Here we go. I was with a girl for 16 months. She broke up with me over a month ago. We had several issues that affected our relationship. About two months into the relationship she had cheated on me. She told me about the affair 5 months after it had happened. I was heart broken back then, but forgave her. Several months after the cheating, she had taken some of my pain meds that were prescribed for an injury, and wisdom teeth. I forgave her for that. This ultimately affected our sex life to a degree that we didn't always have a great sexual relationship.

Some other factors that we had was that I lived about an hour from her, and I worked all the time to pay for things for our anticipated future together. I busted my butt to build up the bank account and worked very hard for a future us, but I worked so much sometimes that I forgot about the present. We spent time together, but I was tired a lot, and we fought about that. We always had fought, and we always reconciled it. We both did a lot of talking.

Recently, back in Valentines weekend, we had fought again, and this time I was done with the relationship. I had enough of it, I was intending on it being over. She cried and begged me to stay, and refused to let me drive away. Eventually I did drive away, but I got back with her a few days later. We had planned on going to Florida and made reservations for March.

In the meantime her uncle had died in a fire, she came to my house that weekend , and we had a very nice weekend together. That following weekend was the scheduled funeral. Friday came around and there was an open shift at work, so I asked her about that, she had no problem with it. I came to her house at 4am that day from work, and left a nice very expensive bracelet on the counter with a note telling her that I loved her. That morning I woke up a few hours later, and woke up to her yelling at me and being in a very bad mood. I took this as stress from the death. I blew it off, on the way there she told me that the bracelet was "nice", it was the most expensive and best thing I had ever gotten for anyone. At the funeral she ignored me and didn't talk very much. I was offended and hurt. I went to work that same day after the funeral and talked to her the next afternoon. We got into an argument and she told me she didn't care if I came to her house that following week. We had made arrangement of spening about a week and a half together, she got a food order together, planned meals and we felt good about this. All of the sudden we had been arguing over stupid things, and being stubborn I told her I wasn't going to her house that week. There had been a lot of stress to begin with, her uncle died, her dad was drinking because of the death, and he is an alcoholic, the mother was getting on the father about the drinking, and the father was in turn going to leave the mother. On top of this, she had financial problems that were stressing her, and the clincher was the one day that I was supposed to be there was for her mothers birthday and I was to get a gift certificate. The night of the birthday party, I received a phone call from her telling me that it was over between us without any real reason other than she doesn't love me anymore and the thoughts of marriage we had planned were not really what she wanted. I was devastated and did not understand, so I did the classic mistakes of calling and trying to find out the problem and sending flowers. She had been really adamant about not talking to me and was hostile. I left things go for a few weeks, and called her about getting my belongings at her house. SHe was more pleasant and she explained in detail why she wouldn't be available to meet that weekend, instead of accepting this, I called her and told her that I was on my way to get my stuff. This only made her hostile I believe towards me. We got into a huge argument, then she told me to leave and not talk to her again. About 10 minutes later she called me to tell me that I was acting crazy, I told her I was only acting that way because she broke my heart. We talked for about a half hour an then ended the conversation. She was talking about eventually being friends. She has some very cherised items at my house and still has them there since the breakup. Initially she was going to get them about two weeks ago, but I haven't heard anything from her. We did communicate via email and text message once in a while after that. I haven't spoken to her in 3 weeks. Another huge mistake that I made was that I asked for the jewlrey back that I gave her. I got the bracelet and a necklace. I feel really bad about asking for it back, so I just mailed it back to her the other day. I sent a short little note, basically thanking her for meeting her, and wished her luck. I had intentions of making her wonder what I was doing. I want her to take a look at the whole picture to see if that is what she really wants to do. I just can't explain how she had changed in a few weeks. I don't think there is another guy involved at all. This issue to me is more of needs issue, I wasn't there to satisfy her needs of family commitment in her time of need. How do I show her that I made a mistake? I realize now that she is not here, how much I truly do love her. I am madly in love with her, but never let myself believe that. Ultimately she told me that I had too much of a guard up and that she didn't love me anymore. How do you go from passionately telling and crying to me that you love me so much, then 3 weeks later you don't and the relationship is over.

Could this be a case of too much stress at one time and she had to deal with it some way, and that way was to get rid of me? I understand some of my actions probably pushed her away more, but how can I get her back? I really truly think this can be worked out. I am hoping that by sending the jewellery back that is a start.

I am looking for advice on what do do next? I have read some of the articles from other that say not to call or anything like that, but I think the circumstances are different than my own. Is there a way that I should handle this to get her back?

You are wording this so that all of the problems are hers, many of your actions were also to the point of almost unforgivable. I think you should realise that both of you made seroius mistakes and that you need to call her and tell her you were totally wrong and you are sorry.
** but again only if you beleve you are and if you are really sorry.

You seem to relate what you buy and spend as being inportant, and also mention sex a lot, not a closeness or a caring relationship at all.

And then you sent the gift back telling her it was all her fault for changing.

So I would say it is over and you need just to move on, and maybe use this as a serious learning lesson on how not to be a boyfriend, and be much more caring and loving next time.

That is the furthest thing from the truth. I really do recognize that I had issues as well. I care about her more than you can know. I didn't realize what I had until I lost her. I took the relationship for granted. We both had our issues, but for the most part we stuck it out. I would definetely like to make another go at it. I don't intend to blame her for all of this. I know it was both of us. The sex is secondary to me, I do care about her, and I tried to show that without the sex. I just showed it the wrong way. I did not intend to buy her love, I really wanted to show her how I truly do love her.

We both have changed in the relationship, I feel a lot for the good. I know that I have issue to change, and I intend on doing that. I am willing to relocate, and give up my part time job in order to be with her.

I understand that you are telling me that I should move on, but I am just looking to see if there would possibly any chance of getting back together. I mean she is the one that I truly do care about, and it took this big eye opener to realize. Now that I realize it, I don't ever want to lose her. I want to be with her for life. I would really like to marry this woman one day, when we sort things out.

Can you get the ex back. The answer, the best answer is no. Why would you. An ex is an ex for a reason. Your both responsible for what things took place and it is better to move on and learn from this.

Joe

Go no contact its your only hope she has to contact you

There is no one in the world who can say that an ex will come back or not. All you can do is accept she is gone now, and work on getting your life and feelings under control, and be ready for what life throws at you next. Leave her alone to deal with her own feelings and issues, and you do the same and see what the future brings.

Go no contact its your only hope she has to contact you


Basically I have gone with out contacting her for over two weeks now. I sent her jewellery back this past Friday. What is a good amount of time to have nc with her?

For ever! And until you no longer care, maybe you can be friends or more then, in all honesty though you probably won't want her back then.

For ever !! and until you no longer care, maybe you can be friends or more then, in all honesty though you probably wont want her back then.

I am not angry with her at all. I am more upset on how I dealt with the relationship. I feel with another chance, I can straighten this all out.

For ever !! and until you no longer care, maybe you can be friends or more then, in all honesty though you probably wont want her back then.


Can I ask you, if you and your ex broke up for the third time, why would you tell me to have no contact forever!! Do you not practice what you preach? I haven't gotten her back, I am trying and apparently you have done the same thing. I would like some insigt what you logic is on that, or how you wenT about getting her back?

Basically I have gone with out contacting her for over two weeks now. I sent her jewelery back this past friday. What is a good amount of time to have nc with her?
Let her call you, and you should be building a life without her that makes you happy.

Let her call you, and you should be building a life without her that makes you happy.


That is the toughest part. She was what made me happy. I have been talking with two women since. The one was an ex from like 3 years ago. She wants more but, I told her that I need to get through all of this first. I really don't have any real interest right now, I just want what I had. The toughest part is waiting for that call. I think I will get one. As a matter of fact, I think she tried calling me about two weeks after we broke up. I received a blocked phone call at 3am one night, a night that I was working until 3am, the only one that would have known that was here.

She was what made me happy.

If that's the case you have a problem as its not up to her to make you happy, its up to you. That's what you need to do now. Leave her alone, and learn to make yourself happy. Depending on someone else is unrealistic, and very unhealthy.

If thats the case you have a problem as its not up to her to make you happy, its up to you. Thats what you need to do now. Leave her alone, and learn to make yourself happy. Depending on someone else is unrealistic, and very unhealthy.


It is not that I wasn't happy with out her, it was that I was happy whether I was with her or if I wasn't. Now that the relationship is over, I have been so devastated about not having her, that I haven't been allowing myself for the most part to be happy. Sort of like I am punishing myself for this relationship ending. I know that we both made mistakes, but I tend to shoulder all of the blame on myself. So in turn, I can't see myself being happy until I can make ammends for the whole problem. Trust me, My life is not all unhappy right now, I do make an effort to get out there with friends and family and I feel good at times, but the times that I am by myself, or even at work are very tough and sad. My happiness doesn't depend on one person, but my sadness is over playing my happiness right now.

There ar no amends to make except to yourself.

Hi, I just wanted to say Im in a situation almost exactally like yours. I dated my ex for a year and 1/2 and he has been the only guy I have ever fallen in love with, He was my first love and who I lost my virginity to. I gave him everything, And I loved him with all of my heart. But after about a year and 3 months we started to fight a lot, About things that really you don't need to fight about. And I was young so I was very emotional at the time, and my emotions would run up and down everywhere and he would say I did something wrong, and he would be mad and I would cry. And over a period the fighting just got worse and worse, I was so stressed out, and unhappy with the was our amazing relationship had turned out to be. So, one day I was working and this guy maybe 2 years older than me looked at me, and smiled and I just looked back, thinking oh he's cute, and nothingelse but that, when I came home that day from work I came home to a message on my myspace from him, that said "having fun at work" and we just started talking everyday after that, I didn't think anything of it because he had a girlfriend and I had my boyfriend, But being in all the wars of fighting with my boyfriend, I started to be happy talking to this guy, and My feelings for my ex began to fade away, so I broke up with my boyfriend, and this guy broke up with his girlfriend because him and his girlfriend were also having a lot of problems at the time, and we started dating... The whole time I was dating this guy my ex would call me leaving me messages crying and telling me how much he loved me, and one night at work(because we worked together) he stopped me and grabbed my hand and was almost in tears and kissed me.. and I still loved him... I just was so confused and all I could think about at the time was "omg i just cheate on my boyfriend" ALL OF THIS was mistakes and not thinking about what I was doing, because not even a month after being with this guy he was an and I heard he cheated on me, and of course him being the way he was would never tell me the truth, so I never knew if he honestly did.. but now I have a almost 99 percent knowing in my heart he did.. And I was devistated by this because I had built strong feelings for this other guy, and not my ex, when my ex was really the one who loved me with all of his heart... now he's over me.. and I'm sitting here crying every night, wanting to be with the only love of my life :'''''''[

[And over a period the fighting just got worse and worse, I was so stressed out, and unhappy with the was our amazing relationship had turned out to be.]

I guess that is sort of how our relationship was going also. I want to get her back. I actually talked to psychologist about this, and he definetley thinks that she cares about me, and that we both need to work things out. He understands that I can't move on right now until I know for sure if she wants to be with me or not. On a female perspective, would it be better if I tried to get her back, or should I sit back and wait for her?

would it be better if I tried to get her back, or should I sit back and wait for her?
Again, leave her alone and let her call you. Take the time t work on your own issues and focus on getting you own emotions under control. If she has not called since the break, chances are she has moved on and putting your life on hold waiting for a maybe is not healthy, and you should move on. Accept that her mind is made up, and yours isn't.

You seem to have taken ownership of your mistakes in the relationship, but a little too late though. In your statement it appeared that your were always justifying your actions. You thought that the fights would lead to reconciliation like before and they didn't this time. Not what you expected and now, that it's too late, you realize that it's not what you want. If you have asked her all the "why's" she has given you the answers already and I don't think they're the ones you wanted to hear. You can either sit back and wait or move on. Who knows what will happen.

. You can either sit back and wait or move on. Who knows what will happen.


What if she never comes back... HHMMM you'll be waiting a long time for nothing. Move on get healty. And if she comes back you will be a stronger person and if she doesn't you'll be healty.

[QUOTE=talaniman]Again, leave her alone and let her call youQUOTE]


Well, just for your information I had left her alone. Last week she called me out of the blue. I had sent the jewelry back that I took back after the breakup. We talked on the phone that day and the following day. We had been exchanging text messages periodically. I am now trying to get her to sit down with me to have a conversation. She seems a little reluctant at this point. I feel I am in a better position now than I was before. I feel that there might be a chance. I haven't talked to her since Sunday.

Let her call you as the worst thing you can do is add pressure to someone who is reluctant. If she comes back it must be because that's what she wants.

You thought that the fights would lead to reconciliation like before and they didn't this time. Not what you expected and now, that it's too late, you realize that it's not what you want..


Yes the reason I thought we would reconcile, is because we were both the same way. We both fought for the reconciliations. She has contacted me recently and it has brought me to wondering what I could do now. She has given me a little bit of hope. She wants to meet me to get her stuff from my house. Honestly talking to a lot of my female friends, they all say she wants to come and talk about things. She called me out of the blue to find out if I had sent a package to her, I told her I did and she wanted to know what it was. I told her it was the jewelry. She sounded excited at first. I played it cool, and happy. She went on to say that she wanted to come to my house to get her stuff. This is a huge change of plan, initially she was going to have her dad and uncle pickup her stuff at my house. Then after she brought that up and we continued to talk awhile, she told me that she didn't want the jewelry and she wasn't going to wear it. This after she wanted to pick it up. My female friends are telling me that it sounds as if she is confused on what she wants to do. They tell me that by me giving her the jewelry back to her that makes it appear as if I want the relationship to end. And now with that she is the one that is trying to hurt me, because she is hurt. Any perspectives on that?

Let her call you as the worst thing you can do is add pressure to someone who is reluctant. If she comes back it must be because thats what she wants.


You have to admit, that this is a lot different than what you were thinking earlier? It is still a bad situation, but I can see some light. We even responded to text messaging. The one thing though which I haven't done is to try and pressure her. I asked her in a text message if I could call he to talk, she gave no reply as far as yes or no. So later on in the night I asked her if she was leery about talking with me and she didn't reply. I think she wants to talk to me, but she needs some more time. Fortunately she is planning on coming to my house. A lot of my friends think that she will talk to me there.

You have to admit, that this is a lot different than what you were thinking earlier? It is still a bad situation, but I can see some light. We even responded to text messaging. The one thing though which I havent done is to try and pressure her. I asked her in a text message if I could call he to talk, she gave no reply as far as yes or no. So later on in the night I asked her if she was leery about talking with me and she didnt reply. I think she wants to talk to me, but she needs some more time. Fortunately she is planning on coming to my house. A lot of my friends think that she will talk to me there.

Just a warning...

I tried this approach. Me ex wanted space, she was (and still is) confused. I figured I could talk to her, though I wouldn't contact her or put any pressure on her to make up her mind. Now maybe you can handle it better than I did, but I was waiting, and catching every single thing she threw at me. I would obsess about actions and words which truly meant nothing... Women are perceptive, they can pick up on things like that...

Just don't fall into a trap of false hope.

Just a warning....

I tried this approach. Me ex wanted space, she was (and still is) confused. I figured I could talk to her, though I wouldnt contact her or put any pressure on her to make up her mind. Now maybe you can handle it better than I did, but I was waiting, and catching every single thing she threw at me. I would obsess about actions and words which truly meant nothing...Women are perceptive, they can pick up on things like that...

Just dont fall into a trap of false hope.


I agree with you. She had called me out of nowhere. I saw that as a way for her to see how I was doing without asking, because she didn't. I was very nice to her, and then she threw out stuff trying to get me mad at her. I even ended the call before she did. I thought I did a decent job. I had been thinking that there is a possibility to get back. I don't know. She still hasn't gone to pickup her jewelry at the Post office yet though.

I agree with you. She had called me out of nowhere. I saw that as a way for her to see how I was doing without asking, because she didnt. I was very nice to her, and then she threw out stuff trying to get me mad at her. I even ended the call before she did. i thought I did a decent job. I had been thinking that there is a possibility to get back. I dont know. She still hasnt gone to pickup her jewelry at the Post office yet though.


Why do they do that? If she doesn't want to be with me let me know. I even went to a psychologist, and he told me that he would be torn to with all the signals that she has given. I chat via text message and its fine until I ask to talk to her, then she ignores me.

Why do they do that? If she doesnt want to be with me let me know. I even went to a psychologist, and he told me that he would be torn to with all the signals that she has given. I chat via text message and its fine til I ask to talk to her, then she ignores me.


In my situation, I still don't believe she did it on purpose. The confusion that is going on in hre mind is plenty to confuse me, and I'm sure it is hard for her just as it is for me. I respect the fact that she is confused, but I also have to resepect the fact that I can't keep exposing myself to that confusion.

You said that you did well, and I have been there and thought the same thing. What worries me is that you "started to think about the possibility of getting back together", that's a red flag. The biggest advice advocated on these boards is NC. I do believe that it is possible to move on and keep contact, and it has happened before, but it was a long and painful road for me to realize that it wont work for me. Maybe your luckier than I am, I just wouldn't wish the pain I put myself through trying to keep contact on anyone else. If you can do it, more power to you, but from my experience, its not even worth the effort. (Ask tal, I'm sure he wouldn't mind hitting me upside the head :))

Originally Posted by talaniman
Let her call you as the worst thing you can do is add pressure to someone who is reluctant. If she comes back it must be because thats what she wants.

You have to admit, that this is a lot different than what you were thinking earlier?Not really, as my message was and still is to get healthy, and see thing clearly, so your decisions are based on facts, and not emotions. As long as your still texting, and emailing, you will stay confused.You need to settle who has what, and not contact each other. She called you, and now the back and forth has started again, and so has the mixed signal from you both and the confusion.

Originally Posted by tiredandlonely
Why do they do that? If she doesnt want to be with me let me know. I even went to a psychologist, and he told me that he would be torn to with all the signals that she has given. I chat via text message and its fine til I ask to talk to her, then she ignores me.



All this texting and asking her to talk to you is a form of pressure.

All this texting and asking her to talk to you is a form of pressure.


If that is the case, she should just tell me to stop! If there is pressure there, and she doesn't want to talk, wouldn't it be easier for to tell me to leave her alone? Why would she respond sometimes, and not others?? I have no problem giving her space and leaving her figure things out. I left her alone for 3 weeks and now she contacts me and it starts all over again. I was perfectly content on leaving things go, and I wanted to clear my mind of everything. I sent her jewelry back and now here I am.

You presumes she knows what she wants, and how to get it. She wants you in her life as a friend, and not the burden of a relationship. If you were less available to her, her confusion will not be yours. Do it for yourself. When she contacts you be busy, or unavailable. Don't count on her to do the right thing by you, as she has her own problems to worry about.

You presumes she knows what she wants, and how to get it. She wants you in her life as a friend, and not the burden of a relationship. If you were less available to her, her confusion will not be yours. Do it for yourself. When she contacts you be busy, or unavailable. Don't count on her to do the right thing by you, as she has her own problems to worry about.

Ya know talaniman, this is probably the first time that I remotely agreed with you on matters here. Trust me I appreciate what you are saying most of the time I didn't agree with you, but this time I do agree. I had settled on the fact that we weren't going to be together, at least right away. I figured if it is meant to be that we would work things out later on. I started building my life back again and then that phone call. Honestly I am probably deservinG of a break. I think after some time, we may be able to get back together, but I don't wanT to push the issue. Whatever happens, happens for a reason.

You need a get a life completely without her. When you can see clearly, thinking with your brain and not your emotions then only then will you be able to make a rationale decision about your past and saying that you probably won't want to go back! - Far healthier option. One day they will see what they lost.

You need a get a life completely without her. When you can see clearly, thinking with your brain and not your emotions then only then will you be able to make a rationale desicion about your past and saying that you probably won't want to go back! - Far healthier option. One day they will see what they lost.


This is a tough process. I was starting to get there, and then out of the blue she calls me. That made me start the emotional roller coaster again.

Block her number, phone up which ever company your with and get her no blocked barred or w/e - change your numbers/emails etc everything!!

Wouldn't that be a little drastic? What if things got better later on? I am probably better off just ignoring her for now. Although she is planning on coming to get her stuff at my house next week. What should I do then, Ignore her and make her get it another time? My friends feel she called me out of the blue to talk about things, not so much to get her stuff. It has been at my house for two months now anyway.

There you go waiting on what if's and maybe's,
Honestly I am probably deservinG of a break. You are so resolved when she is not around, and all it takes is a phone call to start to get you started hoping all over again. And I think your friends are right to a point, as she can't just wait and get her stuff, she wants you to have her on your mind, but the real question are you ready to deal with anything she has to say? If she wants to be friends, you will be devastated. If she wants you back, you'll take her without thought. Either way, will you be making an emotional decision, or one based on facts and clear thinking? Without resolving the past issues, they will come back. Hope you have her stuff packed, and ready to go.

There you go waiting on what if's and maybe's, You are so resolved when she is not around, and all it takes is a phone call to start to get you started hoping all over again. And I think your friends are right to a point, as she can't just wait and get her stuff, she wants you to have her on your mind, but the real question are you ready to deal with anything she has to say? If she wants to be friends, you will be devastated. If she wants you back, you'll take her without thought. Either way, will you be making an emotional decision, or one based on facts and clear thinking? Without resolving the past issues, they will come back. Hope you have her stuff packed, and ready to go.

I honestly think I am ready to here what she has to say. I know it can't get any worse than where I am right now. I know I can't really feel much worse than I do about the whole situation. I almost think I need to here her tell me something. If it is bad, then so be it, maybe that is the push that I need to move on.

Another thing that has me perplexed is the jewelry I sent back. She called me about it, asked if I had sent something, I told her it was the jewelry. She was going to her sisters and didn't know when she would pick it up. I said to her that if she needed me to, I would just get it too her some how. Then she told me that her dad would get it. Fine... Immediately after that is when the stuttering and stumbling came into play and she told me that she wanted to come to my house to get her stuff. I took that as a hesitation on her part. She then proceeded after that to tell me that she didn't want the jewelry, and she wouldn't wear it again. I told her if she didn't want it she could send it back.

So far, she has not picked up the jewelry.

My female friends are telling me that she called to test me basically. She wanted to see how I reacted, and I was really nice to her on the phone, sounding happy. They said that upset her, because she wanted me to be angry or something. When she brought up about getting her stuff, it wasn't that she wanted to, but she interpreted me giving the jewelry back to her as a sign that the relationship was really over and that I was moving on without her. Weird as it may sound, they said it sounds like she was upset with me feeling that way, hence that she got angry about me taking the jewelry in the first place, and then giving it back. That is why she said that she wasn't going to wear it and she didn't want it.

I know deep down, she really wants the jewelry. Do you think that she is just being stubborn? Or what is the deal with that? Would you agree with the female perspective that she doesn't want to truly be out of the relationship and that she was angry that she saw me as giving up on it?

I know deep down, she really wants the jewelry. Do you think that she is just being stubborn? or what is the deal with that? Would you agree with the female perspective that she doesnt want to truly be out of the relationship and that she was angry that she saw me as giving up on it?

Sounds to me like your grasping at straws. Im not sure you are truly as ready as you think you may be. It appears that you are wishing you are more ready than you truly are, and trust me I know the feeling. Only you will know when you are ready, but from my point of view, you aren't yet. Be sure you think long and hard about everything your doing.

Sounds to me like your grasping at straws. Im not sure you are truly as ready as you think you may be. It appears that you are wishing you are more ready than you truly are, and trust me I know the feeling. Only you will know when you are ready, but from my point of view, you aren't yet. Be sure you think long and hard about everything your doing.

I wouldn't be grasping at straws I don't think, if she wouldn't have called me. She appears to be playing hard to get. She calls me, gets me thinking, I send her messages, and she replies to a lot of them, then the when I ask to call her, she ignores the message. We did talk the other day, I called her, and she called me back. No where in there did she tell me not to bother her. So she has gotten me more confused by her actions..

I know exactly where you are coming from and maybe the phrase "grasping at straws" wasn't the correct one for the situation. What I meant to get across is that maybe she does not mean any of her actions the way you are interpreting them? Maybe she just wants to be friends with you, and doesn't realize that you aren't ready for a simple friedship.

I know how confusing it is to keep contact. In my situation I tried to put no pressure on her, go out and have fun with her, but no pressure. She would hold my hand, kiss my cheek, hug me, etc... And then a week later tell me "Dont forget there is someone else I like". Trust me, I know how confusing it can be.

There comes a time when you have to say enough is enough, and try to move on. Once you begin to move on, if she finally decides what she wants, you will be in a better situation to deal with wahtever that is.

I want to think she knows what she is doing though. I completely understand where you are coming from. The last time that I saw her was about a month ago. We were very heated in our discussions and said a lot of stuff we probably both didn't mean, I know I didn't. Anyway, I know that it is going to take her some time to forgive my comments that I told her when I was there. I was just so hurt about the breakup. I am probably a little naïve about the whole thing, but I tend to think she is coming out of her shell again, persay. We would fight all the time, and she would always test me and how I react. I think her biggest issue with me is, that when I was going to break up with her 3 weeks before that, she was crying and in so upset she told me that she never reacted like that ever to a guy and it really bothered her. It definetely took a while to get into her heart, and once I was there, she almost shut me out. I did things also to wind her up also, so I am not innocent. I just want resolve with her and I.

Move on and leave her alone and like everyone is saying NO NC or you will still be on here next May talking to everyone?

No wonder your confused, you spend too much time wondering about her motives, and not enough on your own healing. You can justify all her actions as being your fault all you want, but until you find the time to do for yourself first, confusion and pain will haunt you. Her stuff is still there so she has an excuse to see you, if she wants to and nothing more, The jewelry issue scared her because she has no intention of you getting away from her influence, and she will do this until you agree to stay in her life on her terms and be there when she says so. Get out of yourself and read some other threads here, and see if you don't recognise the same theme in others. The names change , but the game never does.

Agree with tal, My head is clear now but my ex did the same as yours is doing to you. Didn't want to pick her stuff up rite away. And I did the same thing you are doing anylizing every thing she did and said. I never let myself move on. And now 5 years and 6 break ups later I'm on here finally getting over. But now I'm out a ring, she used me and feel like a idot. Read my threads.

I understand what you are saying. I am the type of person that will say how it is. THe funny thing about it, she wanted to end things a long time ago once. When she had cheated on me when we first started dating, she was going through a long process of thinking and she said that she wanted to leave. We were able to talk things out and continued the relationship. I am pretty sure that if she really wanted to end things she would have, but she didn't. Same situation here I believe. As some one told me, we are to pee's from the same pod. I am remaining optimistic, with a side of realism. She had nothing to lose when she gets her stuff, and I have nothing left at her place. She lives about an hour from me, so if we meet this could be the end of things.

As far as the jewlrey, I know she wants it, and is just doesn't want to accept it yet. I do analyze everything. I guess the reason is I love her so much. I will leave things run there course and if we were meant to be then it will happen.

Yes, if you were meant to be it will happen. But in the mean time please move on and heal yourself. And do the NC, I understand now how important it is. It's not to get them back or make them miss you, its to clear your head and make healty disicions if they come back. With my ex I wanted her back but everyone who gave their opinions on here made me see the light. It's been about a month of NC and my head is becoming clearer of what type of person she is.And if she comes back for the 7 time I can tell her No. I believe if she came back now without a clear head I would probably take her back. Regardless of what people said on my thread. Because it sounds like this will be a pattern with her and why keep going through all the pain over and over like I did. All the break ups with me, she let me sit their and hurt for 2-3 months on almost every break up. Because she knew I would be their waiting for her to come back. That is probably what your ex is thinking now. " Well if this doesn't work with new guy hell tireandlonely will take me back. Your going to be her door mat like I was to my selfish Ex.

I am not sure what her intentions are, but I think if she does want to stay with me, that she might be thinking to give me time to think about what I really want in the relationship and what I am willing to do. I worked and worked for our future. I didn't give her as much time as she needed. I wanted more time with her, but I chose work to get ahead. I did it for us. I have thought a lot about my decisions in the relationship. There are a lot of things that I will change if given another chance. Also if not, I will not make those mistakes in a next relationship. I am hoping that she is thinking about what she wants also. By some of her actions, I feel she is thinking about things herself.

My ex is planning on coming to my house next week to get her stuff. I think she wants to talk about everything. What should I do?

Give her stuff back and talk if you must, but know the healing has to happen so have your own plan ready to go.