First of all I am sorry because my English is not so good. I am 5 weeks pregnant now. I am 27. The issues are, first, the father to this baby is a married man with 3 kids that about same age with me. I don't think my mom would agree with it. But we love each other so much. Second, in Malaysia, abortion is illegal. I am scared to have an abortion. I want this baby so bad, but I cannot have a baby without a father. In Malaysia, it is not normal to have a baby without husband.

I do not have the courage to tell my mom about this. I keep on trying. But I fail. I really don't want to hurt her feelings. She would get mad and really upset with me. Please help me. I need some advice. Thank you.

Have you told the father? Is putting the child up for adoption an option? Do you have any other options?

Most parents would be upset but babies have a way of making the upset go away. Tell your mother and do what you need to for prenatal care. Putting it off will not make it any easier.

If abortion is illegal and to be honest that doesn't sound like an option you want to use, then you are going to need to find your inner strength to face your other options. It won't be easy, but being a parent never is.

What about the "other wife" how does the explanation go there?

It looks like your only options are to have the child and consider adoption, or raise the child yourself. Is being the mistress of a married man more normal than being pregnant and unmarried?

Hi. I tried to log in using my smartphone but I can't. So just using my laptop to reply to all the answers.

@Cat1864,
I have told the father of the baby. He said will discuss it with me today. But I don't think that he would agree to raise the child, but will ask me to abort it instead. I am scared when I start talking about abortion. I did some research from the web and found that there is an easier way to abort instead of the need to go to the hospital. There is type of pill that people call it as 'cytotec'. But if nothing happen after taking this, it will result in deformed baby. So, I really hope my mom will agree if I choose to raise this baby myself. I am working and have my own income. It just in Malaysia, it is not common to get pregnant without a husband. Especially in rural area, this is really a taboo. People here don't like things like this happen.

@ma0641,
Do you mean be the second wife? I don't think so. He is a person with good reputation. Having a second wife not really practiced among Chinese especially when they are a businessman. In fact, I am pretty sure the wife would chop me to dead if she knows this. I truly love him. He said he loves me too. He won't leave me alone for this. But to be his second wife is impossible.

@talaniman,
To be frank, the answer is yes. It is because being a mistress, no one knows. But I don't consider myself his mistress. I am his lover, I really hope his wife can accept me to be part of the family. But the problem here not only her wife, my parents also would not agree with it. He is about same age with my father. Please, help me. How am I going to tell this to my parents? Or should I just take 'cytotec' to abort my child. But every time I think about this, I feel like I have a very big sin. I am a Catholic, having sex before marriage is already a sin, now to kill the baby is even worst. It just like a gift from God to me on this Christmas. But it don't come at a right time.

Abortion is illegal, so any done would be dangerous. I would not consider that option, unless you travled to a country where it is legal and done safely. The father of child will have to support the baby, he has little choice if you chose legal action.

You knew the risks, and now it is time to live up to the results of your actions. Your mother will know soon, as you begin to show. So you must tell her. She may have wisdom and advise that is clouded by your love for this man..

Having sex before marriage can be forgiven and this is not the issue now. You have to start being strong, tell your mom, his wife will have to be told. She may accept you in the family, since a younger women to help with work is not unheard of. ( If I have my culture correct)

If you decide to use Cytotec, please do so as soon as possible. Success rates are much higher the earlier in the pregnancy you are, and 5 weeks is very early. They embryo is no bigger than a berry.

Yes, you must plan to have a surgical abortion if the pill doesn't work. But it should work at 5 - 6 weeks.

Non-Surgical Abortion: Misoprostol And Cytotec (http://www.womenscenter.com/cytotec.html)

You cannot hide from the inevitable and soon all will know what you are hiding anyway, including your mom. Yes you have a difficult situation, and doing nothing is NOT an option. The longer you wait, the less options you will have. You want expert advice, talk to your gynecologist.

Even though being a mistress is easy because it's not known, as you have found out the hard way, the consequence of that decision are great, and far reaching. Not just to you and him, but the lives of others affected by this decision, like your mom, and his wife, and the future life you both have created.

Don't blame the timing of the events of YOUR actions. Get busy gathering facts for a good decision now. Words of love and the lust that followed no longer apply do they?

Hi to all. I really appreciate all the advices. We decided not to raise thebaby but to abort it. I took Cytotec last Saturday. I had my period on the same day and on the third day it stop. Then yesterday my period coming again my very little. Today it stop. It seems my period is not normal. I am so scared. Should I see doctor and tell him everything?



@Fr_Chuck, his wife shouldn't be told. This is not good. I mean is none of the woman in this world willing to share her life partner with other lady. But the feeling is unavoided. But I still hope one day I would find a good man who is single and love me, only me. He always told me that marriage is impossible for us. I understand that. I cannot let my mom knows this. That morning I had a normal conversation with her. I tried. I tried to tell her the truth but I cant. I don't want to see her cry. She would be very upset with me.

All the wrong choices, but then having sex with a married man was the first of many wrong choices.

Perhaps you will learn from this and stop seeing him.

Your period will be abnormal, perhaps for another month or two as well.
Unless you get a fever, I see no reason to tell your doctor.
I hope you break off this relationship.
Certainly don't have sex!