Hi. I'm 17. I'm from BD and I'm in love. This is my first:). He is the same age as me. Problem is, I'm going to bed, every night, sad... and.. crying.

We live in the same area but we don't see each other. We know each other for the past 5 years. I've accepted his proposal 2 months ago. We are going to different schools now, and even if we were in the same school, we couldn't have been close to each other because our relationship is very secret. We don't want our parents to know about us. That's why we didn't even dated once.

I don't want anything from him except his love for me and his texts. See, we connect via texts and phone calls (not so often). I'm always texting him and he's not replying that much. I'm always missing him, thinking about him, waiting for his texts. Whenever my phone rings, I'm running to it, praying for, ''Please God,let it be him''. Most of the time, it's not him.

I fell in love with him because we shared similarities. I loved to chat with him when we were simple friends, and that lead me to today. Our exam is coming up, we got to do great in it in order to get us a chance in great colleges. He is studying too, he has told me that, but, I can't study! I'm always thinking about him, waiting for his texts! He tells me to wait a bit, he'll be online in five minutes. I wait. For hours. He's not there. He has fallen asleep. Sometimes we talk so little a day (chat). He gives me a particular time to wait for him, he'll be free then, with me, but,he doesn't come back, which is happening right now. Or, he's online,chatting in a group, ignoring my texts. He doesn't even confess that he was chatting with his friends, in a group, where his first crush is having a peaceful relationship with his best friend.
I don't mind this kind of things. He hangs out with his friends, if his friend is dating his first crush, they are 'course supposed to meet.

My problem is, why doesn't he text me back? I'm doing it, I'm stopping everything, making it all about him. Why can't he do the same?
He's not even a little bit of romantic. I don't mind that too. Can't he just give me one hour of his day? Sometimes, I feel so sad that I act cold with him. Then he says sorry 'cause he knows he doesn't give me much time. He says, he loves me so much. He says it in a way, that can't be neglected and I forget that I was crying for him a while ago. I've broken up with him two times in the meantime. Just for this simple reason that he doesn't text me back. The first time, he put effort and brought me back to him. The second time, I read his posts online, he was sad, I was missing him like hell (always do) and I patched us up. I don't know what to do. I keep listening to songs 'til almost morning, read out chats,miss him so much, cry a lot. That's very rare that I'm going to bed happy and even when he's there for me, we fight, I bring us back together (no matter whose fault it was), I go to bed unhappy, but at the end of the day, I want him, I love him. I forgive him.

I know my problem is puny and I've elaborated it unnecessarily, but, please, let me know how I can get my life on the track again, and I'm sorry if there's any mistake done in making sentences above, I'm not that efficient in English;) .

Please,guide me through this.

This is what we call a very immature relationship. Unfortunately everyone needs to practice in relationships several times to become better at them. Growing up and maturing also helps.

A couple of things: Clingy obsessive type behaviors are never attractive. Instead of demanding he text you, you really should be filling up your time with more constructive type of things. Also realize that one of these times you break up with him, he's going to say to himself that you are too much drama and not take you back. Personally I think he should do that now because this isn't a positive relationship. It's basically not a relationship on any level.

You need a life besides him that makes you happy, so you can share that happiness, and not the unhappiness and unnecessary emotional drama.

You have made him your happy drug, and you have to have a quick fix all the time, and that's all that's is on your mind. Worse why is this such a secret? Man you have made this a very unhealthy relationship, because you are addicted to this first ever love, and that's poison that will surely destroy that love.

Relax and enjoy other parts of your life and explain why the big secret that keeps you from enjoying each others company? Love by text and telephone is but a tease in the first place and makes things worse, not better. I would be frustrated and unhappy too if that's all there was. Secret loves are the pits, and the worst kinds of relationships to be in.

Are your parents that strict, or what?

You've done what many teens do, even older people will sometimes, in that you have a cycle of you craving his attention to feel reassured, you don't get as much or as often as you'd like, so you push for more and it just continues.

It's not easy at first, but as the others have said, change your focus. Start spending time with family and friends, do things that you enjoy to take your mind off him so much.

Try to look at it as if this was a friend of yours having this experience. Would you tell her to just keep after him? Or would you maybe point out that it seems mostly one sided? Do you think that maybe you are invested more in the relationship than he is?

You have begged, pleaded, cried, and everything else... and you are mostly unhappy with the results. What does that tell you?

You are not the love in his life, that you believe he is in yours.

You can not have real love if you have not dated for real, and if you must keep it in secret, that means it is wrong by your culture at some level.

And he proposed ? Proposed what, certainly not marriage to a man (or boy) you don't really know well enough since you only text, not real dates.

May I ask why you are keeping this relationship secret from your parents? I can make a few guesses based on your location being in Bangladesh. However, I don't know what importance your families place on children adhering to traditions that some may feel are outdated. If they knew would they object because they do not want you to date or because of caste, religion, and/or other factors?

I can not in good conscience tell you to disobey your parents. From what you have said about keeping the relationship "very secret" I am concerned that you already are being disobedient. What are the possible consequences if your families find out about your relationship?

I agree that you need to be more involved in your life and less involved in waiting for him to contact you. It will make you stronger as an individual and as part of a couple if you can learn that you are the one who makes yourself happy. Others you interact with should enhance what you already feel. They should not be responsible for attempting to make you happy.

There is the chance that he is not as free to contact you as you are him. Have you asked him if keeping the relationship from his family is causing him to be in less contact with you? Would his friends tell his parents if they thought he was talking to you or any female his parents wouldn't approve of him seeing?

You may have known him for five years but your relationship is very new and it needs strong individuals to keep it healthy. A very healthy goal is getting into a good university and building a firm foundation for your future. Instead of clinging to the phone waiting for him, study for your exam. Show yourself and your family that you are mature enough not to allow a male to upset your chances of making a good future for yourself. If you do poorly on the test, your parents will question why and all of your secrets will come out. Do well and they might consider allowing you to date.

You have several warning signs that this is not a stable and healthy relationship. It is secret. You have broken up with him twice in less than two months. You have repeatedly 'begged' for him to stay with you. You are damaging your life to be there when he has time and enough interest to contact you. Deal with the warning signs by taking care of the issues. Be honest with your family. Stop playing the break-up/make-up game. If you break- up with him, walk away and don't look back. Stop trying to hold on if he walks away. Have more respect for yourself than to turn yourself into a doll for him to pick up or toss aside as the mood strikes him. He isn't the only one who should be busy with studying and other friends, you should be too.

Take care of yourself. No relationship you are in will succeed if you fall apart.