ZCR
Jul 13, 2015, 08:59 AM
I usually don't trust people. And by the time I met my ex, I'd told myself that I was done.
We'd met in the summer I entered my second year of college and he got kicked out of his because he couldn't adjust in his and didn't attend classes.
He was my biggest emotional support and I was his. I didn't understand all of him, and he, me, but this guy made me happy. He made me want to be a better person, a better child to my parents, a better writer, a better speaker. I was invested in what we had. I have always been clear about anything that was happening with me or clarifying any going down between us, and at the same time I refused to accept that him not doing the same was a deal breaker.
We have even worked together on events where we got paid and he didn't think I'd worked hard enough to warrant an equal division of the pay we received. I had worked longer hours than him making things work despite my dorm timings... He wanted the money because he had maxed out his dad's credit card - spending on some school students we were collaborating with. Well intentioned purchases but definitely not well thought out- and his parents were upset. Is this what normal people do? I don't know. I wouldn't do it to someone who I knew had worked hard. And when this happened, I was shocked.
I was disgusted by him, being this salacious, greedy . But for some reason I cannot remember now, I put it behind me. After forfeiting my share, because he had all the money anyway. He refused to reply to my messages and requests to transfer my share.
During one of these events, we and our common friends had gotten together, along with a few acquaintances. One night, I sat waiting for him alone in my room, till I broke down and went to someone else in her room. He got drunk that night and kissed a girl who was jealous of me dating him and kept asking around to confirm if we were dating/arriving/leaving together.
It took him two years before he called me his girlfriend, forget in front of anyone else. It was humiliating. It made me feel inferior.
I often catch up with friends I have in common with him. One day, I heard from such a friend that apparently someone had told our cycle of friends that he and I had broken up much earlier than we really did.
There's no smoke without fire. He's lied before. That girl he kissed in a drunken stupor? She texted me asking if he and I still had something going on, claiming that she, in fact, had been dating him since two months then.
I let this go too and that hurts me. It bites my ing because I trusted him like an idiot, and because today I feel nothing for someone who has been everything to me that my ex could never ing be.
I feel lost sometimes. I feel cheated upon. I have nightmares of my ex eloping with a friend. In those nightmares, he becomes unresponsive . Doesn't answer my calls or reply to texts. Just like in real life.
In real life, I could see he read my messages but ignored them. He chose to comment on other people's activities and all that jazz, though.
This happened as soon he left the city to start college all over again.
In my nightmares, I break down, I hold that friend by the shoulders and ask her why she had to do this to me, even though in the back of my head I realise that the fault was mostly my ex's.
In my nightmares, I broke down on the street as they went past me, calling out after him.
In real life, I cried myself out of sleep, my roommates curiously looking on, not knowing what to do or how to help
I've taken on my first job in a new city. And he continues to haunt me. Any wisdom or advice from your experience that you could offer would be great.
Thank you.
We'd met in the summer I entered my second year of college and he got kicked out of his because he couldn't adjust in his and didn't attend classes.
He was my biggest emotional support and I was his. I didn't understand all of him, and he, me, but this guy made me happy. He made me want to be a better person, a better child to my parents, a better writer, a better speaker. I was invested in what we had. I have always been clear about anything that was happening with me or clarifying any going down between us, and at the same time I refused to accept that him not doing the same was a deal breaker.
We have even worked together on events where we got paid and he didn't think I'd worked hard enough to warrant an equal division of the pay we received. I had worked longer hours than him making things work despite my dorm timings... He wanted the money because he had maxed out his dad's credit card - spending on some school students we were collaborating with. Well intentioned purchases but definitely not well thought out- and his parents were upset. Is this what normal people do? I don't know. I wouldn't do it to someone who I knew had worked hard. And when this happened, I was shocked.
I was disgusted by him, being this salacious, greedy . But for some reason I cannot remember now, I put it behind me. After forfeiting my share, because he had all the money anyway. He refused to reply to my messages and requests to transfer my share.
During one of these events, we and our common friends had gotten together, along with a few acquaintances. One night, I sat waiting for him alone in my room, till I broke down and went to someone else in her room. He got drunk that night and kissed a girl who was jealous of me dating him and kept asking around to confirm if we were dating/arriving/leaving together.
It took him two years before he called me his girlfriend, forget in front of anyone else. It was humiliating. It made me feel inferior.
I often catch up with friends I have in common with him. One day, I heard from such a friend that apparently someone had told our cycle of friends that he and I had broken up much earlier than we really did.
There's no smoke without fire. He's lied before. That girl he kissed in a drunken stupor? She texted me asking if he and I still had something going on, claiming that she, in fact, had been dating him since two months then.
I let this go too and that hurts me. It bites my ing because I trusted him like an idiot, and because today I feel nothing for someone who has been everything to me that my ex could never ing be.
I feel lost sometimes. I feel cheated upon. I have nightmares of my ex eloping with a friend. In those nightmares, he becomes unresponsive . Doesn't answer my calls or reply to texts. Just like in real life.
In real life, I could see he read my messages but ignored them. He chose to comment on other people's activities and all that jazz, though.
This happened as soon he left the city to start college all over again.
In my nightmares, I break down, I hold that friend by the shoulders and ask her why she had to do this to me, even though in the back of my head I realise that the fault was mostly my ex's.
In my nightmares, I broke down on the street as they went past me, calling out after him.
In real life, I cried myself out of sleep, my roommates curiously looking on, not knowing what to do or how to help
I've taken on my first job in a new city. And he continues to haunt me. Any wisdom or advice from your experience that you could offer would be great.
Thank you.