View Full Version : Family problems sex
Lamazing
Jan 31, 2015, 12:32 AM
My boyfriend and I were on the phone discussing the things we have done during our 4 year relationship (sexually). When suddenly his mother walks in his room, apparently she heard everything, told him she cannot believe he is her son and went crying to his father telling him everything. He is over 18 but his family are very religious people. They shouted at him a lot and are not talking to him anymore, are not letting him talk or see me anymore. They are punishing him, taking his phone away, everything away from him. We don't know what to do, he's traveling back to another country (for college, he is on a visit here, we have been distancing for a year) and he cant see me before leaving and I don't know what to do I feel so bad for him. PLEASE HELP
J_9
Jan 31, 2015, 12:38 AM
How old are the two of you?
Regardless, if he lives in their home, he abides by their rules. This includes religious rules as well.
Fr_Chuck
Jan 31, 2015, 02:48 AM
If this is America, he is 18, he could just come see you if he wanted to.
It sounds like he was not careful about talking and is now being punished.
So,he can either just disregard his parents and come see you. Or he can tet and talk to you when he returns to school
Lamazing
Jan 31, 2015, 02:54 AM
Im 17 he is 18. He lives with his parents but he is away for college he just came to visit. I can deal with him having family problems because of me. Should I end it? I love him too much to let him deal with things like that. My friends advised me to talk to his mom but I am worried of her reaction. His parents hate me so much for this. I have no idea what to do.
talaniman
Jan 31, 2015, 05:36 AM
You do nothing. You let everyone's emotional dust settle, and your guy will have to figure out how to be in touch with you. I doubt there is anything you can do that will sway his parents, but probably make it worse. They don't care about this young lust, just their son's correct upbringing, and future.
And of course having their son involved in a physical relationship that could lead to an unwanted baby, and ruin his future blows their mind, and scares the heck out of them. Of course they hate you because you corrupt their son and threaten their well laid plans for him.
So you do nothing.
Lamazing
Jan 31, 2015, 06:36 AM
How can I make them like me? Is there anything I can do?
talaniman
Jan 31, 2015, 06:43 AM
I seriously doubt a religious family that sees you as a threat to their plans will let YOU change their minds. Have you ever met them?
Has he ever met your parents?
ScottGem
Jan 31, 2015, 08:14 AM
This is between him and his family. He has to decide if your relationship is worth it or not.
As for a phone, he can get his own, but he will need to pay for it.
Lamazing
Jan 31, 2015, 10:06 AM
I met his parents once and they used to like me until that happened.. My mom likes him but my father cant stand him (or any other guy in fact). I am so worried wondering what is happening with him and his parents at the moment.
Cat1864
Jan 31, 2015, 11:29 AM
I think you might be concerned about your own family life. Is there a chance they will contact your parents and tell them what you have been up to or do they already know? If not, the chance might grow larger if you try to interfere in his family.
I think you should back off and let him handle his family. I think you should be prepared for an explosion in your own home.
Lamazing
Feb 1, 2015, 07:26 AM
She will not talk to my parents. I sent her an apology message to clear things up but she still didn't see it. How can I convince her to like me? This is so important to me
She will not talk to my parents. I sent her an apology message to clear things up but she still didn't see it. How can I convince her to like me? This is so important to me
ScottGem
Feb 1, 2015, 07:43 AM
There is nothing you can do. Their view seems to be that you corrupted their son. I don't see anything you can do to change that. Either you and their son have been sexually active or you haven't. If you have then the only thing you can do is blame their son which will not get you anywhere.
Their son has to do this. He has to convince them that you are in love and intend spend the rest of your lives together. Whether they like it or not.
talaniman
Feb 1, 2015, 07:49 AM
You are acting like a silly teen trying to fix a bad situation instead of thinking first. You have apologized, so let that be enough for now. Its really selfish to think they will take the discovery of their son having sex with you lightly and change their opinion of you.
They have already made any further contact with you by him impossible, and don't care what's important to you. What's important to them is keeping you from their son. Keep pushing and you leave them no choice but to talk with your parents to keep YOU away from their son, AND THEM.
I predict you will be ignored until you make a pest of yourself and they take more direct and forceful actions. He hasn't contacted you at all either has he? If I were you, I would do nothing until he does.
Leave his parents alone to get over their very obvious anger!!
Lamazing
Feb 1, 2015, 11:09 AM
I talked to him. He wants to keep our relationship but his parents will never aprove of me. His mother ignored the message I sent her. There seem to be no solution to the problem.
ScottGem
Feb 1, 2015, 11:28 AM
I talked to him. He wants to keep our relationship but his parents will never aprove of me. His mother ignored the message I sent her. There seem to be no solution to the problem.
I told you the solution. He needs to stand up to his parents. He is an adult and he can choose his relationships. But, until he does, you need to stay out of it.
Cat1864
Feb 1, 2015, 12:23 PM
She will not talk to my parents. I sent her an apology message to clear things up but she still didn't see it. How can I convince her to like me? This is so important to me
To clear what things up? That you are/were having sex with her son? Or are you lying and trying to tell her it was all a misunderstanding?
Do you really believe there is anything you can say that would make things better?
This may seem harsh but the two of you should have thought about this before you started playing adult games. Now it is time for you to act like the adult you want to be and step back. Give time for them to calm down.
No one knows what the future holds. Let him deal with his parents. Understand that this will take time. This is not something that is cleared up in a day or two. It may take months or years. They will never forget even if at some point they forgive and they will likely forgive him long before they forgive you. So you have the choice of waiting and being on your best most respectful behavior which includes abiding by their wishes or you can let it all go and walk away.
How would your parents react if they found out?
Lamazing
Feb 2, 2015, 07:05 AM
You are right I need to step back and wait. Thank you for your kind help everyone