My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 years. I'm 21 she's 20, we were really serious. Well the last 6 months we have been on and off fighting and arguing a lot and I think we both weren't trying hard anymore. I blamed her not trying and she blamed me.

Well around 6 weeks ago we had a kind of falling out. I'm still not sure exactly what happened. But we barely spoke or texted. From what I could tell we were on a break from each other to see what came of it and maybe it would make us stronger. Well I tried as hard as I could to win her back and it was starting to work. We were talking and going out together slowly. I was over at her house last week and she had her fb messages open, I shouldn't have but I wanted to see who she had been talking to.

Well long story short I found out from messages to her girl friend that she had been kissing her study partner at school and he was so hot can't wait to see him again etc... I was devastated only 2 weeks after we were on a break she's already kissing some other guy. And not showing any remorse? I instantly broke off what we had gotten back to, telling her I don't know how I could ever look at her the same way. In my eyes she cheated on me. She was hurt bad and couldn't believe I did that. She says we were broken up at the time and it just happened and she wishes she could take it back etc.. Saying she loves me and needs me in her life. Well after a few days completely apart and being all upset I was thinking about it. It was only a kiss, maybe I could put it behind me and get over it. Maybe it brought us closer.

Than I got to thinking and I asked her if she did more than kiss him... Well the answer was yes. And she said it almost in tears. But that just killed me, a kiss I could live with but more? Idk every time I close my eyes I see her with another guy and it kills me again and again. I've never been the type that had many gf's. I just wanted one good one, and I thought I had her. Part of me still thinks I do. She's devastated saying she regrets her decision and needs me in her life. And still loves me.

I'm torn. Idk what the heck to think or do. Am I making this bigger than it is? Or should I be worried that it happened once it may happen again.

You two were having a lot of problems, took a break that for her could have meant "permanent" (how was she to know you'd try to win her back?). Your mistake was snooping, and her mistake was telling you more than you needed to know.

Sooooooo, since you both are at fault, can you forgive each other and move forward from here and try again? Trust has to be earned -- by both of you. No more snooping on your part, and no more confessions on her part. And if there is going to be a "break," it should be a final thing, not some nebulous, iffy thing.

If you don't think you can trust her ever again or even allow her the opportunity to rebuild trust, then say so and stop quibbling about it. She has to learn to trust you again, too, don't forget.

I don't blame you for being confused, I would be too if my GF of 3 years needed a break (to explore her feelings for another hot guy), and would be greatly concerned it would happen again. I don't know if you can even talk about it, but I never go back to the one that dumped me to explore without a heckuva lot of thought.

I would leave her alone until I was straight in my own mind if she was worth taking that kind of risk or not. That may take a while, because the emotional dust and fallout from what you have learned will take time to settle. No she didn't cheat, but nor was she honest about her intentions either. And you did snoop, so take the time for yourself to make up your own mind.

To be honest, she took time to explore her own feelings for another, you should be exploring and resolving your own feeling for yourself. Make a decision based on the facts, and not just the feelings my friend. Being dumped to scratch an itch with another guy is a big thing, and while we forgive, forgetting is an even bigger thing.

That could take years. You got a few?

Why do so many young people say they were 'really serious' or 'deeply in love' etc, and in the same breath say they were fighting all the time and barely speaking?

Stop with the jealousy. You started 'working' on the relationship way late, I think, so have no right. She's being forthright and honest, and that's a valuable trait to have. Get over it or get lost. Don't even think about sex with her until you know whether or not you can accept someone who has done what she did. If you can't, you will just bring both of you down the drain.

Six weeks is a very long time for the two of you not to communicate with one another if you are IN a relationship. If it was me and I didn't hear from my boyfriend for a month and a half after a blow up, I would assume it is over. Sounds to me that this is what she thought and would not consider it cheating. You cannot expect someone to sit around and wait for you when you aren't clearly defining what you want. There are plenty of fish in the sea and if you love someone, you should hold onto that and let the person know this. Otherwise, someone else is going to move in on her and take her from you - which it seems is what happened. And she was probably miserable from the break up and the guy made her feel good. If you love the girl, don't let her get away a second time. She didn't cheat on you. You were clearly not together. Go get her and learn from your lesson. I know the thought of her with someone else bothers you but how about the thought of her with someone else forever? Your decision.

SHe took a break... that means she was a free agent and could go with anyone she wanted.

But take some advice... if you are both always fighting... its never going to change... move on. Find someone better... which means someone you won't constant be at odds with. People don't change... if you both don't naturally agree with each other on most things... then its not right. People that don't learn that lesson find themselves getting divorced over and over again.

Well the last 6 months we have been on and off fighting and arguing a lot and I think we both weren't trying hard anymore. I blamed her not trying and she blamed me.

You two were obviously having problems and you broke up. She did not have to sit in a corner and neither did you. I say leave it alone. I doubt you will get over this and you will make each other miserable. You don't trust her and I would imagine she would not trust you not to go snooping in her privacy.