help Tyler
Feb 7, 2016, 06:46 PM
Hello you can call me Tyler. I am going to be completely honest about my life except with my name. My problems may not be that big of a deal to you, but please don't Trivialize my (or others) problems I am only seeking help(not to be made fun of) I'm typing this on a phone so please excuse auto correct. I am 21 years old, and have been overweight my entire life. As long as I can remember people have been making fun of me. When I was little it was always about my weight. The sad part is not only other kids, but adults to. One time In particular I remember walking into a store and while my mom was talking to someone. A man (at least 30) said to his friend while looking at me "he could go a few weeks without eating", and they both started laughing. I began to isolate myself by playing video games instead of trying to make friends. Since I didn't talk much I developed a lisp (I'm currently trying to fix).
During middle school (starting in 5th or 6th grade) kids started making fun of me because of my lisp on top of my weight. In 7th grade I moved to a different city( both are actually small towns) not far away, but different schools. Things changed a little. Most were nice, at least to my face (not saying they talk about me behind my back, but I feel as though everyone looks down on me or makes fun of me), but there were still plenty of bullies. Throughout high school it was about the same except with gay jokes mixed in (I am straight), because I never had a girlfriend and only had one real friend, and I was always hanging out with him (let's call him A). My senior year I made two more friends(let's call them B and C) that I still talk to and hangout with but don't feel close to. I started college and asked a girl out. She said no, and I was more depressed than usual for a week or two (she turned out to be a lesbian). Not long after that I ended up falling in love with one of my friends (B) cousins who lives with him. I told her how I felt and she turned me down, because "I'm in a committed (long... long distance ) relationship. I got extremely depressed, but hoped she would change her mind. Few days later I stayed the night with B, and he had one of his friends over. We started talking and I liked him.
So let's skip a few weeks later I'm still not over her; me, B, and his friend are hanging out at his B's house. I'd thought me and B's friend had become friends. I had talked to him, hung out with him, and told him about B's cousin. That night he said he had to use the restroom, but he snuck into her room and made out with her (possible more ). Me and B got pissed, and I got over her and stopped hanging out with him in the coming few weeks. Let's skip to near the end of my second semester of college. Bullying is not really a thing anymore, but I still have all the negative thoughts (such as feeling like everyone hates me, even my friends).
Friend A has been doing drugs since our junior year of high school, and I have finally gotten sick of it. We are no longer friends. I ask out a another girl get another no. So now halfway through my 3rd semester of college. At this point I've been depressed most my life. I get to the point where I can no longer face people and drop out. I thought about suicide a lot at this point. I didn't talk to any real life friends for about a month (only people I play games online with). I started too feel better so I got a job as a bagger at a grocery store, and started talking to B and C again. Also I made two more friends (D and E). I asked another girl out she said yes. I got my hopes up and that same day she texted saying "can we go just as friends". That one didn't bother me that bad I decided I'll try to be her friend, so I could get used to being around a girl. We only talk like one time a month outside of work (she started working there shortly after I asked her out). I decided to go back to school.
After months of talking to the school and having my financial aid guaranteed, I get a call. In short " your aid had been denied you have 3 days to pay 2000$ or you will be removed from your classes." Yes I'm pissed of at this point. I talked to the school, and they didn't help me. However my boss (who is awesome) told me how to appeal, but it would not help because I have no paper work from a therapist saying I dropped out because of depression. I got over it, and am saving up to pay for it myself. So now we are mostly caught up on my life. In November I turned 21 and another new girl started working with me (this was a little before the school called me).
At first I didn't pay much attention to her (although I did think she was beautiful ). I wish now that I was a little more outgoing around her, because I quickly started to like her. She is a full time student and working part time. Two weeks ago we were working together and a customer came through our line and was joking about what we were getting each other for Valentine's Day. We were joking with him and she started talking about wanting to eat some Mexican. So I helped the man out, and when I came in I asked her "do you want to go get some Mexican" she said "when" I said "we could go tonight" I knew she had not eaten since that morning, and I got off work at 7pm which was 2 or 3 hours after her. She told me she had plans to watch a movie with a (girl) friend, and if they did go she would text me so I wouldn't be waiting, and asked for my number.
I got off at 7 she didn't text so I thought she would be outside, but she wasn't. The next day she was off but came to talk to our boss about needing a day off. She told me she forget to text. I said "it's OK do you still want to get some Mexican sometime" she said yeah. We sent each other our schedule and decided on Friday and also to go bowling. She got really sick Thursday, and I told her if she needed to cancel it would be fine we could reschedule. So, she canceled Friday morning. I texted her Saturday just saying hey, (I was just wondering if she was ok) but she never replied. I'm still wondering if she knew I meant as a date. Sorry about going on a rant about her but it's the freshest thing on my mind right now.
I am currently trying to fix my life. I'm trying to eat less and/or health foods, trying to walk when I'm off work, and working on that lisp. My problem is I keep losing motivation, getting depressed, telling myself what a piece of I am (and much worse). I'm trying to find something I'm passionate about, and I really want a girlfriend. The girl doesn't have to be the last one I talked about, although I would really like her to be. I just want someone I can really talk to, someone I could fall in love with, and them love me. I want to be passionate about something I can have a career in. I always grow bored of everything I try.
Recently I have began thinking about a job helping people in similar situations or kids that need help, but I don't know where to start (especially since I can't escape my state of depression ). There's not really a question at the end I just wanted to get this out. Except can anyone give me advice about how to get over my depression, and what do you think of my life?
During middle school (starting in 5th or 6th grade) kids started making fun of me because of my lisp on top of my weight. In 7th grade I moved to a different city( both are actually small towns) not far away, but different schools. Things changed a little. Most were nice, at least to my face (not saying they talk about me behind my back, but I feel as though everyone looks down on me or makes fun of me), but there were still plenty of bullies. Throughout high school it was about the same except with gay jokes mixed in (I am straight), because I never had a girlfriend and only had one real friend, and I was always hanging out with him (let's call him A). My senior year I made two more friends(let's call them B and C) that I still talk to and hangout with but don't feel close to. I started college and asked a girl out. She said no, and I was more depressed than usual for a week or two (she turned out to be a lesbian). Not long after that I ended up falling in love with one of my friends (B) cousins who lives with him. I told her how I felt and she turned me down, because "I'm in a committed (long... long distance ) relationship. I got extremely depressed, but hoped she would change her mind. Few days later I stayed the night with B, and he had one of his friends over. We started talking and I liked him.
So let's skip a few weeks later I'm still not over her; me, B, and his friend are hanging out at his B's house. I'd thought me and B's friend had become friends. I had talked to him, hung out with him, and told him about B's cousin. That night he said he had to use the restroom, but he snuck into her room and made out with her (possible more ). Me and B got pissed, and I got over her and stopped hanging out with him in the coming few weeks. Let's skip to near the end of my second semester of college. Bullying is not really a thing anymore, but I still have all the negative thoughts (such as feeling like everyone hates me, even my friends).
Friend A has been doing drugs since our junior year of high school, and I have finally gotten sick of it. We are no longer friends. I ask out a another girl get another no. So now halfway through my 3rd semester of college. At this point I've been depressed most my life. I get to the point where I can no longer face people and drop out. I thought about suicide a lot at this point. I didn't talk to any real life friends for about a month (only people I play games online with). I started too feel better so I got a job as a bagger at a grocery store, and started talking to B and C again. Also I made two more friends (D and E). I asked another girl out she said yes. I got my hopes up and that same day she texted saying "can we go just as friends". That one didn't bother me that bad I decided I'll try to be her friend, so I could get used to being around a girl. We only talk like one time a month outside of work (she started working there shortly after I asked her out). I decided to go back to school.
After months of talking to the school and having my financial aid guaranteed, I get a call. In short " your aid had been denied you have 3 days to pay 2000$ or you will be removed from your classes." Yes I'm pissed of at this point. I talked to the school, and they didn't help me. However my boss (who is awesome) told me how to appeal, but it would not help because I have no paper work from a therapist saying I dropped out because of depression. I got over it, and am saving up to pay for it myself. So now we are mostly caught up on my life. In November I turned 21 and another new girl started working with me (this was a little before the school called me).
At first I didn't pay much attention to her (although I did think she was beautiful ). I wish now that I was a little more outgoing around her, because I quickly started to like her. She is a full time student and working part time. Two weeks ago we were working together and a customer came through our line and was joking about what we were getting each other for Valentine's Day. We were joking with him and she started talking about wanting to eat some Mexican. So I helped the man out, and when I came in I asked her "do you want to go get some Mexican" she said "when" I said "we could go tonight" I knew she had not eaten since that morning, and I got off work at 7pm which was 2 or 3 hours after her. She told me she had plans to watch a movie with a (girl) friend, and if they did go she would text me so I wouldn't be waiting, and asked for my number.
I got off at 7 she didn't text so I thought she would be outside, but she wasn't. The next day she was off but came to talk to our boss about needing a day off. She told me she forget to text. I said "it's OK do you still want to get some Mexican sometime" she said yeah. We sent each other our schedule and decided on Friday and also to go bowling. She got really sick Thursday, and I told her if she needed to cancel it would be fine we could reschedule. So, she canceled Friday morning. I texted her Saturday just saying hey, (I was just wondering if she was ok) but she never replied. I'm still wondering if she knew I meant as a date. Sorry about going on a rant about her but it's the freshest thing on my mind right now.
I am currently trying to fix my life. I'm trying to eat less and/or health foods, trying to walk when I'm off work, and working on that lisp. My problem is I keep losing motivation, getting depressed, telling myself what a piece of I am (and much worse). I'm trying to find something I'm passionate about, and I really want a girlfriend. The girl doesn't have to be the last one I talked about, although I would really like her to be. I just want someone I can really talk to, someone I could fall in love with, and them love me. I want to be passionate about something I can have a career in. I always grow bored of everything I try.
Recently I have began thinking about a job helping people in similar situations or kids that need help, but I don't know where to start (especially since I can't escape my state of depression ). There's not really a question at the end I just wanted to get this out. Except can anyone give me advice about how to get over my depression, and what do you think of my life?