Can't list everything that has happened to my marriage during the last 34 years, or it would be a book. Shortly after my husband and I got married, I became pregnant with our first child. During this time, my husband started staying out until 3 or 4 am and come home drunk. He would do this several times a week. He did this for about 20 years of our marriage. He traveled a lot for his job. One the way home, which was about an hour long drive, he would pick up a six pack of beer and have it finished before he got home. He was literally driving drunk in the company car, therefore putting our families future in jeopardy, if he got caught.

His family has also added lots of problems to our marriage. His mother cursed me out the day he and I got married, simply because I forgot to stop and hug her on the way out of church. My husband said nothing to her. From that point on, she has talked about me behind my back, given Christmas gifts that the kids made for her back to me, never approved of anything I have done, lied behind my back, etc. Her daughter has done the same thing over the years. My husband's brother, stood in my kitchen and told his dad that he was out at our place, f -----g his brother's wife. My husband still said nothing.

When I asked him about this, all he said was, well he is my brother. My husband is still drinking and driving. He has lied to me since the day we were married, off and on, about one thing or another. I am also pretty sure he has had many affairs. I don't know what to do. I am at wit's end. I don't know if I can't go on being in this marriage. He acts like everything is my fault. He does not like what I cook, none of my friends, none of the jobs I have had... puts me down in front of others all the time. He has told me that I have never contributed to this marriage, although I raised 3 kids, and at the time he said this, I was working 3 part time jobs, taking and running 3 kids around, taking care of my mother without any help, mowing the yard, taking care of a ranch by myself, etc... several times during our marriage, he has said that he had thought of dating my best friend, so he could get off her what he could.

I feel like throwing in the towel... I need to know that I am not crazy. Ty...

My question to you is, what took you so long to realize, and live through, all the disasters, conflicts, and family problems, over the last 34 years!

I suspect that 34 years ago, marriage was considered a life-long contract, and for many reasons. None the least of which were, there were no support services for women 34 years ago, to take advantage of. There were no women's shelters, legal help, financial help, and safe places to go until you could get back on your own feet. It was not as easy to leave a bad marriage, with kids to boot, and no solid ground once you stepped out the front door.

I do understand that, and thankfully, times have changed.

I would advise you to find out what your options are. Even start with your family doctor. Explain that you will need help and guidance to get through ending your marriage, and he will probably send you for counseling, hopefully, where any counselor will know about community resources. And he will hopefully know himself, or have experienced, the same position you have been in, with other women. Each town is different, and I hope that within your community, there are resources for women, who are in the exact spot you are in now. I can't imagine there wouldn't be.

Try starting from now. You don't have to justify anything to anybody, or keep dwelling on 34 years of misery. There will be time to reflect after you've done the work, to make your own life better, without all the baggage. I don't doubt that your life in what sounds like a loveless marriage, has been miserable, but you don't need 'grounds' any more. There is no one you need to prove anything to, to justify getting out, and getting on with your life.

Many lawyers will offer a free consultation as well. It is important for you to know the legal bottom line, of what you are entitled to, and what you can expect through spousal support, and how important a separation agreement is. If there is property involved, including cars, bank accounts, investments, etc. that is one immediate need to be knowledgeable about. If you do decide to go without first being prepared, you may not get what you are entitled to, because bank accounts can be cleared out for example.

So, be smart, and be informed. Seek as much help as you can so you will have the confidence to know you CAN make it on your own.

All the best of luck in this, the next stage of your life.

Jake2008 is being kind. I got divorced over 45 years ago with nothing standing in my way.

The flavor of your last 2 sentences suggests to me that you are venting, and have no real desire to change anything. Your kids are all adults. WHY are you still there? You haven't lived in seclusion. You know others who have left.

You need to know that you are not crazy? I think you are some sort of masochist - or something wrong. I would have made sure that I didn't get pregnant after the first child and LEFT with that child over 30 years ago.

Have your friends told you to leave many many times, and you have worn them out?

You aren't crazy at all just put up with a lot for a long time. The good news is you can change it anytime you want to.

The question is... do you want to, and how, and WHEN? He ain't changing so it's TOTALLY up to YOU.

Not crazy. Some people are just jerks. You need a new start and should start your day one soon. Maybe that's the wake up call he needs if not for your marriage then for his life.