Hi, I have been BI since about the 4th grade. I have always been afraid to tell people because I am scared they will judge me. I have told most of my friends. The only reason I told most of my friends is because one of my other friends admitted that he was gay. So basically I just need help telling my family.

Do you have a good relationship with them? Is it a relationship where you can be open and honest about most things? How old are you? If you are a teenager what is driving you to tell them now?

I am gay and these questions matter on my response.

I have to say though, my parents are deceased as of 7 years ago. It does bother me that they never knew the real me.

And it depends on your family. If they are conservative right winged individuals, as soon as you say "Bi" they are going to hear "Gay". My partner just recently told his family and dad didn't take it so well. So really it can be a crap shoot on this subject.

Oliver2011 (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/members/oliver2011.html)
I do have a good relationship with them. I am unsure about if it is a relationship like that. I am 15. I just feel like I have been holding it in for to long and I just want to tell everyone.
as soon as you say "Bi" they are going to hear "Gay".

Exactly my point I don't want them to think that I am fully attracted to men.

I think you should sit down with your mom first and work it out. If it was my son telling me I would certainly keep my mind open. Let her guide you into talkng to your dad, and them altogether.

I wish you luck with this. Please approach it objectively with your mom.

My dear, we are not all supposed to fit into a mould and stay there.

Tick

Why do you really NEED to explain anything to anyone absent anyone asking? Do what you want, be friends with who you want, and date whoever you want and explain if someone askes and then only if you feel like it. Its your life....nobody should need to explain themselves to anyone else.

I don't think anyone needs to explain themselves to most people, Boss, sometimes (in specific circumstances) , family usually, friends sometimes... but people you don't know really have no need to know anything. That applies to everyone. A lot of people really don't want to hear personal things...yeah some nosey people like to hear things, but a lot of people would rather not hear about your exploits, conquests, fetishes or orientation. Most like you for who you are already...knowing too much intimate personal information actually complicates how they see you.

If they are worth having around, they won't care if you are gay, straight or bi,....but some things fall into the Too Much information realm which covers a lot of things. Something that a lot of people have forgotten with the social media today where concepts of personal prvacy are eroded more every day. And once its out there (I'm talking personal and private information in general that you see so much of) you never know who's going to get it, and that everything you say online ends up indexed ina database somewhere these days....In the electronic age.....anything you say is never really forgotten.

I say this also because anything you say on facebook, Twitter, etc....can come back to haunt you when you apply for a job. We are talking those drunken pictures posted from spring break.....those wet t- pictures someone else took of you don't remember even participatig in for that same spring break...and posted online.....and facial recognition software Is tagging names to pictures you don't even know are out there and it will only become more common in the near future.

I also say this because I've known far too many people I barely know that have come up telling me intimate things that should stay between them and the other person involved.

Now that I've taken that completely off topic while not intending to....I feel you tell who you feel needs to know, And everyone else....its really not their business. just as who you dated and what you did on that date isn't. That applies to everyone...including straight people (who are probibly more guilty of doing that than anyone, particularly young guys.)

smoothy
You have provided me with a really good point here! I should be able to live how I want and if anyone judges me then screw them. Thank you! You have answered my question with great deatail.

If your parents are totally unaware of your sexuality, please keep in mind that you need to be prepared for a reaction that may very well be, anything but accepting.

Expect shock, anger, disbelief, yelling screaming- just about anything that comes with a shock that will turn their lives upside down and inside out.

I am not saying not to tell them. I am saying, tell them, but don't argue or feel you have to prove a point. It is not up to any of us to have to explain, as adults, what our sexuality is, period. It is however, a delicate process that most likely will take time to sink in for your parents.

Keep things straight and honest and brief. Allow time for a reaction, but keep your resolve not to argue, or justify.

You may be pleasantly surprised, and your parents will be happy that you finally told them, because they knew all along.

However it goes, just be kind, and respectful and dignified.

You're 15 and your hormones are still churning. Also, human sexuality is very fluid, so don't put on the Bi t-shrt just yet. You might be that or maybe the next few years wil usher in different desires. In other words, don't paint yourself into a corner and think you have it all figured out. You very well might, but like smoothy said, tmi for most people. Just, for now, be kind and respectful and get to know all types and personalities of people.

Jake2008
Thank you for your response, you have gave me a really helpful response here and I will take what you said into mind.
Wondergirl
I don't necessarily agree with you on that but thank you!

Too many gay/bi young people allow others to define them as gay or bi only when being gay or bi is only a small part of the person you are. You could also be a good son, good brother, good student, good athlete, good pet owner, etc. etc. etc. Remember that.

I agree with Smoothy. Be who you want, love who you want, and do what you want. It's your life and your choices.

As far as telling the parents someone said be ready for any reaction. That's true in life with anything. People who believe that sexuality is a choice won't react well most of the time. But also remember that straight people don't make a big announcement regarding their straightness either. Again it's a crap shoot.

I wish you luck.

Oliver2011 yes thank you :)