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View Full Version : They sent her home with a dead baby inside her, what do I do?


dee1962
Apr 16, 2014, 03:23 PM
She went to hospital, and they sent home with a dead fetus in her, what do I do? She's my daughter, age 22, 5 weeks pregnant.

ScottGem
Apr 16, 2014, 03:26 PM
It is possible they felt the fetus would expel on its own. I would consult with another OB/Gyn to see if this was acceptable treatment or not. Then you can decide how to proceed.

J_9
Apr 16, 2014, 03:31 PM
They are waiting to see if she has a natural miscarriage rather than putting her through a possible unnecessary surgery.

tickle
Apr 16, 2014, 03:52 PM
Five weeks is hardly a 'fetus'. At this stage it is the size of a kidney bean. She will pass blood and clots, that is all. Calm Yourself down and calm your daughter down too. Let her rest. And follow any instructions they gave her!

talaniman
Apr 16, 2014, 04:44 PM
what do I do? You love and support her by remaining calm.

Alty
Apr 16, 2014, 05:40 PM
I've been through this, but not at 5 weeks. I was 12 weeks along exactly. No heartbeat, baby dead, they sent me home to wait.

That's normal procedure. Most women that lose a pregnancy, miscarry on their own. Once the pregnancy is not sustainable, the body expels it naturally, in most cases.

Right now you need to be there for her, comfort her. Losing a pregnancy is hard. Very hard. It's been 8 years since it happened to me, and even though I was yet to reach my second trimester, I still grieve for that baby. To me it was a baby the moment I found out I was pregnant.

Keep a watch out. If she's bleeding excessively she needs to seek medical attention. If she's passing clots, or filling a pad in an hour, she needs to go to emergency.

I didn't. I bled like a stuck pig and thought it was normal. I didn't go to the hospital until I had lost so much blood that I couldn't even remember my own name. I almost died. I had to have an emergency D & C. My body simply wouldn't or couldn't expel my dead baby. After the D&C I was physically fine. Mentally is another story. :(

Not trying to scare you. Most women, especially at 5 weeks pregnant, have a natural miscarriage when the pregnancy isn't viable. But do watch out for signs. Excessive bleeding is something to be worried about, and should be seen to by a doctor.

I'm sorry this happened. Best of luck to your daughter.

ScottGem
Apr 16, 2014, 06:24 PM
From your post it sounds like you are worried for your daughter but also shocked that the hospital would send her home.

As you can see from the various responses here, sending her home was not uncommon under the circumstances. So your shock at that was misplaced.

So the next thing is your concern for your daughter. And yes you need to be concerned, but the hospital should have given you instructions on how to monitor her. If they didn't then you should contact them or your daughters OB/Gyn to find out what to do to care for her.

Alty
Apr 16, 2014, 06:47 PM
From your post it sounds like you are worried for your daughter but also shocked that the hospital would send her home.

As you can see from the various responses here, sending her home was not uncommon under the circumstances. So your shock at that was misplaced.

So the next thing is your concern for your daughter. And yes you need to be concerned, but the hospital should have given you instructions on how to monitor her. If they didn't then you should contact them or your daughters OB/Gyn to find out what to do to care for her.

Sadly, at least in my experience, they don't tell you what to expect, or when to be concerned. They leave it to you to figure out when to seek medical help.

I was bleeding at 12 weeks, no heartbeat detected at my last doctors visit at 11 weeks gestation, sent for an ultrasound where they told me the baby was dead. I got no instruction, nothing. I was sent home. I passed clots the size of my fist, 2 or more an hour, bled through a pad every 30 minutes. This was a day after my ultrasound. I didn't worry because I figured that they'd have told me if there was something to worry about.

It wasn't until my husband checked on me, and I couldn't even remember my own name, that we went to the hospital.

By that time it was almost too late. I went to triage, they assessed me, and after a blood pressure test, and a few questions, I was rushed to emergency. I passed out before we got there. When I woke up, I was surrounded by nurses and doctors. I almost died. I was lucky.

Not that this is the norm. It's far from it. But it can happen. Excessive bleeding is a concern. Clots are a concern. In my case the baby had to be removed. My body wouldn't pass it, even though it had died. I almost died because of it.

So watch for symptoms. Watch out for excessive bleeding. If in doubt, go to the hospital. I was almost too late when we finally decided to go.

dee1962
Apr 17, 2014, 10:25 AM
What will a Rogaine shot do if you didn't miscarriage,and was given one anyway.?

tickle
Apr 17, 2014, 11:11 AM
What will a Rogaine shot do if you didn't miscarriage,and was given one anyway.?

You mean RhoGAM not Rogaine. RhoGAM injections are given to all Rh negative pregnant women.

Are you saying that your daughter is not Rh negative and they gave her one?

tickle
Apr 17, 2014, 11:27 AM
Five weeks is hardly a 'fetus'. At this stage it is the size of a kidney bean. She will pass blood and clots, that is all. Calm Yourself down and calm your daughter down too. Let her rest. And follow any instructions they gave her!

Re your comment Dee. I don't know why you found this reply cold hearted when it was very much like the others.

It is basically explaining that there is not actually a dead baby inside your daughter. You sounded distraught and unable to cope.

I don't know your daughter but have known many under the same circumstances.

Does that answer your question 'why' ?

smoothy
Apr 17, 2014, 11:51 AM
I agree with Tickle... she was spot on accurate with that... nothing at all, "cold hearted" about it... miscarriages that early in a pregnancy are far from uncommon.

DoulaLC
Apr 17, 2014, 01:27 PM
Re your comment Dee. I don't know why you found this reply cold hearted when it was very much like the others.

It is basically explaining that there is not actually a dead baby inside your daughter. You sounded distraught and unable to cope.

I don't know your daughter but have known many under the same circumstances.

Does that answer your question 'why' ?

Tickle... I didn't see Dee's response, but I imagine that while your explanation of there hardly being a fetus is technically correct, from an emotional standpoint for many there is an actual baby.

tickle
Apr 17, 2014, 01:42 PM
@DoulaC. Yes, I know that and don't have to be told. I gave a clinical response which I guess she took exception to and was the reality of it.

Her response was in my notifications that is why you didn't see it here. There were many!! Which I thought was unnecessary, why I responded to her actually, or I would not have bothered.

I see no reason why she found it cold hearted.

Alty
Apr 17, 2014, 03:11 PM
@DoulaC. Yes, I know that and don't have to be told. I gave a clinical response which I guess she took exception to and was the reality of it.

Her response was in my notifications that is why you didn't see it here. There were many!! Which I thought was unnecessary, why I responded to her actually, or I would not have bothered.

I see no reason why she found it cold hearted.

A clinical response isn't always what's needed. There is a way to give the information, without being clinical, and also helping the person through a difficult time.

I know that for me, as soon as the pregnancy test came back positive it was a baby, not a group of cells the size of a kidney bean, not nothing, not something to be brushed off as nothing.

Miscarriage is a traumatic event. You're losing a child. It doesn't matter that clinically that child was just a little blob in your womb that didn't yet resemble a human being. It had the potential to be a human being, and for most women, as soon as pregnancy is confirmed, that's exactly what that little blob is. A baby.

There's a lot of grief involved when you miscarry. The women that post here about this should be given information with compassion.

Having said that, we don't have the right to turn the OP's thread into a "Tickle is upset about comments made about her post" thread. I suggest we move on, and continue with the actual question posted. I would also suggest that anyone that does post from this point on, show a little compassion. This is a loss, a loss of life, and it should be treated as that. The proper compassion should be shown as it would be for anyone that lost a loved one.

J_9
Apr 17, 2014, 03:31 PM
A "clinical response" would have taken the patient(s) (OP) feelings into consideration. Many believe that it is a baby from the moment of conception.

As for the RoGham, it is not typically given until the pregnant mother is at least 28 weeks pregnant.

Alty
Apr 17, 2014, 03:35 PM
Oops! You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to J_9 again.

Well said J.