Hi Everyone,

My name is Suzanne and I have twin daughters that are now age 31 that have made my life miserable. One of them has always been verbally abusive and that started in the first grade. Her sister is no angel either.
Twin A is not the product of her environment. She and her husband are expecting their first child. After her not calling me back like she had promised to the night before I called her. She told me that if I wanted her to stop calling me forever that I should keep calling her.
Twin B informed me of her second pregnancy via an email and told me that the next day was her due date. This little one is two years old already and I have yet to see him. She also does not accept my calls and snaps at me easily no matter what I say to her.
Both daughters told me that I was mentally unstable. I took my MD's advice and had a psych eval done and threw it in their faces. I did that but they still treat me like dirt. I finally moved out of state because I could not see my then first grandson and the weather is so cold. If I remained there I would have pain from
my Osteo-arthritis and would not be able to spend time with my grandson. Now they tell me that I chose to move away. I could not stay and be ripped apart by not seeing my grandson. The first daughter Twin A I do not like. I love her but I do not like her. Why I am so hated I do not know.

Suzanne

See madam, as you described your daughters do not sound good. In this type of world a stranger with pure heart can be close to you. A blood-relationship is nothing if the person is bitter. So do not regret. Do not blame yourself for others mentality even if the others are your so called daughters.
Be happy in your life. Wish you well!!

I think your best adjustment is a life that you enjoy without them, that fulfills you and allows you comfort as you deal with the disappointments and frustrations of your daughters. You sure have no control over them and their actions, but you can control your own. Who knows what, or why they are the way they are, but evidently it's been this way a long time, so make time now for you.

I'd write to both of them and share how you have been feeling. Let them know that you love them both, that you would like to be a part of their lives, and those of your grandchildren, but that you can no longer accept the way that you have been treated. Tell them that your move was for health reasons, and that they can choose to believe it or not. Wish them well, let them know how they may contact you should they want to, and then... as was said, focus on making a new life for yourself.

Get out and work, volunteer, take up a new hobby, etc. Send birthday or holiday cards/gifts to the grandchildren if you want... or set up savings accounts for them that you oversee. Someday they may choose to get in touch with you and you don't want to burn those bridges as their mothers' behavior is no fault of theirs.

I like the advice you have been given so far.

That you had a psyc evaluation done, to prove you don't have psychiatric problems, is very extreme to prove to your daughters that you are normal. From what you have said, many psychiatrists could have told your girls the same result, and they choose, for whatever reason, to still deny you access to your grandchildren.

And, of course, you could have a bad temper or disposition, or be a critical person, or demanding or rude, but that doesn't necessarily make you qualify for an illness of any kind.

And I think that the bad blood between all of you, has equal shares of blame. Nobody is 100% right, and nobody is 100% wrong. It is just sad that three grown women couldn't find a way to safely air their differences, and put aside their anger, long enough to find common ground.

Because that hasn't happened, add to the mix, grandchildren, and if your relationship with your daughters is so bad that they won't see you, it isn't likely you have much of a chance to see your grandchildren either.

Maybe just accept what you cannot change, and enjoy your life as best you can.