Hi all,

I am currently in a situation where I feel I came on too strong with a girl. And things have been awkward since then. We talk on/off, but lately communication has been dead for about a week. We both see each other online, she probably is expecting me to make the first move, I am expecting her to. Nothing happens. I think about how I could maybe write her an email or call her or write a message up on Facebook just saying hi while at work.

However, all these things are commonly advised to be avoided. There are plenty of people on this forum who often say, keep the distance, keep less contact or no contact. She will miss you, she will come to you. This is all too common.

My question is, if you really like someone and you want to maintain a healthy and good friendship with them, is no contact the way to go if you've screwed up? I never hurt this girl or offended her or did something inappropriate. I just went overboard with my feelings and how strong they are. It was a mistake, I agree. But why can't we have an open conversation like a month or two later without having to risk any permanent damage? Doesn't no contact tell that person you are ignoring them and that they should also move on and not care? It isn't necessary that no contact will suck that person into your vacuum.

I think so much about writing her an email saying that I am sorry I jumped the gun and wish that we could be better friends. Maybe any one sentence or word will make that person feel your pain or the depth of your caring. Maybe something I say will put her at ease again, but many think that is not the way to go. What is your opinion? Let's get some responses, anybody and everybody.

The hard truth: I think your way too into this girl and it sounds like she doesn't feel the same way. When girls really like guys they call them all the time. She's not and it sounds like she's not into you. You probebly blew it by telling her all your feelings all at once. Most women don't like that as it comes off as kind of creepy.

I'll tell you what you do next: Find some other girls to go on a date with. Pick some that you think are average and go on a date with no intentions other than find out what that girl is like. Chances are you probebly won't like her very much but it will be good practice on how not to throw yourself emotionally into a person. You might actually like one of these girls, who knows? Then after a couple months you call up this girl and casually ask her if she'll like to get lunch. If she seems hesitant, tell her something that's almost funny. Like you'll pay and hey, I'll even let you keep the toy that comes in the happy meal. Keeps it real casual and by going somewhere cheap it lets her feel like she doesn't owe you anything.

Of course if you simply most know what happened you can ask her. Don't be confronting about it just throw something out there like: I had a really great time with you that night and wanted to know if you'd like to do it again sometime. If she says yes, then great, if not, then great too because then you definitely know it's time to move on.

PS: Never apologize to a girl in the first couple months. You'll have plenty of time to do that later. :-D

:D I think that you should just be as honest as possible. I am seeing someone and the "no contact" thing made me want to move. So, I just asked him were we avoiding the 800lb Gorilla in the middle of the room (LOVE, SEX,ETC). He wrote back with the perfect response. It made me feel much better. But, I was prepared if he would have said something else. So iif you ask the question.. you must be ready emotionally for a negative response. My friend asked me to be patient.. made me feel special and assured me that he wasn't purposely avoiding me. I believed him, because of the chemistry when we were together. I wanted to go further. Patience is not my strong suit.. but I am willing to give it a try.

Screw what people say. The next time you see her online just message her and be like "What's up? I never heard from you.... or maybe you never heard from me lol I'm not sure who is suppose to talk to who first, but I do know I would like to hear from you so when you get the chance hit me up."<<< or call me or message me or whatever. Girls like a guy that comes on strong it makes us feel good about ourselves like we deserve your attention.

Hmm.. interesting! You are one of the few girls Victoria, who has told me that coming on strong could be a positive. Now the issue is not that I did anything bad as in inappropriate that hurt her physically or emotionally. I think that was more or less me, after what had happened. She knows that I did nothing to hurt her and if you to know the background in detail read this: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/did-come-too-strong-there-any-shot-girl-93219.html

The problem is not being friends as we have talked to each other online once a week or whatever, but I want unfortunately I keep thinking about her and constantly feel more than just a friendly feeling. I have no idea why I feel so much for someone who probably doesn't really even think about me much(I don't know this for a fact). Please read the link I put in earlier and tell me what you think. Read my initial post and the last few updates I put in so you know what is going on up until now! I would really like to hear what you think after that. Thanks!

If you like this person - then make contact. A simple "hello" is fine. Let her know you are still around and you still care.
If I read your other post correctly - you had sex with this girl?
Maybe she is distant because she isn't sure of what she wants and is afraid she sent you a mixed message. She probably doesn't want to lead you on.
If you want to have a relationship - either way- then continue to reach out to her. You will surely have no relationship if you have no contact.

Thanks for your response NowWhat! No we did not have sex, or even really kiss. I just kissed her on the cheek and she did the same to me. We did sleep in her bed together though. I did not want to seem like the typical guy who wants to get laid when a girl offers a guy her bed. It just simply isn't me! I'm not sure if that was a turn off for her that I wasn't making any advances, but it didn't seem like she wanted to really have sex either. I don't know!

If she is telling you (or did up to that point) that she wasn't ready for anything serious - with anyone. Then you did the right thing by not trying to engage in sex. You respected her feelings. That is a GOOD thing.
I am a firm believer that if there is something you want - you go for it. What do you have to lose? Now, I am not saying you should stalk her - but you can reach out to her.
And don't apologize for your feelings - she may not be ready for them and may be you are sorry for letting her know so soon - but don't be sorry for caring for someone.
If you think that threw her for a loop - then just keep the conversations light for a while.

I wrote her an email about a month ago(not apologizing but acknowledging the situation at hand, and that fact that communication took a dramatic dip) when I noticed she was very slow in responding to me online or not even saying anything. I was very hurt and questioned her why she no longer talks to me and why things are the way they are. She responded back saying she didn't mean to be hurtful and had no idea I felt this way. She said she did not want to lead me on, but was not purposely avoiding me (these two things in the same sentence? Doesn't make sense). She said she had no time for a relationship with everything going on in her life(I assume she means school,etc.), as she feels no sparks for one, not because of me, but because of her (I don't get this statement). But she said I don't want to lose you as a friend and apologized for being or seeming unnapproachable. Since then we have talked online but maybe once a week, and she has initiated some of the conversations. I really hope I haven't lost her for good in terms of potential relationship. Any ideas/clarifications NowWhat?

All I'm really doing now is reaching out to her every once in a while (not too frequently as I don't want to seem like I'm obsessed or really bothered by the situation anymore) and we just talk about general stuff like how her summer is going, how her day went,etc.

The only thing I would do then - is to keep it generic. Like "How was your day" or "you will never believe what happened to me today" Things that don't really touch on the relationship. You are still in contact with her, but not always needing (or coming across that you need) reassuring about her feelings.
Just talk to her as your friend. Not potential girlfriend. Let things happen naturally.

Yeah that is exactly what I'm doing! Not being aggressive or stalker-like, keeping the right amount of distance and not saying anything hinting at a "relationship". In fact one day she IMs me and asks how my birthday was, I said it was nice and that I had fun with the family/friends. I forgot what lead to this, but she said now you have to think about settling down being more responsible (meaning seeking a wife out and making a family). Now that to me was weird coming from her because we both know that I would've wanted that with her, and I would wait until she is done with school. She told me how she knows her time to settle down will come, as she had seen her friend (22 as well) get engaged. I said that was very sweet, she said, I know, my time will come one day too. And I'm like "what??...then why aren't you considering me? You know I like you!!"

At times it is very frustrating though, because I know if given the chance I could make her feel like she's on top of the world. I know she is still only 22 and I'm 26. I have a different outlook towards life than she does at the moment, but, and I really don't mind that she is not ready for a relationship, but the break off in communication has really hurt me and I begin questioning myself and the mistakes I made (therefore having low self-esteem) and often wonder why she doesn't get the fact that I'm not another guy who comes along to break her heart, my intentions are to mend her heart and have someone special in my life (because I have been single for nearly 4 yrs.). There are days when this situation doesn't phase me and I'm as strong as can be, but the issue is still in the back of my mind, and there are days that it takes over me. How do I deal with this? And do you think that despite us living far apart, there is still a chance for us?

I don't know if there is a chance for you. She is young, not really knowing what she wants. You can't force someone to feel a certain way. Either they do or they don't. She may grow to feel a certain way. I would keep my options open. Go on dates with other people. Share those things with her. Let her know that you aren't waiting for her. She may see you in a different light.