a4orce84
Jul 26, 2014, 01:15 PM
Hey Everyone,
I don't usually post stuff like this online, but just trying to get an outside point of view into my problem. I've been dating my current girlfriend about 1.5 years, and she's a great person. We are in a distance relationship and only get to see each other about 1x or 2x a month. We get a long great, have a lot in common, same religious views, our families get along well, etc. On paper, we are great together... with almost everything, we have issues around sex. Now I still have my v-card (virgin) and she doesn't, which isn't really a big problem with me. The issue is, she thinks it's a big deal that I don't mess around with her that much, which I completely understand and agree with. More details in the following section!
Background:
When my girlfriend and I started dating, I wouldn't say I found her super attractive, but I thought she was cute. In the beginning of our relationship, I sent overly flirty / sexy in text messages, pictures, and in person we'd mess around (HJs, BJs, etc). After a while, I didn't really feel comfortable messing around with her, mainly because I didn't enjoy going down on her, and in my head I started to feel guilty since she would still give me BJs and stuff. So instead of messing around, I basically stopped doing anything, just so I wouldn't have to do anything to her in return.
Obviously, after a few months of that, it became a problem and we talked about it... and I told her that I felt guilty / pressured into doing things I didn't enjoy, and she understood and we worked through it. Well that brings us to this week, where she somewhat got mad at me due to similar sex stuff. Basically, she ended up going back through some of our texts and saw all the overly flirty sexual text message I sent her way back when we started dating, and is concerned since I don't really make an effort still on the sexual stuff... it's usually her that initiates it. She's worried if things continue down this path (marriage, etc.) if this is how things are going to be, because I think neither of us want to be in a sex-less marriage.
So that's the current status / predicament. I'm trying to figure out what changed with me a year ago when we started dating, to today. And am asking myself questions like do I like her like that? What would things be like when we're married, etc. As I said earlier, on paper, our relationship looks great (interests, religion, family). But I know this is a big problem for her, and rightfully so.
I'm a fairly sexual person (frequent porn / masterbation) and things like that, but I just don't seem to either feel comfortable or maybe don't want to do it with my current girlfriend. With ex-gf's, I would mess around with them often, and I don't think anything really slowed down or stopped. However, those relationships were all less than a year, and my current girlfriend has been my longest relationship this far.
So I'm asking to see if anyone has any feedback / thoughts / etc. on things to think about, or maybe I'm missing something. I'm not sure if maybe I have some mental road blocks or something else going on with me.
If anyone has any other questions around my situation, please feel free to ask and let me know. Thanks in advance for everyone's time and help, it is greatly appreciated!
Thanks.
I don't usually post stuff like this online, but just trying to get an outside point of view into my problem. I've been dating my current girlfriend about 1.5 years, and she's a great person. We are in a distance relationship and only get to see each other about 1x or 2x a month. We get a long great, have a lot in common, same religious views, our families get along well, etc. On paper, we are great together... with almost everything, we have issues around sex. Now I still have my v-card (virgin) and she doesn't, which isn't really a big problem with me. The issue is, she thinks it's a big deal that I don't mess around with her that much, which I completely understand and agree with. More details in the following section!
Background:
When my girlfriend and I started dating, I wouldn't say I found her super attractive, but I thought she was cute. In the beginning of our relationship, I sent overly flirty / sexy in text messages, pictures, and in person we'd mess around (HJs, BJs, etc). After a while, I didn't really feel comfortable messing around with her, mainly because I didn't enjoy going down on her, and in my head I started to feel guilty since she would still give me BJs and stuff. So instead of messing around, I basically stopped doing anything, just so I wouldn't have to do anything to her in return.
Obviously, after a few months of that, it became a problem and we talked about it... and I told her that I felt guilty / pressured into doing things I didn't enjoy, and she understood and we worked through it. Well that brings us to this week, where she somewhat got mad at me due to similar sex stuff. Basically, she ended up going back through some of our texts and saw all the overly flirty sexual text message I sent her way back when we started dating, and is concerned since I don't really make an effort still on the sexual stuff... it's usually her that initiates it. She's worried if things continue down this path (marriage, etc.) if this is how things are going to be, because I think neither of us want to be in a sex-less marriage.
So that's the current status / predicament. I'm trying to figure out what changed with me a year ago when we started dating, to today. And am asking myself questions like do I like her like that? What would things be like when we're married, etc. As I said earlier, on paper, our relationship looks great (interests, religion, family). But I know this is a big problem for her, and rightfully so.
I'm a fairly sexual person (frequent porn / masterbation) and things like that, but I just don't seem to either feel comfortable or maybe don't want to do it with my current girlfriend. With ex-gf's, I would mess around with them often, and I don't think anything really slowed down or stopped. However, those relationships were all less than a year, and my current girlfriend has been my longest relationship this far.
So I'm asking to see if anyone has any feedback / thoughts / etc. on things to think about, or maybe I'm missing something. I'm not sure if maybe I have some mental road blocks or something else going on with me.
If anyone has any other questions around my situation, please feel free to ask and let me know. Thanks in advance for everyone's time and help, it is greatly appreciated!
Thanks.