Hey everybody a lot of the topics on here are a great help, but I feel I need to tell my own problems to feel better.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. I meet her when she was 15 and I was 17. She is now 18, and I am 20. We have been so close and very serious for 3 years... until a month ago. She told me that she wanted to start hanging out with her friends more. I said okay and I didn't have a problem with it. The first night she went out she got drunk and high. She had never smoked weed before that. After this she has been smoking weed like crazy, some what infatuated with it. She then told me she wanted to take a break for a week, and we did. Her friend recently messaged me and told me she has been getting really close with some other guy. I called her up and asked her about it and she denied it. After pulling teeth for a few days she has finally admitted to it all. Including: still smoking weed, has feelings for this other guy, but doesn't love him, has kissed him 3 times, and sleep in the same bed with him one night in a hotel while other people were around though. She said she hasent had sex with him and I don't know what to believe because she has become such a liar and I have to "pull teeth" almost to get anything out of her. I really want to move on and heal, but its hard of course... I guess I don't understand how somebody you trusted and loved so much could do something like this to you, when they supposedly loved you so much... Everybody keeps telling me this is a phase and she doesn't know what she wants anymore and she has said this before. That she is confused. She has said she "f@$*ed up" "im so sorry" "blah blah blah" but it feels like patronage. If you all have any input on what I can do or anything about the situtuation, like what she is thinking or what would be helpful. Thanks for the help...

My thoughts are if it takes pulling of teeth to get the truth from her. There is no trust there, which I can not blame you. Secondly, other people telling you it is just a phase. Who cares if it is just a phase, she is supposed to be with you but is not. Very clear in this, in my opinion. It is over, you should let her know that your done. That this is not a game and you need to let her go. Maybe if she knows she lost something maybe she will straigten out her life, but if not. Then that is not your problem anymore.

It is over, you should let her know that your done. That this is not a game and you need to let her go.

Thanks for your opinion/help. I plan on doing this tonight letting her know that its over and I need no-contact to heal...

So you were thinking along the same lines before even posting here? No contact is important, but I think you already know that.

Good luck and I hope that everything works out. I know it may be hard to understand why people change so drastically, but you can not control somebody else's reactions.

I just called her and told her I needed time and space to heal. I didn't feel hostile or mad. I remained calm and told her to take care of herself, and some other positive things, while she did the same. I didn't want to end on a bad note. I said goodbye and she said the same. I haven't felt this sad in a long time, now I just got to stick to the no contact plan even though she will be missed. She asked how long we weren't talking for, which was strange to me, I guess she doesn't believe it or something. I said IDK awhile...

Well, she probably does not believe you but you need to stick to the no contact rule and heal for yourself. Grow and learn from this experience and move on. Like she will.

Do you think since I was her first real love emotionally and physically that it was unrealistic to think we would be together forever, because she hasn't known anything different. Or is this just one of my constant grasp for a reason/answer?.

Do I think it was unrealistic to think of a forever, not necessarily. You never know what the future may hold. People drift apart forever, some just for a short time. Some come in and out of our lives. All different situations.

My personal answer would be that. Hanging out with the wrong people. Bad influences and especially getting into the drugs have a major major impact the problems of late.

My personal answer would be that. Hanging out with the wrong people. Bad influences and especially getting into the drugs have a major major impact the problems of late.


Yea I find myself blaming it on the drugs, friends/influences, and almost thinking that it wasn't even her committing these acts but a person that just got caught up in peer pressure and a lack of control.

The pathetic thing on my part is thinking about could I forgive her if she came back down the road and I find myself taking in account the drugs, friends, and age but I know its too soon to think about these things, I guess...

Too soon is right. Right now, remember let her go. Let her make her own decisions. You need to heal for yourself and not wonder about what might or might not happen.

Still say it was the gang, and drugs but that is her choice. She made that decision.

Yea you're right. I just need to go with my mind and not my heart.

Also another thing, when I was trying to talk to her awhile back she would constantly out of nowhere start going off on her friend and telling me about how she hated her friend for what she had done, for telling me. It seemed to me that she was more upset about her friend than our relationship or she just doesn't know how to handle it all...

Just a bit of advice,

I know your mind is going a mile a minute, trust me, I've been there, and so has everyone else here. One thing that I might suggest, impossible as it may seem, is to try not to analyze everything you think about. I know you are going to be thinking of every little thing she said and did, but trust me, all the analyzing in the world won't help. In fact, it seems to always make the situation worse.

Hopefully you're a little better at controlling your mind than I am, I had a lot of trouble with that.

Thanks, my mind is going a mile a minute. I've been working on trying to clear my mind from all these terrible thoughts, but once they get in jeez it's a mental battle to the death to get them out, no matter what I'm doing.

I thought I would be like that for a long time, it does get better in time. Trust me.