Ok first let me give you all the details, Me and my girlfriend have been together for 9 Months, of which were Great, She was the one that came to me and wanted to make the relationship official in the very beginning. As things went on our feelings for each other grew, We started to feel Real Love for each other, as she always told me, she always made sure that I knew how much she appreciated me and how much she loved me. We always had fun together and we did hang out quite often,she came to me a few months before that asking what I thought about us moving in (which I had no problems with at all) 4 days before she broke up with me she was on my case about not looking at a suite fast enough because it had been taken before we had a chance to see it . Then out of nowhere she tells me that she Feels like she can't be in a relationship anymore, So I asked her the specifics of it and she said that she thoguht I didn't listen enough, and that I didn't compliment her enough, and that I didn't trust her from things I said, and that she is worried that I can't change those things and she will be hurt again. She says that she still loves me and wants to be with me but says she needs space to think and wants to be friends, Or try a casual relationship. She says she's worried to give second chances and try things because every time in her past relationships she has just gotten Hurt or Messed around. I love this girl deeply and it hurts me to see her and us like this, I brought her 2 dozen roses with a note that told her how lucky I felt to have such an amazing women in my life, and she then said that she will take me back. This only lasted for a night, I could tell she was still bothered by things so we talked and the same info came out from her, that she isn't sure if she can be in a relationship and feels like she just needs to be alone, even though she loves me and does want to be with me and enjoyed our time together. I called her today at work and told that that I will give her a few weeks to just think about things, and I won't IM, call, or contact her in anyway, She seemed very rushed ( maybe because she was very busy at work) She did ask if I was feeling better, but then said that she really had to go because she was on the other line at work ( she deals with a lot of calls). She isn't bothered that I still have the key to her place as I asked her, and I asked her if it was that she just doenst want to be with me, or if she doenst want anyone, and she ensures me that she just doenst want to be with anyone at this time. She's very confused because all of her close friends moved away, she's unhappy with her job and how she doenst live at home ( by herself at age 18 ). Im getting so many mixed messages, and I told her I feel like there's someone else in the picture that she just isn't telling me about, but she ensures me that there isn't. Im quite confused and not sure how much time I should give her or how to go about or think about things.

She sounds confused and may in fact need space without anything interfering with her head. To her credit she did the right thing in telling you before anything else came about.making a relationship official is a very big step and a down right scary one. Once she's sorted things out in her head and what direction she wants to take in her life, I'm sure the mixed messeges will go away. As to how long, there's no real set amount of time these things take. It's all up to the person.
Keep to the no contact policy and live your life. If or when she's ready to come around and talk, you'll be ready to listen. Whatever happens, I wish you well.

I know she's very confused, I know that she has strong feelings for me, she Always made sure I knew and always was the one to make sure things were fine if we ever had a disagreement or if I seemed like something was wrong. She has had physical and verbally abusive relationships where people just abandone her in her past as well. We have talked over the weekend to see where were at Like I had mentioned, we got back for a very brief time but t hen I opened the subject again because I knew something was wrong and it wasn't right for us to be together if she was unsure. The only problem with no contact at this point, is that when I told her I won't be talking to her for a few weeks she seemed fine about it ( Which is fine as that's what she has asked for ) she did seem curious if I was doing better or not because the previous night I slept at her house and things were pretty rough. But during out talk we were walking and she gave me the key to her basement back and said she wants me to keep it, If I can't talk to her I will still need to ensure she gets her key back... If she does decide that she just wants to be friends after a long break of no contact, I want to but don't want to as well... Not sure if I could deal with it. She asked me if I would want to be in a casual relationship with here with no strings attached for now... What does she mean by that?

In this case I will made a little change in my advise. I too am a survivor of molestation as a child. I know how hard it is to put myself out there. Even to the man I married. She might be afraid of being abandoned again. Giving you the basement key seems like she trying to see where you stand with her. In this situation she needs learn where her head and heart are at.
As a sexual abuse survivor, there are things that are different with her than a girl who hasn't been raped. She has set boundaries and no one not even the man she loves can cross. Her mind and body have set up protection against being hurt again.
I can tell you care. You wouldn't have posted here if you didn't want help.
I'd write her a letter, let her know you love her and want her in your life. That she takes all the time she needs to work things through in her mind. Even suggest counseling and that you would go with her if she wanted you to. She gave you the key for a reason and only she knows why she did it. Let her know you'll keep the key colse to you and safe for as long as she wants you to have it. There's no pressure and she has what she needs time and knowing you're there for her. Not too many men would be stepping up to the plate like this. I reallly wish you well

Last night, we talked about numerous things, I told her everything, spilled all my emotions and my heart into her because I care for her so deeply, now I've read that its wrong to do so, but I felt that its best that she sees that I do truly care and doenst have a doubt in her mind. We went for a walk to get some fresh air, and she grabbed my hand and put the key in my hand saying " I want you to keep this, I still want you to be in an important part of my life". She asked me to stay the night were she just wanted me to hold her all night, as I did because it maybe have been the last time I would be able to do so. We agreed to talk today, So I called her today at work which was my mistake, I let her know that its not fair for her to put the stress and blame of what others have done to her on me, and that if she doenst take the chance with me, that she will never see that I am the guy that can learn and mature from my mistakes rather than make promises I simply cannot keep. She seemd very upset saying " Its not unfair for me to protect myself from hurt, and you have already hurt me once." Again to clearify she feels hurt because I didn't talk or compliment her enough, Which I did do compliment her, but not as much as she liked. So today when I told her that I will give her a few weeks to think about things and I won't contact her in anyway and that I should have in the first place. With her being at work she was rushed, which I can understand... she did make sure of how I was feeling, and I asked her if she wanted me to keep the key and she said yes. Then she said she had to go she was busy at work on the other line and had to go. Now, I need advice... should I wait a week or two weeks, because that's all Im willing to give of my time while not being today. If she decides to be friends I will just walk away completely cause I can't do the friends thing, I don't think I could do friends with benefits as it would just re open the wound. What do you really think she wants, and what should I do based on the information... I know she's very confused and afraid, but I know that she Loves me dearly as I do towards her. Ive told her I would never do anything to hurt her... and she's so worried that I might hurt her and not even know it. I just don't know what to think with all the mixed messages, last night we Hugged and kissed and were close. Were not on bad terms either, when we were discussing our issues we could hang out and have fun and still be physically close. Also the day after we broke up, I went to her place after I asked permission of course, with 2 dozen roses and a letter... which told her everyhting, how I feel and how much I want her in my life, How I felt so happy to have an amazing women in my life, and that I wouldn't do anything to hurt her. That thing that bothers me is she didn't seem very bothered that I wouldn't talk to her for a few weeks, and she felt Fine that I had her key?

One question...
Did you receive or received as much as you give(d)?

And another...
What good and valuable qualities does this woman have to be as amazing for you?

You deserve to RECEIVE too instead of become a human decoder.
Keep in touch

It wasn't that I just gave and gave and gave and never got anything back, She made me feel good and appreciated. I thought that I listened enough and thought I did compliment her enough and thought I made her feel like I trusted her. But after taking a step back and thinking about the things that I had done, I do feel like I couldve listened to her vent more because she Needs to from the amount she works, and I feel something's I did say were wrong and could make her feel guilty and that I didn't have trust in her. When we talked, I told her and admitted to my wrong doings. She insists that people can't change, and I kept telling her that its not a mature of ME changing, it's a matter of me learning and maturing and going about things differently, I told her that I to be there for her and support her threw the tough times. But she's to afraid of getting hurt again to give second chances, because every other guy she gave second chances to just dinked her around and ended up hurting her even more. She had a lot of qualitys I loved, the way she laughed, the way her smile looked, the way she would talk. All my friends liked her, she could come out and hang out like one of the guys, then go back and act like a women when it mattered. She has so many qualitys that I can't even list them, That's why I care so deeply for her... But Im just so confused as of what I should do, She says she loves me and wants to be with me, but that she just needs to be alone because she isn't ready for a relationship. I just don't know how much time I should give her, now that I told her I will let her be for awhile, I don't want to go on and waste more than 2 weeks, because if she can't tell that she wants to be with me by then, it will never work out long term. But for her to give me her key, and Tell me that she still " Loves me so much" and that " she does want to be with me but just cant" confuses me, How can you look someone in the eye and tell them you love them, Be close and able to hug and kiss and hold hands, and even say that she wants me to just hold her. And not have feelings towards that person? For her to go from where she was, She was the one that Wanted to move in with me, She was the one that Always said how much she cared about me and loved me, to just not wanting a relationship just doenst make sense. Im certain its not another man, as I have asked her Numerous times, saying I feel like there's someone else your not telling me about, she says she just wants to be alone, and doenst want a relationship with anyone. She said she wants to be friends, and she just Needs a close friend in her life right now... I told her I can't because Im afraid that she will throw another man in my face a few weeks or months later and just hurt me more, and she said that she doenst want a relationship with anyone. Ugh, Its really got my mind all messed up, the mixed signals are just making me think over and over again... Why give me the key to your own House if you can't trust me to not hurt you?

Oooouuukkey!! If you want to dig into the details...

1.- Who is most important person in your life?
Answer: nooooooo it's not her, it is YOU!!

2.- I read in a good book, that a love is worthwhile only when PASSION, FRIENDSHIP and COMPASSION are mixed in sane proportions. And allow me to stop here for a while. You should be able to identify those qualities concerning each of the 3 aspects above. Friendship not only means that she can hang out and have fun with you and the guys, means a RECIPROCITY in supporting you and bringing you emotional wealth.

3.- For what I read in your post, it seems she is a traumatized woman with a trust problem over others. This is a situation that requires lots of efforts of mind seeking and developing by HERSELF or even with psicotheraphy. Again here, it's all about decisions, how much you love her and why to support her even with something that might be harmful for you? This is not a pure romantic scenario, It MUST be a RATIONAL romantic scenario.

4.- Limits are always good. And its only your and only YOUR responsibility to establish the time you will be RESPECTING her time to solve her issues (let's not call it WAITING TIME). About the key, please don't get to decode that. It's part of her confusion not yours. You should be on your place and deliver the key to her with a nice and honest smile, wishing her to feel better for the time she needs to solve. She might take all the time in the world but not you!! So let her clear that in a fair language that doesn't sound threatening.

Hope you the best, keep in touch

This is simple what you must do!! Simple yes SIMPLE. Go to her house and return her key. Tell her you are not going to be an on and off boyfriend you are not interested in that. You want to be in a relationship where you can treat the girl with respect and give her all your love. Ant that she is obviously not the one if she can't trust that you won't hurt her.

All this girl wants is a strong guy someone whois goingto show that he is in charge and she will be looked after not with strength but emotionally.

You cannot keep buying her stuff and saying I want to let her no how much I love he!! NO What You need to do is not put up with this cauyse really you want to be with heer but you want to have agreat relationship with he not a craop on and off one like this... You must push her awau to shw her you can be without her she will see thi as a good indeoendent quality in you...

Why don't you take this same no contact time and think things through yourself. You both have a lot to work through and most of it on your own. I'dkeep the key. Being together doesn't mean everyhting happens on a fast time line. There is the slow down approach where the two of you can breathe and not feel like you're rushing into anything. Your girlfriend has some deep scars that maybe hard healing. Believe me I've been there, I know how she's feeling. Being there and letting her know you're there for her is giving her promise that not all men are weesels.

Im just so confused about it all, She tells me that she Just wants to be friends... So it sounds like her mind is set on that, she knows everything that I feel and that Im sorry for my mistakes. But still for her to Look me in the eye and say she loves me, and be able to still kiss me and get close to me is really just messed up. You can't just go for being completely in love to not caring at all, She cared about me SO much, she was the one that wanted to hang out, she was the one that always made things better. I just feel like from her actions when I told her I won't talk to her for awhile that I should give the key back, If me not talking to her for a few weeks doenst bother her, than I doubt her mind will change on what she wants... and Im really not sure If I could handle seeing her again just to hear the same things.

Just tell her how you feel and that you are willing to make the changes to keep her. Things may be weird for awhile during the initial talking phase but just remember she is having a hard time. Try to make happy times again showing her that you do love her dearly! Most of all give her support about her friends leaving, maybe even plan a trip with her to go see them, if nothing else than friends! Just to show her you care and tell her like you did us!

I have done that, I let her know everything. She says that we just need to be apart for awhile and she needs to clear her head... she wants to be with me but can't because she can't handle the responsibility of a relationship. I told her id give her a few weeks to think things over and asked if she wanted the key to her basement suite back... she wanted me to keep it. She was at work and did seem busy, so Im assuming that's probably why she didn't have time to talk a bit more or seem to upset that I will leave her alone for awhile... after all that's what she wants so. I just don't know if I should give the key back and walk away, Or just give her the time she needs then go from there

If you love her just give her time she will let you know!

THe messages that I get
1. She says that she loves me so much, and that she Does want to be with me but just cant.
2. Gives me the key to her suite back and says she wants me to still be an important part of her life.
3. Goes from Being completely in love with me, and Wanting to move in together, which was her idea... to Not wanting to see me and just wanting to be alone in a matter of days.
4. Didn't seem upset that we wouldn't talk for awhile, She asked if I was feeling better, and I asked if she wanted the key back but she said for me to keep it.
5. I saw her on Monday... we broke up on Friday, She still has my picture on her fridge, she still wears the ring I got her ( which was a mutual agreement to get for each other )
6. When I brought her flowers with a note expressing everything to her, she cried and came and hugged me so tightly and for a long time, then said she will take me back.

If she took me back that should mean that she still Does want to be with me doenst it? I made things not go on because I could tell she still was upset and needed to sort stuff out, she told me she thinks we need time apart, and time to think things over... Im so confused and shaking up!

I am sorry all I can say is just be there for her and obviously she still loves you. Give her a little time to work it out. Good luck.

How much time is too much time, and how much is not enough? I don't think I can handle sitting around for weeks on end, I feel like if she doenst contact me within a week that things a pretty clear?

I would say I agree if no contact but if you guys are still talking or communicating then let things be for a while.

We Could be talking If, but she doenst want to really hang out... just wants some space, So I figure to get a real clear idea, no talking will let me know. But how long do I go no talking before I just call her so we can meet and I can give her, her key back, and let her what Im going to do.

That depends solely upon you and how you feel.

I know it's not easy loving someone who keeps you at a distance. But you know, allot of great relationships started as friends first. The fact she doesn't want to cut everything off completely is encouraging. But allot also depends on what you want and how long you're willing to wait. Everyone makes mistakes in relationships. It's not all about forging, but about learning and growing. I'm not completely convinced that your prior errors are the problem but your girlfriends past trauma. She's been through allot and the walls are high and deep. She doesn't need convincing but time and patience for her to see things as they really are. Namely your stability and constancy.
She has a lot riding on her emotionally. She loves you and that scares her because she feels the wall getting a crack or two. That's a tough thing to handle when you've protected yourself emotionally and now find that protection weakening. Her heart is wanting to let you in but the mind is still in protective mode.
Time can help both of you in defuzzing your confusion. Taking things slow and really getting to know one and other will help strengthen your relationship and yourselves.

Should I just not talk to her at all until maybe the end of this weekend? Then give her a call, I mean if she doenst contact me at all by then Im pretty sure that things won't ever be better.

Should I just not talk to her at all until maybe the end of this weekend? then give her a call, I mean if she doenst contact me at all by then Im pretty sure that things wont ever be better.


You never really know andyman. All I can suggest is let her know you're there for her. Time will tell. That's the best I can tell you without giving false hope. I honestly do hope it all works out for the best for you and your girl. You sound like a nice young man.

I'm just circling around wondering... would it be better of I just walked away, or Is it worth taking the time to see.

Oh I think I might know how your girlfriend feels, only because everything your saying that she said is exactly what I told my boyfriend at one point because I was going through a lot in my life at the time and I was very stressed out (I was not stressed out because of him but I was stressed out because of other things as well) Maybe she is going through a lot and she might be stressed out which could make the smallest arguments in your relationship with her a little stressing for her, and all of this stress might cause her to become confused and want her space for a little bit. Im only telling you what I went through, she might be going through a completely different situation... This is just from my point of view and what I went through. I think that you might need to give her some space and let her get over what ever she is going through, just let her know that you are here for her until she feels better.

im just circling around wondering....would it be better of I just walked away, or Is it worth taking the time to see.


Andyman, that's only a question you can answer. I sense you're afraid your girlfriend will comeback and say she doesn't want to be with you anymore and you're trying to find a way to prepare yourself. Which is okay. No one wants to lay their heart on the line and let it be broke.
I applaud you for trying so hard to stay with someone whose been through the ringer like your girlfriend, I know it's not easy to do. Only you can decide in your heart of hearts if you can wait it out. You've done so much this far. The fact you've been together for 9 months says allot about your character.
I will say this, If you feel you can't hold on, be honest with her. If you fear the loss of her let her know. Let her know your heart hurts as well. You feel afraid and confused as to what's going to happen. No none least of all she will fault you for being honest and human.
And don't forget the fact she gave you a key after asking for space. That has to be a meaning to her in someway.

SO far we haven't talked... been about 2 days I guess. I know she's stressed out, she said that she feels like she just needs a really good friend in her life. I suppose I just more afraid of ending it in case she changes her mind. I don't know, I feel like it would be easier for me to heal if I just cut it off, But I still don't want to give up hope because I know how we were together and Im just not sure if its time that she needs or not. When I talked to her last to see if she just wanted to go for a walk somewhere she said " I think we just need some time apart from each other if were gonna be friends" Like she's already made her mind up?

One thing to note, she does work a lot... and she doenst seem to enjoy it there too much. I know she's stressed out and depressed about her friends and her work, and living on her own.

Would a girl tell a guy that she will take him back, Just to get rid of him for a bit, and not to hurt him after he brought her roses and a note? I mean, that just makes me think that she still does want to be together but just isn't sure...

One thing to note, she does work alot....and she doenst seem to enjoy it there to much. I know shes stressed out and depressed about her friends and her work, and living on her own.

Would a girl tell a guy that she will take him back, Just to get rid of him for a bit, and not to hurt him after he brought her roses and a note? I mean, that just makes me think that she still does want to be together but just isnt sure....
No girl worth having would do that. That's my opinion.

Well, after one day of the no contact thing, I thought it was best for me to talk to her. We ended up going down to a park to talk about things, so after a long talk I told her that I'm not looking for a friend right now, and that I'm looking for more than that, and I can't go from a lover to a friend. I told her I was confident to walk away from our relationship knowing I did a lot of things right, not to say I didn't do some things wrong, but that's human nature... everyone makes mistakes. I told her that if she decides that she doenst want to try again, but I won't be her friend... and that Im not mad at her, its just I can't do that. So I then asked her, why she got back together with me the day after the break up, to just break up again... she started to cry and said it was because she loved me, but was confused on things and worried about things not changing and that she would just get hurt again. So I asked her " I need to know, are you with me or not? because I need to know if I should just walk away" at that point she thought for a few seconds then started to cry and grabbed me and said she wants to be with me, and said she has never cared for anyone like she does for me.

So now my question is, This weekend she is kind of busy, She had made plans with a few girls ( just a girls night ) for Saturday, and Friday she had a work dinner thing to attend, which I did get to see her later on that night and sleep over there. How long do you think it usually takes for people to become the way they were before everything. Things just don't feel as close as they were, with things like kissing, becoming sexual again But Im sure that, those are just things that will take time? I know on Sunday I have the option to go wakeboarding with her up at her parents cabin. Im not sure if I should just let her go and do it on her own or go up with her as well ( she said I could if I would like ) Even though we are back together do you think its still best to let her have her space? She bascially had Friday night out with some work people for a dinner, I just went over there at 11pm we chatted for a bit then passed out as she had to work her 6th day of the week at 8am. And now today, Saturday she has plans ( which she made before we got back together ) with her g/f and another girl, I was invited to go before when her g/fs fiancé was going to be there, but supposedly he is going to head out to a friends so its just kind of a girls night... So I see why Im not getting the "you should come " question now. And as for Sunday, Not sure if I should just let her head up there herself and have fun, or if I should go... I know Id like to go, do some boarding and get to hang out with her... would be awesome.

Well for anyone that comes on here looking for advice... All I can say is trust your instincts and use your own judgement, I shouldve just done what I thought because last night, me and her had plans to hang out... I got to her place 20 minutes early to see, A guy standing in her front doorway. She said she kissed and that was it. So we are Done it

She kissed another guy? Details please!

Eh, she said that this was the first time they hung out on their own together, and that she does like him and that they kissed. She said she still has strong feelings for me, but is stuck in between us and just moving away with her best friend... So I told her, I don't want to see you again, I don't want to be your friend, and I don't want to give you anymore of my time, You don't deserve me. I wished her the best of luck in the future, then said That I wouldve have never done that to her or anyone that I cared for, I said that it really reflects the kind of person she is, and oviously she isn't the person I thought she is... I then said that I want you to know that IM done with this situation and I'm DONE with you... paused until she was about to say something, right as she was going to say whatever she had to say, I just hunt the phone up. There's 2 things I hate in life... Liars and cheaters. Good ridance, Let her be someone else's problem. Time to go out and enjoy the single life I suppose

Anyone who chats on you is not worth it. You fin out a lot of the time this has happened before.. I had an old ex for 4 years and she cheated. Don't regret not being with her one bit. She still rings me now and I GUARANTEE your ex will contact you this other guy will blow over...

I am so glad it happened to me though cause she is now a headache for someone else and she rings me trying to come back

She has no hope of that and you should think of itthe same cause it will happen again...

For sure, She says that she's probably going to be moving on Sunday, I am curious if she is or not but there's no way of finding out unless I contact her which I can't do. I just get a laugh out of " I like him and we kissed " Then she says that Im better looking and she still has very strong feelings for me. So she said she was stuck in between the both of us and just moving to kamaloops. When we first broke up, I told her that I feel like someone else is in the equation, and during the last 2 weeks I checked to make sure that getting back together was what SHE wanted... all lies, I do wonder, If or how long it will take for her to call, Pretty harsh how you have someone in your life that you want to move into with together, then see someone else you think is cute, and just throw that person that was there for 9 months aside.

I told you bro... leave her alone and focus on yourself, I been there before as many others. Im not saying all situations and relationships should be the same all the time, because they don't. But there's some similarities which only experience and some wisdom can make you apply it to each situation.
Start the completely NC rule with this person, not for making react to you but she´s not worth your trust and time. Just be prepared when she comes back telling you that she missed you. If you develop yourself into some NEW and BETTER man, you will be prepared to face that, with your head up.
Be well

I will continue the no contact, I feel like she won't call me... since she has this other guy which she likes. Mind you she says that she still has really strong feelings for me and still thinks I'm better looking. So who knows, One thing I do want to know is if she is going to be moving to kamaloops... Would a quick text or call this Saturday to see if she's moving be wrong?

Noooo man!! Nooo!! Leave her alone, the more you get close with this gal the more she will abuse... you need to be own your own. She fail!! If you ever want to give it a chance to this relationship again, please don´t put rose petals on her way back!! Which means let her know how much you worth and how much your appreciate yourself by improving you and letting her go.
If she figure it out that you are important at the same level you think of her, well she will do what ever it takes to let you know that.

Im going to finish my meal :)

I think if it's going to bother you, just find out. But try to be strong after that and not worry about her.

I will continue the no contact, I feel like she wont call me....since she has this other guy which she likes. Mind you she says that she still has really strong feelings for me and still thinks im better looking. So who knows, One thing I do want to know is if she is gonna be moving to kamaloops....Would a quick txt or call this saturday to see if shes moving be wrong?

In the first place when a female ask for space, and she wants to be friends, its over, and your not supposed to spend another minute on her, just move on. Unless you do you send yourself through the confusion and false hope of getting back together, and in the rare occasions that exes do return, the relationship is so changed its not worth it any more. Examine this, as you have seen for yourself a break up, supposed to be friends flowers letters talks, she still was looking elsewhere, and you're the one stuck wondering. Let all that go, and never call again, or take her calls until you are completely over it. Move on, and get a life that you enjoy, and are happy in, without her. Anything else is a waste of time, and will stop you from being able to deal with your feelings in a healthy, positive way.

Would a quick txt or call this Saturday to see if she's moving be wrong?
Yes it would be wrong and you need to accept the fact this thing you had is over.

It would honestly make me feel a lot better knowing that she was moving, if she does... Alot of things would be more clear I supposed.

Things were already clear at the moment you started to feel uncomfortable with yourself inside this relationship which put you on so much confusions, wondering and messages of stick around "just in case" from her.

You just didn't notice, but hey!! That's life... an everyday eye opener

You... as much as I want to know if she's moving away... and as much as it would make me feel better knowing that she was moving. I won't call or text, Im sure if she leaves she would text and say something anyway. I shouldve just gone with my instincts and walked once we had our first talk. Because I was right on the button, I knew the guy, when, and where they met. It was all just bs and lies from her after that. Im glad I took my picture from her place and ripped it up in front of her, And deleted her phone # and pictures from my phone in front of her. She really didn't like that Knowing that I want nothing to do with her. I doubt she will call for awhile, cause she thinks I will contact her like I have been these last couple of weeks. But this time, I won't, I don't want anything to do with a person like that... 2 things No one likes is Liars, and cheaters.

That's the spirit... Stay strong!

When I first read your message the first thing that came to my mind was that there was someone else.

I had the same scenario with my ex girlfriend about 1 month ago. All of a sudden she wanted to date others, but while still dating me at the same time. I know for a fact that she had someone else in mind. She just was wanting me on the backburner so that I could be the fall-back guy.

So, I'm beginning to see a pattern here with all of these stories about girls wanting to date others. I think that in probably 99% of the cases there is someone else that they have in mind to date. No matter what excuse they give you... they are interested in someone else and are wanting to explore that. The "needing space to figure themselves out" or "Wanting to take a step back" or "Wanting to just be friends" excuses are just their way of lettting you down lightly because they don't have the guts to make a clean break with you. They want to go out and test the waters with someone else that has caught their attention.

I would say goodbye to this girl forever. Once a cheater always a cheater!

I just find it funny how, She wants to test the waters with someone else, yet she still wants to get together and fool around with me while doing that... jeez!

YOU don't get it she wants to test the waters and if its not to her liking she can run back to you until the water is at a suitable temperature and then you will not even be thought about!!


When a girl is doing this it is best for hyou to disappear because by hanging aroundall you are doinf is making it easier for her.

Its like when you have a girlfriend it seems much easier to go out and meet pther girls because you feel more confident and if you don't meet any girls well you already have one so you feel great.

This is how she is working now looking for the new guy but your making it easy for her cause she knows she still has you as the JUST IN CASE!!

Don't make it easy for her if you want any hope at all make her tackle this onher own and she mught just realise what she's losing. But if she doescome running ELL man don't take her straight back you must take control tell her you need time.

Goodluck just stop STOP STOP talking whatever you do don't speak or anything till she calls!!

I just find it funny how, She wants to test the waters with someone else, yet she still wants to get together and fool around with me while doing that....jeez!
Simply put, don't let here use you that way. Leave her alone.

I just find it funny how, She wants to test the waters with someone else, yet she still wants to get together and fool around with me while doing that....jeez!

She is using you as the backup plan. You deserve more. Go find someone who knows how to be loyal and content with you.

She called yesterday, So I called her back and told her I said that I didn't want to talk to her anymore and she told me " I knew you would want to know if I am moving away on sunday to kamaloops with Sarah....Its not 100% but its looking pretty damn close to 100% that Im gonna be leaving on sunday " She then asked if I would want to get together have some fun with no commitments or ties before she leaves.

I don't have any feelings for her really at this point, I hate the person she is... But one final Booty call before she trucks her to kamaloops would be nice

She called yesterday, So I called her back and told her I said that I didnt want to talk to her anymore and she told me " I knew you would want to know if I am moving away on sunday to kamaloops with Sarah....Its not 100% but its looking pretty damn close to 100% that Im gonna be leaving on sunday " She then asked if I would want to get together have some fun with no commitments or ties before she leaves.

I dont have any feelings for her really at this point, As a matter of fact I hate the person she is....But one final Booty call before she trucks her to kamaloops would be nice


I say go for it. I know it sounds shallow but what the heck. If she's willing I don't know why you wouldn't be. Do you think that you can honestly have no emotional attachments if you do? If yes, then I would go for it.

As it stands right now, I wouldn't have any emotional attachments because of all that that happened. She called today again, and went over how she wants to be friends, maybe with a few benefits... Said she told that other guy to just be friends, and that she's moving to kamaloops in about a month. Considering I drive by her house on my way home from work I kept my eyes peeled for that guys car to be outfront, cause she said tonight she was going to catch up on some sleep. That guys car wasn't there, but her lights were on, and there was a lowrider outfront. She lives in a basement suite so you just park on the road, and maybe someone took that spot but I really doubt it, as Ive parked there for a long time and never seen that. I could be jumping the gun, she does have a lot of guy friends... well Most of her friends are guys cause she's not a girly girl. But I don't know, I don't want to do the benefits thing if she's doing it with other people also.

You got what you got for 9 months. Shows over time to go. You just stop answering that phone when she calls, and ride into the sunset.

Any updates?

Actually yes, I went out on the weekend and met a girl I used to know wa yback in day..,. funny thing is now she's SMOKING hot, I went on a date with her last night and things went great... the ex calls me and starts going nuts about how she heard I went on a date and that it really bothers her that I've found someone new so fast blah blah blah... Then she wanted to know if I liked this girl etc... I just told her, "look were not dating anymore, so any of that stuff really isnt your business at all. Yes I like her and Yes im going to see her more" then she asked if I wanted to come over tonight ot have a few beers etc... hah not a chance.

Great work that's well done. One thing though are you sure you are not just using this as a rebound. Maybe she only wants to come back cause she realises what she has lost or may she just wants to come back cause of the other girl. Either way two weeks ago you said you loved her and would do anything to get her back and now she wants o come back and you say no way.

Which is it you want this new girl may be great for you but is this the one you want. Either way I suppose you don't want to let the ex straight back cause look at what she did to you in the first place.

Yet you did say you loved her so much so now I am confused how you can say you love someone so much and then bam you meet a new hot girl and you are over the ex??

Think about what it is that you want, maybe you only wanted the ex back cause she left...

Its always funny how when they go we want them back but when hety come back or we find someone else we don't want them as much...

I still love my ex to death, She wants me back badly... Not sure if I should or not. Funny thing is, my ex has everything I look for in a girl. To the tee!

Hay mate what's happened with the new hot girl have you been talking to her. And what is happening with the ex did she actually say she wants you back??

Yes, Ive gone out and still talk to the new girl a lot, She wants to date me as more than just friends but Im sitting back to think things over right now. I saw the ex a few days ago, she burst into tears, said how she made the biggest mistake of her life, that losing me made her realize how much she really wants and needs me, She also said, that she feels so strongly about me that she thought to herself when we were together that she wanted me to be the father of her children if things were to ever go that far... I still love her to death, she has everything I want, she was the only person that I ever saw eye to eye with. She's still stuck on just moving to kamaloops to get away from everything... but she wants to stay For me. So as of right now, I really don't know what I'm going to do... the ex came out with me to my friends party last night, we had a blast... Felt nice to have her around... So, I don't know what to do... I find myself asking, Do I forgive her for what she has done, and get back together if she stays... or give up the one person that makes everything in life feel perfect? If she goes to kamaloops which is only a 3 hour drive from here, she wants to stay together and rotate weekends where I would go down there and vice versa. Heh So, Im back with my head in a deep spin again.

Wow... Now you get to make the decisions... Good job although I can see how hard it is. I wish I can tell you which would be better, but I doubt anybody would know that answer... I guess this part is up to you. I hope you make the best decision. I'm pretty sure you will pick your ex because she has everything to the tee and you got her to come back which means she must really care. So good luck! I guess you have some comparing to do... lol

Do you think it's a coincidence that you meet someone and now she wnts you to be around her? Could she see you slipping away and is actually competing for your attention? Could she be trying to make you stop seeing this other girl? Could this big move be a smokescreen, to make you miss her? Lots of questions, and I only can suggest you not do anything, until you have some very clear answers.

T-Man... Aren't very clear answers only answers that are trustworthy? In that case, are there clear answers at all? The smokescreen is always around. This world is full of illusions! Everything relies on the eye of the beholder. We all go in to everything blind and hoe for the best. A choice must be made by Andyman and a tough one as well which will affect his life. Andyman, I think a second chance to the reconciled woman would be a good idea because she seems really sorry for everything, but is all this trustworthy? Choosing the new girl is also a good idea to start something fresh... One choice brings back the hard work and the rough times and betrayal and lies and even thinking another guy is cute and so much that will play in your brain for time to come. She messed it up. Too much to worry about. The second seems more relaxing and new... So the choice is yours... Good luck!

I am a woman, and it sounds to me like she got the last minute jitters. She is afraid of being hurt and wants some space 1st, that's all. She wants to go a little slower now.

:) Your girlfriend is very young and whilst some people are emotionally ready to settle into a committed relationship young, it is very clear from what you have written, she is not. I would expect she has not resolved her feelings regarding her past relationships nor does she understand that during our our early to mid teens, relationships are new to us and they are learning experience. Whilst I realise it will be painful to let her go, she needs to find her independence, identity, party, meet new people and try new things. Do you really want to continue a relationship who is not ready? Do you want to be in a relationship which is destined to fail? Let her go and she will either return to you, ready for a committed relationship or she will move on, which would prove your relationship was destined to be short and sweet. Sorry to hear of your heartache, wishing you well.

Sometimes the dumper needs time, and space to heal also.
one confused person+ another confused person=a confused relationship.

To hell with the dumper!

Whilst I realise it will be painful to let her go, she needs to find her independence, identity, party, meet new people and try new things. Do you really want to continue a relationship who is not ready? Do you want to be in a relationship which is destined to fail? Let her go

See..

I was in a relationship for 3 years with a girl like this when she was 20 when she left me and I was 6 years older (oh, and still am, unless I'm growing younger>LOL) That was quite an age difference that I did not acknowledge at the time. After the breakup, I really understood how big a factor this is in terms of how long the relationship will last.

When I met her, I was 23 and she was only 17, I managed to keep the relationship going for 3 years but there were signs that things were crumbling, they were all there to see but I was too much in denial to acknowledge them. I cared too much for her to believe that she was drifting away.

She told me she wished she was single again and she could go out and basically have fun, not that she did not have fun with me but what she wanted was to spread her wings, explore, sad to say but wanted to date different men and I am 100% certain of this. Once I realised that actually this is normal, can I blame her for wanting to experience life, for wanting to grow? No, because I have been there and unfortunately (or fortunately>LOL) I met her at the wrong time in life.

The difference in age had she been 30 and I 36 would not have mattered but the age gap when I was 26 and she was 20 was a huge difference. I was not the same man at 20 that I am now, I was still the good man I am but had much to learn (and in fact, still do).

Life is a huge learning experience and I think that if you are past the age of 25, then you should find someone who has gone through the whole being single, partying, wild phase and find someone that is at the same maturity level as you.

I know that I am looking (well not actively looking) for a woman like that. In fact, I learned so much about what I want in a woman from my ex and for that I am grateful to her, not angry anymore, just more glad that I know what it is I want from a relationship.

If I never meet my miss right, then as sad as it may be, so be it, I would rather be alone (well not completely alone but single you know) than be in a relationship with someone I do not want to be with or does not want to be with more or who does not know what she wants. I do yearn (although don't need) deep down though for the day I meet a woman that will appreciate me for who I am.

People are ready at different stages in their life. Some have to go through their 'wild stage' others don't. I would love to be able to go round and sleep with lots of different attractive women simply for fun and know I have the confidence to do so. But in reality that's not the person I am.

It's a shame that people who have to leave a relationship to experience 'life.' I would probably have to say though that one day your dumper will look back and say 'god, he/she was a good guy/girl, I am with a good guy/bad girl/guy now, but he/she was so good to me and I wish I had never let him/her go.'

By then though time would have passed, both of you would have changed, happy memories in the past for ever lost in oblivion. But hey your happily married now, two great kids, a good job, life is great and hey there's allot of s_h_t to go through still yet! Affairs? Family breakdowns, disease, death, money... LOL hey the worlds your oyster go take!

??

To hell with the dumper!
Wait until you are the dumper. :eek:

I know I know...