I am married for 6 years. Ours is an Indian family. Ourfamilies forced us into getting married even though we got to know to each other for a few months and liked each other but we thought we may not be happy together. We had a big fight about family issues after we moved to USA. A month after marriage and I left him for 1 year. I am a person who hides nothing from my husband. I like eating eggs, etc. he did not like that as their familyis very orthodox. He started controlling my dressing that I should not even wear sleeveless etc. (which I did not and only want to with my husband). They were minor things but really showed his nature. So I left him as we kept arguing and it even got violent where he pulled my hair and pushed me. I was so depressed that I left. After persuasion we got back again. We nearly applied for divorce during that time with the support of my parents. His parents are very persuasive and nagged to convince my family to be with him
again.

During that separation, I like a guy in India. It was just a vulnerable time thatI wanted someone to truly love me. We had only kissed. Anyway when I got back with my husband I told him everything. He could not take it but then agreed and accepted. He is the only child. We slowly built a relationship over a few years and after that I got a job and left for 3 years. I am going to finish the training and be back with him. Meanwhile we have a 2 year old. We just mainly meet sometimes a few times a month. He is always possessive that I can't even mingle much with my sister and family and he says he wants most of the attention. I have tried very hard for 6 years. He still behaves that way. I feel I don't have any love or even chemistry for him anymore.

I met a guy friend here at my work. I like him a little. I never want to cheat on my husband but this friend and a few of my other friends say I should try being back again with him in a few months after my training and see how it goes. Recently we even talked about divorce, especially me. I know marriage should be given a try but I am fed up of not having freedom. I talked to him many times, cried and argued, tried all ways. Now I take medicine for my anxiety which I never wanted. My health is so affected with this relationship, I don't know whether it is worth while to continue on or just leave. His familyis here now with him. Of course they want it to work. He also wants it and says he cannot be without me. But my mind wants peace and independence. I cannot sacrifice to the point where I lose my whole
individuality. I have not had any friends for 6 years when I was with him until recently when I started to go with friends. He has doubts about the guy I like. Recently he checked all my messages on my phone which he never did and saw just friendly messages from that guy and could not take it. I don't need this guy friend as a companion. Even he is encouraging me to be back in this marriage and sacrifice. But I feel I can't. There is no chemistry and I feel so happy when I talk to this guy friend.

Anyway told my husband we will take things gradually.Told him I can't promise anything. I can even be alone but many times feel likea bird in a golden cage with him.

How sad you decided to bring a baby into the world, under these circumstances.

I take it the two of you don't live together, and he lives with his parents. You get together occasionally. For six years it's been back and forth, and now you are trying to save a marriage that sounds like it never should have happened in the first place.

You say your parents 'forced' you to marry. My understanding is that you can say no to their choice. He too, could have said no, to his parents. The arrangement was probably made with the consent of everyone, even though you knew, it probably wouldn't work out.

So, I'm not understanding what your question is.

To someone living in a free society where women choose who to marry, whether their parents approve or not, is all I've ever known. I cannot imagine being pressured into marriage, knowing there was no love, and where there was serious doubt as to whether it would work out or not. Obviously it has not worked out.

So, what is it that you want to do, and what holds you back from divorce?

We did really start loving each other and there were still so many arguments between us. Indian families are still pressurizing and it is usually arranged marriage. Even separation is not easy. His mother is especially presurizing us now to stay together. Even he tells he is so dependent on me now. He never usually socialized much but I love people. Even that basic difference is pulling is apart. I don't know whether I should give it a try but
I
Am scared
History will repeat again

Everyone keeps saying that my baby needs a father or she will be insecure. It
Makes
Me feel guilty. But again I don't know whether
I can be happy with him. Confused. He is extremely loving but again I feel like a bird in a golden cage. Don't know what to do

You get a divorce as there is no love, commitment, or loyalty and focus on being good loving parents to raise a healthy child. You do far more damage to any child keeping them around two dysfunctional partners.