Hi guys, this is a longish story so please bare with me.

I'm 25 (nearly 26), I have been engaged for 5 months (let's say to Terry) and we are due to be married later this year. I was with my ex (lets call him Luke) for 4 years on and off.While myself and Luke were broken up, I met my now fiancé Terry, we dated for about 6 months, but I was still madly in love with Luke so I decided to leave Terry and get back with Luke as it would have been unfair on both myself and Terry if I had continued our relationship and also considering that our relationship was fairly new at the time.

As always, Luke promised me heaven, said he'd changed all his bad ways and we even went as far as renting a place together. I found out that NOTHING had changed and if anything, Luke was worse than ever before. Our relationship became both verbally and physically abusive and I ended up calling it off.. this time FOR GOOD!

In this time, Terry contacted me and we started speaking again as mates. I have never ever in the 6 months I was with Terry had any problems with him. We never argued, he treated me like a queen and his family absolutely adored me. To cut long story short, after a while, I got back with Terry, moved in with him and then got engaged to him.

Problem is,not a single day goes by where I don't think about Luke. I know there isn't a future for me and Luke and I know that we are just one of those couples where no matter how madly in love they are, it just seem they can never work. I will never leave Terry for Luke again, not when I know I have it good 100%. I have absolutely nothing to complain about in this relationship and in fact a lot of my friends are jealous of mine and Terry's relationship.

Luke has been in touch with me twice and said he needed me back in his life even if just as friends, but I haven't replied to both his messages and I told Terry about them too.

It hurts a lot thinking about the life I had with Luke, how much I loved him and how everything went wrong. I think about him everyday but I know I am extremely lucky to have Terry. I have no intentions of getting back with Luke at all, because I know it will never work. I wasted 4 years of my life trying. I just want advise on what to do. How to get over this feeling so to speak.

I haven't spoken to Terry about this and I have no intentions of doing so because I don't want to hurt him. I love him very much and our relationship is very damn near perfect. I just need to know how to get Luke out of my mind/life for good.

Thank you :)

How long have you known the new guy? Its quite possible you didn't take enough time to mourn your last relationship and get healthy before the new one started. You don't just recover from a 4 year bad relationship ending and you probably have much baggage from it to unpack.

So do you think you jumped from one relationship to the other too fast?

I have known the new guy for two and half years now and I was also with him for about 6 months before getting back with the old guy. So I wouldn't say it's because I jumped into it too fast. I think I have just always thought I was going to end up with the old guy but things haven't panned out that way. I genuinely don't want to get back with him because I know he's bad news and I will feel sorry for any girl who he ends up with because he isn't the greatest guy out there. I know the situation, what I'm worth and what I deserve, I have never tried to lie to myself that maybe it'll work if 'I just give him one last chance' because that's what I've done in the past. I just can't figure out why I keep thinking about him and I just want him out of my life/mind for good...

I don't have him on Facebook, blocked his number, both times he's emailed me I haven't replied him, I don't speak to any of his friends or family so I don't know why I still think about him :/

Please consider that unresolved feelings broke you and the new guy up before, and though the situation is resolved, your feelings are NOT. My question becomes how much time between relationships did you actually give yourself, since you had the luxury of giving the old guy a second chance and having the new guy waiting in the wings just in case.

Not trying to rattle your chain, but we often make choices of convenience when we put a relationship above the natural healing process. This will rob us of the time to resolve all those old feelings and this is where I think you are. You are hardly alone as many of us have tried to rush the healing process to fit our own time table and we find old feelings still are distracting us from the current plan.

I don't think there is an easy way to turn off intense old feelings if there is a way at all, and time is the only way I know to resolve them properly. I respectfully submit that's what you need is TIME. They are your feelings so don't run from them, because you can't.

Coping with them takes focus and patience, often activities that distract you and change your thoughts rather than dwelling on them. Such a strategy may be a physical task that you perform when these thought enter your head. Whatever coping mechanism you use will take TIME to take hold, and you have to stick to it.

You already have evidence that the old guy was hard to let go of in the first place, and should already know its no easier now than it was before, but in time, you WILL resolve those old feelings. Sorry, no magic pills, just a lot of work on yourself for a long TIME.

I agree with others just want to add a little, Its normal to have those feelings, those love and emotions in you heart and mind, after your break ups and even when you know that its not going to work anyway. It happens with everyone. But eventually you can get over with it, when you decide and priorities, the things that are most important in you present situation and work acc. to it. The first thing you could do is start from yourself, may be you are feeling bad for Luke after all these years of togetherness. Just know that you didn't do anything wrong, you did the right thing, you made a right choice in your life, because you understood after living with Luke that its not going to work. So, don't feel guilty about it. Say to yourself that you did what was not only good for you but for Luke too. And in future He will also understand this as you understood now.
Give Him a break from yourself and give yourself a break from him, just maintain a distance, take away all the things like letters, FB, Gifts, etc, which may remind you about Luke and the past. Instead Think about your future, how its going to be with your fiancé, what he likes, plan your marriage, and all other stuffs related with you and your Fiancé.
May be plan something with your fiancé, go out and spend more time with Him. And also try to avoid all the conversation about past with your friends.
As your focus will change your time will pass, things will change, wounds will get healed. It just needs time. I hope it helps.