So I broke up, after three year about a year ago.
I harbor no real animosity towards my ex, and the feeling is mutual. My ex wants to be friends, he is adamant about having a relationship (not romantic). I have my doubts still about talking to him, but I would send birthday cards, etc.

This is what it boils down to: I don't hate my ex and I DON'T want to get back together, but I don't really want to see him going out with another person. I don't want to know any of this, yet I care for him and, of course if I had never had a three year relationship I would not care who he dated. I am over the relationship, but for me effects linger. I have been reticent to tell him this because I don't want to hurt him, but at the same time I really need lots more time to start talk to him as a friend, which is what he wants, but my fear is that if I tell him this it will create a real animosity between us that I don't want, I guess saying, "I care for you, I appreciate my friendship with you, but no thanks, maybe later" seems to harsh.

BTW, As recently as 2 weeks ago he spoke of us getting back together, I think I also feel that if I say "thanks, but no thanks, maybe later" he will interpret that as a possibility of getting back together. I don't want to lead him, I don't want to give him a false hope that I am taking a break or thinking about getting back together. I want to move on, I want him to move on.

Conflicted! :o

Doesn't sound too harsh to me...

You post actually sounds perfect. To bad you couldn't email it to him.

Tell him your not ready for a friendship yet and you will not want a future relationship with him. Maybe you could pursue being friends at a later date.

Then move on. Give a separation some time. Speak with him. Tell him how you feel. You can do all these things. It isn't easy. You have already made the choices. You just need to act on them. The choices that he makes are his. You can't be responsible for the way that he feels. It is his choice as to how he feels.

I have been truly in love with a number of people whom I could have married. Things just didn't work out between us for whatever reasons which I won't go into. With some of them, it doesn't mean that we don't still love each other. It's just that we decided it wasn't meant to be on a permanent level as far as being together.

It's okay to send birthday cards to someone as a friend. I still send cards to my ex-wife. We got divorced in 1985. She appreciates the cards. She also has a significant other.

I am also still friends with most of my significant others.

Life is short. Why not take the chances of being nice in whatever way while you can?

Clough... What is you have a girlfriend or marry someone and they don't like the idea of you sending those cards to your ex?