I've been talking to this girl for 2 months and we decided to be exclusive 3 weeks ago. 2 weeks ago I told her I loved her but I knew she would not reciprocate it just yet. It was clear I was more into her than she was into me, but I know she liked me. She has a bad past and was abused by her ex boyfriend so she is very untrusting. We did have sex a few times though and I am only the second person she has slept with. She told me she never wants to love anyone again to which I replied I couldn't marry someone who didn't love me (hypothetically). I attempted to convince her that I am here to help her. She instead told me she never wants to deal with it because she doesn't ever want to love again. My attempts to console her only aggravated her

We made plans to see each other last Saturday but she cancelled them the day after we had the argument and suggested we just meet Sunday. I asked her if anything changed between us and she said no. She came to visit on Sunday and told me that she has been thinking about our argument and says that I shouldn't waste my time with her. Says she never wants to change and that's just how she is. I told her that if she really didn't care about me then she should just say that and we can be done. So she said she guesses she doesn't care. I walked her to her car and kissed her on the head and she left.

What sucks is she is a great girl but just has this thing with her past and some serious trust issues. Other than that she is everything I want in a woman and I know we click well. She liked me but probably felt overwhelmed.

I want us to get back together and I feel I will be able to form a solid relationship by just taking it much slower. I do not think she'll contact me, so how much time before I should reach out to her? I want to tell her I apologize for being to forward/pushy but I didn't know how to handle the situation since I have never been with a girl with her past and that we should start over with a clean slate and have no expectations.

Thoughts?

I suggest giving her a bit more time, it a big step for her being in a relationship, trust issues are horrible to have, especially if you have experience. Text but not too much so that she feels like you are annoying her, but just enough to know you still care and love her. Maybe say or do everything she loved about you and take her back to when you first meet and re-act everything she loves. Trust issues take time in healing, and you think is easier not to see the person you love even if she doesn't a mit that she loves you. Don't forget people with trust issues take it out on the people you love. Just give it time.

Yes, you were too pushy. Just from the way you write, it's clear that you don't realize that relationships are millions of tiny little compromises and negotiations, waiting and thinking, understanding each other, being who you are and letting her be who she is.

Write her a LETTER on PAPER. No calls, no texts. Apologize and say that you realize what you did. Do NOT say things like she 'is everything I want in a woman' or 'I know we click well.' Do NOT say 'I feel I will be able to form a solid relationship by just taking it much slower.' Do you see the control in your words? You don't know how good you are at forming any kind of relationship with her. You can't just pronounce that you click. And what good is it to announce that she is everything you want if she doesn't want you? If you can't see the control mindset there, then give up. If you can, and can change your MINDSET as well as your actions, then send the letter in about 3 days. Some flowers might be nice too.

And no requests to talk or get together either. If she's done, she's done.

Just let her be, no writing, no texts, no phone calls. I don't know how you could have told her loved her after so short a time. You didn't think that one through. That is what scared her away, she probably wondered that too.

I agree with all answers so far.

I do think Joy nailed this though. WRITE a letter. Or, get a nice blank card, and post it, via the old fashioned post office route.

It is important for you to recognize that you want more than she is willing to give. She has made that very clear, and the distance between the two of you, is caused by you being too aggressive and sounding far more involved than she is comfortable with.

Keep a hand written note, simple. You might start with putting words on paper that reflect your acknowledgement of how you have come across inappropriately, and were not respectful enough of how she feels.

Respect and honesty. Tell her you regret how you behaved in the six weeks or so that you were dating, and regret moving too quickly and making her uncomfortable.

Suggest that should she wish to take another stab at even just being friends, you promise to honour her feelings, and act accordingly. She likely recognizes qualities and traits in you, or she wouldn't have dated you in the first place. Try to nurture those traits, and at the same time, not read anything further into it, and let her take the lead.

Good luck to you.

Yeah you screwed up by pushing before she was ready to accept you completely. I would just apologize and see if she was willing to just have fun dating again without all that trying to fix her past crap. I just hope you don't get carried away again if she doesn't want to give you that second chance, my eager beaver, pushy friend. The first 6 months are for having fun getting to know each other, not arguing dating policy or life philosophy, and you crossed the line.

Quite a lesson to learn, when to back off, and shut up. Hope you learned it and good luck.

Thanks for the replies guys! So, you really don't think I should mention how good we were? It was literally 2 text arguments over 2 days that caused her to do this. We were happy until then and she has called me "love" and told me I was "amazing."

You can do as you wish, but no one can say what will and won't work for you, but her. You have just gotten opinions, and suggestions but your actions are up to YOU.

Keep it simple, keep it real, and keep it honest.

What good to mention how good you were? If she does or does not agree, nothing you say will change that. The letter and flowers are a good idea, but no more. If she does not respond, then consider it a lesson learned and move on. In the letter suggest a low key friendship, focusing on the activities you did in the very beginning that she seemed to enjoy. If she agrees to hang out, no talk of the future, no talk about relationships, no talk about her past. Just be glad she is hanging out with you again, appreciate it, and don't worry about the future. Let her have some of the control, and don't overwhelm or crowd her and expect too much. Good luck.

Consider that anything to do with the past relationship you had with her- is over.

Bringing up the past, or reminding her of how good things were, is what is called beating a dead horse.

You want a fresh start, then start fresh. The rest is up to her any way. I would just apologize and let it go myself.

'So, you really don't think I should mention how good we were?'

You still don't get it. You are not the arbiter of this relationship. If you try to define it in the way you think it was, or even try to see it through rose colored glasses as part of a sales pitch, UGH!

You have one task, to apologize. I don't think you have what it takes to do a pure unadulterated apology. You don't understand the fine tuning of control. Your words reek of control.