blah blah blah? Do you expect him to paint her in a positive light? Then why would you sleep with him? He is playing on your emotions to get what he wants.

You deserve to find a man that will treat you properly. Make you number one.
You traded one kind of abuse for another.