View Full Version : I'm confused
Brianna0017
Aug 19, 2014, 11:15 AM
My due date is 14 dec I was raped on march 18 and I bleed while I was getting raped and on 22 of march I started dating my current boyfriend and on 25 of march through Wednesday of April 9 th me and him had lots of intercourse.. Online conception calculators say 18-23march was possible date of conception but my periods last for five days and the length is 29 days and the luteal phase is 15.. My friend said my conception date was 26 of march.. I'm so confused my ob gyn said my due date is 14 dec
J_9
Aug 19, 2014, 11:17 AM
With dates this close you will have to have a DNA test done after the baby is born.
smoothy
Aug 19, 2014, 11:34 AM
Those online calculators can be very wrong with many people as they make assumptions women are all consistent which they aren't. As J_9 says, DNA test is the only sure way to know who the father is.
J_9
Aug 19, 2014, 11:37 AM
Sperm can live I a woman's body for up to a week. In essence, if you were pregnant with twins, one man could be the father of one baby and the other man could be the father of the other baby.
Teri12357
Aug 19, 2014, 12:32 PM
Regardless of whose baby it is, this little one did not ask for this. Your boyfriend is probably the father with the odds in his favor. Just love the baby and if your boyfriend wants to be the father either way then let him. If he doesn't know about the rape be honest with him now, it is better he finds out now then after the baby is born.
smoothy
Aug 19, 2014, 12:34 PM
Teri2357, How can you claim the odds are in the boyfriends favor? The odds aren't in anyone's favor... and nobody can say its "probibly" either one, not even a fortune teller. The odds are 50/50.
Teri12357
Aug 19, 2014, 02:59 PM
Smoothy,
True, it only takes one sperm to fertilize the egg then it is over for the rest but one time compared to multiple times during the fertile times I would still put my money on the boyfriend. But again, it only does take one time.
smoothy
Aug 19, 2014, 03:03 PM
And which on that is could just as easily been either mans... Its not like buying up most of the raffle tickets... it takes several days to get there if any get there, they can live in her for a week... and nobody know exactly what day she ovulated or actually conceived... only that she did.
And incidentally... it is possible for two mens sperm to fertilize 2 eggs if she happens to release two or more eggs. Not all twins come from the same egg.
Brianna0017
Aug 19, 2014, 03:34 PM
I'm not having twins but my hopes r that the baby is my boyfriends and he knows about the rape
smoothy
Aug 19, 2014, 03:37 PM
Well, good luck and hope it turns out to be the boyfriends. You really DO need to know who the father is because many medical problems can be passed down through the fathers side as well as the mothers... and you want to know for sure the family history. And thats why the DNA test is important.
J_9
Aug 19, 2014, 03:47 PM
Your boyfriend is probably the father with the odds in his favor Teri12357, if you are the RN you claim to be, you know that you cannot make such blanket statements. Sperm can live in the female body for up to a week, which makes it possible for either man to be the father. I realize you are trying to put the OPs mind to rest, but that is doing her an injustice.
Fr_Chuck
Aug 19, 2014, 04:17 PM
The boyfriend knows and is aware of the rape. So he is also aware the child may or may not be his. I would do a DNA test just to know, so there is no doubt or issues later.
Also, how ready is boyfriend to be a father? You have only dated for less than 6 months, really a short time to go from dating, to parenting.
Brianna0017
Aug 19, 2014, 04:32 PM
My boyfriend is ready to be a parent ✌✌✌
Brianna0017
Aug 19, 2014, 05:31 PM
Plus the person that raped me I my ex boyfriend cousin and he doesn't have any family with any problems
smoothy
Aug 19, 2014, 06:54 PM
THat you are aware of... there are a lot of things people don't discuss outside the immediate family.
Brianna0017
Aug 20, 2014, 04:52 AM
The doctor would have told me if there was a problem or something else with the baby that me and my boyfriend family don't have the doctor would have said something but the doctor didn't 😒😒😒
smoothy
Aug 20, 2014, 05:07 AM
How could the doctor know about the fathers family medical history since you don't even know for sure which one the father is yet.
And even if BOTH fathers were long time patients of that same doctor... that doctor could tell you NOTHING about their medical history due to HIPAA laws.
A great majority of "problems" would occur long after the birth... some of them not until adulthood.
Brianna0017
Aug 20, 2014, 05:16 AM
The doctor did a ultra sound and show me that there's no problem in the baby that's what I meant
J_9
Aug 20, 2014, 07:12 AM
The doctor did a ultra sound and show me that there's no problem in the baby that's what I meant
Ultrasounds do reveal a lot, but they don't reveal everything. There are genetic predispositions that are undetectable by ultrasound alone. The most reliable test is an amniocentesis.
ScottGem
Aug 20, 2014, 07:28 AM
Brianna,
First, I'm a bit concerned here. Less than a week after you raped you started dating a new guy. Less than a week later you entered a 2 week period where you had lots of sex. I realize that different women react differently to such trauma, but this behavior seems over the top. Have you had any counseling? Your behavior seems somewhat compulsive and it concerns me. Since you seem to know your attacker, have you reported this rape to the police? Is the rapist being prosecuted?
Second, as others have noted the dates are too close together to rule out either guy as the father. So you will need to do DNA testing after birth to find out who the father is.
Brianna0017
Aug 20, 2014, 07:32 AM
True but everything ik about that person is that there family they have no health issues because gypies they are healthly kind of people and I been with the person who raped cousin and honestly they are really the health freaks type and ik the fact that there is no health problems are anything like that and I'm positive because I have seen how they are and since there gypies they take there health serious and I honestly believe that my baby doesn't have any problems or anything like that I have faith I know that my baby is really in good health and doesn't have anything that can cause any diease or anything.. This is Muy first kid and I know my baby is in good health and doesn't have any problems or any diease the only thing ik that the person who raped me gave chlamydia and the good think I'm getting treated and my boyfriend are getting treated and I know that my baby is in good health and know for the fact that my boyfriend is the father of this baby because everyone who saw the ultrasound pics of baby say that baby will have my boyfriend nose and lips
ScottGem
Aug 20, 2014, 08:35 AM
the only thing ik that the person who raped me gave chlamydia a ... I know that my baby is in good health and know for the fact that my boyfriend is the father of this baby because everyone who saw the ultrasound pics of baby say that baby will have my boyfriend nose and lips
Read what you wrote! You know there are no health issues and "don't have anything that can cause any disease", but he gave you chlamydia! Umm, last time I checked that's a disease!
A doctor can check the health of a fetus only so far. I'm sure the doctor is correct and your fetus appears to be healthy. But there are many things that may not appear until years after the baby is born. You are in denial if you don't think such things can happen. I truly hope your baby is completely healthy, but you can't be as sure as you say you are because there is no way to know for sure.
And please, one cannot tell who a fetus looks like from an ultrasound.
Brianna0017
Aug 20, 2014, 08:46 AM
They did a 3d ultrasound so I got to see every thing of my child head to toes but maybe your not aware of a 3D ultrasound or a 4D ultrasound at all
Synnen
Aug 20, 2014, 08:49 AM
Plus the person that raped me I my ex boyfriend cousin and he doesn't have any family with any problems
That you know about. YET.
I placed my daughter for adoption 22 years ago. I have been in constant contact with her family over the years as new medical information has come up that is pertinent to her.
Regardless just the medical aspect, your child has a RIGHT to know his or her biological history. If you are not honest with the child, it WILL come back to bite you, probably at a time when the last thing you need is your credibility with your child ruined.
Get the DNA test.
Brianna0017
Aug 20, 2014, 08:55 AM
I understand that my mom never told my sister about her actual father and I would tell my child but I mean after give days I got raped I'm so sure it's my boyfriends child I'm really sure about that...
Synnen
Aug 20, 2014, 09:04 AM
Please listen to what we are telling you:
Without a DNA test, you CAN NOT BE SURE.
You can want it badly, you can hope, you can wish it, but you CAN NOT BE SURE.
The possible dates of conception are too close. Medically, the ONLY way to be sure is with a DNA test after the child is born.
ScottGem
Aug 20, 2014, 09:29 AM
They did a 3d ultrasound so I got to see every thing of my child head to toes but maybe your not aware of a 3D ultrasound or a 4D ultrasound at all
I am aware and I still don't believe that features are formed well enough for an ultrasound to tell who a fetus looks like.
You never answered me about whether your rapist is being charged. I'm getting a distinct impression that you are living in a sort of fantasy world since you don't seem to have a strong grasp on reality.
Brianna0017
Aug 20, 2014, 10:02 AM
First of all yes he's pressed charges and secondly I live in reality I'm mature enough to know wats right and Wong and thirdly I'm 23 weeks so with 3D and 4D u can tell my sister and mother and mother in law said the baby looks just like my boyfriend and it seems like some people are racist because the fact that I'm Hispanic and my boyfriend is white my baby is mixed so.. Y'all can say things but I'm not going to give up my faith to strangers over the Internet I believe in god and that's y I'm not backing down to the stuff you say because I have faith and I'm going to keep on having faith no matter what and this is my last time answering to another answer
Synnen
Aug 20, 2014, 10:06 AM
I had no idea what your race was until you posted it. Making this about race really kind of points out YOUR inherent racism... but whatever.
You can have all the faith you want. That doesn't negate medical FACTS.
odinn7
Aug 20, 2014, 10:09 AM
So yesterday around this time you were unsure who the father is but now everyone is telling you that the ultrasound image looks like your boyfriend (really?) and you have faith and nothing anyone here says will change any of that. Ok, so then I ask...why did you come here asking your question? What did you hope to get from asking since you already know all the answers?
Oh yes, and the race part of it...where did that even come from? Nobody here even mentioned anything at all about race until you just did. I think Scott is correct...you might be just a little out of touch with reality.
ScottGem
Aug 20, 2014, 10:31 AM
As the others noted, the only time race has entered into things is when you mentioned it. So how you can accuse anyone of racism when we had no idea of what your race is, your boyfriend's race or anyone else, except the rapist since you mentioned he was a gypsy. But that accusation is another illustration of your issues with reality. I'm sure your sister and mother and future mother in law are telling you it looks like the boyfriend, just as I'm also sure they are saying so to make you feel better. But no matter how clear and detailed the ultrasound is, its not going to be clear enough to make such a positive analysis. My daughter, at 3 months, was the spitting image of me. We looked at pictures of myself and her at that same age and you douldn't tell us apart. Now she barely resembles me.
And I'm very glad you have faith, you will need it to bolster you through a rape trial and if the baby's father is the rapist. But I'm very glad to hear that he is being charged (I assume that's what you meant since he wouldn't be the one pressing charges, it would be a prosecutor doing so).
And no one here is trying to shake your faith or asking you to give it up. But you need to face the reality of your situation, something you appear to be refusing to do. Not for you but for the sake of your baby.
J_9
Aug 20, 2014, 12:36 PM
First of all yes he's pressed charges and secondly I live in reality I'm mature enough to know wats right and Wong and thirdly I'm 23 weeks so with 3D and 4D u can tell my sister and mother and mother in law said the baby looks just like my boyfriend and it seems like some people are racist because the fact that I'm Hispanic and my boyfriend is white my baby is mixed so.. Y'all can say things but I'm not going to give up my faith to strangers over the Internet I believe in god and that's y I'm not backing down to the stuff you say because I have faith and I'm going to keep on having faith no matter what and this is my last time answering to another answer
OMG, you did NOT just throw the race card out there! First of all, no one knew of your heritage until you brought it up right here. Typically, in my experience, it's the person who is first to throw the race card first that is actually the racist.
Now, you cannot tell who a baby looks like until it is several years old. You can't tell from an ultrasound, you cannot tell from the moment of birth. Your baby cannot be determined healthy until after the birth when the Newborn Genetic Screening is done at 24 hours of age.
There are genetic disorders such as Cystic Fibrosis, Hematochromocytosis, Tay Sachs, Prader-Willi Syndrome, Turner Syndrome (just a few for example), that are not detected by an ultrasound, they are detected only after birth.
You would be doing this child a serious disservice if you choose not to have a DNA test. You also are very ignorant about paternity if you think paternity can be diagnosed on an ultrasound strictly because he/she "looks" like the father on the ultrasound.
CravenMorhead
Aug 20, 2014, 01:40 PM
Excellent answer j_9. I am clapping here!
In addition:
Gypsy are originally nomadic slavic tribes. Slavic is white, just like your boyfriend. Your baby is going to mixed as well. That's not racist, that's life. Your baby, in a midterm ultrasound, also looks a lot like Sir Winston Churchill, most babies do. The bloody thing is the size of a Mango and has a lot more developing to do. My child is about 13 months and her looks have change vastly since she was born. You're trying to make up the facts to fit the situation what you want. God plays no role in this, this is simple and proven genetics and reproductive science. Having faith won't change the facts. The only way to know for sure is a DNA test. You can stomp your feet all you want, take your ball and go home but in the end it could be either.
For the love of bob...
LearningAsIGo
Aug 21, 2014, 09:16 AM
I can't resist throwing my hat in, this post is just too good.
Brianna,
You came here looking for help and these fine people are trying to do just that. It seems though, that you didn't get the answers you desired and became a bit defensive. After reading, I don't believe your story.
That said, for the sake of your child, I hope the cycle of unplanned pregnancies and secretive paternity can one day be broken for your family. You still have a chance to get a definitive answer for your own child, but it doesn't sound as though you will. My friend's older sister looks JUST like her. They could be twins, and people often say so... the thing is, Renee is their biological child while her sister, Danielle, is adopted. She has no blood lines to the family but with her curly hair and round face, everyone thinks they are blood sisters. Funny, eh? Without hard core proof, looks don't mean very much.
Anyway,
I wish you and your baby the best. I really do. Don't misunderstand the intentions of the people who posted here. They all want to help, but when posters get defensive and holes start to emerge in the stories we hear, it becomes tiresome and frustrating.
Edited to add:
Even if health history doesn't concern you, legal trouble might. Someday, the rapist could come into your life and want to claim that child. OR your boyfriend, a troubled family member, etc. might challenge paternity.... refuse child support, etc. Things change and how people feel about you and the baby today will not guarantee how they feel about you later. (Sad but true) I recommend the DNA test for your protection and that of your child.