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raynae
May 1, 2007, 07:25 AM
Should I or Should I not??

When we first married everything was great. My husband got a few calls from old girlfriends so we decide to have his cell number changed. After 5 months of being married we were having some problems so we separated ( we have a home & lake home) after a week of being apart we went out together and while I was sitting there his ex girl friend called. He told me he didn't know how she got his number he had not given it to her or called her. Of course I didn't believe him. Then the next week he came home for a few days (getting along really good) while he was in the shower I thought I would check his cell phone, just what I thought another old girl friend had left a message, saying OK you can call me back now I'm on break. When I ask him who she was he said an old friend. Wow!! Another fight.

I believe when you are married you shouldn't tell anyone your problems it should be between you and your spouse. When we would have a fight he would go over or call his daughter (25) and tell her everything. Of course that is going to make her not like me, so she told him if you are going to stay with her, don't call or contact me. (I heard her say that) so the trust of him not telling someone our problems is gone.

Once when we had a fight, (not physical) just words back and forth he called the police and told them the reason why he called I was screaming and yelling at him, OMG!! They were laughing behind his back. So now its like I'm even scared to say anything afraid he will call the police if I disagree with him, so the trust is lost there also.

I told him I don't know how I would ever trust him again, except if he got rid of his cell phone for a while, and he blew, he said no way, he thinks that I am being to controlling, I explained to him its not that I want to control you, I just want to trust you, and if getting rid of the cell phone is all it would take for a while why won't you do it. He still says it's a control thing for me, its not, its just that I know the calls will continue unless something happens to the cell phone. He got so upset with me for even asking

I just don't trust him on so many things, what do you guys think??

We did get a divorce about a month ago but still see each other and he is wanting to get back together. What do you think??

Northwind_Dagas
May 1, 2007, 07:59 AM
Why would you even consider getting back together with someone you don't trust? Why are you asking if you should trust him--you're smarter than that!

People do change, but they don't do so quickly. It's been a month since your divorce, so don't expect ANYTHING to be different. Maybe in 10 years, but not in a month.

Your reason for not trusting him is because he kept in contact with old girlfriends. If he loved you and respected you, he wouldn't be doing that. What has changed in the last month to make you think he's a different person?

raynae
May 1, 2007, 08:06 AM
He told me a couple of days ago if he had it to do over again he would have probably got rid of the cell phone. But he still says I'm trying to control him. I just can't believe he would say that. Do you think I'm trying to control him?? I think if he is not willing to get rid of the cell phone he has more to hide, what do you think??

Northwind_Dagas
May 1, 2007, 08:13 AM
I think from the details in your other post about him not letting you listen to radio or watch TV that he was the one that was controlling.

So he is a liar and is controlling. Do you value yourself so little as to believe you someone deserve someone like this? Do yourself a favor and put this guy behind you and find someone who will respect you.

raynae
May 1, 2007, 08:21 AM
The only reason I even still talk or think about it is because, The first 8 months was so awsome it couldn't have been any better the Love was so amazing and strong, Like a fairy tale. Then the step daughter thing came up about his Birthday that is when EVERYTHING changed. It went from so amazing to so bad. I think I'm still in shock and just hoping things would get back to the way they used to be. You think the real him came out or what?? He calls me everyday and tells me how much he misses me and loves me and wants to come home , it is the hardest thing to tell him no. He has really messed with my head and still is. What do I do??

Northwind_Dagas
May 1, 2007, 08:31 AM
The first 8 months were so awesome, yet you were separated after 5 months? That doesn't make any sense.

You don't seem to be understanding (or just don't want to believe) anything I'm saying, so I'll let someone else take it from here.

raynae
May 1, 2007, 08:34 AM
I believe you, its just really hard for me right now. We lived together 3 months before we got married. Dated off and on for a year.

phillysteakandcheese
May 1, 2007, 08:51 AM
... if he had it to do over again he would have probably got rid of the cell phone ...

He'd gotten rid of the cell phone... only so that you wouldn't have found out about the other girls he was seeing "on break".

If you were to get back together with him, he would still have these issues with his daughter and his girlfriends, and your fighting would continue, just as it did before.

Why go back to that?

raynae
May 1, 2007, 08:59 AM
I know and its so sad. I just want to believe in him so much. But every time I'm around him, something happens that we get into another fight. I have been trying to stay away from him as much as possible its just when I start remembering the beginning that is when it is really hard on me, but like now when I'm talking about the things (bad) it makes me sick and wonder about myself, "why would anyone want that" I am much stronger than this. For some reason this relationship has really got the best of me.

talaniman
May 1, 2007, 09:06 AM
If he has a 25 year old daughter then you two have to be past the spring chicken stage, and yet you act like teenagers making up to break up divorcing and dating still. Hey you need to first learn how to argue and then learn how to communicate. Talk and listen. If you can't do that your both wasting each others time.

raynae
May 1, 2007, 09:11 AM
I agree with you

raynae
May 1, 2007, 09:12 AM
He lets his daughter control his life.

phillysteakandcheese
May 1, 2007, 09:43 AM
... I just want to believe in him so much.

You can't treat the situation as you wish it could or might be.
You have to deal with the situaution as it really is.


... But every time im around him, something happens that we get into another fight. I have been trying to stay away from him as much as possible its just when i start remembering the beginning that is when it is really hard on me, but like now when im talking about the things (bad) it makes me sick and wonder about myself, "why would anyone want that" I am much stronger than this. For some reason this relationship has really got the best of me.

The reality is that if you want something better, you have to accept that "the beginning" you reminisce about is no more, and won't ever be no matter how hard you wish or hope or want it to be. The relationship you had, and the situatuion with this man, has changed and those "good old days" are in the past.

raynae
May 1, 2007, 09:59 AM
Wow!! That was good, thanks!! Your answers are so good. I think all this today is just what I needed to hear. I really haven't talked to anyone about all of this. Its really hard to hold it in and not to talk to anyone. So today has helped a lot. Thanks so much.

Inspired
May 1, 2007, 12:55 PM
Why would you marry someone that you "on and off" with for 1 year?

stefani1
May 1, 2007, 01:09 PM
I think that he would still conitnue to do go behind your back and have girls calling and vice versa even if he would have gotten rid of the cell phone. Either way he is going to do what he wants to do. Sometimes we feel like we can change someone's ways, but, reality is, if you feel the need to change someone, you don't really lopve them for who they are. And in this case, who is going to love someone that they can't even trust, and also someone that doesn't take your feelings into consideration. Sorry to say but he won't know what he had until he loses it. Trust me, once you start dating ans he find out you will truly find out how he feels about you.