Well, me and my ex broke up about a month ago. We dated for about 6 months, but have known each other for 4 years. We dated briefly when we first met, but I decided not to get serious at that time. We ended up meeting back up and sparks instantly we were talking again. She was my first love. We were in a long distance relationship while she finished up with school this summer. Originally we got together because she was going to be moving back closer to home. Everything was perfect! Almost to perfect I guess. We never had a fight or disagreement. She had told me that she almost married her ex before me, and she never felt the way she did about me. She told me many times that she loved me. I felt so happy and she was happy!

Then everything happened literally from one week to the next. We had some very emotional talks and decided to take a break. We didn't speak for a week except for a few emails. She called me a week later and told her my feelings, then asked her how she felt and if she wanted to still be with me. She said she loved me and cared for me a lot, but that she feels like she's not ready for a relationship. So we broke it off. It's the worst feeling ever! She also said she didn't want me completely out of her life and that I was one of her best friends.

3 days later after the break up she ended up calling me and she talked to me really weird. That phone call really messed me up! The next day I called her and pretty much was begging her to work things out due to that I didn't understand why we were breaking up. She ended up telling me (and I also heard this from one of her friends) that she tends to freak out when things start getting serious. I believe it has something to do with trauma in her past with her parents divorce. She told me how she couldn't understand either and just felt like she wasn't ready for a relationship. That she felt we got serious so fast and said "I Love You" so fast. I had a very bad breakdown and told her how crappy I had been feeling and she said that we shouldn't talk for sometime.

We got to see each other for 2 hours a little over a week ago and it was very painful seeing her. We didn't talk about our relationship or anything that had happened. Just caught up and what not. She tells me that she still doesn't know what she wants to do when she's done with school. She may stay at her current location or she may come back closer to home.

I felt like I had to see her because we had done everything over the phone. We have had little contact since then, just texting and email. It was very hard saying goodbye to her.

I know she's out having a great time this summer right now and what not. I'm trying to do the same but its very difficult. Like I said she sent me a short email message last week and I sent her one the other day. Just saying hi and what not... like two sentences.

I've decided to do the no contact thing and see what happens. I'm somewhat still hanging on, specially cause I've had numerous people say that she will come back. But I don't want to live with this hope of getting her back. I truly love her!

What does everyone here think? Any advice?

I'm in about the same situation. Had a 5 month long distance relationship, saying "I love you", talked about marriage and kids one day and talking about breaking up the next.

I so badly want to wait for her and hope that she comes back. However, I think the best thing to do is start moving on in case she never comes back.

First thing that I've done is to make sure that she knows how much I love her. That way she doesn't have any doubts about my feelings. After that all you can do is let her go and simply wait for her to return. However, I am also getting myself ready to move on. I will date in the mean time (when I am ready). This might be a while since I am in love with her. If I find someone then great! If she returns and wants to continue our relationship and I'm not serious about anyone than that will be great too. Either way, I am doing what is best for myself. They have to realize that we won't wait around forever.

Time will heal the only thing you can do is give them there space, goes for both of you guys, its hard but that's the only thing that will give them time to think about what they really want

I totally agree with the wait and see thing. All I know is that I can confidently say that I gave her everything that I had. I treated her like a princess. Of course I made a few mistakes that I would love to relive. Hopefully she looks back and sees all of the positive things and forgets the few negatives and come back.

Hopefully we both have happy endings! Like they say... if it's true love they will come back.

Yeah, I guess its hard because she's out having a great time, partying, while I'm just feeling like complete . I was getting better and then for some reason I started feeling like again. I know I shouldn't worry about how she's feeling, but its just hard to think I feel so bad and she doesn't. I don't know!

How about stop feeling sorry for yourself, and getting off the pity pot, and join the living, and live life and enjoy it without her. She is not stopping you from doing anything you want, YOU ARE. So get unstuck, and get a life. Sorry to be harsh, but you really need to do something for yourself, and stop worrying about what someone else is doing. To put that much importance on another person, is unhealthy.

I completely agree! Your words are not harsh at all! That's something I need to do and I will!

If you love her so much, why don't you ask her whether there is a possibility of you two getting back together? And if she is not sure then you better move on man because she might have already found your replacement...

I think is good strategy to let her hang for a while, don't answer her calls or e-mails and she might start thinking of what she is losing...

I did ask her and she just said he just felt she wasn't ready for a relationship. I asked her if there was someone else and she said that there wasn't. That if that was the case everything would be munch simpler. I know a lot what let to us breaking up was the distance and the fact that her last relationship was long distance as well and she ended up moving and then things didn't work out. So now she feels any decision she had to make, she had to take me into account. I really don't know. I stopped trying to figure things out. I'm just moving on and letting time run its course. She graduates at the end of the summer and she still doesn't know what she will be doing.

If its meant to be its meant to be! And I guess that's all I can do right now. I truly care for her, but if she doesn't want to be with me then I can force her.

So, I got a short message from my ex and she told me kind of what she had been up to. She asked what was new with me? I want to stick to my no contact thing, but then again I don't want to burn any bridges. Do I respond with a short message or just not respond at all?

Accept the harsh truth and get her out of your life. Get to a place where your happy and single, when you have accomplished that then maybe you might want to start looking for someone new or old.

So, I got a short message from my ex and she told me kinda of what she had been up to. She asked what was new with me? I wanna stick to my no contact thing, but then again I don't want to burn any bridges. Do I respond with a short message or just not respond at all?


I wouldn't contact her. She is obviously not interested in dating any more if she's saying that she's not ready for a relationship. And you can't trust them that there's no one else.

I'm going through this same thing, dude!

I'm learning my lesson on the contact thing. Every time I have contact with my ex I end up feeling like crap again. She's just not interested like she used to be and it's hard to take.

Exactly why do you want to go back? That great big hole in your heart, it will go away with time! Besides what comes around goes around, their time will come. Improve yourself and do it for you not your ex.

In ten years you will be walking down the street, the minging ex will be there with their 10 babies looking fat and ugly and your be with the girl/man of your dreams and you will look great, financially, physically and mentally. BE THAT HAPPY Person and do it now!

I agree, and focusing on myself is what I've been trying to do! I do want to be friends with her, but I've realized that right now it can not happen. Every time I speak to her or see her I start feeling like crap again. The day we broke up she told me she didn't want me completely out of her life. What would you say about a friendship in the future? Like I've said, I'm moving on and trying to get ME healed and be that HAPPY PERSON again! Focusing on my life!

I agree, and focusing on myself is what I've been trying to do! I do want to be friends with her, but I've realized that right now it can not happen. Every time I speak to her or see her I start feeling like crap again. The day we broke up she told me she didn't want me completely out of her life. What would you say about a friendship in the future? Like I've said, I'm moving on and trying to get ME healed and be that HAPPY PERSON again!! Focusing on my life!!

I don't believe that you can be friends with her. I think you'll find that all of your feelings will come back. It would have to be very, very far into the future.

I know how you are feeling. My ex told me the same thing about not wanting me out of her life. She said that she loved me and wanted to date others while still dating me. I mean, what a great deal for them! They want you to be there on the side if they need you. It's a very selfish thing.

You are wanting her in your life because you really like her and want to hold on to the hope that she'll change her mind. Please don't make this mistake. You and I both need to realize that they are just not into us like they used to be and they want to move on... so we need to do the same.

A lot of our ex's seem to have a twisted view on reality and peoples feelings. Let them and remove yourself from this. Why anyone would want to be friends with an ex beats me. Until you can positively see them with someone else and be happy for them and your own life can you be friends. - please be reminded that being friends means two putting equal effort in.

Once you honestly get healthy, you would be surprised at the things you can do.

I always agree w/ everyone but this time I kind of don't agree, she obviously kind of missed you so there for you she ask how your doing, if you want to try to get her back, you have to play hard to get, don't ever pick up her calls, if you have text message reply with one mysterious word, like hey, hi, chillin, great, nah, something that will make her think, but you text her everyone three to four hours, ONE word! If she calls you twice the second time you chat w/ her for a couple minutes, and say you'll call her later, let her wait for your call, she might, she might just get fed up waiting on you and call you back, just play hard to get don't give up if you love her good luck

You know I've gotten both sides on this. Some people say don't contact her, when you stop they usually come back. Other's say just don't respond right away, give it a few days. I'd like to get some more feedback on this.

One question I never asked myself while I was going the hell you're going through and micro-analyzing every email and wondering how to get her to miss me and come back was this: even if she came back, would you ever feel secure in the relationship again? Once she shows you that she can walk away from you, you will always be wondering whether she'll walk away again. Don't make the same mistake I did and overfocus on the present. Dig deep and think hard and realistically about a future with this girl if she ever did come back and how you would honestly feel.

One question I never asked myself while I was going the hell you're going through and micro-analyzing every email and wondering how to get her to miss me and come back was this: even if she came back, would you ever feel secure in the relationship again? Once she shows you that she can walk away from you, you will always be wondering whether she'll walk away again. Don't make the same mistake I did and overfocus on the present. Dig deep and think hard and realistically about a future with this girl if she ever did come back and how you would honestly feel.


I agree. I think that we focus so much on getting them back that we forget what we're going to do if we actually do. However, you do have to be confident that she went away for a reason. Some times it is a healthy thing to go away, date others and then come back together that much more sure. I think we get our feelings hurt so much that they are wanting to venture out that we forget what the benefits might be. There are many people who break-up, get back together and eventually get married.

I do believe that this "break-up" thing can only happen once though. You can't be having multiple breakups, otherwise there does come a point where you're always wondering when the next time is going to be.

Just do yourself a favor and "Hope for the best....expect the worst". Live your life and date others. This is your time for making sure that she's the one too.

I agree 100% with your answers! Believe it or not I'm glad I found this forum, cause its let me see that I'm not the only one that is going through some tought/similar times right now.

For my situation, I truly believe that she just needs to figure something's out in her head doesn't want to be in a relationship. Does she love me or care about me? I don't know and I can't worry about it. I just know right now I'm going to Love Myselft first! If in the future for some reason she comes back and things work out then it was meant to be. If not then I know there is someone out there better who will appreciate what I have to offer.

The pain will go away with time and I know this. Its been a little over a month and I still have days when I just hit rock bottom and feel like crap. But only time can heal a broken heart.

Right now its time for me to grow, enjoy life, and have a good time!