Hello! This is the first time I'm asking for advice in this website, so here it goes. I've been in a relationship for 6 months now with my boyfriend. The thing is, I've been depressed for a few weeks now and I haven't said much about it except for one time last week when I talked about it for a bit, but he didn't say much and continued to do his work. I tried not to feel so bad about his indifference, but I couldn't. I've been trying to act normal as if I felt OK, but I constantly find myself feeling lonely when I'm with him.

Yesterday we were drinking in his apartment and I got really drunk. I don't remember anything, he woke up angry. We were supposed to meet a friend of ours and he said he didn't want to but wanted me to go because he didn't want me there. I packed my things and he got a call, his grandfather had just died. He was about to start crying, I hugged him, but he just walked away. Then he told me I was a mess last night, I threw up in his room, I was rude to him, and said I am the worst drunk he's ever dealt with, worst than his father who's always been an alcoholic. He meant the way I acted when I got drunk. I said I was sorry and he said OK with an expression of "whatever" in his face. I left.

I know he's angry because of last night so I want to give him space, but knowing that his grandfather died makes me want to be there for him. When I was about to leave he said "If I find anything of yours I'll let you know". I told him that I took all of my things to stay in my apartment for a few days, "this is not a breakup". He looked at me very serious and after a few seconds he said "ok" and went back into the apartment. I called him a few hours later and told him "About the call this morning, I want you to know I'm here for you." I asked him if he wanted to go for a walk or to the park and relax, but said no. I know he must be really sad, but at the same time I know he's angry at me and doesn't want to see me.

Now I feel horrible about last night, I feel even more depressed and pathetic, I feel horrible about his grandfather dying and not being with him. I wanted to talk about the way I've been feeling but obviously after the terrible news I'm not going to talk about it, I feel it'd be selfish to talk about it. For that I'll wait. I want to give him space for a few days, but I also want to be there for him. What should I do?

Drunks aren't usually too dependable, or reliable, when major emotional turmoil happens, such as with your boyfriend.

I'm sure your behavior convinced him of that. Why would he suddenly see you as a healthy, helpful, person, when you were a really nasty drunk the night before.

My advice to you is try to see what the main problem is here. The drinking has to stop, and you say you are depressed, the drinking probably has something to do with it. Get yourself checked out by a doctor, and start counseling, or attend AA meetings.

You have yet to learn how your behavior affects not only those around you, but your own life as well.

Getting sober is the first step.

Drunks aren't usually too dependable, or reliable, when major emotional turmoil happens, such as with your boyfriend.

I'm sure your behavior convinced him of that. Why would he suddenly see you as a healthy, helpful, person, when you were a really nasty drunk the night before.

My advice to you is try to see what the main problem is here. The drinking has to stop, and you say you are depressed, the drinking probably has something to do with it. Get yourself checked out by a doctor, and start counseling, or attend AA meetings.

You have yet to learn how your behavior affects not only those around you, but your own life as well.

Getting sober is the first step.



Thank you for the advice. The thing is I don't drink much, this was the first time it happened that I acted super rude to him and I feel terrible for it. It's not that I'm an alcoholic, and yes I know that people sometimes deny it when they have alcohol problems, but I'm sure I'm not an alcoholic. What shocked me was that I was nasty towards him in that state.

Now I just want to give him some space, but I want to be there for him after his loss.

If it happened once, he can assume, because of his father, it will happen again and again and again. Truth told, it is doubtful that this relationship can be saved, since he will always wonder when the next drunk time will happen. If it does work, it can be months and months, even longer for him to really believe.

Because guess what, drunk people tell others, it will not happen again, I am sorry, I am not really like that. So he hears now, the same as before.

If you read on here, my guess about half of the relationship problems start with the words, we were drinking, or I was drinking, or he or she was drinking. Perhaps some lessons learned for the next relationship

Give him space and let him think it over. You blew it by showing your mean drunk side so now its up to him to decide what he wants to do about it. Give it a week to see what happens. He has enough on his plate without trying to accommodate what you want from him even if your intentions are good.

You may not be an alcoholic, but you are a mean sloppy drunk when you drink, so DON'T DRINK!

Stay away.
Drop off some home cooked food at his door when you KNOW he isn't home.
Don't knock, don't call, don't even text or email, don't even write a note with the food.
Food is a pretty good apology sometimes.
I don't suppose you ran to clean up the vomit when he told you about it... even if he wanted you to leave, you should have offered.

Your work for now is on yourself, not him, grieving though he may be.
If you care about him, you will tackle your depression and you will care about yourself FIRST.