I was recently involved in a gay relationship with a man older than I. We had been seeing each other for about eight months and everything seemed to be going OK. We are both still in the closet so it worked since I never met his friends and he never met mine. We both kept our relationship a secret either intentionally or unintentionally (im not really sure) We met at my house or his and went out on our own without anyone really finding out about it. We never formalized or made a commitment as to where our relationship was going. We were just taking it a day at a time.
His brother passed away a little over two months ago. Unexpected sudden death that I still don't and probably will never understand. I obviously wanted to be by his side and support him in any way I could, but all I got in return was rejection. I understand that he needs time to deal with his grief and I know that the situation is not ideal for me to show up and all of the sudden be this very close "friend" that no one else knew about. He has feelings of guilt about his brother's death and has a hard time accepting it. I know that feels alone and that he misses me as much as I do. But since his brother's passing its like we never met. He has become extremely religious (which I'm not) and he is questioning his sexual orientation. I haven't seen him as much(only twice since his brother passed), we hardly talk, he talks about how women are asking him out and how much he is thinking about being straight and eventually getting married and have a family-this is all news to me!
The question boils down to... Should I still pursue him? Or do I just let him go? Its getting to the point where he calls me in the middle of the night because he is lonely and sad. I don't have a problem with that. But when I call him the next day to check on him, its like it's a total different person. I don't know if I have the guts to ask him not to call me anymore considering all the pain he is currently in. Ideas??

Humm, this is hard - I think to be honest you need to let him go as a partner at the moment, but still be there as a friend.

If he is questioning his sexuality then it may be best for you to suggest just being friends, but that if at all he wants to you can pick up where you left off.

You obviously care about the man and so I think you would be best staying friends - you need to let him move at his own speed, once he has got his head sorted and is ready to date again (possibly you, possibbly women) he will let you know.

Its very hard for someone who wants a lovely family - kids happy relationship if you are gay. This makes so many gay men and women think twice about their sexuality so don't think that there is anything strange there.


Hope I helped