This is a very difficult thing for me to talk about but I NEED HELP with this situation!! None of my friends will listen to me and my mother has done nothing but shame me for what I have done!

I made a post 2 months ago about how I was seeing this guy. I wasn't sure if we were dating or not so I wasn't sure how to act around him. He would text me multiple times every day, hug me a lot, and almost beg for my attention. I mentioned in my last post that I wanted to get physical with him (mainly because I have low self esteem and I didn't want to disappoint him) and, guess what? We did, and it was a big mistake!!

The fifth time we hung out I slept over at his house on his couch. He asked if he could sleep with me but I said "no" so he slept in his room. The next morning he came to lay down on the couch with me, next thing I knew we were making out with each other! I can't remember who initiated it, it all happened so fast. I honestly think we both were at fault. I came over to his house again the next week. We made out again and we got a little further with each other... we didn't have 'sex' though... he said he wasn't ready for that. He mentioned a lot of his friends in high school got pregnant from messing around like this. He also said that he just wanted to be my friend at first and he wasn't really 'dating' me. He said he liked me though! He told me he would ask me out when he felt ready. The week after that I went back to his place just to watch movies and cuddle because he said he wasn't feeling well. This time... I initiated everything (because I'm a desperate person) he wasn't telling me to stop though. I would have stopped if he'd asked me! I feel so ashamed now. I didn't sleep over at his place that time even though HE really wanted me to!

It's been almost a month and a half since that night and I haven't seen him since. He never texts me anymore. A few weeks ago I messaged him asking if he wanted to hang out sometime soon and he responded with "I don't think that's a good idea. I can't date anyone right now and I don't think it's right to keep up the friends with benefits thing." This broke my heart. I texted him back saying something like "Ok! I'm sorry I pressured you into things. I hope we can still hang out together as friends sometime?" and he said "Yeah that would be great! It would be super hard not to want to kiss and stuff though xD You didn't do anything wrong. I didn't feel pressured into anything."

So I didn't text him for a while after that. I figured I'd give it time and let him message me first, but I started to miss him and I didn't want us to drift apart so I texted him asking how he was doing. We conversed back and forth for 3 days and he seemed kind enough. I'm to afraid to ask if he wants to hang out though because I don't want to feel rejection again. I would LOVE to just be able to forget about him and move on but he is honestly the sweetest guy I've ever been friends with!! He never criticized me, he treated me with such abundant kindness for the first two months when we were friends!! No boy have ever been so nice to me. I wish I could go back to that first night I slept over at his house and decide to NOT to kiss him. Then I could still have him as a friend. All the friends I have now are very rude and they make me feel alone and isolated. I've wanted new friends for a long time now, I had my chance with this extremely sweet guy and I feel like I ruined it...

What should I do? I really like him. I'd be willing to just stay friends with him if it meant I had some company! Should I continue to message him? Should I let him come to me? Should I just forget about him! I've tried forgetting but this loneliness I feel is too overwhelming. I have social anxiety so it's very hard for me to make new friends.

Some extra info: I am 21 he is 23. We met through Facebook, he got in touch with me first. I am still a virgin. PLEASE HELP! Any advice is greatly appreciated!!

From minute one he told you he wasn't ready for a relationship. You allowed the kissing, and even initiated it a few times. He wasn't ready, and now he realizes that you want more, and he doesn't want to put you in that position, nor himself. He was always honest with you.

It's never good when a person only wants another person in their life for their own benefit. You're lonely, you feel alone, you want someone to hang out with, you want, you want, you want. What about what he wants? Friends care about each other, not just themselves.

He seems to be staying away because he doesn't want to lead you on. That's a great guy right there, and he's totally right to distance himself because he's not ready for a relationship, and you very obviously want one. You're very needy, and that's just based on what you posted. I'm sure you come of as needy in person as well.

This is all about your wants and needs. You're not ready for more than friendship, but you expect a lot out of your friends. You expect them to make you feel whole, feel less alone. No one can do that for you. That's asking too much of anyone.

I would suggest counseling.

Question. Is it the same guy that you posted about in October?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/should-continue-dating-guy-770139.html

Yes, it's the same guy...

He didn't tell me from minute one that he didn't want a relationship with me, he told me that after we became intimate. That's why I felt confused. If he told me he wasn't looking for a relationship the first, second, third or fourth time we hung out then I would have respected that!

I understand that he doesn't want to be my 'boyfriend' and I don't ask of that from him. It'd be great if we could just stay friends but I think he would find it difficult to just 'stay friends' with me after what I had done with him...

I do care about his feelings! I ask how he is doing but he often doesn't tell me much of anything. He just says he's “ok”. He told me he was moving out of his apartment soon. But am I in a position to offer my help to him with something like that right now?

I realize that I am a selfish person. I am hyper aware of the faults in my personality. I don't need people to remind me of that and I know I don't deserve him as a 'boyfriend'.

I would love to get counseling but that's just not possible for me right now.

Use this experience to learn, and don't blame him for your mistakes. We all make them, and learn from them and make adjustments. Trust me, you are hardly the first, or the last to be too eager from excitement, and push too fast.

It's a hard lesson, but that's all it is a lesson learned, and now you know and will correct yourself, right? No hurry get over your disappointment first. Leave him alone until then. There will be other opportunities, just be patient with yourself. No more touchy feely and falling hard a heavy until you have actually talked for longer than a few dates and be grateful he didn't just take what you offered and then broke your heart.

I'm sure that's why your friends don't want to keep hearing about this misadventure because I know they warned you to slow down and think before you ran head first into this brick wall.

Move on. We all get rejected for one reason or another. You can't force friendship but that's okay if he isn't ready for friendship, you are not either at this time, but you want to be.

What sort of shocks me is that in your other post about him, you didn't even like him, you weren't at all interested in him, you found him boring, not attractive, not your type. Now, after a few dates, you suddenly can't live without him.