I've lived in Virginia my whole life, and recently my husband and I split up. We have been married for 8 years and throughout the years he has been continuously verbally abusive with the occasional physical abuse thrown in there... for example, he has done things to include choking me, punched me in the back, thrown things at me, screamed so loud in my ear that I lost partial hearing in it, etc. I finally had enough and called the police on him but since it was the first noted offence, they are probably going to just put him on probation for two years. Not only that, he was recently diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder, manic depression, and sever anxiety.

I am living with my parents now with our children, and have told him multiple times that we are over and that I have no more chances to give him and I'm not going back, however, he is clinging on to hope that we will get back together. In the meantime (please don't judge), I have reconnected with my first love, and have realized that we have always been meant to be and want to be together.

Now, due to the issues I'm having with my husband with his consistently wanting to work things out but his abusive background, I have been trying to find a way to expedite the timeframe for filing a divorce, but since we have children, the rule is that we wait a year because he has not been convicted (he was arrested for strangulation which is a felony, but first time offense, probably won't be locked up). I have read up on VA laws and the only two things that would cancel out the year wait would be 1) conviction of a felony, or 2) adultery.

I know this may sound horrible, but what would the likelihood of me being able to file for a divorce stating that I was the one who committed adultery? Would I lose custody of my children or would they stay with me because he has the record of abuse? Or would HE have to be the one to file the divorce against me for adultery? I know this must sound horrible but I'm really just trying to get out of this awful miserable marriage as fast as possible. Please give me your nonjudgemental advice. Thanks.

You don't NEED an excuse to file for divorce other than "I don't want to be married to them any more". You hire a lawyer and have them file for you.

As Smoothy indicated, most if not all states allow for "no fault" divorces now.

But the problem, as you have indicated, is that Virginia requires a 1-year wait when there are children of the marriage. Don't confuse this with grounds for divorce, you can still plead irreconcilable differences (or whatever Virginia calls it: basically you don't want to be married anymore), and get a divorce. But you would still have to wait a year.

You tell us that conviction of a felony is an exception to the one-year waiting period requirement. It doesn't matter if he will be locked up or not: if he is convicted (and perhaps given a suspended sentence), it would still qualify as a felony conviction, which you tell us is an exception to the waiting period.

In the mean time, while you are waiting for your husband to be convicted (or the conclusion of the one-year waiting period), you probably should file for separation, child custody and child support.

Only going to add, and just from an emotional standpoint....not judging whatsoever, but do be very sure that your reconnection with a former love is not grounded in needing/wanting comfort, self-validation, or a boost to your self-esteem during this difficult time. Also consider that if your issues with your soon-to-be ex are complicated, do you want your "new" love in the middle of it? Is it fair to him, is it fair to your children? Would it be better to ease off on your involvement with your first love a bit until you have sorted out a separation and divorce, and all the dust has settled from your marriage? Be strong and sure on your own before getting too deep into a new relationship.

Just some things to consider, give careful thought to, and perhaps discuss with the new man in yours and your children's lives. Also, do not put yourself up on the adultery idea.

Wishing you the best in such a difficult time.

To answer your question, no, you can not commit adultery and use that for grounds, he would have to.

And why worry about speeding it up. Take time to live on your own, without someone. Do not stay dependent on any one.

There may be a reason the first love, was replaced. Do not run after one, before the other is dealt with