I realize my situation is hardly unique, and I loath to be melodramatic, but I find myself in a increasing state of despair. I was laid off a job I held for the better part of two decades. I've been adrfit for the most of last year. I've taken a few temp jobs. general labor, but this is no life.
-no family
-no friends
-not pets
-no associates
I even find it difficult to fill out most applications, because the ask for two references. I can barely consider one who'd know me well enough to write down.
My life has dead ended, and I lack the spine to change.
Is there really a reason to look forward to my body failing, my mind weakening, and my meaningful employment prospects dwindling?
Those who offer adivise often say that things will get better as a trite pick-me-up phrase. But does it really?
I've seen older people's lives. They usually involve plenty of isolation, and health problems.
It might get better, but in the same way that gambling might pay off. I usually rely on probabilities... not possibilities. "anything is possible" just seems to be a broad statement to ensure the person saying it will never be accused of giving bad advice.

I am assuming that you are, what, 29 or so? And, as far as I can see, you do not have a question, just a rant... so...

This may be harsh, and I am not going to say 'things will get better' mainly because that is what you expect me to say, but I would rather say get your head out from under that rock of self-loathing. Gosh, it must be tough to be so young and on the rim of the rest of your life, and no available prospects. You are working hard at it and perpetuating your theories of many 'dead ends' and that is no way to move forward.

Enough gloom and doom for you, get off your duff and get on with your life. It is all what you make it.

Easy to fall into despair when everything seems to be working against you after good times have left you. I think at some point that's rather the norm. What struck me is your statement that you don't have the spine to change, which suggests you are still holding on to the old you.

You have a choice of course, you can sit on the pity pot and moan about the great stuff you had, and lost, or grow a NEW spine, and build another GREAT life with more than you had before. I mean you spent two decades in a job and never built a life that has a least two people you can write as a reference, or no associates beyond that job?

Now to my thinking, you can see this as an opportunity to do better than what you did, or just sit alone on your pity pot, making excuses for doing NOTHING for yourself. I mean come on guy, what the heck were you doing for the last two decades besides just having a job?

I get life has knocked you down, but do you have to stay down? Not unless you want to. So do you want to wallow, or would you rather get with the struggle to get up again? It's a simple question.

Things won't get better unless you decide to make the necessary changes to make them better.

I am going to suggest that you start by talking to your doctor or a therapist. You had a major life change when you lost your "better part of two decades" job. Something like that can cause a major decline in how you perceive yourself and life. You might benefit from talking to someone face-to-face about your thoughts, feelings, and fears.

Next, stop looking at the negative side to growing older. These days there are plenty of 'older' people living exciting and fulfilling lives. They choose to Live. You can make that choice too.

To me, isolation is more of a state of mind than of being. It is very true that a person can be alone in a crowd. You have to be willing to interact with others. Are you?

What do you consider "meaningful employment prospects"? Have you considered going back to school to learn new skills or broaden the ones you already have? It would have the added benefit of opening doors to making new friends.

Do you have any hobbies or interests that you might be able to turn into self-employment?

You aren't at a dead-end unless that is how you view it. The road you were on may have ended but it branches off into other roads. Some may be paved, some may be little more than over-grown dirt paths. But they are there if you choose to see them.

Let me see, at about 40, I lost my wife (she was killed), drank to the point of losing my job, and ended up for a while, in a small trailer getting food stamps. At 50 I started my own business, at 57 I graduated from Liberty University with a 3.77 grade point average and will graduate at 59 from Liberty with a Masters Degree. (currently a 3.88 gpa)

At 59 I can run further, climb more stairs than I ever could at 35. Including married to a wonderful young lady.

If you don't have friends, that is no ones fault but your own. Start doing things, help out at a homeless kitchen, or read to people at a nursing home, **or something.

If you are just too lazy or sorry to do things, then it is no ones fault but your own. We all have 24 hours in a day, how do you use yours?

Working for 20 years is, in itself, becoming rare. Even with the best education jobs don't exist today that are 'cash for life'. Worse, the loss of such a job for 20 years probably had benefits and a pension plan, also the stuff of dreams now. The job market of 20 years ago, is not the same job market now.

I don't know what kind of work you did, but maybe it is time to go back to school, and learn something new that puts you in a better position to find work. If you consider that route, do your research first. I have known of many who have gone down the road of more/different education, only to find that at the end of it, the jobs were not as advertised.

What about starting a business of your own? I don't know what you did for 20 years, but the skills and experience you have may just put you in a good position to consider your own business?

There is also work overseas. If you have a university degree, places like S. Korea hire people to teach English. The expenses are paid and it is an opportunity to earn good money, and then even stay on if you like it. Other international jobs are available if you wanted to check this route out.

Do you have any job skills that could qualify you to teach night school, or a trade school. Even volunteer work expands your opportunities, and is something to add on a resume.

Working in a senior's home, with some new education under your belt, is also an idea. Opportunities in caring for seniors in many capacities is one area of employment that seems to be steady.

What I'm saying is, the past is gone where jobs were something you could count on for a lifetime. To work now, you have to change direction, think of things you would never have thought of, and see if something doesn't interest you. You may never have what you had, but you can check out many educational options that might just open up new doors.

I am curious as to why you say you have no friends, family, or associates (work friends I presume)? Why would you have such trouble getting 2 references after 20 years of continuous employment? It sounds like you have either lived the very lonely life of a hermit, or, something else is holding you back. Just a guess.

tickle Nah,. don't remember feeling any undue anxiety turning 30.My life was uncomplicated for the most part, and I was employed for the longest time after a bit of a bumpy start.I still see your advice as valid though whatever age..

29 yrs old... 20 years at a job...aren't they're child labor laws about hiring 9 yrs olds ?

talaniman cant really say the old times were that great. A job, enough to feed myself. No expensive vices- addiction,smoking drinking, complicated relationships. Saved a little money. About 2 yrs pay(if everything went routinely) rode the bus to work for years. Partly to save expenses, partly because others on the bus had challenges greater than mine.tried to remind myself to be thankful. Had a broken leg,. ran into a guy missing his. not good,...just not as bad as they couldve been. kinda waiting for the other shoe to drop.

cat1864 Seen a few after a few rough spots. Depression, anxiety, coping problems, brief . Just didn't want it to become another routine.one that cost me money.Lots of talking in therapy. Im tend to be quiet. when i do talk im a savant at saying the wrong thing, or being taken the wrong way. the kind of thing that repels people. often much of what i say simply gives myself fresh ammo to beat myself up.
still need to have anothers perspective.ill need another check up.
.

FrCuck probably more straight forward and honest than the therapists I've seen. maybe more applicable to me in need of a mid-life turn around thanks.

jake2008 worked in an industrial printing/warehouse type environment. That kind of backgrounds a bit far from international teacher, for now anyway. But school will probably a necessity soon, whatever other course of action I take.


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You are just 29 (:O), and should be grateful for the change this layoff has brought you as far as finding, and exploring better options, and opportunities than you had to make changes, especially in your attitude in general. Instead of waiting for the other shoe to fall, you should be looking at NEW shoes.

Life is 1% what happens to you, and 99% what you do about it. This layoff is forcing you to make changes for the better so why are you resisting?

Are you in the US of A? Doesn't matter, get your arse in a training program. You still have much to learn, so do NOT resist! DUDE, you were already stuck now you are NOT!

I am assuming that you are, what, 29 or so?
"You are just 29 (:O)"...

Nah,. that was his guess.
I was laid off a job I held for the better part of two decades.
29-20
I wasn't 9 when I started the job.
Just wanted to clarify the mistake
Point still taken though.

I got it that you are middle age, and I know despair (as most of us do). I feel it now because of chronic pain suddenly getting worse. I too am alone.
What I don't get is why you have no friends. Not even a pet.
I have friends who are mostly far flung, or still working.
But I do have a dog and cat, and they look up at me for comfort and warmth and food and touch, and they return much, much more.

I suggest a pet. Aside from Unconditional Love, you have to feed them and take them to vets, so will need to earn more money.

Do you want to end your life? Don't get pets if that's first on your mind.
I don't get all upset when people say they'd rather shuffle off this mortal coil.
But you have choices to make, and please don't make them in the wrong order.

"My life has dead ended, and I lack the spine to change" Therein is the issue. Do you want someone to change it for you? Be the master of your own fate.