Im a 36 year old guy and I'm at a bit of a loss at what to do, for the past few months things have been getting a little out of control.

I have been in constant mood swings, one week I am happy and I mean life is great, the world is great, kids are happy and then the next week I will be in a mood, something will switch in my brain and I think the whole world hates me, the wife is being mean to me, the kids hate me, I break down in tears. I'm finding it incredibly hard to hide this from the kids and the wife, so much so that this morning, my wife and I argued about something that shouldn't have made me cry but I just burst into tears and couldn't stop...

She was a little shocked and she hugged me and asked me what was wrong... I couldn't answer her because I don't know... in fact I am crying now as I type this..

She has gone out with the kids..

I cant control this anymore... I am tired..

I am trying to think of why this is happening to me, I feel like I am not a man.

There is nothing happening in my life that is traumatic or upsetting me at the moment.

When I was young my relationship with my father was rather traumatic, he had a benign tumour on his brain which make him fly into uncontrollable rages and he was very mean to me, used to threaten to kill me if I didn't finish all my food and was rather un supportive, but it wasn't his fault. I have forgiven him.

I used to hit myself to sleep at night between the ages of 9-16 because of this but I haven't done this for a good 5 years or so though so assumed I was just being a bit stupid when I did it and wasn't being tough enough to control my emotions..

Am not sure what to do and am rather embarrassed and ashamed to see my GP/doctor or talk to the wife or family about it...

If you want a reason to be embarrassed to go to a doctor... talk to one sometime. They will tell you the only reason would be to have a foreign object removed from their rectum.

Now that that thought is forever burned into your memory, consider a lot of people will go through what you are experiencing and there is no shame in seeking help from a Medical professional. And it can be treated. Depression can be caused by a number of things....and most of them you have absolutely no control over, meaning like you said, everything else can be going well in your life and still this can happen. I know a number of people with depression, all are being treated with various levels of success, You only get one life to live. Why shortchange yourself by avoiding treatment any longer.

Hard for us guys to get help when we are confronted with things we can't figure out. It makes a simple thing harder than it should be. Never be afraid to ask someone who can help you find out what you don't know, because you lose the chance to talk about it, and worse, do something about it.

The funny thing is we would never hesitate to take the wife, or kids to a doctor to solve a problem, but when it comes to us, we are afraid and embarrassed. We don't hesitate to get the brakes fixed, but we balk at getting ourselves fixed.

We don't hesitate to get a buddy to give us a hand when we need it, but we don't see the doctor as a buddy who can give us a hand. Check your ego at the door and call the doctor for an appointment, and take your wife with you. Don't make something that may be simple a big thing because you are afraid. It would be more embarrassing to let things get WORSE, so find some courage and get the deed done like everything else a guy does when he doesn't want to, but has to.

Just take the first step. Get 'er done!

It is time to address this problem, which is not unlike any other problem that needs addressed by any doctor, for any reason.

I do not see the situation you find yourself in, as something that you can afford not to take care of. Too many depend on you, and you not taking care of what it is that needs to be addressed, is affecting more than just yourself.

You offer a lot of information that a skilled professional (Psychiatrist) would be able to help you sort, understand, and deal with. That is where you should start- seek professional help with a Psychiatrist.

Looking for answers or reasons yourself only adds to the problem right now in my opinion. Going back to trauma from your childhood, at age 36, isn't going to help you better cope with what needs done, today. At least for now, the immediate concern is your mental health, and I suggest you copy your post, and bring it along to your Doctor, and find out what options are available to you, and then take full advantage of them.

It' the only way.

I think you are over-thinking this in that by dwelling on how bad it "could" be and how embarrassing it "might" be, you are cheating yourself out of what could amount to an easy treatment to get yourself back on track. Get help...stop worrying about being embarrassed as there is no reason to worry about that. Just do it and see how it goes. You obviously realize there is a problem and you want it fixed....that was the first, biggest step...Now take the next step.

Good luck to you.

I see 2 equal possibilities: one emotional from all you went through as a child, and the other medical.
I would get tested for a similar tumor first, and see a therapist second. You don't say what kind of benign tumor, or what the odds of it running in families are.

I cannot comprehend your embarrassment. Is that just when you are totally down?
Embarrassed is when your rectum starts falling out your vagina, or your penis has 3 urethras, or a man starts growing breasts.