Hi,

I'm 22 and have had anxiety & suffered from panic attacks since before I can remember. I have tried all the medications doctors have thrown at me (Propanolol Beta blockers, Citalopram, even amitryptaline), I've tried counselling, been referred to a psychologist, completed the exercise referral, been on courses to learn about controlling my anxiety... Man I've even been to a hypnotherapist, but he said he couldn't hypnotise me because of how inconfident and negative I am :(

Anyway. I've recently done something I was always afraid to do, I got a full time job in a Bank - I had never set foot in an office before, I'm very panicky in new surroundings, I always need to know my exits when I go anywhere... and my desk is the furthest away from the exits! - Basically I have accomplished loads, I was kicked out of home and living homeless for a while, then I lived in a homeless unit and now I have my own flat and a job in a bank!

I should feel better right? My Confidence should be sky high?

It's not. In fact my anxiety has gotten worse and I don't understand how. Not only do I have a fear of closed in spaces, also big open spaces, public transport etc...
Now I've developed this crazy thing where I'm too scared to eat foods I haven't eaten before, in case I'm allergic to any ingradients! I have a bladder infection, and I know it's going to get worse, but I'm not taking my prescribed antibiotics because I read the side effects bit and I've worried myself! I know what can happen if I don't treat an infection , but I'm so freaked out about everything...

I can't enjoy myself anymore! It's not fair and it's really putting me down...
Sorry about the essay... Please can someone give some advice...

Thanks xx

Anything we give you here will pale in comparison to the help that you've gotten already. I can't honestly give you anything more than you already have. All I can provide are small suggestions that have helped me with my almost but not quite OCD.

Your confidence isn't sky high because of your anxiety. The simpler things are then the less there is to panic about. You don't need to panic that your floor is rotting and about to fall from beneath you if you're homeless, or that your furnace is leaking natural gas or... so on and so forth. The more moving parts you have the more your worried about any one of those components going wrong. Right now you're overly concerned with the fact that you're the 1%. Not that wall-street bull but with respect to your life. The 1% of people allergic to refined broccoli sweeteners, the 1% that will get swelling on there toes from taking a antibiotic, the 1% that will trip and fall during a fire exactly when the ceiling collapses, and the 1% who will come down with food poisoning from dodgy meatballs. The problem with that thinking is that you're not that 1%.

You're at battle with your brain at the moment and it's winning because you don't know how to control it and fight back. This is my opinion and I have no training to put any weight behind it. Dealing with this might involve distraction, but will also require mental training. Here is my advice, if you understand a little more of what's happening in your brain, to help deal with this:
- Start a journal. When you get a panic attack or your anxiety hits, write down what you're panicking about and why. Justify why this is a valid response and why it isn't. The reason why you panic are perfectly valid but you need to see the other side of the coin. This will start you think, what if I am the 99% who isn't affected by this.
- When you start panicking distract yourself. An effective way I have found to do this is to mentally describe your environment using all your senses. Start with sound, smell, and end with sight. Repeat.
- If you've got a diagnosis from your doctor/psychologist, then talk with HR about helping you deal with this in your work place. Some business get tax breaks for employing people with disabilities and will be more likely to help you. Banks are usually good for this.
- Only tackle one source of anxiety at a time. I would start with your antibiotics for your UTI. When you're about to take one, document your panic attack and try to overcome it. Once you start taking the pills document what did and didn't happen.

It might be good to find another therapist and see what they can do as well. Each therapist is different and can help in different ways. IT is like getting a second opinion on a medical issue. Right now you're needing tools and just need to find them.

@CravenMorhead - Thank you so much for your advice. I know what you mean but when it comes to being advised by Counselors or psychologists I don't feel like I'm getting the best advice... I feel like they just tell me what they tell the next person...

At least with places like this there are people that understand the feelings I'm feeling a lot more, they can relate and give some useful advice...

I do keep diaries/journals, have done since I was very young - But I've never thought to carry one with me and record when I'm panicking. It would be good to understand my mind some more in order to control it.

Thanks again for your brilliant advice!