I am a 28year old guy based in Kolkata, India. I am an entrepreneur and earn quite alot. I have lot of pride and honor. I respect people irrespective of their caste,work or bank balance. I would give the same amount of respect to a beggar and a millionaire.

Anywayback to the situation I am in. We had an arranged marriage. We had gone out fora month before we tied the knot. I had asked her during our second date whethershe was being forced into marriage or whether she liked someone else and shehad said no. We have been married for 6 months now and we have never beenphysical. She had asked for some time because she wasn't ready yet and I toldher I would wait for her, even though every time I see her smile, herinnocence, her generosity, everything abouther, made me want to kiss her, take her into my arms and protect her with allmy life.


But lifesucks big time. About 2 months back we went out on a quite a few incredibledates and I opened myself to her and I told her how I felt about her and I sawher face change. She had guilt in her eyes, and she told me she cared about mea lot (and I know she did) but could never feel the same about me. She hadgiven her heart to her ex, and she couldn't fall in love again. She told me shethought she could when she married me, but that whatever I do she wished I washer ex and it broke me.


After that day she seemed more distant than ever but only to me. The next week she eventried to get physical, but I couldn't since it was hurting like crap and Iwouldn't until she loved me. Sometimes at night I find her sobbing. I try itcomfort her saying it's OK. I understand what she is going through and shelooks at me with these puppy eyes. And hugs me. I love her too much to tell herhow much it's hurting me. Because that would only hurt her more and I wouldnever do anything to hurt her, but I am trying very hard. And it's pushing me tothe edge, and the frustration in me is affecting my business, my thoughts, andmy soul. I am a very optimistic guy who believes whatever happens, happens forthe best. I have gone through a lot of ups and downs in life but I've alwaysheld my head high, but I don't think I can do it anymore. I tried a lot, been trying every day, every second, but I don't know what else to do.

I asked her if she wanted a divorce. She said it was up to me and she cried,and told me that she was sorry and she couldn't forgive herself for hurting me,and told me I deserve better than her. And I could go out with other women if Iwanted to. If I divorce her, then her reputation will be ruined. And peoplewill BIT CH about her, and you know how the society is in India, it would tearher apart and I couldn't do that. I've no clue what the heck is happening.


I've started drinking and smoking up again (to stop thinking about all this), Idon't go home most nights, and stay in my office. Drinking a pint of whisky andsmoking as many joints as I can. (I'm not a drug addict I'm a successfulentrepreneur who smokes joints to forget what he's going through. And please don't tell me it's harmful and all, I had been smoking up for 6 yrs. before Iquit). She keeps calling me when I don't go home and she cares, but I don'tneed that crap I need her love. She is pushing me and I've got a huge pride. Iwould go after her once... twice... thrice... but after that I would turn myback, even if she came to me, I would, even if I loved her. I'm confused andstressed. I can't talk to anyone about this. They will pity me and I can't tolerate being pitied. That's why I am posting here.


Thanks in advance.

I see her being honest and trying while you whine and sink to selfish ego tripping out of pity for yourself. After finding out what the real deal was you act out of impulse and not understanding and using your present tactics you will never overcome your own deficiencies.

Change or drown in crap of your own making. Show love and not infantile stupidity.

Sorry to be harsh, but once the commitment takes place I believe a man goes 100%,and leads by example. Your example is a poor one.

As I see it, you agreed to an arranged marriage, after dating your (now) wife for only a month.

I don't know if you understood, or considered any consequences to this agreement, or if she understood or considered consequences to this agreement.

But whatever you and your wife understood, you both agreed to an arranged marriage, and all that that entails.

So, now a short while into the marriage, you sound as though you feel cheated, and because of that, you're smoking as much weed as you can, and drinking whisky. Not a very mature way to solve problems in a marriage.

What she told you was essentially that she loved someone else, who is now her ex, but married you, because (again) she agreed to an arranged marriage.

What difference would her honesty have made before the marriage if she told you the same thing- that she loved her ex, and (even more honestly) that she was not in love with you, but, she agreed to an arranged marriage.

I am very sad that the consequences to her, should the marriage end, be much more severe than the consequences to you. You can understand why she would rather face a loveless marriage, than face the consequences of divorce.

I don't know what to tell you except to maybe try stepping up, accepting what you have done, and all that has happened because of it. Unless you and she are willing to end the marriage, you're stuck together. And that, is what you agreed to.

I don't know what you expect anybody to tell you otherwise.

I am sorry that you are hurting. I know that isn't easy, and trying to avoid the pain that comes with a broken heart is hard to deal with. Have you considered going and talking to a counselor together? Communication is important in any marriage.