Hi there, this is my first post in a while, I hope you can help me. I have been with my partner for 7 yrs now and since my younger days I have been paranoid about how good looking I am to the opposite sex(I'm male)due to previous insults from females and I suffer depression. I know this may seem silly but this has always troubled me and is major to me... The story is I'm beginning to lose my hair and I was telling my partner I'm not sure I would suit a bald head and I'm really worried... What she said in response was "You have a nice enough looking face for a bald head" and I have instantly took this as kind of negative. What's bothering me is the word "enough" I feel it means your face is passable enough to pull it off but she doesn't find my face really attractive as I assumed she did. If the word "enough" wasn't used id be fine.. if she said your face is nice to pull it off I wouldn't be questioning it... I've taken it as her meaning your face is passable but not really nice in her eyes... please help I'm so confused.

Thanks
Scott

Ask her! Very many women find balding/bald men very attractive

It really sounded like a compliment to me.

Ask her! Very many women find balding/bald men very attractive

It really sounded like a compliment to me.
I did ask her and I don't think she would ever intentionally hurt me, she said it meant my face is nice enough for a shaved head I'm worried now she is protecting my feelings... I hate when my mind does this as I begin to ruminate

You are over-thinking this. You have a nice face for a bald head.

Have you received any counseling for your insecurities? If not, it might be time to consider it.

Would you have felt better if she said "no way! You would look terrible bald!"

You are over-thinking this. You have a nice face for a bald head.

Have you received any counseling for your insecurities? If not, it might be time to consider it b

Would you have felt better if she said "no way! You would look terrible bald!"
Yes I'm doing CBT just now but I feel embarrassed to talk about it as it seems immature and ironically my counsellor is male and bald.

If she had said id look terrible then yeah I would be hurt, it's just that word "enough" that confuses me i.e. taking it like - your face is passable enough but not great if you get where I'm coming from... Sorry if I seems stupid I'm quite a sensitive person

You really are overthinking this, and placing an unnecessary burden on yourself and your partner. Since this issue has been a long term issue with you, then you really need to address it better. It would seem a simple check up, and frank conversation with your doctor would be the starting place to do this and go from there.

Why have you not reached out before?

You are taking this WAY out of context. What she said was actually a compliment. We all have body parts we aren't proud of, or embarrassed about. No one is perfect. Not me, not you, or the next person to respond to your question. No one! You are who you are. Accept it and embrace it.

If you had some of the physical issues I have, you would be a recluse and never leave your bedroom. Physical attributes make us who we are in more ways than just looking pretty.

You really are overthinking this, and placing an unnecessary burden on yourself and your partner. Since this issue has been a long term issue with you, then you really need to address it better. It would seem a simple check up, and frank conversation with your doctor would be the starting place to do this and go from there.

Why have you not reached out before?
Hi there, I have reached out before to you guys a few years back but have been doing a lot better, I have spoken to my doctor and I am on Setraline to ease my anxiety, I did originally go to psychotherapy which helped. At the moment I'm doing CBT but I struggle to see him regularly due to my varying shifts at work. Speaking to you guys really helped before, I was under another user name but my email is no longer in use for that one

It's easy for me to jump in here and say what the others said. Also, be GLAD she is forthright. If she had gushed all over your comment with many protests, I'd be a thousand times more worried.

But I too have always been insecure about my looks. My husband (now ex) once asked me, ~ 35 years ago (!) if I meant my small boobs when I made some remark. I didn't let it bother me, yet managed to never forget it!

All I can do is joke. Joking about ourselves is a faster, cheaper, better cure than any CBT. Not knocking the counseling, but that's the serious side. One good thing I learned was this: a lot of insecurity is a kind of self-centeredness. Here you are, looking for affirmation, really, that a balding head isn't horrible. You care too much about yourself! Insecurity + need for affirmation = selfish and egocentric.

Oh and then there's good old practicality: do you want to keep your partner, or lose her???!!! Some things you just force yourself to put a lid on. Think about starving puppies or abused children or something instead.

And FINALLY (I can't seem to end this), just wait til you are old, totally bald (but hair sprouting out of your ears), sagging, wrinkled, weak, and forgetful. THEN wonder why she is still with you.

You are taking this WAY out of context. What she said was actually a compliment. We all have body parts we aren't proud of, or embarrassed about. No one is perfect. Not me, not you, or the next person to respond to your question. No one! You are who you are. Accept it and embrace it.

If you had some of the physical issues I have, you would be a recluse and never leave your bedroom. Physical attributes make us who we are in more ways than just looking pretty.
Those are very inspiring words thank you, I'm not a vain person I basically got teased and rejected by females in my high school years and it really affected myself esteem, I'm not an arrogant person or anything I just want to be as good as others out there

I will give you an example. I am a woman. I had breast cancer. I have no breasts because they had to be removed. Do you think this defines me? He11 no!

Men tend to lose their hair as they grow older. This doesn't define you as a man. It's a known fact. You have a choice to either accept it or let it ruin you.

Those are very inspiring words thank you, I'm not a vain person I basically got teased and rejected by females in my high school years and it really affected myself esteem, I'm not an arrogant person or anything I just want to be as good as others out there

So, your looks define you? I have no breasts, but I am still a woman.

You have a receding hairline, but you are still a man.

Yeah, I got teased in school because I was an A-cup. Heck, my own father teased me and told me to put "band aids on my mosquito bites," lol. Does that make me any less of a woman than a girl with D-cups? Absolutely not.

Our physical attributes aren't what defines us.

You are digging to create a problem that is not even there. Over-thinking silly things like this will create problems were there are none.

Thank you for responding with such clarity.

I am beyond sure that you have been encouraged to practice good behavior rather than focusing on YOU. Is not part of your overall treatment to step back and take a breath before you act or speak? It is the PRACTICING of real time behavior that acts to change your thinking.

Easy enough to be caught off guard, but that indicates more practice in that area. It's up to you to use the tools you are being taught. Acknowledge this to your partner, and promise to do better, and work on your issues a bit more, that will ease her mind, and yours too.

Keep practising good orderly direction, and behavior. Chalk this last experience up to OOPPSS! Find something more productive and satisfying to do, that ends the dwelling on this incident. Like getting some flowers for your obviously patient 7 year partner.

You just got stuck for a minute on your own crap. Happens to the best of us.

I suspect that different situations have you in the same place- taking a nosedive emotionally, and as you said, ruminating about what you perceive as a problem.

You have to stop it!

Intellectually, you know your partner after so long, as to not expect a hurtful comment over something that bothers you. For all you know, she guards her words very carefully because you act so overboard with any comment to do with how you look. My guess is, she gave you the fewest words possible in a positive way, to avoid exactly what you have described, as happening.

I think too that it wouldn't matter if she ripped off all her clothes and jumped your bones because she loves bald headed men!! Then you would think she was just feeling sorry for you and it was pity sex.

So, the problem is not her, the problem is your habit of reacting negatively to what YOU see as a negative, about yourself. No amount of compliments will convince you otherwise, so stop expecting them to.

Instead when you get that nagging feeling that a tornado is about to invade your brain and mess up your common sense and confidence, go and sit somewhere quiet, and write out your thoughts. The 'event', how it made you feel, and what you should do about it.

That last bit is the hardest, but in time, becomes a reaction, and that turns the negative nose-dive, into a positive spin, and you can accept not only a compliment, but believe it too.

Most importantly is learning to accept that the only person that can judge you, is yourself. We all have things about ourselves that we find negative, like stature, weight, eye colour, etc. No amount of tearing yourself up will change the basic facts. In your case, you may very well be balding, and because there is nothing you can do about it (something to write down while you're figuring out how to actually think about it), and you are taking a nosedive that not only depresses you, but depresses others around you.

Another thing you could try is attaching a number, like 1-10, for importance. For instance, let's say your baldness issue has had you spinning for 2 days now, so you let yourself get to the critical 10. Had you taken hold of the thoughts and feelings when they first started, and worked on them, it may have only been a 2 or a 3. In other words, you could have stopped the cycle, and moved on to more important matters.

This is called not taking yourself too seriously, building confidence and self-assurance, and changing your thinking, which in turn, changes your behavior.

You have some work to do.

I will give you an example. I am a woman. I had breast cancer. I have no breasts because they had to be removed. Do you think this defines me? He11 no!

Men tend to lose their hair as they grow older. This doesn't define you as a man. It's a known fact. You have a choice to either accept it or let it ruin you.
No of course not I do not think that defines you... I guess what I'm meaning is I want her to really like my face even with no hair and I felt she feels my face is passable "enough" arrrghhh it's that word that throws my mind


I suspect that different situations have you in the same place- taking a nosedive emotionally, and as you said, ruminating about what you perceive as a problem.

You have to stop it!

Intellectually, you know your partner after so long, as to not expect a hurtful comment over something that bothers you. For all you know, she guards her words very carefully because you act so overboard with any comment to do with how you look. My guess is, she gave you the fewest words possible in a positive way, to avoid exactly what you have described, as happening.

I think too that it wouldn't matter if she ripped off all her clothes and jumped your bones because she loves bald headed men!! Then you would think she was just feeling sorry for you and it was pity sex.

So, the problem is not her, the problem is your habit of reacting negatively to what YOU see as a negative, about yourself. No amount of compliments will convince you otherwise, so stop expecting them to.

Instead when you get that nagging feeling that a tornado is about to invade your brain and mess up your common sense and confidence, go and sit somewhere quiet, and write out your thoughts. The 'event', how it made you feel, and what you should do about it.

That last bit is the hardest, but in time, becomes a reaction, and that turns the negative nose-dive, into a positive spin, and you can accept not only a compliment, but believe it too.

Most importantly is learning to accept that the only person that can judge you, is yourself. We all have things about ourselves that we find negative, like stature, weight, eye colour, etc. No amount of tearing yourself up will change the basic facts. In your case, you may very well be balding, and because there is nothing you can do about it (something to write down while you're figuring out how to actually think about it), and you are taking a nosedive that not only depresses you, but depresses others around you.

Another thing you could try is attaching a number, like 1-10, for importance. For instance, let's say your baldness issue has had you spinning for 2 days now, so you let yourself get to the critical 10. Had you taken hold of the thoughts and feelings when they first started, and worked on them, it may have only been a 2 or a 3. In other words, you could have stopped the cycle, and moved on to more important matters.

This is called not taking yourself too seriously, building confidence and self-assurance, and changing your thinking, which in turn, changes your behavior.

You have some work to do.
I honestly thought I was making good progress and it's feels like I've been jolted back 5 years and I'm panicking... I still don't know why I'm like this and if it has been since I was a child as I cannot remember that far back I just remember high
School being awful and the opposite sex paid attention to other guys but not me
And when I tried to date them I was rejected every time

We all have to learn that we are good enough. I don't look like Katy Perry, nor do I sing as well as she does, but am pretty enough and sing well enough. I also bake cookies that are even good enough to mail to a bachelor friend and cook meals for my family that are satisfying enough. Our rescued cats are happy enough living with us that they don't try to escape out the front door every time someone opens it. Today the weather is good enough and the sun warm enough to enjoy a walk around the block.

Soon it will be time for my 3 o'clock coffee break. I'll make the coffee hot enough (but not too hot) so that, if I sip it carefully enough, it won't burn my tongue. Should I nibble on a few of my good-enough homemade cookies?

We all have to learn that we are good enough. I don't look like Katy Perry, nor do I sing as well as she does, but am pretty enough and sing well enough. I also bake cookies that are even good enough to mail to a bachelor friend and cook meals for my family that are satisfying enough. Our rescued cats are happy enough living with us that they don't try to escape out the front door every time someone opens it. Today the weather is good enough and the sun warm enough to enjoy a walk around the block.

Soon it will be time for my 3 o'clock coffee break. I'll make the coffee hot enough (but not too hot) so that, if I sip it carefully enough, it won't burn my tongue. Should I nibble on a few of my good-enough homemade cookies?
This is what I mean though it's as if she has said I'm nice enough but indirectly
Saying/not intentionally that I'm passable but not great looking in her yes is this not what she is implying?

No no no, we can't tell you what she is implying.
We are here to talk to you about how you interpret her words.
I worked hard on what I said. Now I feel sort of slighted!
Oh well, now I've dropped it, and will go feed my animals and myself.

No no no, we can't tell you what she is implying.
We are here to talk to you about how you interpret her words.
I worked hard on what I said. Now I feel sort of slighted!
Oh well, now I've dropped it, and will go feed my animals and myself.
Sorry I didn't mean to annoy you all advice on here in meaningful to me, just not good at these sort of things and the last comment made I was wondering if they meant what I asked

Scott, you are taking this so out of context. Let's switch it up, shall we? How would you feel if she said...

"Scott, I think your face is nice enough to sport a bald head."

Do you see how changing the position of the words in a sentence can make it a compliment? You are making a mountain out of a mole hill and beating yourself up over one little word.

Scott, you are taking this so out of context. Let's switch it up, shall we? How would you feel if she said...

"Scott, I think your face is nice enough to sport a bald head."

Do you see how changing the position of the words in a sentence can make it a compliment? You are making a mountain out of a mole hill and beating yourself up over one little word.
J_9 thanks for your response to all this... if she had said "Scott I think your face is nice enough to sport a bald head" then it's the same as she said but imagine she said "Scott you have a REALLY nice face to pull it off" then I wouldn't think twice... if she had even said "Scott you have a NICE face to pull it off" again I wouldn't think anything... it's because she said "NICE ENOUGH"... it's like someone asks me an opinion of a car and I say it's nice enough then I'm saying it doesn't blow me away here as some car I would say that's a really nice car or that's a beautiful car... I'm so confused please help me

You are putting too much emphasis on a simple word. Dude, it really Twyla's a compliment. I don't know how many more times I have to say that. Compliment.

She won't be around much longer if something this minor is such a big deal. Dude, you're stressing me out and I'm one of the most laid back people you will ever meet. Give it a rest already. She meant no harm.

You are putting too much emphasis on a simple word. Dude, it really Twyla's a compliment. I don't know how many more times I have to say that. Compliment.

She won't be around much longer if something this minor is such a big deal. Dude, you're stressing me out and I'm one of the most laid back people you will ever meet. Give it a rest already. She meant no harm.
I'm really sorry... I know she meant no harm... I tried to speak to her there but had a massive fall out

Of course there was a massive fallout. She gave you a compliment and you over-reacted.

You seriously need to let this go.

My intent was lost, it seems. I was just showing you that we all have little slights and hurts ALL DAY LONG, and we dust ourselves off and proceed on with the day. Sure, sometimes we mull them over when falling asleep or watching an old movie or reading an old letter, but there's an unhealthy line that you seem to have crossed. You are too full of yourself and are going to lose her if you can't put a lid on this.

Of course there was a massive fallout. She gave you a compliment and you over-reacted.

You seriously need to let this go.
We were meant to be getting married in October but I'm not fit to be with anyone I'm so full of anger, jealousy etc my grandfather was the same I'm better on my own

We were meant to be getting married in October but I'm not fit to be with anyone I'm so full of anger, jealousy etc my grandfather was the same I'm better on my own

Oh goodness. Scott, it's time to get off the pity pot and pull up your big boy panties. You are acting worse than my 13 year old son when he has his iPod taken away.

Oh goodness. Scott, it's time to get off the pity pot and pull up your big boy panties. You are acting worse than my 13 year old son when he has his iPod taken away.
I know and that's the time of my life my thoughts stem from (high school) hated my face since then

High school was how long ago? You aren't a child any longer. Time to grow up and be a man.

Put on your big boy panties. Those were little girls. I bet they would feel different now. You have to stop letting those little girls causing your depression. That is an excuse. They are an excuse.

If we all gave power to how we were treated in school we would all be committed to an institution. You need to stop using that as an excuse.

Are you tired of your own mind games yet? Is that all you have to do is diddle with your own brain? Bet you have NO FRIENDS.

Are you tired of your own mind games yet? Is that all you have to do is diddle with your own brain? Bet you have NO FRIENDS.
"Bet you have no friends" thanks for that


High school was how long ago? You aren't a child any longer. Time to grow up and be a man.

Put on your big boy panties. Those were little girls. I bet they would feel different now. You have to stop letting those little girls causing your depression. That is an excuse. They are an excuse.

If we all gave power to how we were treated in school we would all be committed to an institution. You need to stop using that as an excuse.
Thanks again J_9 you are correct about those people

"Bet you have no friends" thanks for that

What else do you expect Mr. Sensitive? You are so wrapped up in your own world you seem to have no room for the feelings of others at all. You seem unable to consider truth or logic.

What kind of work do you do? What kind of social life do you have?

If this whole thing is about YOU then lets find out about YOU, and not just what you want to tell us. Can't let go of what your girlfriend said, let me show you how easy it is to change the subject in your brain, and discuss what I want to discuss.

We were meant to be getting married in October but I'm not fit to be with anyone I'm so full of anger, jealousy etc my grandfather was the same I'm better on my own

Or you can decide you are not your grandfather and make the changes necessary to live your life instead of reliving his.

She has been with you for seven years. Seven years. If she didn't care about/love you and if she didn't like/love your looks, she wouldn't have stayed for seven years.

I highly doubt your relationship has been smooth sailing. If you have the issues you say you do with anger and jealousy, I will guess that she has put up with a lot of 'massive fallouts'. She is still there. But it isn't enough, is it? Why not?

You are looking for reassurance for the wrong thing. You want her to gush about your looks which will change. She has obviously focused on your heart and the person she knows is inside of you. The person who gives her hope for a great future together.

Do you see any part of that person? Do you want hope for a future together or do you want to live in the distant past? Not only your own but your grandfather's?

What do you really want?

What do you really want?

He wants reassurance that he is perfect. No one is perfect. No perfect life, no perfect job, no perfect looks. Some of us are large around the middle, some of us have lost body parts, some of us are failing in the hair department, and others are failing in all areas. To take the word "either" and turn it into something so serious and superficial signifies a very serious problem that needs professional help.

In one post, or more, it is blamed on girls in high school, yet the OP is so far out of high school that he has a receding hairline. In another post he blames it on his grandfather. Which is it? One or the other.

Do you think I like feeling like this ffs do me a favour and don't bother posting again I remember you from last time your so unhelpful you actually are quite rude. I have no room for feelings of others? Like you know this hmmmm don't think so... it says you're an expert on this, to me
You're an expert on how to be a t"*t go away please

You can't even answer a few simple questions, nor communicate in a reasonable manner, and its not like I am unsympathetic, but what other way can one get you off that pity pot you hold so tightly. Unless you push yourself to dig deeper you will never uncover the root of the trauma you work so hard to bury.

What are you hiding Mr. Sensitive? Maybe the others don't know we have had this conversation before about your ISSUES,

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-being-played-fool-186531.html

How long have you been in this therapy? Have you had your meds adjusted? What has your therapist taught you when you get stuck as you are now?

Are you working and what type of work do you do? Get angry often? How old are YOU? Come on guy, just answer the questions. I may be an A$$, but an honest one, and I do expect you to be as honest.

I'll give you another example.

3 years ago a new nurse who was hired at my facility asked me, at the time clock, when my baby was due. Guess what! I wasn't pregnant, I was 47 years old and unable to have children. She called me fat. Rather than taking it as an insult, I made it motivation.

Im sorry you might look good bald, but at least you weren't called fat in front of 15 of your peers. How would you have handled that?

Had to spread the love Tal. You were spot on.

He wants reassurance that he is perfect. No one is perfect. No perfect life, no perfect job, no perfect looks. Some of us are large around the middle, some of us have lost body parts, some of us are failing in the hair department, and others are failing in all areas. To take the word "either" and turn it into something so serious and superficial signifies a very serious problem that needs professional help.

In one post, or more, it is blamed on girls in high school, yet the OP is so far out of high school that he has a receding hairline. In another post he blames it on his grandfather. Which is it? One or the other.
I don't blame my grandfather I'm saying it maybe is in the genes but I don't blame him... Yes I blame how I was treated in my teenage years/experiences of other females it really affected me deeply... you say the word "either" was that a mistype not following here?

You can't even answer a few simple questions, nor communicate in a reasonable manner, and its not like I am unsympathetic, but what other way can one get you off that pity pot you hold so tightly. Unless you push yourself to dig deeper you will never uncover the root of the trauma you work so hard to bury.

What are you hiding Mr. Sensitive? Maybe the others don't know we have had this conversation before about your ISSUES,

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-being-played-fool-186531.html

How long have you been in this therapy? Have you had your meds adjusted? What has your therapist taught you when you get stuck as you are now?

Are you working and what type of work do you do? Get angry often? How old are YOU? Come on guy, just answer the questions. I may be an A$$, but an honest one, and I do expect you to be as honest.
Ok what questions do you want me to answer as I myself am very honest?

What am I hiding - Nothing, I'm being open in saying I'm insecure about my
Face

How long in therapy- pshycotherapy for 3 years, then after moved into CBT over a year now but can't see the practitioner enough due to work commitments.



Yes I'm I start a new job tomorrow as a plumber apprentice.

Your face is good enough to pull off being bald... does not imply that you are not attractive to her. If that were the case, she likely wouldn't be with you.

Some men look really great with a bald head; maybe even better then with hair in some people's opinion. Some would look fine whether they were bald or not... that sounds like what she was telling you; she would still think your face is attractive Whether you had hair or not. It's no different then some women can pull off short hair really well, while others could look nice whether short or longer.

As was pointed out, you are allowing immature people from your past, people of an age that is known for being cruel because they think it's funny or that it somehow makes them look cool in front of friends, people you likely don't even know today, determine how you feel about yourself now.

What a disservice to the girl you profess to love now! You are robbing her of the full potential of yourself all because of your adolescent pride from high school. Time to take back ownership of your self-worth and stop putting it on other people.

What type of work did you do before this new job?

What did you do after high school?

Is this girlfriend of 7 years the same one you thought was playing you?

What kind of social life do you have?

How old are you?

What type of work did you do before this new job?

What did you do after high school?

Is this girlfriend of 7 years the same one you thought was playing you?

What kind of social life do you have?

How old are you?
Worked before in a call centre

After high school went to uni

Yes same girlfriend

Social life list touch with original circle of friends from school(no fall out) now I am friendly with other guys I spend some time with when out to play pool or have a beer

Age in 30s

Is it possible you are stressing a new job, and hiding your fear of failure behind the concerns over your girlfriends comments about your face?

Are you experiencing any money issues?

Is it possible you are stressing a new job, and hiding your fear of failure behind the concerns over your girlfriends comments about your face?

Are you experiencing any money issues?
I am stressed about the new job frightened that I do not like it as it's a completely different environment. I haven't hid my fear though I have expressed my worries to friends and partner.

No money issue although new job will be a reduction in pay at first which is a concern

Yeah. I goofed. I used the word "either" instead of "enough." My bad, had a busy 18 hour shift last night and made a quick post before I closed my eyes to sleep.

Scott, as we grow older we get bigger, we become hairless, we get wrinkles... You get my point. It happens and we are powerless to stop the aging process. We can either embrace it, join the hair club for men (in my case hair club for women), or crawl under a rock and whither away.

Let me tell you a story I have told very few people.

I am a woman. I was bald at the age of 33 due to chemotherapy. I didn't wear a wig, hat, or scarf. I paraded my baldness proudly! He11, I was beating that old demon cancer and was proud of it. I lost my breasts AND my hair, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. My family and friends supported me.

One Sunday I took my 4 year old daughter to the grocery store. In the parking lot I was laughed at by 2 adult men. They laughed and made comments loud enough for others in the parking lot to take notice. I was so embarrassed! I got my girl in the car and drove home crying. After about an hour of self-pity, I realized that these men meant nothing to me. They did know my struggles and what I had to overcome. They were immature idiots. I now have very thin hair, you can see my scalp. Do I care what others think of me? No.

The moral of the story is that it doesn't matter how other people perceive you. The only thing that matters is how you perceive yourself. Are you proud of the man you are inside? Looks don't count. Are you a good person? Are you proud of your accomplishments?

Looks fade. Beauty is superficial. Some believe they are judged on how they look. Are they "put together," do they "dress to the nines," etc. You get my point. Some of those people are the most hideous people because of their actions and treatment toward others. True beauty, as silly as it sounds, comes from within you.

The first thing you need to learn is to stop giving these high school people (what, at least 12 years ago) power. They have no power over you. That was in the past, it should stay in the past. Stop using it as en excuse. I've known a boy who was abandoned by his mother in a park at 10 years of age. He became an upstanding member of society who didn't use the faults of others as his excuse for not moving forward.

You have to stop giving words so much power over you and focus on how others treat you.

In my personal experience, I've had plenty but that's another story, CBT is not at all effective for people like you. You need talk therapy. CBT isn't going to help you with your feelings and interpretation. Rather than confronting your fears and learning to work through them, CBT is more like training Pavlov's dogs. It works better for OCD than it does for clinical depression and/or anxiety.

Morning guy, yeah more questions. Just wanted to know about your families in general and if you have siblings and cousins?

I have to agree with J's point about having someone to talk to which is why most people have best friends to run things by. Often those feeling get magnified and blown out of proportion when they have no OUTLETS, or we have no way to stay grounded in reality.

Partners are great, but a trusted friend is also GREAT to have. I get the impression that you may be too isolated socially, and need more than an occasional beer with an old bud to have that sufficient outlet to see and deal with those feelings and issues that get you stuck and distracted.

I also know for FACT the medication you are taking, even in low doses should NEVER be mixed with alcohol, not even 1 social beer, or wine. You mentioned uni, so just curious of your area of study. I take it you are not in the states (USA).

Yeah. I goofed. I used the word "either" instead of "enough." My bad, had a busy 18 hour shift last night and made a quick post before I closed my eyes to sleep.

Scott, as we grow older we get bigger, we become hairless, we get wrinkles... You get my point. It happens and we are powerless to stop the aging process. We can either embrace it, join the hair club for men (in my case hair club for women), or crawl under a rock and whither away.

Let me tell you a story I have told very few people.

I am a woman. I was bald at the age of 33 due to chemotherapy. I didn't wear a wig, hat, or scarf. I paraded my baldness proudly! He11, I was beating that old demon cancer and was proud of it. I lost my breasts AND my hair, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. My family and friends supported me.

One Sunday I took my 4 year old daughter to the grocery store. In the parking lot I was laughed at by 2 adult men. They laughed and made comments loud enough for others in the parking lot to take notice. I was so embarrassed! I got my girl in the car and drove home crying. After about an hour of self-pity, I realized that these men meant nothing to me. They did know my struggles and what I had to overcome. They were immature idiots. I now have very thin hair, you can see my scalp. Do I care what others think of me? No.

The moral of the story is that it doesn't matter how other people perceive you. The only thing that matters is how you perceive yourself. Are you proud of the man you are inside? Looks don't count. Are you a good person? Are you proud of your accomplishments?

Looks fade. Beauty is superficial. Some believe they are judged on how they look. Are they "put together," do they "dress to the nines," etc. You get my point. Some of those people are the most hideous people because of their actions and treatment toward others. True beauty, as silly as it sounds, comes from within you.

The first thing you need to learn is to stop giving these high school people (what, at least 12 years ago) power. They have no power over you. That was in the past, it should stay in the past. Stop using it as en excuse. I've known a boy who was abandoned by his mother in a park at 10 years of age. He became an upstanding member of society who didn't use the faults of others as his excuse for not moving forward.

You have to stop giving words so much power over you and focus on how others treat you.

In my personal experience, I've had plenty but that's another story, CBT is not at all effective for people like you. You need talk therapy. CBT isn't going to help you with your feelings and interpretation. Rather than confronting your fears and learning to work through them, CBT is more like training Pavlov's dogs. It works better for OCD than it does for clinical depression and/or anxiety.
I did the talking therapy and yes it helped but as I finished that they then put me onto CBT it's basically evidence for vs evidence against , I don't think about those times at school when I feel or act as I do... it's automatic probably instilled in my subconscious


Morning guy, yeah more questions. Just wanted to know about your families in general and if you have siblings and cousins?

I have to agree with J's point about having someone to talk to which is why most people have best friends to run things by. Often those feeling get magnified and blown out of proportion when they have no OUTLETS, or we have no way to stay grounded in reality.

Partners are great, but a trusted friend is also GREAT to have. I get the impression that you may be too isolated socially, and need more than an occasional beer with an old bud to have that sufficient outlet to see and deal with those feelings and issues that get you stuck and distracted.

I also know for FACT the medication you are taking, even in low doses should NEVER be mixed with alcohol, not even 1 social beer, or wine. You mentioned uni, so just curious of your area of study. I take it you are not in the states (USA).
I do have trusted friends but talking to another guy about my looks isn't a comfortable conversation to have it's embarrassing... I rarely drink but the other weekend me and my partner were out with friends and one of the guys bough me a strong whiskey I knew it was too strong but felt I would insult him if I rejected it... university was long ago my biggest regret was even going