I dated jim for 8 years. His son who is 22 has a girl living there at his house. I helped her out got her feeling comfortable and one day went upstairs looking for my fiancée and she went nuts. She told me ge t the F out you don't belong up here then verbally and physically attacked me. I told my fiancée I will not take this abuse he told me he's my son that's his girl well what about ME>? I told him she best apologize or Im out of there. That was 3 months ago and I never graced his door step again. I feel he should have kicked out the kid I mean I was his fiancée of 8 yrs we were getting married but he said its his sons girl he 'cant do that' I was like this is YOUR HOUSE. SO I told him until I get apology I won't go there and I haven't. He sent me a letter telling me how mean I am he loves misses me. He told me to come over I Didn't. What gives??

He should have kicked that girl out if she attacked her.But it his is son... but I can see him kicking her out not him maybe it just is not meant to be because I would feel the way you do I would not want to live somewhere if I felt threatened. It sounds like you would be better off I know it will be hard 8 yrs is a long time but if he is not going to stick up for you when you are being attacked then that's not love in my book.

He should have kicked that girl out if she attacked her.But it his is son.... but i can see him kicking her out not him maybe it just is not meant to be because i would feel the way you do i would not want to live somewhere if i felt threatened. it sounds like you would be better off i know it will be hard 8 yrs is a long time but if he is not going to stick up for you when you are being attacked then thats not love in my book.
THE KID ATTACKED ME a 40 yr old woman who went out of her way to help her out.
He could have told the son she can't live there no more yes I agree. IF Jim says BOO about his kids girl he goes nuts on his father if it were the other way around the kid would have made sure I WAS GONE for sure. I agree I won't live with VIOLENCE. He didn't stick up for me your right and your also right that's not love in MY book either. But to throw 8 yrs away my god. ANd I was so good to his son too. Sad. Now he sends a letter to come over what am I a dog? He telling me to come and I go running? NO I told him no apology NO going back to that nut house. Thanks hun

Any other thoughts greatly appreciated

It is sad he threw away 8 years especially when you treated his family so good it sound like he was lucky to have you I commend you on sticking to your guns and not going back to a guy who dose not deserve you!! You are very strong!

Thank you lilly I really appreciate it from the bottom of my broken heart. You are very kind

Do you want to see him? If you do someone will have to give (most likely you). If you don't then just walk.

I would have to ask myself if your boyfriend and the son's girlfriend have something going on?
I mean - all you are asking for is an apology at this point. She verbally and physically attacked you - you are within your rights to get an apology - if nothing else.
So, why is he protecting her and not you after 8 years.
If that is a window into your future with this man - then you may want to turn the other way and find someone new!

Matt thank you very much, hun I appreciate it. For 8 years I was the one who gave so I best walk like you said. NOWHAT I thought of that but see its like history repeating itself. His father did everything for him and it's the same here even though his son don't give him any respect telling Jim to F off and smashing 4 of his fathers cars and its just such a bad scene. Jim was not there much for his son when he was a kid so I know JIm feels that the more crap he takes and the more he gives well then he will 'win his son over' but hey it still isn't out of the question about the 2 of them. I mean I told him your 48 she's 22 are you going through a midlife crises with the way you dress like the kids and talk like the kids? He said no but I don't believe him and also when Jimmy was 25 engaged with his fiancée now his x wife 6 months pregnant he was having sex with a 15 and 16 yr old both of them. 15 HE was 25 and had a baby on the way weeks short of marriage. She bailed on him and she told me not to trust him. Well he stole all my money took a bank receipt AND SOLD all my gold and diamonds given to me over 30 yrs from family irreplaceable. TO the tune of over 12 THOUSAND DOLLARS for a crack habit. IF he could do that to me hell like his own mom said he did it to her too stole all her jewelry and money. I just felt like I put so much into the relationship I didn't want to bail I wanted it to work out. But a hole is an A hole and I hope to GOD what goes around goes around do you both know what I mean?? Thanks guys and any input comments very welcomed. I will keep checking to see if yas had to add anything. THANK YOU BOTH Jaxie

ps now all i own is 2 charms from my kids and one gold necklace. And the memories from my family? Sold to a pawn shop see its not so much the 12 grand in jewelry it's the memories. And he did that to me i should have left then as for pressing charges i had no proof.:(

I would have to say - send the boy's girlfriend a thank you letter for her actions. They may have set you free.

You are far better off without this guy and his problems. He should have stood up for you. You were not being mean when you walked out the door - you were trying to preserve what sanity you had left. I am terribly sorry to hear you lost your family's heirloom jewelry. That is a very expensive price to pay for being involved with this man and his family.

Keep looking forward and never look back. Let this guy and his son and other trash wallow in their mess. You have better things to do with your life. Congratulations for getting out!

Shy Thank You So Much. You Really Do Understand, Yes Let Them All Wallow In Their So Called Lives. I Really Was Trying To Preserve What Sanity I Had Left I Ended Up With Severe Panic Depression Had To Go On Medication Ya Know New Years Eve At 11 I Up And Left. I Didn't Want To Start The New Year With Him And Them. Something Just Snapped. He Writes He Loves Misses Me No He Misses My Money The Jobless Loser And What Else He Could Have Sold Maybe The Tv! The Son Is Trash Too And That Was Great Insight With What Little Info You Had To Go On. Thank You For The Congratulations. I Look At It This Way I Did Plenty Good For Him And His Family So Screw The 8 Years Maybe The Good I Did Will Come Around Back To Me Just Like All The Bad They Did To Me Will Come Around Back To Them.

Nowhat That Is A Great Idea! Hope Next Time She Snaps On Too Much Crack Its On Someone Her Age Who Will Kick Her Four Foot 6 Inch Azz. Hahah 4 feet 4 she has a complex she's like a little grinder monkey on crack her clothes fit my kid when she was 5 yrs old, I think she has a complex about her lack of height I don't and Im just 5'1

I would have to say - send the boy's girlfriend a thank you letter for her actions. They may have set you free.


10 stars to that idea i only know her first name but she will get the letter. That house is not a home it's a nut house. They live like pigs i could have made a home but not under those circumstances and they don't deserve it. I helped her so much did so much and to disrespect a 40 yr old woman my god. She told me when i said we all have to respect each other and she said i have no respect for you i should have said you have no respect for anyone. 22 slept with 54 guys.. she told me... she don't even respect herself. Was i supposed to be impressed she's a pig?? :d

Wel since you haven't discussed it rationally who knows what's up. All things can be worked out if those involved are willing and its obvious your not.

I was always willing for 8 years I am tired of all the abuse. I did all I could for him he was never there in my time of need. 2 should make ammends it shouldn't always be one person to do so.

Its under the heading harsh treatment let me see if I can paste some o fit for you

In my opinion, the biggest problem is that the ADULTS aren't acting like adults in the house. He isn't standing up for himself and you could have been more mature about the situation as well. I'm not siding with the son & girlfriend, but you let them get what they wanted by running away. You and him should sit down and talk about the situation calmly... and see what happens from there. Good luck!

Shy thank you. Bravo yeah she was making fun of me because I have always been in long term relationships been with 4 guys she was like omg! I been with 54! Like I said I was NOT impressed. OH and hahah his father told me his son got crabs. Either she's screwing around again haha or he did and she bought the old got it from a gas station toilet seat. I JUST HADDA TELL YA THAT ONE! :)

Yelo You Got The Right Idea Too. Kill Em With Kindness They Will Be Scratching Their Heads Because God Knows They Have No Compassion Whereas They Would Say To Themselves Wow We Were Out Of Line And Mean To Her, So Thanks For The Comment :)

;)

What is more mature than saying we all must respect each other? And walking out of a bad situation should i have hit her back or been violent? I did the right thing

No, I'm certainly not saying you did the wrong thing in that situation. I'm saying you shouldn't have walked out on a man you've been with for 8 years just because of that girl. He is probably in a really tough situation and doesn't know how to handle it. Instead of making demands you should have talked to him about it, tell him how you feel (calmly) and listen to how he feels. Surely you can meet somewhere in the middle.. and if not then you do deserve better.

yeah they got their way they always do and did he should not allow violence in the house when i said we must all respect each other and she said she has no respect well then i m not staying there. I understand when you say she got her way but to me its game playing and i retired my games a long time ago. Besides... she showed me how jim really is... he didn't take a stand and he let me go instead of just saying u must apologize to jaxie u live in my house and that's that. :rolleyes: ket her 'win' i don't play games i keep things real. Im not a kid she is. She should have respect for a woman who helped her with everything including cooking feeding and paying her bills for her when i am poor as it is.

Hun I Didn't Just Walk Out It Was After I Asked Jim To Take Some Control And He Didn't That I Walked Out That Showed Me How He Felt About Me.

Well then it looks like you already have your mind made up. I do not know the whole story but as you post more about the situation it sounds to me like you don't really need any advice. If you feel betrayed and you don't feel like he cares enough about you to stand up for you then you are probably a lot better off without him. I wish you the best of luck.

Hey Luv Thanks For Your Input Tho I Appreciate It :)

I would also like to apologize for the comment about you not acting mature. You posted the rest of the story as I was typing my response so I wasn't aware of the whole situation. I hope things go well for you in the future.

I am still laughing about the gas station toilet seat. Have not heard that one since, well... since a long time ago. Lol.

:p thaks shy HER and his son got crabs haha either she gave then to him or she fell for the old got it from a gas station toilet hahahhahah:eek:

Shyguy and don't forget the other 2 classics the check is in the mail and its only a cold sore yup then of course it's the ol got crabs from the gas station toilet hahah

Shy look at this advice grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Today, 07:46 PM #6 Report Inappropriate Post
LuvMyMaltipoo
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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In my opinion, the biggest problem is that the ADULTS aren't acting like adults in the house. He isn't standing up for himself and you could have been more mature about the situation as well. I'm not siding with the son & girlfriend, but you let them get what they wanted by running away. You and him should sit down and talk about the situation calmly... and see what happens from there. Good luck!

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Today, 08:02 PM #7
jaxie
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Join Date: Apr 2007
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What is MORE MATURE THAN SAYING WE ALL MUST RESPECT Each other? AND WALKING OUT OF A BAD SITUATION SHOULD I HAVE HIT HER BACK OR BEEN VIOLENT? I DID THE RIGHT THING

Jaxie, many of us were unaware of your other posts so all 3 were combined and I hope it helps clear a lot of confusion on our parts. Multiple posts can be very confusing as you see. Sorry, if you need further help just holler.

Thank You Love Appreciat It I Really Do

Tal Im Sorry Yes Ur Right I Agree 2 Thumbs Up

Jaxie, many of us were unaware of your other posts so all 3 were combined and I hope it helps clear a lot of confusion on our parts. Multiple posts can be very confusing as you see. Sorry, if you need further help just holler.
AGREE TOTALLY SORRY... YES You are RIGHT

Thank You All It Means So Much To Me Taking The Time And Effort Love You Guys And Gals

This Is Lonely After 8 Years I Was Never Ever So Close To Anyone And That Is What Sucks That's The Only Thing That Haunts Me And Makes The Panic Innsomnia Et So Much Worst

Do you have a hobby or anything to keep you occupied? After my 1st "true love" and I broke up I was completely devistated! I hardly ate or slept until I found a new hobby. I got a gym membership and began working out and using my frustration at the gym. By the time I got home I was out like a light... not to mention I got into great shape and didn't give that scumbag another thought! :)

I just have never been so close to anyone i never knew it was possible and that is what sucks lonliness thinking of all i did and all the bad he did to me when i was so good to all of them wondering why in the world he sent me a letter saying he misses me when in truth i didn't feel any love from him in a long time i mean a liar a stealer and maybe cheater even when we talked he would say love ya like real fast i just felt this guy don't mean it... yet he didn't want to let go... why would he want to>? I allowed the treatment the abuse the swearing the name calling the stealing the heirloom jewelry the 12 grand worth... every time i needed him i stood alone i wrote him letters show me love wrap your arms around me im starving for love jim and it just went by the wayside... i had a physical attraction to jim since i was 15 and we got together when he and i both were divorced. It was like it was meant to be... then... one night... and i would love input on this one... we were making love or so i thought and i was well giving oral and he blurted out 'now all i need is "ANOTHER BROAD" to lick my balls. I was so sad i cried and cried he tried to get out of it saying he meant he meant there were 2 of me but deep down using the word broad and saying what he did and this was 7 yrs into the relationship i felt hey im doing a very intimate thing here and you say what?? I bs'd myself again because i wanted to believe in him. I saw him after 3 months the other day driving he look dumbfounded and stood in the road staring at the car looking like to see if i was going to stop. Then the other day he told a friend who lets me use his car "i see someone is driving the car' and my friend just didn't reply. But about the sexual comment what do you people think of that one>>? That was only one instance of deep profound hurt

The comment just shows the lack of respect he had for you. He knew he could get away with anything. Yeah, he misses you because you were so deeply in love with him that you put up with a lot of crap that some other women won't deal with. You have to be stronger than that 15 year old girl that fell in love with him. You know what the right thing to do is, you just have to be strong and become independent because you don't have to rely on a guy that does those things to you.

PS NEVER WENT to dinner never a movie never a walk in the park missed my class reunion he promised or I would have saved the money over a yr for it... he never got me flowers never took me to his beach house his parents beach house or to the farm they have in 7 years. So for 8 yrs I never been to the beach or felt sand on my feet or ate in a restaurant or saw a movie nothing and my x owes me thousands in support so I can't afford to right now. I have no car I have to wait for the owed money I miss life.

Thanks love well until I get the car there isn't much I can do. Your right he knew I took the abuse he is an abuser and no woman will ever do what I did take what I did or let him get away with what I did he used abused that love and that's a sad thing right?

Even if you don't have transportation or money for the gym, you could always go for a run or something, and it doesn't necessarily have to involve exercise... give you house a nice spring cleaning, volunteer somewhere, do something for YOURSELF, something YOU enjoy. Live life for yourself right now, you deserve it!

Thanks love. Well my fear has come true I'm over 40 doomed to grow old alone I guess. And you were right I had to let go of that 15 yr old that so long ago fell for him. That's one reason I didn't leave too the ring and all didn't want to grow old alone. Now to even think about starting over? Forget it... not going to happen likely. Anyway thank you I always look for your ADVICE oh and did you read his son got crabs? Lol either she gave then to him (bragging to me she's 22 alept with 52 men) or she fell for the ol got them off a gas station toilet seat routine. Well I guess they can let them grow they DO LOVE crabs anyway...

As bad as things seem there is no reason you can't get up and start building a life you enjoy, and find your own happiness. If nothing else, start slowly with getting a small job, or take a class and learn a skill. You can't just give up. You have a lot of living left to do, and you deserve to be happy, after what you've been through. No excuses, get your life back.

That's how I like it tal right to the point straight up thanks and will do

I'm totally confused remember me? The one who was with jim for 8 years? Well a few days ago he ran into a male friend of mine and told him to stay away from me or else he will kill him. Now we have been broken up (remember over his sons girlfriend) for 3 months now and its still in his head we are together. Well last night I went on a date. Simple date that's all. We went into the local 7 11 store and there was the guy who lives with Jim, And he saw me with the NEW guy. Not the mutual friend he threatned. I told Bobby tell him IM with someone else he's sick if he thinks we are still together he's messed up on drugs bad and he is on probation and threatned my friends life if he didn't stay away from "his girl" (me) SO Bobby says are you sure I can say I saw u 2 I said Bob your best friends IM sure your going to open your mouth anyway then I said well Bob this has nothing todo with our relationship as friends. He agreed. Then the guy I went on a date with came out of the store I introduced them and we left. IM kind of scared because he just threatned Tom a mutual friend and now Bobby told him he saw me with another guy. What do you think JIm is thinking? What do you think is going through his mind? IM scared because like I said he told Tom our mutual friend he was going to kill him if he saw me any more and he's not in reality obviously because he called me "his girl". I don't know what to make of this. LPlease help me. Also I told Bob why I left about the fight and all and abuse and he looked like he was shocked. I guess Jim never told him but Bob did say that his son buys the food and pays the electric and cable TV so that's why he let it be. I await your reply thanks so much jaxie

Jaxie - I would have the police on speed dial. If he is strung out on drugs - then you will never really know where his head is at. You could always call his probation officer - if you are that worried that you or someone else is in danger.

Thanks How Would I Get The Probation Officer Number? The Police? Yes He Is That Strung Out He Thinks Everything Happened Yesterday Its Like Time Didn't Pass For Him. Scary Huh? Thank God My Family Lives On The First Floor And Im On The Second Or Else He Would Have Been Here Driving Me Out. Ya Know Yelling And All Getting Me Evicted. I Have To Move In June Anyway My Family Won't Let Us Stay Me And The Kids Anymore Can U Believe That? Cause I Can't Afford The Rent Increase. Its A Cruel World When Ur Own Mom Would Do That To You. And Now This I Hope To God He Never Finds Out Where I Moved Im Thinking Of Southern Nj. Few Hrs Away From Here. He Police Already Know He Isn't Allowed On Or Near My Familys Property So That Is A Good Thing. Right?

IF he can't find you - that is a very good thing. Moving a few hours away is a good idea. You may end up thanking your Mom in the end because if you were to stay somewhere accessible to this man - the cycle may never stop. She may recognize that you need to get as far away from this situation as possible - to be safe.

I don't know how you would go about finding the Probation officer - I am sure there is an office number listed in the phone book and you could just call.

Nowwhat thank you so much. What great insite about my mother I mean I am a grown woman but Im still her daughter and when I wAS actively dating him she said to him you will never take care of my daughter ever and it's a matter of time before I Make her move.
Looks like she was right.

Mama's know - don't they! I know it is easy to get angry with those closest to us - sometimes because we can't show anger to the ones we are angry at. But, your mom has sensed something not right and now you are seeing it too. Trust her and if you have the opportunity to remove yourself from this situation - do it!

Yes she told me he is a no good son of a b who cares about no one exxcept himslef and one day you will see the devil inside him for one last time before you too see he is not what you want in life. He gets people addicted to drugs he steals even from his own mother and father he stole your money (God if she knew about the 12 grand in jewelry that he stole from me) he takes your antipanic medicines and leaves you with none and then you suffer all those attacks... he is the devil on earth"


I knew he woule never really let me live in his nut house because he kept making excuses about my kids not being able to come and all sorts of things where he knew I would not for for it.

But because it was 8 years and we were real close I mean I was never so close to anyone in my life I chose to stay and hope things would turn around.

He isn't calling so I guess his ffriend told him that I was at 7 11 store with a guy. Lol little do they both know it was a cousin but hey if he thinks I was with someone else believe me he wouldn't want me back and that's fine with me.


One night my mothers words were harping over and over in my brain it was Dec 30th cold and we got in a argument and Jim said get the F out of here now. I coudlnt go HOME cause then she would KNOW he kicked me out in the cold freezing snow. SO all night I sat on his deck and froze my azz off and cried. At 7 am someone called the cops they heard me crying and I had hypothermia. I told him please don't do this I wouldn't put a dog out on a night like this and he just did not care and his son who I made so many home cooked meals for just shut the door with his father and left me like t hat, I told the cops tha he threw me out and I was too mortified to go home.


So it was a series of things really and with the one that did it in for good with this sons girl friendI said it before and will again if he loved me at all he would have told her to get out OR he would have said to her I will give u 1 more chance BUT you haVE to apologize to JaXIE.


He just stood there.

I don't care let his son run his life. Sooner or later Jim will get resentment feeling lonely one night and he will say to that kid IM alone all because of your girlfriend.


I just know time is on my side with this don't you think>?


Thanks again hun

Ps I hate myself for thinking of him but 8 years was a long time and although I left it doesn't ease the hurt

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh God you won't believe what happened. SOmeone off the Main road pulled over to ask me for diredtions or so I thought. I didn't know the car or driver. I approached the vehicle as they were rolling down the window and it was JIM> I tried to stay calm on the outside though the inside was shaking and I said 'what is it that you want' to which he said 'I just want your number so I can call and I have a letter for you" He handed the letter over and I took it and ran... It said
Jack,
Before all this takes place that you are moving (how did he know)
I need to see and talk to you you are always on my mind but Im concerned and I have to
Talk to you in person Thank You Love Forever Jim F

Now what's going to happen?
My mother saw out the window and I told her I did NOT KNOW it was him he's on a Main Road pulled over and I thought it was someone asking diredtions.I honeslty did.
She said what in the hell did you talk to him for ?
I said I didn't all I said was what do you want from me... now the peace I had is blown to hell as my family now refuses to talk to me.

It wasn't my fault how the hell did I know who's car he was driving or that he cut his hair off I mean its been 4 months I did not know it was him even when he rolled down the window. I know he cut his hair for court for probation every time he was ever in trouble that's what he did to try and present himself as 'clean cut and straight' but its all bull*hi*.

How can I get my family to come back around and not be mad at me?

I really did not know it was him all of a suddenn a car pulls up right on the curb to where I was walking and I thought someone was asking for directions as people do that a lot around here.

Please help I can't stop crying I could kick myself in the azz for taking the note BUT he left ASAP just handed it over and left. Sure he saw my family coming outside.

Please advise

Grateful as always
jaxie

He cornered me and made me the as usual he was telling me about this girl when he first got divorced and how he sent her for tests (meaning they were going to have sex) and that she fell in love then he tells me that I know her and wouldn't believe who she was and I said well who was she? And he said never mind its all in the past it was a long time ago/ and it don't matter now. Hell all the girls we with him I know that. But I could tell he was telling the truth and it hurt me. Then I said one more time who was she and he said 'just forget it for now" so he again succeeded in hurting humiliating and torturing me. Im going to bed pulling the covers over my head and just going to cry.

Consider going back if you, Jim, the son and the girlfriend can sit down and sort this out and agree on some boundaries in terms of behaviour and space. If this cannot be achieved then stay away.

Thanks but he hit me for the last time. I tried talking he exploded and it all went sour. He is too abusive he stole money from my purse.. he's just plain rottten. Well like Grouch Marx said "Time wounds all heels".