I'm 13 and I just found out I'm 3 months pregnant a few weeks ago. I was wondering what's the best way to tell my mom and my boyfriend. And if possible I was also wondering if you could give me some advice

Hey mom...you know how I think I'm all grown up? Guess what? I'm not as grown up as I thought I was! And....You're gonna be a grandmommy!!!!

But seriously...you better come up with something soon because it's going to get to the point where she can figure it out on her own. You are going to need help with your pregnancy and you can't do it on your own. The baby will need pre-natal care and things that you can't provide. You will need to talk to your mother soon...the sooner the better. There is much in your life that is going to change now.

Show her your post and then you have your mom call his parents over. You and your boyfriend have a lot to talk about, don't you?

You just tell her. The boyfriend and his parents need to know as well. You are awfully young, how old is the boy?

No easy way, but to tell her. Mom can we talk... I'm pregrnant.

Better to do it sooner... she'll be upset, but they longer you wait to tell her, the more upset she is going to be. So now is the time. As was mentioned... she IS going to find out... and trust me... she will... she will be upset you thought you could hide it from her... AND be upset you are pregnant. Sooner is much better to do it than later.

Since you need medical care ( very soon) since at 13, delivering a baby, can be serious, and even dangerous. Also, some choices as for as abortion or adoption need to be made.

*** and why did you know know sooner, when you did not have any monthly cycle?

But you tell boyfriend, now, just call and tell him.

Then walk in and either tell mom, or give her a note.
There is no easy or good way, at this age.

First, you need to tell her immediately if you haven't already since posting this. If you can't bring yourself to tell her on your own, go to your school counselor and ask them to help you talk to your mom, or both your parents if your dad is in the picture.

Be prepared for your mother to (rightfully) be very upset with you. This is a time for you to have a lot of humility (meaning, be humble) and not defensive and not making ANY excuses. The response from you is, "I am very sorry I disappointed you." The WRONG responses would be anything defending the decisions that led you to become pregnant at the age of 13.

I am concerned about this boyfriend - how old is he?

I also agree that at your age, you tell mom FIRST. Then, together, you and mom tell the boyfriend and his parents. If the parents are insulting or whatever, just ignore their remarks - don't let anyone put you on the defensive. If they blame you, whatever. This is very shocking and upsetting news when your kids are so young, and let people be human. Later you can work through the upset with everyone.

You need to be under the care of a very good doctor for high risk pregnancy because, at 13, you are at considerably higher risk than a more mature woman. This doesn't mean you need to be scared that something will be wrong with your baby, but you have to be sure to get very good medical care to make sure both of you stay safe.

I would recommend that you get counseling immediately as well to help you through this experience and to help you make decisions about things like whether you want to continue attending school or if you want to homeschool for a while, and to decide whether your parents will raise the child, or you will seek an abortion (you're running out of time for that option) or whether you will place your baby for adoption. Know that raising the baby yourself isn't even a remote option at this point. The best you can hope for in that regard is if your parents agree to raise the baby and you can be involved, but you are far too young to take full responsibility. If your boyfriend has some grand plan - forget it. They always do until reality hits and the baby gets in the way of his fun.

You have some decisions to make and the person who loves you the most and will unconditionally and forever is your mom. You might cry, you might go to the pharmacy and get a pregnancy test and just show her... she will be your best ally and you need her right now. Adoption, abortion, keep the baby... lots of choices that need to be discussed very, very soon. The more you worry and stress about telling her the worse you are making it for yourself. You just have to let her know that you have been sexually active and that you are pretty sure (or that you are sure if you have had a "real" pregnancy test) that you are 3 months along. The sooner the better, then you can move forward. Dwelling on the fear won't help. She will be able to help you tell your boyfriend and/or his parents.

Don't "just show her your post" talk to her, like she's your mom who has loved you since before you were born and still does and always will.

the person who loves you the most and will unconditionally and forever is your mom. ... she will be your best ally and you need her right now.

In a normal world that would be true, but you can't be sure. You have no idea what the relationship this poor girl has with her mom or dad. That, when girls this young get pregnant, it is often a result of a dysfunctional home life. Girls turn to boys for the love and affection they miss from their parents. Another indication is the fact that a 13 yr old girl was left unsupervised to the point where she could get pregnant. While we would all like to have parents who do love us unconditionally and support us through anything, the reality is that it isn't always the case. Which makes your response here not very helpful.

To Musiclover; Despite what I said above, you still have to talk to your parents. If you are afraid of how they will react then enlist the aid of a school counselor or clergy. But it MUST be done. And soon. At 13, your body is not fully developed to endure a pregnancy. So a pregnancy represents health risks to you that make it imperative that you be under a doctor's care at least a month ago.

You don't say how you found out. That might help us advise how to approach your mother if you haven't already (and you should have). Please let us know how things are going with you. There are people who care about you.

Sorry I had to get a new account so the username is a litte different. I took first response pregnancy test I took at the beginning of the month and end of the month to make sure. For the people that asked the dad of the baby 14 going to turn 15 in two weeks

So, have you told your mom yet?

No. I'm to afraid to tell her. I don't exactly have a loving or understanding relationship with my mom

I understand that. It's hard and I'm sorry you are in this position. However, your body isn't done growing and doesn't know how to grow a baby AND a teenager. There are many risks associated with being pregnant at your age. Some can be temporary, yet some can be permanent.

If you are in school, you NEED to talk to a counselor, they can help you approach this with your mother.

Have you decided whether to keep the baby? If so, think about the situation you are in now. At your age you can't afford to have a baby. Will your mother raise it? In most areas it is too late to have an abortion. You now have to think about keeping the child or putting it up for adoption.

I know you must be very scared, but the longer you wait, the harder things will be on ALL of you.

I want to keep the baby, but its highly likely that if I keep the my mom will make me move out

DO you think she's NOT going to notice? The longer you wait, the more upset she will be because you have not been honest with her from the beginning.

You are in a stituation now that ignoring it is the worst possible thing you can do.

You have to tell her now, its only going to get harder, and its only going to get worse the longer you wait. Adults and particularly parents hate being lied to.

Not telling her is the same thing as lying to her. The best thing to do is tell her today, as was said by others, the sooner you do it, the easier its going to be for everyone. And the longer you wait, the worse it will be... and THEN it will be completely your fault because it was a choice YOU made. And that will be the hardest to live with.

If you have heard of chosing the lesser of two evils. THis is it. Now is the lesser of the evils, the worst will be when she finds out on her own...and she will, its impossible to hide forever....and if you wait until then....if you want her to throw you out....wait, you might get your wish.

Just do it now, it won't be any easier than it is today, night now. Every hour and every day that passes the lie gets worse.

Sorry, but thats reality....adults deal with it every day. You played adult games,now you have to live with adult consequences...and your choices, good or bad will effect your unborn child. Failing to tell your mother so you can get the needed prenatal care can adversely affect your unborn baby. So you see, you aren't just hurting yourself...but you are hurting your baby too.

Sorry, but there is no other way.....there is no "easy" way out of this. Its up to you how much trouble you plan on causing by not doing the more mature thing and telling her now. Kiss your teen years goodbye....you have to start acting like an adult now because you won't have a choice but be one as well as a parent too.

I'm getting ready to tell my mom right now. To smoothy; I don't want to get kicked out. And the only reason I slept my boyfriend was because... he pressured me. He say nothing bad would happen that I was to young to be pregnant. And being an idiot I believed him

I understand what you are afraid of. She will be MORE likely to do that later when she finds out on her own, than she will be now if you tell her sooner.

In reality however... if she does throw you out... while you are under 18. I'd go to the nearest police station and let them know. You never mention father... so I assume he doesn't live with you. One of them would have to take you in until you turn 18. Then all bets are off once you are.

As far as the numbnutz that got you pregnant. Please go after him for child support. Do it through the court, don't do it informally where nothing can be enforced. You will need every dime of it to raise the child. You will run up considerable medical expenses BEFORE the child is born as well. Its clear his own stupidity played a big part in this so he should not be left off the hook for the next 18+ years of child raising costs (most states its 18, its 21 in a few others). It not all on you, he shares a big part in this too. Yes they can and will make him pay. At least once he turns 18, and if he still owes money that debt never goes away until he pays you what he was ordered to pay you in full....no matter how old your child might be when he does.

How do you know all this. My mom is giving me till Sunday to find somewhere else to stay. And as for my BF he said he would help me, should I believe him.

Your boyfriend is 14 and he thought you weren't to young yo get pregnant. Your mom needs to talk to his mom. At 13 your mom cannot just kick you out. Speak with a counselor at your school.

How do you know all this. My mom is giving me till Sunday to find somewhere else to stay. And as for my BF he said he would help me, should I believe him.

We know all this because we are knowledgeable, experienced people who have dealt with these types of situations before. In this specific instance j_9 is an OB Nurse, so knows a lot about teenage pregnancies. Others of us have experience with legal issues and family issues.

Your mom does not have a legal choice here. Your parents are responsible for you until you reach 18. If they throw you out, they are still legally responsible for you and the law will force them to financially support you (though not necessarily their grandchild).

As for the boyfriend, he raped you. It doesn't matter whether you agreed to it or not. You are underage and legally cannot consent to sex. Depending on where you live he could be charged as a sex offender.

What I would do, is go to school tomorrow and talk to a school counselor. They can go over your options and provide info on where you can stay in the interim and other info. Frankly, I think it's a mistake to want to keep the child, you don't seem to have the resources to care for it. And you ned people to explain the facts to you.

I'm really sorry, you got put into this position and we will try to help as much as we can, but you need to speak to your local Family Services agency as soon as possible. And you need to be under a physician's care immediately.

My mom said I either get an abortion and stay or keep the baby a move out. and getting an abortion is out of the question. To scottgem: i don't want to put it for adoption because i dont him/her to feel like their not loved, to feel alone. i know what that feels like.

If you finally told your mom(?), that's really great. Now you need to talk to a physician. Both you and your mom and soon. VERY soon. You have to work through this one step at a time.

Why do I need to see a physician

Your mother is... not exactly what I would hope for you as a mother (the kindest thing I can say about her at the moment). Of course she is upset so she may be kinder when she calms down. You, at 13, are still very much a reflection of her parenting and her in general. Just the fact that you were so naive about pregnancy - did she think school was going to think of everything to warn you about?
SHE needs to get to work helping you work all this out, not deliver ultimatums to you.
I do understand that 3 months is pretty far along and that abortion gets harder to think about the bigger the fetus is. But you dismiss adoption as being something lacking in love, when it's just the opposite. Parents have to go through tons of screening to see if they are a good fit, not just able to support a child, which costs more than you can possibly imagine at 13. Then there's the emotional drain on YOU trying to change diapers and stay up with a crying baby while your friends are out having fun. A baby shouldn't be just someone who will love you when you didn't get much love in your own life - a baby is a needy, needy, demanding helpless little pest half the time, not an adoring unconditional loving little puppy looking up at you.



PLEASE consider adoption. There are different kinds.

You need to see a doctor to get all sorts of prenatal care and to see how healthy you are. Vitamins, etc. The baby gets all the nutrients from what you eat first and you get what's left, and you need to learn all that so that you aren't toothless and brittle boned and wrinkled and sagging by the time you're 40. And you want a healthy baby too of course.

You need prenatal care, The baby's health and growth need to be monitored, your health needs to be monitored. And what about when it's time to deliver. Did you think you can do this by yourself?

How do you know all this. My mom is giving me till Sunday to find somewhere else to stay. And as for my BF he said he would help me, should I believe him.



As the opthers posts have said... quite well, we are all older adults in my case I'm 53, you learn many, many things as you get older, in fact life is a never ending learning experience.

#1. He's 14, he doesn't know much of anything to begin with, and he either is utterly clueless (a strong possibility) or he knew very little to begin with and lied through his teeth to get what he wanted (an absolute certainty) which was in your pants.

They always say oh, yeah... I'll help, or no need to go to court..trust me, I'll do what I can, Sometimes they do, for a little while., until they get tired of handing over a huge chunck of their paycheck... (the ones actually old enough to get a real job). And they will be handing over roughly about half of their paycheck for the next 18 - 21 years, might even be on the hook for college expenses in some states. Verbal agreements can't be enforced..thats why you have the court do it. He'll pay, if he wants to or not.

You really, are better off putting it up for adoption. People that adopt babies generally are unable to have one of their own... and they would raise it as one of their own, in many cases they would never even know they were adopted. Its NOT the same as fostercare. The child WILL be loved by the adoptive parents.

If you don't at least finish high school, something you will unlikely be able to do raising a child at 13. You will be committing yourself to a life of poverty.

Also tell us what state you live in (if the US) so we can look up the law regarding your boyfriend.

Albemarle, North Carolina

To joypulv; my mom is not a kind person. She beat for every little thing. That was before I was pregnant

I sort of figured that from the way she reacted to this.
She may be talking to people right now, and getting all sorts of advice.
North Carolina does have a 'close in age exception' (Romeo and Juliet law) that protects your boyfriend from serious charges of statutory rape. It doesn't matter how willing you were to have sex, because no state in the US allows for a 13 year old to have the maturity to consent to sex. The 'age of consent' in NC is 16.
If he were 17 (4 years to the day older than you) while you were 13, he'd be in jail as soon as your mother called the police.
You do need to know the law about that, and you do need to know that your mother can't kick you out.
NOW how are we going to get her to take you to a doctor? Can you talk to the school nurse tomorrow? (Why aren't you in school right now, or are you?)

I got sick and left early

Please go talk to the school nurse tomorrow? It's her job to be helpful. She can connect you with a social worker and a clinic, and even talk to your mother. I'm sure she's done it more than a few times before.

Pregnancy hormones and stress and who knows what else? I'm so sorry.
Oh - and an idiot for a boyfriend. GRRR!
He needs to know but don't tell him alone.
You need help with that too. This is serious.

i don't want to put it for adoption because i dont him/her to feel like their not loved, to feel alone.

So instead you want the child to suffer because you can't provide for him/her? In my opinion, giving a child up for adoption is one of the greatest expressions of love and self sacrifice one can make. We have a member here who gave a child up for adoption. I'm going to ask her to comment on this thread.


Why do I need to see a physician

This is just an example of why you can't care for a child. You are clueless. Even a mature woman needs to be under a physician's care once they get pregnant. The child and you need to be monitored throughout your pregnancy. Especially at your age, because your body is not fully developed and pregnancy can be a danger to you.

Again, I really need to emphasize that you need to speak to someone of authority. Someone who can run interference between you and your mother and explain to her she can't kick you out. That she is still responsible for you. You need someone who can explain to you what options you have and that adoption can be a viable option. You may even be able to arrange an open adoption where you can still be a part of your child's life.

Please do get help not just for your sake but for the child's.

You need to see a doctor/physician to make sure you and baby are healthy. If you are past 12 weeks pregnant you cannot have an abortion. No matter what your mother says, it is against the law unless medically necessary.

At 13 years old you risk gestational diabetes, which may or not be permanent. If it is, there is the distinct possibility of giving yourself shots in the stomach several times a day. You also risk having preeclampsia, which is high blood pressure due to pregnancy. This could cause you to have seizures. Also, with your young age, there is a chance this baby could have Down's Syndrome.

Your body is not done growing and it doesn't have the resources to grown a baby. All of your body's energy will be to help you grow, not the baby.

Oh, the father will not be with you forever. As a matter of fact, if he stays with you during the pregnancy you will be lucky.

I'm sorry what down syndrome. And why did say if he stays during the pregnancy I'm lucky

Downs Syndrome = mental retardation.
Teenage boys usually split when they find out a girl is pregnant.
With DNA testing these days to determine the father of a baby, men can be held financially responsible for at least 18 years. (I happen to remember that it's impossible to think that far ahead at your age.)
We are trying to let you know how SERIOUS this is: your health, the baby's health, your future, the baby's future, the father's future.
Your mother isn't stepping in to help you, at least not today, when she's still in shock and angry.
Somehow you have to figure out a way to get along with her for the rest of the pregnancy.
PLEASE tell her that you want to find out about adoption!!
PLEASE!
She may actually try to help you.
If she won't, please tell us she won't.
And do talk to the school nurse tomorrow. Not the next day, tomorrow.

She's not going to help me she made that pretty clear

No problem, go to the school nurse as was suggested. That's kind of sad, but no excuse to do nothing. You MUST have help with this.

I will

Let us know how it goes?

Also, contact the Pregnancy Resource Center, it is right in your town. Your school counselor should be able to help you with making a connection. You can also find out about alternative schooling as a possibility during your pregnancy.

I'm sorry what down syndrome. And why did say if he stays during the pregnancy I'm lucky

I hate to sound like a broken record, but this is more evidence of how unprepared, naïve and clueless you are. I'm not trying to put you down, but get you to face the realities of your situation. At 13, it would not be expected that you would be capable of caring for a baby full time. As noted Down's Syndrome is a birth defect that is more common when the mother doesn't get proper care during pregnancy. I'm sure you have seem children with Down's Syndrome on TV. Did you ever watch Glee? The girl who plays Coach Sue's assistant has Down's Syndrome.

And really your boyfriend clearly wants to have fun, which is why he pressured you for sex. Do you really think he's ready to be a father? If he did stick by you, it would be most unusual.

While you can and should go after him for child support, until he has a job, how is he going to pay any? His parents might be forced to pay, but that's not for sure. He's looking at at least 4 years more like 8-10 before he can start giving meaningful contributions to raising your child. And what do you think you are going to do for money until then? Do you have any clue what it costs to raise a child? I can cost $10-$15K just for the costs of pre-natal care and childbirth. Then it will cost $15-$20K a year for food, clothing, medical care, etc. Where do you think this money will come from? Even if you do want to keep the child, there is a possibility Social Services will take the child anyway because you really are not fit to raise the child yourself. Better to try and make a favorable adoption.

I know trying to be helpful but you make feel like an idiot I understand all of this my mom was a single teen mom I understand all of it!

You're 13. When it comes to being a parent, sorry, but you are an idiot. All kids are, and that's what you are, a kid!

So you want to keep this baby, and the 14 year old boy that got you pregnant is going to help. Great. How? No place will hire either of you, you're both too young to work. So, how are you going to care for this baby? How are you going to pay rent, pay for diapers, formula, doctors visits, crib, stroller, car seat, clothes, and the list goes on and on.

It takes more than wanting to play mommy to take care of a baby. It takes money! So show me the money! Where's it coming from?

I know trying to be helpful but you make feel like an idiot I understand all of this my mom was a single teen mom I understand all of it!

You aren't an idiot. What you are is young, inexperienced and you think you know a lot more than you actually do. Think about it! Your mom was a teen mom, Do you think she planned for you. It sounds like your mom resents you and what you did to her life. And you don't think you aren't going to feel the same way towards your child? You really need to think this through a lot more.

Okay, I'm going to be brutally honest here, no hold barred, no sugar coating, no trying to get you to see the light by hinting at things.

Bottom line, you're 13. You may be a great babysitter, but you're not cut out to be a mom, no matter how smart you are, how kind you are, how much you want to take care of a living doll. You're just not ready. No 13 year old is.

Having said that, you're like every other 13 year old I know, and trust me, I know, I have a 12 year old and a 16 year old and once, a long time ago, I was 13. I knew everything when I was 13, until I actually grew up and realized I didn't know squat!

So, for just a second stop thinking about how you feel, and start thinking about this baby. You don't want to give it up because you want it to be loved, and cared for. Um... sorry, but love doesn't fill your belly, love doesn't put a roof over your head, love doesn't change your diapers, love doesn't pay doctor bills. Love is great, I love it. But love doesn't solve everything.

This baby doesn't know you, not yet. You don't even know enough to know you need to see a doctor for testing, and prenatal care. Love doesn't fix downs, it doesn't fix a cleft lip, it doesn't fix spina bifida (which is easily prevented with prenatal care).

It's not your fault that you don't know these things. You're 13, you're not old enough to know how to be a mom, and how to take care of a fetus growing inside of you.

You say you won't give the baby up for adoption because you know how it feels to be unloved etc. So you want a baby to suffer the same way you did? That's what this amounts to. You can't give this baby the life it deserves because of your age. You just can't. It's not possible. You're not thinking about the baby, you're thinking like a 13 year old child that wants to play with her dolly. Being a parent isn't easy, not even for adult. You're dooming yourself and worst of all, you're dooming this baby, and this baby didn't choose any of this.

Talk to a counselor about adoption. It's too late for an abortion if you're 3 months along. But keeping this baby. Sorry, but in my opinion, that's very selfish of you. Then again, I expect nothing less of a child.

To clear something up, Down's Syndrome has nothing to do with lack of prenatal care. It is a chromosomal disorder of the 21st chromosome otherwise known as Trisomy 21. Very young mothers, as well as those of advanced maternal age, risk passing this disorder on to their unborn babies. Mental retardation is associated with Down's Syndrome.

it's either going to happen or it's not. The best prenatal care can't prevent it.

Very true J9, and if I made it sound like Down's happened because of lack of prenatal care, that wasn't intentional.

But prenatal care is very important in preventing other issues that can be avoided with proper prenatal care. The fact that this OP doesn't understand that, but thinks she can be a mother to this child, is scary. Then again, she's only 13, so it's not at all alarming that she has no idea how to properly care for this baby, not while she's carrying it, and not after it's born. It's just not something a 13 year old child can handle.

No child is ready or able to properly care for a child. That's just the way it is, and I have yet to see a teen parent that breaks the mold and actually gives a child a good life once she decides to keep it.

Also want to point out, you'll be raising this baby on your own. No 14 year old boy is going to stick around and help care for a baby. There's no way he can do it any more than you can. It just won't happen. He's 14. Whatever feelings he may think he has for you, are the feelings of a child. Infatuation at best. That fades, and quickly. Once there's a screaming baby in the mix it will be even harder. So plan on raising this baby alone, and don't expect support in the way of money, at least not for many many years. He can't even get a job at his age, so there's no money for him to give you to help with the baby.

You can't sign a lease so you can't move out on your own even if you had the money to do it. You can't work because you're not legally allowed to. So how are you going to raise this child? Mommy kicked you out. So what now?

Alty, it was actually something Scott said in post #43..


As noted Down's Syndrome is a birth defect that is more common when the mother doesn't get proper care during pregnancy.

I'm willing to play good cop here. Someone has to, so as to not scare you into leaving the site.
Let's just get you to the school nurse today (it's 4 am your time and mine - I get up early in my old age). Then please let us know how it went.

I was thinking about you last night while watching TV. 3 daughters of horribly dysfunctional parents were talking. One was 11, and to me she looked 16 and sounded wiser than both her parents put together. (Not really comparing you to them, just somehow made me think of you.) You do sound very naive, but that's to be expected, and there's no blame, no shame.

Do you have any other adult family members that you could confide in as well? It's quite possible that your mom will become supportive once she has had time for the initial shock and disappointment to wear off, but if not, you will need a trusted adult to help you through all of this.

You will have many decisions to make along the way that you'll want to be able to discuss with someone that you trust to help you understand what your options might be.

As was said, first step is contact someone at school, nurse or school counselor, to help you get set up with the resource center. You will have the pregnancy confirmed there and if it is confirmed that you are indeed pregnant , they can help you get many things sorted from that point.

Please keep us posted on how things go.

I want to be VERY clear on something: Choosing adoption is the highest form of love there is for a baby sometimes. It's hard to be a mom at your age. It's even harder to let go of a child that you will grow to love as he/she grows inside of you. You have to be really strong, and really loving, to even consider adoption.

There are many kinds of adoption--the most common right now is an open adoption, where you get to have contact with your child and his/her parents as he/she grows up. That doesn't mean you become a member of their family, but it does mean that you have at least some access to your child and you can make sure that the child is okay---and you can make sure the child knows you made you choice out of LOVE, and not abandonment.

I chose adoption 22 years ago, when I was a scared, pregnant teenager. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my entire life. The absolute hardest. And it was the best thing for both the baby and for me, because she got love and care that I couldn't give her when I was too young to even really take care of myself.

Talk to your school counselor. Tell them exactly what's going on, and ask for a referral to someplace that can help you decide --by yourself--what is best for you and what is best for your baby.

It's so hard to make any steps right now--I know that. Talking to someone about it is going to make it really REAL, and that's so scary, and so hard, and honestly--I know that what you really want is for all of this to just go away. It's not going to, and you need some counseling, and you need medical attention. Your mom is not responsible for taking care of your child, but she IS responsible for taking care of you. If she can't do that, then your school counselor or school nurse can help you find someone who CAN take care of you.

Deep breaths. You can do this.

Just a few questions for you:

1) When you took the pregnancy tests, did you follow the directions carefully?

2) How long did it take for a positive to show up?

3) How are you feeling... anything going on other than a lack of periods?

To Alty: I went to the office to see the nurse but she wasn't there. Our nurse works at the elementary and middle school so she switch's from school to school each day ill ask tomorrow

No. Most of my family is in south Carolina or Delaware

Ok, real life.

You are 13, you can not legally just move out, and mom is liable for your medical bills. So, if she is kicking you out, you call Children services ( who will be involved at some point anyway) and get into a group home or a foster care.

Just living with a friend is not a real option.

A 14 year old boy can not help and even thinking that, is useless.

While not a fan of abortion, at 13, it should be considered seriously, since health issues for you, is possible,

While not a fan of abortion, at 13, it should be considered seriously, since health issues for you, is possible,

Chuck, while I do agree, if the OP's post is correct and she just found out that she's 3 months pregnant a few weeks ago, that would put her at closer to 4 months gestation. That's way past the legal 12 week limit for an abortion.

Musiclover... do have the pregnancy confirmed as, depending on the circumstances of your testing, you may be worrying unnecessarily. At 13, confirmation of a suspected pregnancy would be the first step.

Musiclover - you're a good kid.
You'd be amazed at how many 13 year olds come here with questions and just get all defensive and nasty, and have an excuse for not doing anything that's suggested.
And we are putting a LOT of weight on you.
I think I speak for a lot if not all of us that we really want the best for you and hope that this all turns out OK.

I think I speak for a lot if not all of us that we really want the best for you and hope that this all turns out OK.

Joy, is correct. If we didn't care about you and hope for the best, we wouldn't have come down as hard. It is important that this turns out well for you.

To scottgem and joypulv: I went to the school counselor today

How did it go??????? Is she nice? What did she say??????

It went fine. Yes she's nice. She talked to both me and my mom (mostly my mom) she mainly said the same thing you've been telling me. She told my mom how important it is that I have her support right now

Have you made a doctor's appointment yet?

Now you need to make an appointment to see a doctor.

Yes. We made an appointment

Good!

Is your mother calming down and accepting this to the extent that she realizes that she has to help you get the support you need, even if not from her?

My mom is still upset with me, I can't blame her. She hasn't mentioned if she's going to help me or not

But she's dropped the 'get out' I assume.

That's the problem I don't really know when I try to talk to her she doesn't answer

It's great that you're talking to someone that can help, and going to see a doctor.

As a mom myself, to a daughter that's not munch younger than you, I know I'd be upset too. Not upset at her, but upset because I'm an adult, I know what it takes to raise a child, and I know that at her age, or your age, you just can't handle it. It would break my heart because no matter what, any decision she made would be difficult, would affect her for the rest of her life. I want to spare her pain, especially at her age, and I'd want to spare the unborn child pain as well.

Abortion would be my first suggestion if you were my daughter, but like I said in another post, if you're past 3 months gestation, it's too late for that. Adoption would be my second suggestion. Keeping it would not be a suggestion at all, unless I adopted the child and raised it as my own. It just wouldn't even be an option at your age.

Sorry, but I'm being honest, and I'm sorry if I came off as harsh before. I don't sugar coat things, but I didn't really stop to think that if you're telling the truth about all of this, you're just a child, and you're dealing with a whole lot right now. I'm sorry for that.

Please continue counseling, talk to a counselor about your options. Like Synnen said, if you choose adoption, that's the ultimate sign of love. It means you love your child enough to let it have a good life, a life you can't, at 13, give it, no matter how much you want to.

Why would I lie about something like this

You may have missed the questions that I had asked of you on an earlier post:

1) When you took the pregnancy tests... how long did it take before you saw a positive result?

2) How have you been feeling, and have you missed your periods or have they just been a bit irregular?

3) What pregnancy test did you use?



"Why would I lie about something like this" This is what you took from Alty's post?

Are you sure you're pregnant?

Yes I'm sure. To doulaLC: it take 3 minutes. I missed my period 3 or 4 months. I used first response

How far along you are will be confirmed soon enough.

I want to talk about your mother. She had you when she was too young. Motherhood robbed her of her fun and friends and learning and getting out in the world. She loved you, but she too believed it was all about an adorable loving little bundle of joy, not the reality of years and years of being tied to care of a baby, a toddler, a child, a teen, is a cold hard reality for a single young mother. She couldn't even meet nice men very easily - most of them run when they hear a woman has a child already. She loves you but resents you because of what SHE did, not because you are a horrible kid. She wanted you to not have to go through what she went through! She's all torn up inside.

Maybe if you talk to her about adoption she will melt a little.

I'll try. Thank you joypulv

Honey--Please don't let anyone PUSH you into adoption.

I know it's hard to raise a kid, and virtually impossible at your age--but God as my witness, you need seriously counseling before you make ANY choices. I went into adoption with eyes wide open, and it was still SO HARD. As hard, in its own way, as being a parent. So--take your time with a decision.

Do I think adoption is a good option for you? Absolutely. Do I think I (or anyone else) can tell you what the BEST thing for you is? Nope. Only YOU will know that.

People keep throwing adoption at you, but don't let them push you into it. Do some research. Talk to a counselor. Figure out what YOU want.

No matter what you do, it will be hard. There is no easy choice, and no choice--regardless your age--is any easier than another choice. They are ALL hard things to live with.

Talk to your doctor, talk to your counselor, tell your mother you love her and respect her for HER choices, and hopefully she'll come around to support YOU.

We're here to talk to. We don't want to judge you, and we don't want to tell you what to do (RIGHT, guys?). We just want you to have a safe place to talk and get help. We want you to do what's best for you--we CARE about you, even though we don't know you in person. Just take care of yourself, okay?

While I completely agree with you Synnen, 100%, I do have to be the devil's advocate.

If the OP doesn't choose adoption, and chooses to keep this baby, let's give her some tips on how to achieve being a mother at 13, kicked out of her house (according to her and her relationship with her mother), when there's really no way at all for her to do this.

I agree that we're here to talk, we're here to help. I do care about this child, and her unborn baby. But I'm being realistic.

My son is 16, he is now old enough to get a crap job for minimum wage at starter businesses (we're talking retail, fast food etc.) in our area. Even if he worked full time 40 hours a week, he wouldn't have enough to pay rent on a crappy apartment. Food, a car, insurance, clothing, etc. etc, not an option with that pay. That's without a baby!

So let's be real here. The OP is 13. McDonald's in my town hires at 13. They're the only ones. They don't hire full time for that age, because 13 year olds are still in school, and have to be in school until they're 17 (that's when they're legally old enough to drop out where I live). At 17, they're eligible for the same crap minimum wage jobs my son can get. Not enough to live on. Not even close!

Now, I realize that the OP likely doesn't live in Canada. So let's assume that she's in the US (the minimum wage in Canada is over $10/hr, it's much much less in the US). Where can she find work that will pay enough so she can not only get an apartment (she's 13, and legally can't sign a lease, unless that law doesn't matter where she lives ) but afford that apartment, medical costs, baby formula, a crib, diapers, clothing, the hospital costs (if she's in the US can be $12,000 plus), stroller, food, insurance, etc. etc. etc. and everything else when it comes to the cost of having a baby.

So ya, I'm willing to talk about this, I'm more than willing. But I have to say, I have yet to see an 18 year old (a legal adult) that didn't struggle with being a single parent. How is a 13 year old, someone that can't even get a job, can't sign a lease for an apartment, whose mother is kicking her out, going to raise a child?

I'm all for it being the OP's choice. All for it. But I'd like to hear how the OP plans on making her choice a reality. Because it doesn't add up. No way a 13 year old can raise this child unless mommy or daddy do it for her!

I didn't realize how much work and money it would take. I guess my only option is to get an adoption

Not "get" an adoption but put the child up for adoption. I agree with Synnen however. While I think that would be your best option you need to speak with counselors about what would be best for you. I think you will come to the same conclusion, but it will be an informed decision on your part which will make you feel better for it.

I didn't realize how much work and money it would take

Babies take a lot of work. They don't love you unconditionally. They don't love you, they don't know how. They are up for feedings every 3 hours, diaper changes. What if they are sick?

Costs. Let's get into that.

1) Diapers are at least $20 a pop, and you might need 2 or 3 bags a week. Diaper wipes are expensive too.

2) Formula. Just in case you can't breastfeed, formula can be a couple hundred dollars a month.

3) Clothes. They can grow out of their clothes monthly or even weekly. Clothes are expensive.

I could go on and on with the expenses. It's really too much for a 13 year old to handle unless your mother has enough money to cover these expenses. The father of the baby is only 14 years old, so he can't get a job to help pay for the baby. It can cost up to, or more than, a quarter of a million dollars to raise a child from birth to the age of 18, and that's not including college. http://money.cnn.com/2014/08/18/pf/child-cost/

In the long run, what we are concerned about right now is your health. At your age there are so many things that can go wrong that could be temporary, or even permanent for both you and the baby.

It's a shame that at 13 tender years of age you are having to make such life altering decisions. But this is what happens when you pretend to be an adult before you are ready to be an adult.

A 13 year old won't make any decisions, the adults will, and the other half of this equations has yet to be told. The father of this child, and his family.

Please post back when you have gone to the doctor's and have had the pregnancy confirmed. All of your decisions will take place after confirmation has been made.

Are you planning on telling the kid who is the dad? He and his family need to know.

A 13 year old won't make any decisions, the adults will, Unfortunately, that is incorrect as she is considered an emancipated minor due to her pregnancy. It doesn't matter if she is 3, 13, or 30. When it comes to pregnancy the pregnant person makes the decisions that may affect the pregnancy. A parent cannot force an abortion, nor can they force an adoption.

Now, if she were pregnant and had gallbladder issues, for example, her parents can make the decision as to whether she has surgery as it is unrelated to the pregnancy.

No offense to all of you. I know you are trying to help.

But you're NOT.

All you're doing is scare-mongering (even if it IS fact) and pushing toward adoption. I've been there, and while you guys are trying to help by pointing out the costs, all you're doing is making it less of a choice than an inevitability.

That's not fair to musiclover. At all.

I'm pretty sure everyone understands that babies are hard, they're a lot of money, and that it's next to impossible for a teenager to raise one without a LOT of help. While I know there are stupid people out there, most people DO understand that.

What NO ONE---I don't care if you're 14 or 40--understands until it actually happens is what the MENTAL and EMOTIONAL side of having kids is. I went into adoption with my eyes open, with it being 100% MY choice (I even fought my family on it) and it still has just about destroyed me some days. I've suffered from depression and anxiety---and unexplained infertility--because of it. It's affected how I see myself, and it really affected my relationships with others for a very long time. And this was with NO COERCION. I'm now a mom of a child I desperately wanted, and no matter what people told me about having kids--I didn't GET it until I had one of my own. Toddlers are a$$holes, and I totally didn't understand the kind of self-centeredness that comes with that. I love my son madly, but sometimes I think I lost my mind when I became a parent.

If you guys were a parent or friend or family member telling musiclover all of this, I would accuse you of coercion. While finances should be considered, and ability to parent, and mental and emotional health of the mother--none of these has more weight than any other. Her ability to DEAL with her choice, mentally and emotionally is AS IMPORTANT as her finances. I know you all, so I know that you all have hearts in the right place and that you are trying to help. But continuing to tell her that there's no way she can parent, and that she'll fail, and that she needs to think of how she'll do this--it's probably just stressing her out more, and it's probably not helping her much. She KNOWS all of that stuff, to the extent that she CAN know it.

What would be a lot more helpful right now would be links to resources to help her make her choice---adoption counselors, adoption agencies, someone who can tell her what resources would be available if she chooses to parent, and what legal steps she needs to take with the baby's father, regardless her choice (he has to agree to the adoption too, after all). THOSE things would be helpful. Telling her that she's too young to parent and that she has no resources is just --well, in a way it's bullying her into adoption. If she doesn't choose it herself, knowing her own heart and reasons, she's more likely to have issues with depression, anger, hurt, and self-hurt, up to and including suicide. And with her resources, she's not going to have a weekly session with a therapist to help her deal with her feelings, now is she?

Please, back off on pushing her into adoption and give her resources if you want to help.

PS--it's not "getting an adoption" and it's not "giving the baby up" or "putting the child up" for adoption. It's called "placing the child for adoption". You are PLACING the child into the arms of parents that will love him/her. In many cases, you're choosing those parents yourself. Making an adoption placement is a more apt and loving term than just "putting up", "getting" or "giving up".

PPS--Musiclover--if there is a Planned Parenthood near you, they will have access to a LOT of resources for you, and there will be someone there who will LISTEN to you, and help you decide what you want to do. Please seek them out--they aren't just for abortions and birth control, they're for planning families. They are not an adoption service, but there is generally someone on staff that knows how to talk to you about your choices in a non-judgmental way.

Synnen said
Her ability to DEAL with her choice, mentally and emotionally is AS IMPORTANT as her finances.

I totally agree with this. My problem is, just as I don't believe she can cope with the financial responsibility, I don't believe she will be able to cope with the mental and emotional challenges of raising the child as a 13 yr old. But I don't know that for a fact, so I wholeheartedly endorse seeking counseling.

But there is another aspect I'm also considering. I'm thinking of the child. I suspect, from the mother's reaction, that her mother resents her daughter. And that resentment has worked to produce another pregnant teen. I would rather see that child raised in a loving home that can afford to give the child the care it deserves. Care I don't feel the OP can give. The child certainly shouldn't be in a home where it will be resented.

Synnen, I hear you and I understand you. This is coming from a wife of a man who has been adopted. All but one of his siblings are adoptees.

If you read back, the OP has lived a life of abuse in one form or another. Her mother was a teen mom. And the cycle continues. If the OP can't afford the child in question, can her mother?

Yes, it is a matter of finances. Adoption is hard, there is no doubt about the fact that it is the hardest choice a woman can make, and it is usually made of love and respect for the child. At 15 my SIL placed a child for adoption. That child would now be 25. She doesn't regret the choice she made because that child now has a life my SIL couldn't provide.

I have a 13 year old. I know that he could not provide for a child and, at the age of 50 myself, I would be resentful should I have to raise the child. There are more things at play here than whether the OP can raise the baby. Can the mother handle it physically, mentally or financially? Because, it will be her mother who raises this baby.

I understand what all of you are saying. I DO.

I just know that if she doesn't make the decision ON HER OWN, then she WILL regret it--she won't have ownership of the decision and can blame others for pushing her into it. I don't regret choosing adoption, regardless how hard it was, both at the time and the lasting effects.

She does have to consider how she will take care of the baby. She has to consider her home life, and how much help she'll get from the father. She has to consider how she will finish school, and how she will get ahead in life, and how it will affect her family and affect the baby's father's family. She has to consider how she'll find and afford child care while she goes to school. She has to consider clothing, diapers, midnight feedings and how horribly expensive formula can be.

She also has to consider missing her first child's first words, first time crawling, and first smile. She has to consider that she'll be busy studying for her SATs at the same time her first child is entering kindergarten. She has to consider HOW HARD it is to hear your child call someone else "mama". She has to consider missing the first tooth, and the first Christmas, and the first time her child screeches with laughter.

I'm sorry--but the emotional anguish of those things equals the heartache of wishing you could give your child a better life. And if you don't make the choice yourself, knowing ALL of your options, and considering ALL of the consequences, then you become one of the women that regrets, bitterly, whatever choice you do make.

I'm not trying to push her into parenting. I'm trying to point out that she NEEDS to see ALL of her options, and weigh them herself, before making her choice.

I agree with what you are trying to say. There is no doubt about it that she needs to make the choice. However, at 13, she is not capable of truly understanding the depths of the decisions she makes now. Heck, she made a thread asking about baby names and that is the least of her worries right now.

At 13 a baby is cute and cuddly and provides unconditional love. She needs to see the reality. The reality is that pregnancy can put her at risk for a high number of illnesses, some temporary, others permanent. She says that she is abused now, and that is what she learned is the norm. Should this baby be placed at risk for abuse?

You were 17, she is 13. There is a vast difference in maturity in those short 4 years. I speak from experience and have a 13 year old at home, as well as a 20 year old. This child is in no way prepared to raise a child as she is just a child herself. She won't be raising it, her mother will.

You are right Synnen, so many complex issues requires full resources to the right professionals, and help, probably for both the teen, and her mom.

Health Centers - North Carolina - Planned Parenthood (http://www.plannedparenthood.org/en/health-center/NC/)

And as Doula C. suggested already, "Pregnancy Resource Center, it is right in your town".

(A caveat regarding the right to keep a baby, there are babies taken from their mothers every year, usually because of blood tests showing drug use. But also mental illness, especially when it involves risky behavior. Also she is not automatically emancipated because she has a child, and in NC, can't even leave her mother's home without permission of the court.)

I think we are talking to our 13 year old much too soon, or at least in too much detail. She has enough to deal with right now. My aim is to keep her here for at least a good while longer, and not barrage her too much.

She has already been 'barraged' too much. I think she should be left to contemplate and not be bombarded with more urges to see a doctor, etc. I think she already has the idea.

Where to start?

Synnen, I totally agree with you. I've never given a baby up for adoption. I did lose a baby to a miscarriage, and to this day I'm suffering because of it. I can only imagine how much worse it would be had the baby lived and I weren't allowed (for some reason) to be its mother. Then again, I was in my 30's at that time, and completely prepared to have another child (that baby would have been my 3rd).

The thing is, this child is 13. She's a child. I have 12 year old and a 16 year old. Neither one of them are equipped to decide which courses to take at school, much less deciding what they should do with an unplanned pregnancy.

At 13 the idea of being a mother is very much like having a living doll. What a 13 year old doesn't, and can't, understand, is how hard it is. They have no experience to base this on. They can't think of everything that is needed to be a parent. It's not because they're not smart enough, it's that they're too young. They don't have the life experience, or the knowledge, to really know what being a parent entails. To them being a parent means grounding someone, or taking their phone away, maybe driving the kid to school. The rest just gets dealt with without them realizing how. A baby is the most selfish creature on earth. It requires 24/7 care. It's not like a doll. You can't just put it away when you don't want to play anymore.

I don't want to barrage this child either, I really don't. But let's be realistic here. If she's already over 3 months along, closer to 4, then she has 5 more months to decide what to do with this pregnancy. That may seem like a lifetime to a child, but it's nothing! Whatever this child plans to do, she needs to start figuring it out soon, very soon. If she's going to keep this baby she has to (according to her and the fact that her mother will kick her out) find a place to live, find a way to get all the supplies she needs for the baby, find a way to be able to provide for this baby, all in 5 months. Babies aren't cheap, and they're not easy either. She needs to know what she needs for this baby, how much things will cost. Add to that a 13 year old mother that legally can't work, and is on her own, well, she needs to consider that. It's hard because she's 13, but sugar coating things isn't going to help her. She has 5 months!

If she does choose adoption, she also needs to deal with that. Counseling is definitely a must, she also, no matter what she chooses, need prenatal care. No matter what, unless she miscarries, this baby is coming. Abortion is off the table based on how far along the OP says she is. So it's adoption, or keep the baby. Those are the options that are left, and just because she's 13, doesn't mean she can ignore what's going on. She has to start making decisions, even though she's really not equipped, at her age, to do so.

Bottom line, I get that this is emotional, and I feel horrible that a child this young is in this position. Having said that, she has no idea how much it's going to cost to raise a baby, she has no idea where she's going to live if she keeps this baby, she doesn't know that she needs prenatal care. Someone has to tell her these things, she needs to know them! Obviously her mother isn't stepping up to the plate, so someone has to.

She's 13! Everyone needs to keep that in mind, because like it or not, it is relevant, and no Tickle, I really don't think she does have the idea. I think she's just like my kids. When I tell them to do something, and they don't want a lecture, they tell me they did it so I get off their back "did you talk to your teacher about your assignment? Ya mom, I did". No they didn't! They just don't more nagging. They're kids! This is a kid! We can talk until we're blue in the face and at the end of the day, if she learned one thing we said, that's great. But no, she doesn't even know half of it, even though we've all told her, and no matter how much more we talk, she still won't fully understand, because she's a child.

So you, let's let her contemplate. Hopefully it doesn't take her 5 months to do her contemplating.

What she really needs is to follow the advice to get counseling, to go to a planned parenthood, or another agency, and get face to face advice. She needs someone to take her hand, take her to where she needs to go, and show her her options, talk them through, see what's available for her for either choice that's available. She needs more than anyone on this site can offer her.

Alty is right, at her age she has no idea what to even contemplate.
Young lady, you need counseling, professionals to help you in all of this.

But--that's what I've been saying! She needs counseling to help HER decide what is right, based on HER circumstances and emotional stability. SHE HAS TO BE THE ONE TO DECIDE.

If she is pushed, at all, in any direction--there will be bitterness.

I'm sorry. We all know how hard it is to parent, but it is EQUALLY hard to choose adoption and live with it. Even if she IS 13, and even if she IS a child, and even if it IS expensive and even if it IS her mother that will be handling a lot--she still has to decide, with the facts she has and counseling, what is best for HER.

Regardless what all of us think is best.

In this particular case counseling is imperative for not only the child, but her mother as well.

Have to spread the rep, J9, but I agree. Completely.

Of course, I think that the family of anyone in the adoption triad should get a little counseling to understand it, but in this case it's particularly imperative.

I went to the doctor a couple of days ago ( I'm sorry my memory is really bad right now, I have no idea why) the results for the pregnancy test were positive. And my mom is being a little supportive now but still upset and disappointed. I'm sorry I didn't tell earlier I've been busy with my school work.

That's good news and bad news. More good then bad. It would be better if you weren't pregnant. But at least you are getting care for you and the baby. And its good news that your mom is coming around.

Have you discussed getting counseling?

I'm really afraid to ask because your probably going put me down but. Counseling for what?

To help you deal with a hard time in your life.

Again... contact the pregnancy resource center in Albemarle.

I'm not going to put you down but you need to review previous posts in this thread. There are several that discuss counseling to help you deal with the decisions you will have to make soon. To help you and your mother repair your relationship. And so on.

The reason your memory is really bad right now is called "pregnancy brain". I don't know if studies have been done, but a lot of pregnant women have memory issues when pregnant.

I'm glad you're seeing a doctor. Please keep us posted--it's good that you're concentrating on school! We just want to be able to help you if we can. Even if we're just a place to talk to for you.

I can't stress enough that you should look into counseling to help you with this.

You have a lot of decisions to make, in a short amount of time.

I'm so happy that you went to see your doctor, and that you're getting the proper care for you, and for the baby growing inside of you.

I'm also so happy that your mom seems to be coming around. Give her time. It's a lot to deal with finding out that your 13 year old child is pregnant. She's having just as hard a time as you.

Post whatever you want on this thread. We're here to support you. It may not always seem like that's what we're doing, because we also want what's best for you, and our advice reflects that. Sadly that advice is not always easy to understand or accept, especially when you're young. It's also not always easy to write something in a nice way. The written word is the worst form of communication out there! You can't hear our tone of voice, or see our face, and because of that, things that aren't meant to hurt you, sometimes come off that way. It's a hard way to communicate.

Please do look into counseling, go to planned parenthood discuss your options with them, and they'll hook you up with a counselor to help you decide what you'll do once this baby is born. I would suggest that your mom get counseling as well, because your decision can affect her as well.

For now, eat healthy, take your prenatal vitamins, continue to see your doctor, continue talking to your mom about all of this, and continue posting here.

We really are all on your side, and your baby's side too. We only want the best for both of you.

I've been talking to my mom about what I should do and I decided to raise the baby. With my moms help

That's your choice, but I still think you need to get professional counseling before making such a life altering decision. You do realize that your childhood now ends. The baby will come first in everything. You won't be able to hang out with your friends because you will need to care for the baby. Between school and caring for the baby, you will have almost no time for yourself. Even with mom's help. Mom has her own life, she has to work and may need to get an extra job to help pay for the baby. As soon as you are old enough you will need to get a job, further cutting into your personal time. Your mom went through this, what was her experience?

I hope you realize what you are in for. Your childhood is pretty much over, your mom's life is going to change also. She will now have two kids to raise as at your age you are not capable of raising a child.
I wish you and the baby well.

Life will be tough, no matter what decision you make, but it's a good sign that you, and your mom, are talking, and that's a good start and there is hope for you all through the very challenging times ahead. For sure your mom has already walked in your shoes, and maybe that will help you both.

To j_9: you were right when you said I would be lucky if my boy friend stayed during the pregnancy the dumped me when I told him. But I guess it doesn't make a difference if he's here or not

Personally as a parent I would want to talk to his parents and let them know what is going on. They need to know. At least have a talk with him about sex and responsibility.

I've seen it happen too many times. The boys never stick around. They just move on to get the next girl pregnant.

You ou have a very long hard road ahead of you. I suggest you check your local hospitals, YMCA's, and counseling centers to see if any of them provide parenting classes. Babies are cute, but they are a lot of work. They keep you up all night. Depend on you for everything. Being a mother is, by far, the hardest thing I ever did and I was 22 and married when I had my first baby.

I just don't think you can possibly understand what is in store for you.
Being a child yourself, you can't give this new child any more than you were given. Giving the baby up for adoption would be the most loving, unselfish act you could do.
But I'm just a stranger online. If your mother is warming to the idea of being a mother again (mothering has more than the meaning of giving birth), then I guess there's nothing more to say.

J_9 wasn't the only one who predicted your boyfriend would run. But that doesn't mean you should let him off the hook. Your mom needs to talk to his parents. They need to know about this and he needs to help financially support your child. Obviously he won't be able to do that for some time. I don't know if your local laws will hold his parents responsible. Child support, but you need to find out. This is all part of what counseling can help you with. You need local professionals to advise you of all the resources available to you.

Get rid of it. That's cheaper than raising a child for the rest of your life. Your boyfriend is too young to support you raising a child. As an immature person, you might regret keeping the baby as well later. Go get it aborted. Tell your mom and see a gyne.

Sarah,can't you read, OP is three months pregnant, that is too late to abort.

Actually, considering that this thread was started on September 18 (almost a month ago) and the OP said she found out she was 3 months pregnant a few weeks ago when she first started this thread, she's closer to 5 months along at this point.

If she had not been to a doctor, how did she know she was 3 months pregnant then?

I missed my period for three months after I had sex

When you went to the doctor's recently, did they do an ultrasound?

Not yet why

What is your due date?

If you are as far along as you think and had no prenatal care so far, they will normally do an ultrasound to check how things are going. Make sure the baby is developing properly, to get a better idea as to how far along you are.

To j _9: on or around march 17. But the doctors here aren't always accurate so we're going to the doctors in concord or charlotte. Just to make sure

Given that you came to them later than the norm in pregnancy for a first visit, and that you are only 13, I'm surprised that they didn't do an ultrasound at the time.

Most 13 year olds don't have regular periods. It can take years for periods to be regular.

Were you regular before you had sex? When did you first get your period (your age)?

I'm also shocked that they didn't do an ultrasound when you went to the doctor. You're 13, you haven't had a period in over 4 months at this point. Did they do anything during this doctors visit other than to confirm that you're pregnant? At 13 this is a higher risk pregnancy than it would be for a grown woman. I'm shocked that they're not monitoring you closer.

>>>>>>But the doctors here aren't always accurate so we're going to the doctors in concord or charlotte. Just to make sure

If they didn't do an ultrasound, they would have had to use your last known period to calculate an estimated due date. The doctors in Concord or Charlotte won't be able to determine it more accurately without an ultrasound either. Did you go to an obstetrician or your family doctor? Is there a particular reason why you think that the doctors in Albemarle aren't always accurate? What sort of referral did you get?

When is your appointment for the doctor in Concord or Charlotte? Are you at least on prenatal vitamins? Are you going to see an OBGYN in Concord or Charlotte?

My family doctor took care of both of my pregnancies until I was at 6 months gestation, then I was referred to an OBGYN. My family doctor sent me to ultrasounds, the test for gestational diabetes, he was the one that used the doppler so I could hear my babies heart beat at 12 week. The only reason I needed an OBGYN was because my family doctor had no ties to any hospital, and therefore couldn't deliver my baby, even though he used to be an OBGYN.

Very different in the US I know, but your family doctor should still be able to request an ultrasound at the very least. You don't even need a doctor for prenatal vitamins. Are you at least taking prenatals?

I'd like to know how you reached the conclusion that the doctors were you are, aren't always accurate. What do you mean by that?

A first time visit to the doctor isn't generally going to end up having an ultrasound at the appointment. For one thing, they don't usually have the equipment. I had an ultrasound every month of my pregnancy, and it was ALWAYS at a radiologist's office until I was referred to a high risk group my last 6 weeks--they had the equipment, and I had an ultrasound every week after that because of the risks. I'm not shocked at all that all they probably DID do is confirm a pregnancy and refer her to someone else.

Give the poor girl a break. She may well have gone to her PEDIATRICIAN for this initial appointment, and most 13 year olds don't even HAVE an OB/GYN---I didn't have one regularly until my late 20s. Before that, I either saw my family doctor or went to Planned Parenthood (yay for medical costs in this country!).

I am betting the doctor referred her to a high risk doctor or group of doctors in Concord, and that that group has the equipment to help her better.