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sarsar
Jun 13, 2014, 08:44 PM
I live in iran and the thing is, social stuff are a bit complicated here. Most people are dating and some of them openly, myself included. I've been dating this guy for a year now and it has been magical. Only problem is that, since I've been open about it to my parents from the start, they have recently started to pressure me into making it serious and marrying the guy. I guess they were hoping I would break up with him in a matter of months and when that didn't happen it scared them.
Anyway, the real problem is that my boyfriend found out about this and totally freaked out. We are in our early twenties and in no way ready for anything more, plus, his family would probably disown him if they find out he has any intentions of getting married this soon.
I managed to get my family to stop with the marriage talk for now, but he remains horrified, and to be honest its affecting the relationship. Plus, who am I kidding, my family would start up again soon enough.
I truly love him and I know that he loves me and I'm determined to save the relationship. Any ideas?

DoulaLC
Jun 14, 2014, 12:43 AM
It's hard when you are sort of in the middle and want people to be happy. All you can really do is continue to let your parents know that you are not ready for marriage yet should they bring it up again, and try to reassure him of the same.

Do you have schooling and/or a career you want to be involved in before marrying? That could be something that you let all of them know you are focusing on for right now.

Fr_Chuck
Jun 14, 2014, 02:12 AM
If you are in your early 20's, and dating a man for over a year, and it is magical. To be honest, I have to ask, why is the talk of marriage so bad, at this point, you and him, normally would be talking it.

So it does not sound so magical.

joypulv
Jun 14, 2014, 02:51 AM
It may sound like careers aren't important in this subject, but they are. Early 20s is a time when any young person anywhere in the world should be well on his or her way to a plan for their future away from parents. What do you do with your day, and what does he do? If you just hang out with friends and live with your parents, I don't blame them for wanting to see some change.
As for your boyfriend freaking out, that seems strange to me, after a year, unless he's in school or starting his business or career.
Given how involved you each are with parental approval and disapproval, maybe it's time to sit down and talk with both families and clear the air.

talaniman
Jun 14, 2014, 05:41 AM
Its only been a year of dating and maybe it is too soon for big future plans. But do not ignore that his family has a greater influence on him than yours seems to have on you. I think the magic is being replaced with some hard realities and should not be just waved away by magic feelings because you are definitely learning more about each other and how you deal with what you are learning and the outside stuff like parents who affect the relationship.

In the US, you never even know when the relationship has run it's course or not working as planned so I can only tell you that it takes both couples to make things work, and I don't see him getting too much beyond just the casual dating that you re doing now. I think the next few months to a year should be even more revealing, so pay close attention to a guy that cannot maturely discuss the future, or anything else important to you. It's a huge red flag that your communications, and understanding of each other isn't as magic as you think, and he is already freaked out for no real reason.

With dating, its have fun getting to know each other, while it lasts. Is he your first boyfriend? Pay attention for these life lessons with open eyes and not the magic filled ones. For sure his actions should make you cautious of his intentions, and any future you think is possible.

Obviously his commitment level may not even match yours, and lets be real, its JUST dating. The longer you date the less magic and more work to keep it going, so don't get stuck on doing ALL the work, he MUST contribute. If he rather freakout then I fail to see the point of dating, or making him a higher priority than his action deserve.

Let your boyfriend freakout, and anyone else who wants to complicate things with their emotions, you just stay cool and stick to YOUR priorities in life.

sarsar
Jun 19, 2014, 03:52 PM
It is too soon for marriage, were both still students and have just started to build a career, we don't have the financial maturity to decide anything for the future yet. Its true that recently the magic has started to fade a bit but every relationship has its problems in the long run. I decided to break up with him. My future and peace of mind come first, no matter how much I wish things could work out. I'm just bracing myself for the next semester, its kind of difficult to see the unfortunate love of my life everyday! :D

talaniman
Jun 19, 2014, 04:40 PM
That's what dating is all about, not dating anymore. Generally speaking you date until you find the one who is mutually committed to the future with you. You will heal, as we all do after a breakup, but it still sucks for a while. Especially when families and friends add their stress in the mix. .