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View Full Version : Sister-Brother conflict advice please


saraden
Jan 30, 2014, 07:49 PM
I have never got on that well with my sister, but we are family and have spent time together sporadically over the years, we are both in our early 40s now.

I was visiting my sister, she has 2 extremely friendly dogs that always want to lick me to death, get patted and played with. Our mother was there too. One of her dogs was on the couch and I moved it across a seat so I could sit where I was most comfortable. My sister (likely) said that that was the dogs seat and let it stay there. Later, I got up and upon returning to the seat the dog had sat back there. I moved the dog across a seat and took the seat again. My sister got angry and said the dog sits there if it wants, not me. I looked at her angrily, and she said "are you going to just stare at me or say something". I was extremely angry at this time. After staring at her for a few seconds more and taking a deep breath I looked away saying "I'm not saying a word". "Right!" she replied angrily to me, with a tone of voice which in my angry state felt more like "you better not say anything, ", flaming my anger again.

After gathering myself, I got up and left the house.

Later my sister and I had dinner at a restaurant, and I might have left except we had to discus some important issues regarding the health of our elderly mother. My posture was slumped and I had an upset look on my face most of the time, but there was no reaction to this by her.

After we left the restaurant and walked 2 minutes to the local train station I brought up that I was upset at what had happened over the dog. She asked why and I told her it was because I felt disrespected and she said she could feel disrespected because I didn't listen to her and took the dogs seat on the couch. I said I didn't recall her asking me not to do that. She said "what if" the dog bit me, but in fact after moving the ridiculously friendly dog it tried to lick me to death like it always does and was extremely friendly as always. She then said that her dogs are her responsibility and they come first, and that as it was her house I will do what she asks in it, and I shouldn't be upset. I said "Well, I am upset". She said "Don't be like that." I replied "Oh, don't be like that? I'm leaving." I turned and walked to the station, not looking back.

What is your opinion? Should I be offended? How would you deal with it?

talaniman
Jan 30, 2014, 08:10 PM
Why be offended? You know she is a nut. Personally I wouldn't let a nut push my buttons. But that is what siblings do.

smearcase
Jan 30, 2014, 08:47 PM
As I heard a guy ahead of me in the line at the counter say one time when the store clerk gave him the wrong change and he tried once to convince her she had made a mistake of 75 cents or so--and she couldn't get it- he walked away and said- "I'm not going to let her rent space in my head" chuckled, and went on his way.
Life's too short. Get over it and move on. Maybe the dog has anxiety attacks or something.

J_9
Jan 30, 2014, 09:47 PM
I think you were in the wrong. You get together sporadically. This was her home and her dog. You could have made yourself comfortable somewhere else.

You mother is aging and ailing. Keep this up and the two of you will see each other less sporadically once your mother is gone. For now, keep the peace.

Fr_Chuck
Jan 30, 2014, 10:03 PM
To most people who have dogs, they are family, they are like CHILDREN.

Would you have moved her child and took the seat away from her child?

You are a visitor in HER home, and yes it would sound like you disrespected the dog and your sister.

To most dog people, you are in the wrong.

Alty
Jan 31, 2014, 12:42 AM
I agree with J9 and Chuck. When you come to my home, you're in my space, and the space of the other people and pets that live here. You don't have the right to do what you want in my home, just because you want to.

Instead of causing this huge fight over a place to sit, you could have sat somewhere else. She asked you the first time not to push the dog out of his seat, and you ignored her. Then you did it a second time. That is disrespectful. I wouldn't tolerate that behavior in my home either.

In my opinion, you either need to apologize to her, or let it go and hope she can as well. But bringing it up a second time, and making a big deal of it, man, that's just too much drama for most people to handle. Get over it already!

joypulv
Jan 31, 2014, 03:12 AM
Ditto to the above. I expected a sibling conflict of serious proportions. This is NOTHING. Pet owners love them like children (more so in many cases, because they give back unconditional love). I'm wondering if your insistence on the seat on the couch that 'was the most comfortable' was really an attempt on your part to have some control over your sister, OR to get some love you've been missing all these years. Especially in front of your mother. By itself it's extremely petty, so it seems like there is a deeper issue.

tickle
Jan 31, 2014, 07:17 AM
You have widened the rift that was already there. You should have been big enough to let it pass considering your mother in this petty rivalry.

Jake2008
Jan 31, 2014, 08:25 AM
As much as we like to think that pets are human, they aren't. When a person has a couch in their living room, while they have (temporary) guests, and the guest chooses to sit in a spot normally reserved for the dog, the guest should be accommodated.

I doubt if your elderly mother were to have sat in the dog's normal spot, she would have insisted she move her *ss elsewhere.

That being said, you are in her home, and when she explained to you that that was her dog, and her first priority (right or wrong), you should have graciously accepted that, and moved your derrière to another spot.

It seems to me that any minor infraction (such as this one) would have caused the two of you to lock horns.

As your mother gets older, her needs will no doubt be more important than not only the seating arrangements in your sister's house, but the dog, and both of you.

This dog just happened to be the spark that caused the tension between the two of you to end up in a verbal altercation. As you said, the two of you never really got along.

For the sake of your mother, and her future, and needs, I hope you can just brush this off, realize it for what it is (petty), and vow to prioritize, above all else, your mother's situation.