Hi there,

I wanted to clarify a few points before I replied to an email from my ex husband.

We're in the UK and I left him after five years of marriage (10 years together) and he has remarried and I am happy with a new partner.

Before we married, when we moved in together, we took out a mortgage and also a loan to consolidate £10,000 debts, in both of our names.

When I left, I felt so bad about ending the relationship that I left everything behind, the house, furniture, dog, TV, white goods etc etc, and said that I would pay the £10k loan back. I realise now that this was stupid but I just wanted to get out as soon as possible as it was killing me.

I have paid what I can but I'm self employed and don't earn a huge amount. After my husband got remarried and had his first child (less than two years after I left), I got an email from him telling me that the amounts I was paying weren't covering the loan repayments and that it was only just covering the interest. He asked if I could take out a loan to pay him back in a lump sum and then pay the loan back to the bank, but I know I'm not able to get a loan as I can't even get an overdraft for my bank account.

He then sent me a spreadsheet that his "wife had made" about how much interest I owed them and how much I needed to pay in the future etc. Granted, this wound me up more than it should have done as she is living in the house that I paid for and using the TV/furniture/white goods that I bought or that my family paid for. However, I agreed to up the repayments to £120 a month if I could afford it, with the chance of trying for another loan in Summer so I could pay him back in one go.

However, money is tight and I keep getting emails from him pressuring me for repayments. I realise we had a verbal agreement but it's really starting to get me down.

How do I stand legally? I'm happy to keep paying him when I can, but part of me thinks I should deduct 8 years worth of mortgage and all the belongings from the debt. Or should I play hardball and point out that he has a house and a mortgage (which I won't be able to get in this climate) and I never signed anything to say I would pay him the £10k, I just agreed to it in an attempt to beat a hasty retreat.

Any advice before I reply to his latest email would be appreciated.

Cheers

Don't reply because anything you write can be used against you. Bad enough you made a bad verbal agreement out of desperation, so don't make it worse because he is pressuring you. Obviously he is still on the hook for this loan no matter the VERBAL agreement.

Get legal counsel instead to CYOA*. You may have better options than adding more debt on to already too much debt. What does the OFFICIAL final divorce decree specify?


*Cover Your Own Arse!!

How long ago was the divorce finalised and was the financial arrangement covered in the decree ?

Assuming the loan was in joint names then yes, you are jointly and severable liable for the debt

The divorce was finalised nearly three years ago, but there was no official financial resolution in the divorce as we applied for it ourselves. Everything has just been verbal. I told my ex-husband that he could keep the house, and he said he wanted to get his new wife settled in before he approached the mortgage provider to take my name off (presumably to establish that he could afford to pay the mortgage with her) but that still hasn't happened.

My advice, see an attorney, do not answer or even reply to any more requests. Do not pay anything else till you talk to an attorney.

1. the debt is not between you and him, it is between you and the company or bank where the loan was taken.

2. If he has been paying that loan, then it is not behind. There was no interrest agreed to , that would be paid to husband.

3. At best, in my opinion, he could sue you for 1/2 of the debt, but with that said, you may also still own 1/2 of the house, depending on what legal work you did.

He then sent me a spreadsheet that his "wife had made" about how much interest I owed them and how much I needed to pay in the future etc. Granted, this wound me up more than it should have done as she is living in the house that I paid for and using the TV/furniture/white goods that I bought or that my family paid for.

I wanted to comment specifically on this point. From a legal standpoint the fact that she is living in the house and using is immaterial to how much you owe on the 10K loan. You walked away from the marriage and from the house and its contents. So that ship has sailed.

However what I would do is make your own spreadsheet. Calculate how much the house was worth 3 years ago. Then subtract the mortgage balance 3 years ago. Divide that amount in half and that was the value you ceeded to him. Compare that to the balance on the loan. That should give you a bargaining point.

"How do I stand legally?"

Hard to say. The idea of a divorce without resolution of the financial details is utterly foreign (so to speak) to an American lawyer such as myself. So you need to consult with a solicitor and determine how best to resolve all of this.

In most places, a verbal agreement such as this may not be enforceable. But one of things a lawyer can tell you is whether it is enforceable there.

I wanted to comment specifically on this point. From a legal standpoint the fact that she is living in the house and using is immaterial to how much you owe on the 10K loan. You walked away from the marriage and from the house and its contents. So that ship has sailed.

Oh, I know that. I was just pointing out that was ironically the trigger that made me think "Hang on, why am I just paying this and putting up with all of this without actually looking at the legal standpoint of it??"

I have a friend who works in law over here in the UK but I'm not sure what her field is so I suppose I could ask her for advice. I wish there was a way to not get lawyers involved, and just sort it out between ourselves.

One thing I was wondering was, would I have been eligible for spousal support when I left? I would never have taken it as I didn't want to be one of those women who take their partners for everything they have when it's their decision to leave, but I was wondering if I had been eligible to it, if that might work as a bargaining tool with my ex-husband. Like "Look, I was reasonable, why can't you be?" I don't know. I just want him to see how good he has it. I know I'm being naïve, but still...

I can't say whether you would have been entitled to spousal support. I'm not familiar enough with UK divorce law. But you certainly were entitled to a share of what you put into the marriage. If you helped pay for the house, if you bought furnishings for the house, you should have gotten some recompense.

You don't "need" lawyers if you can reach an amicable agreement.
Look, I was reasonable, why can't you be?" This is sort of what I was getting at when I suggested determining the values of marital assets when the marriage was dissolved. Maybe the value that you walked away from is much more than the loan, and why isn't he paying a share of the loan payments?

I can't say whether you would have been entitled to spousal support. I'm not familiar enough with UK divorce law. But you certainly were entitled to a share of what you put into the marriage. If you helped pay for the house, if you bought furnishings for the house, you should have gotten some recompense.

You don't "need" lawyers if you can reach an amicable agreement. This is sort of what I was getting at when I suggested determining the values of marital assets when the marriage was dissolved. Maybe the value that you walked away from is much more than the loan, and why isn't he paying a share of the loan payments?

That's what I thought. He's not paying the loan because he said he couldn't afford the loan and the mortgage (this is before he got remarried) so I said I'd pay the loan (as it did consolidate a lot of my debt at the time we took it out) but I wasn't paying the mortgage of a house I wasn't living in until he could afford to pay it on his own/get a lodger/get a new partner etc. :(