I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months, we even lived together for the last 11 monhts. Last week out of nowhere he decided that we had to break up, pretty much out of nowhere. He says that he still loves me and that I'll always have the biggest part of his heart but that he is not in love with me anymore. The thing that hurts the most is that he is already seeing someone else. Some girl that he met at work, and even though he says nothing happened while we were still together, they did talk on the phone and then two days after we broke up he went out with her. He said that it was just his way of coping with things... I'm just confused because I'm still totally in love with him, and he always told me that I was the one for him and that he wanted to marry me and have a family and everything, and he pretty much kept on saying the same things till the day we broke up... so the question is should I move on or keep hoping that he'll change his mind and is it really possible for him to change his mind about me that fast? I'm still totally in love with him and miss him so much. Thanks for any advice.

There is so much possible advice for this.
You can try to just move on, as hard as it may be. Move on and hope that he relizes what he is missing. This attempt is harder than it seems and is not for the faint at heart. Believe it or not, crying is one of the bodies best medicines. But so is laughter. You should call up some friends. Hang out, laugh, cry, talk to them. It will seem like your heart will rip in two. On one hand you'll want to wait for him, and tell yourself that he'll be back and another will tell you to move on.
On my first heartbreak, I cried so hard I was shaking. I talked to a friend for hours to for comfort.

And in case your wondering if using that a coping method (the dating another girl immediatly) is a common practice. It is, by both sexes. It's a psychological way of dealing with, pain, or distress, by taking yourself out of the situation and putting yourself in a new environment. It's what's known as a defence mechinism.

A part of you will always love him.
The soul heals. The heart mends. Memories, those are what last forever.
-Matt

I just really don't understand anything anymore. I mean for 18 months he was really the perfect boyfriend, he was and is everything that I wanted in a guy. I was sure that I was going to marry him and even when I expressed doubts to him about it he would say things like he knows that we were meant to be together, and I'm the one, and he loves me more then anything... and then out of nowhere he just changes his mind. He says that he needs time to think and that he feels this way now but that he might not feel the same way in a few weeks or months and maybe somewhere down the road we will end up together... but its like I don't want to be apart from him now. Its been 19 days and its just so painfull. Especially knowing that he is already seeing some other girl... but when I asked him to be honest with me, he told me that he was seeing her but that he was thinking about me the whole time... so I don't know if this is the truth or if he is just messing with me... it all just doesn't make sense to me.

Anyone have any advice for me? Please.

It sounds like he has some sort of infatuation with this other girl.

To be honest, it probably won't turn out to be what he wants, and he will learn sooner or later...

BUT (and that's a huge BUT), you cannot live expecting this to happen. Maybe he will regret it, maybe he won't - in either case, you need to move on and be happy with yourself. If you can recovery and be happy with yourself, if he ever decides he wants you back, chances are you will be in a better place and truthfully, won't want to be with him again...

Give him space, try to move on. If it helps, forget he exists. If something changes, he knows how to contact you - just make sure you can move on and see this all clearly before you make any decisions.

Sounds to me like he just freaked out at the whole commitment thing!

Feels for some reason that he needs to spread his wings I would not write him off totally but in the same context do not get involved in another relationship for the sake of it. Step back and take some time for you!

OMG move on. What are you thinking? The guy was at least honest with you maybe that he wanted to see someone else. Bottom line though is that he does not love you otherwise he would not have treated you thusly. Classic question /answer would you have treated him this way? NOPE ? Then move on!

Yeah. I mean I want to move on. But I love him so much. I really thought he was the one for me and I know he felt like that too at one point, even more so then me... is it possible for him to really just fall out of love with me that quick? I know I should move on because if he really loved me he wouldn't do this, but I was so sure about him at one point, how can my instincts be that wrong? I miss him so much.

Broken up with someone they loved and then got back together and things worked out? I'm just wondering if this is possible.

You cannot blame yourself for the short comings of others. Your only human, you cannot predict the future anymore than you can read minds, don't let one guy, create a hole of sadness in your heart.
There is a story:
There was a boy, who had a beautiful heart, he showed it to the world. It was perfect, in every way it pysically could be. One day he met an old man and showed him his Perfect heart. The old man said, "That's a beautiful sight there boy, but i have something far more beautiful." he showed the boy his heart, and it was manged and mis-shapened. It looked of all different colors and sections had stitches and others had holes.
The boy laughed, and said"Why is that more beautiful?"
The man sad, I have shared the beauty of my heart to others, and it has been hurtful at times, and I still have holes in others, but I still have pieces of others hearts forever in mine."
The boy cried. He then offered a piece of his perfect heart, and the old man gave him a piece of his own. The boys heart was now more beautiful than he had ever had seen before.

What the story is about, is love. Your heart may seem broken, but it'll make it more beautiful for the rest of your life. Move on.

This is a tricky one. I was in the same boat as you. In previous relationships that didn't work out, after giving them a second or maybe even a third try... it was never like the first and didn't work out. Now I'm back with the father of my children, thinking that it could have never worked but I'm being proved wrong. The tricky part is how long this will last. Right now it seems like forever but one can never tell. I believe the key is to be completely honest about everything, no matter how painful, and talk things out. Most relationships that are given a good try fail because of lack of communication. Identify what went sour the first go round and build off that. Good luck.

I've personally never known it to happen, either with me or anyone else. I suppose it's possible but highly uncommon.

Yeh I know of people who did.

...so the question is should I move on or keep hoping that he'll change his mind and is it really possible for him to change his mind about me that fast?

Move on. Don't waste time and energy hoping that he'll change his mind. He obviously has no sense of commitment so all of your hoping and waiting will only be in vain. Forget about him altogether. I know it'll be hard at first but in the end you'll be much better off for it and feel a lot better about yourself.

Confused the only thing you know is how you feel and that is legitimate. Follow that you have one of two things to believe in. He did love you and something in him changed, you'll never know for sure what only that the feeling was there. Or that it was just a façade which is your biggest fear. The thing is you will now move forwaed a little less trusting a little more covered of your emotions and the thngs that you are feeling now will be reassured of in the next relaionship ( hopefully ) because you will have learned from the pain of thins experirnce. My guess is that he did care, that things changed for him inside but you can not wait and pine over this guy forever. Do the N/C thing bag up his stuff or box it and put it away not to be seen for more than a year. Believe me it will help.

I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months, we even lived together for the last 11 monhts. Last week out of nowhere he decided that we had to break up, pretty much out of nowhere. He says that he still loves me and that I'll always have the biggest part of his heart but that he is not in love with me anymore. The thing that hurts the most is that he is already seeing someone else. Some girl that he met at work, and even though he says nothing happend while we were still together, they did talk on the phone and then two days after we broke up he went out with her. He said that it was just his way of coping with things... I'm just confused because I'm still totally in love with him, and he always told me that I was the one for him and that he wanted to marry me and have a family and everything, and he pretty much kept on saying the same things till the day we broke up...so the question is should I move on or keep hoping that he'll change his mind and is it really possible for him to change his mind about me that fast? I'm still totally in love with him and miss him so much. Thanks for any advice.
I than u shoun move on wit yo life

I than u shoun move on wit yo life

I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months, we even lived together for the last 11 monhts. Last week out of nowhere he decided that we had to break up, pretty much out of nowhere. He says that he still loves me and that I'll always have the biggest part of his heart but that he is not in love with me anymore. The thing that hurts the most is that he is already seeing someone else. Some girl that he met at work, and even though he says nothing happend while we were still together, they did talk on the phone and then two days after we broke up he went out with her. He said that it was just his way of coping with things... I'm just confused because I'm still totally in love with him, and he always told me that I was the one for him and that he wanted to marry me and have a family and everything, and he pretty much kept on saying the same things till the day we broke up...so the question is should I move on or keep hoping that he'll change his mind and is it really possible for him to change his mind about me that fast? I'm still totally in love with him and miss him so much. Thanks for any advice.
Move on he doesn't deserve you!!

Its been a month and one day since my boyfriend of 18 months broke up with me, pretty much out of the blue, and started seeing someone else. I've done the no contact thing for the most part, I've talked to him on the phone once in the last two weeks when he called me to ask me if I was OK after my car got broken into, and then another time I texted him to ask when it would be a good time to pick up some more of my stuff. But that's been it for the last couple of weeks. For the most part I feel much better, Ive been going out with friends and staying busy at work, and I've even met a nice guy who seems to be really into me. But for some reason, I just really still miss my ex. All I really want to do is get back with him, even though he is seeing someone else. I can't even imagine myself with another guy right now, but I don't really want to be alone either. I really, really miss him and I'd even be willing to forgive him for what he did. But its so hard because he could be really happy in his new relationship and not missing me at all. I'm totally lost and confused still. I know I have to continue the no contact and moving on but its just so hard. I really want him back.

Time will heal the wound he left you with...
1 month isn't really long enough to get over someone you truly care about.
Since this is not a break and he's already in another relationship, you really need to try thinking about other things when he pops into your thoughts.
It wonderful that you're going out with friends and meeting new people!
There's really no need to picture yourself with another guy if your not ready for that - rebound relationships are the pits anyway.
Mingle and enjoy your time... The right guy will come along when your ready...
I know that's kind of hard to think when your heart is somewhere else, but like I said... It takes time...

Best wishes
Kae

Thanks for the advice kae. Yeah you're right, time will make everything better... but what if he is just in a rebound relationship himself? He told me that its his way of coping with this. Maybe he'll realize that he's made a mistake. I know I shouldn't be hoping for this but I am. I'm still really in love with him. He used to tell me all the time that I'm the one, and talk about us getting married and kids and all that. He really seemed to be more in love with me then I was with him at times, that's why I just don't understand how he moved on to someone else this fast.

It was my impression that he broke up with you for this other girl...
He may just be handing you a line about the coping stuff...
You're better off emotionally without the mind games.

Either way, you will be more appealing to him (and others) if you live your life happily now without dwelling on him or the way he has hurt you...

It's difficult for you I know... I'm sorry for your situation.

A month is still to early for you yet.
Just try thinking of other "happier" thoughts when he pops into your mind.

I do hope it gets better, and I know it will...
Kae

So there is no reason for me at all to think that he'll change his mind and realize that he made a mistake? I should just totally move on 100 percent?

You should move on...
That doesn't necessarily mean that he'll never want you back.
If he sees a confidant and happy person, he may very well want you back when he's done with the other girl, but if you really think about the situation, it that really what you want for yourself... To be his girl after he's done with his "coping" girlfriend?

Was this a break or a break up?

It's been a year and a half... he isn't coming back, and even if he did, how could you trust him? I agree that it sounds like he dumped you for this other girl, which implies he was flirting with her and getting to know her while you were together. I think you should move on and find a guy that will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

it's been a year and a half....he isn't coming back, and even if he did, how could you trust him? I agree that it sounds like he dumped you for this other girl, which implies he was flirting with her and getting to know her while you were together. i think you should move on and find a guy that will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.
It's only been a month, but she does deserve someone who will treat her with love and respect.

Was this a break or a break up?

Well it was a break up. But he said that he wasn't sure what he wanted. He said that I become comfortable and complacent and that I wasn't the same person that he fell in love with. So basically he said that he wanted to see if other girls become comfortable and complacent because he doesn't like that, he wants the girl to be their own person, which I thought I was, but not according to him. He said he still loves me more then anything and that I'm at the top of the list of what he wants in a girl but that he needs time. Which I thought was OK at first, but then I found out that he was seeing someone else right away. He told me that nothing happened while we were together and that he only went out with her the first time because he was feeling down and she was at work with him and she was like lets do something to take your mind of things, but now apparently they go out all the time... so I really don't know. All I know is that I still love him more then anything and want him back. I really thought and still do that he is the one for me.

well it was a break up. but he said that he wasnt sure what he wanted. he said that I become comfortable and complacent and that I wasnt the same person that he fell in love with. so basically he said that he wanted to see if other girls become comfortable and complacent because he doesnt like that, he wants the girl to be their own person, which I thought I was, but not according to him. He said he still loves me more then anything and that I'm at the top of the list of what he wants in a girl but that he needs time. Which I thought was ok at first, but then I found out that he was seeing someone else right away. He told me that nothing happend while we were together and that he only went out with her the first time because he was feeling down and she was at work with him and she was like lets do something to take your mind of things, but now apparently they go out all the time... so i really dont know. all i know is that i still love him more then anything and want him back. i really thought and still do that he is the one for me.
OK, those lines that he gave you sound like BS from an outsider looking in...
It seems to me like he's trying to let you down easy...
If you were at the top of his list, he'd be with you.
If you were at the top of his list, he would have never risked losing you in the first place.
It now sounds like he's using you, his ex girlfriend, as a back up girl.
These are mind games...

I know it must be painful, seeming that you still really love this guy.
But this is not a healthy situation for you.

Yeah. I know. Part of me really wants to move on, because I realize what he is doing is bs and not good for me at all. And I realize that if he really loved me he wouldn't do this, but part of me just wants him back so bad. Its just so hard. I know that I just need more time. I just have to be strong and do the no contact thing and move on.

Yes, the no contact this is more for you and to help you move on...
I'm happy to read that you realize the situation...
It is more time that you need.
Try not to dwell.
Time is long and painful when you live in the past.
Hang out with your friends and try to have fun...

Thank you so much for the advice :) I just ate some ice cream and feel better for now. Maybe ill actually get some sleep tonight. I know I'll be OK, just takes times.

Your welcome...
Keep us posted.
This site can also be a good source of therapy
LOL, especially when you need to vent...

Take care,
Kae

So I posted a couple of weeks ago about my boyfriend of 18 months breaking up with me because he was confused/needed time, which turned out to be that he was seeing some other girl he met at work. Well anyway, today I went to our old apartment where we lived together to pick up more stuff, he wasn't supposed to be there, but as I was about to leave, he got there. So right away he hugged me, kissed me on the head and told me I looked really good. He then asked me how I was and was being all nice joking around. Then he told me that he is not seeing that girl anymore and that it was stupid. Then he said we should hang out sometime. I told him I was doing better and I moving on and I have a lot of stuff going on and that if he wanted to hang out he would have to call me. Then about 3 hours later, he stopped by my work, but I was on break so I didn't see him... so I'm totally confused. He was really nice and it was really good to see him and part of me wants to hang out with him, but part of me just wants to get over it and move on. I don't understand what he is doing at all, and I don't want to be his fall back on option. Any advice on this? Thanks for all the help guys.

Well this is a very tricky situation. Im going to be mean here but I'm a guy and 28 years old. When I was 20 years old I had a 16 year old girlfriend and we went out for 4 years I wasn't ready for a relationship but she was really hot and always chased me which was great I used to go out and pick up and she was always texting and wanting to see me. Sometimes I would be on with another girl and then that just didn't work out but I always had her there so I could always just keep seeing hjer and I always had a hot girl to do. That was wrong of me but I was young I feel he may be doing the same maybe he was with this girl from work for a bit then thought once he got her and slept with her it wasn't that great and also maybe she said I don't want anything serious or maybe she ad another guy as well and now he goes back to you. This will continue to happen and he will find another girl and you will be on the outer again until he neeeds a bit and comes back to give you one and thinks how good is tis. You need to move on I bet if you tell him you don't want anything to do with him he will be crying and begging because in all honesty all this guy wants is someone there that he can screw and at the moment that is you until next time. I guarantee ou will find aguy who is not like that some who respects you and cares for you this will be great for you and you will wonder why you ever dated him at all...

Yeah you're probably. He is also your age, 28. And he really seemed like he wanted to settle down and get married and stuff and then out of nowhere he broke up with me. The girl that he was seeing after me got back together with her ex boyfriend. You are right in everything you say, he probably will do this again if I give him the chance. Should I stay away from him completely or hang out as friends?

Stay away from him completely. Tell him to leave you alone. Why go through that crap again? We all know what happens when he fancies another. Don't be old stand by any more. Time to find your own happiness.

Hey guys. So its been about 6 weeks since my boyfriend broke up with me. I've been feeling a lot better lately and I even went out with a guy from work a couple of times. The thing is that I know I'm still in love with my ex and the last week and a half he's been acting really weird. Last week I was at his place getting the rest of my stuff when he came home from work early, he kept on hugging me and even when I said I had to go he said don't go. Then he stopped by my work, but I was on break so I didn't see him. And then the last two nights, he's called. It seems like he finds excuses to call, like to ask how to do something on the interenet and to ask if I had a soccer game and how come I hadn't told him about it because he wanted to come. He gives very mixed signals because the last time we had a serious talk he told me that I should just move on but now he is calling asking to come to my soccer game? I really don't understand, can you guys help me with this at all. Thanks.

It seems to me that your b/f has just realised what he has lost by finishing with you. But to be sure I suggest that next time he rings up, you ask him if you can talk properly and you should find out what he really wants, whether he wants you back as a g/f or he is just missing your company as a friend. You will never know unless you ask him. He seems to be missing you though. Hope my advise is helpful:)

Hmmm, I guess the grass was not as green as he thought it was, and he btter keep you in his life just in case. Please don't fall for his tired excuses. Think the next time he sees a new pasture, he won't go checking it out? He sure will and you know it. He kicked you to the curb so stay away from him and his game.

OK. HE KEEPS ON CALLING! Today I hung out with his best friend, who also happens to be a good friend of mine, so while we were at the movies, my ex calls and wants to know how come I didn't invite him and that its not nice. And I replied with well you breaking up with me wasn't nice either. Then I asked him why he wanted to hang out and he said just to hang out. I told him I couldn't do that and just like that he said OK and bye. That was the whole conversation but this is like the 4th time in 3 days he's called. Last time he called because he wanted to go to my soccer game and now he wants to go to the movies. But when I ask him why he says its just to hang out. I can't just hang out with him because Im still in love with him. I really don't know, what should I do? Should I hang out with him?

Noyou shouldn't be hanging out with him, you shouldn't even be talking to him. His going to stuff you around and he is going toget back with you and then when he finds another hottie he will put you on the side again. Anyone who takes a break for a reason other than to think about the relationship for a normal reason saying they are evaluatng where it may be going well you could take them back. Ut are you going to wake up he chose another girl over you, If he really wanted you he would not have done that. It doesn't matter how many times people tell you this you won't get it, he left for someone else and will definitely do it again at some stage if you give him the chance, the onlyreason he is being so nice now is because he does no have you. You are forgetting the major issue here he left you for someone else. There isn't no going back... I know you may love him but do you want to be his go back to girl while your married. If you think things are going to change your not in the real world. You'll have kids one day and he will be rooting the neighbour. Move on I'm sure youcan find a genuine guy. Sounds hard and difficult now but when you find someone you will understand what I mean and say to yourself thankgod I left him I was blinded. I always say tomyself even if you love someone if they don't love you back walk away it will only lead to heartache and dissapointment for you. Good luck.I have beeninyour position before my ex leftfor another guy and I was so upset and then she came back I was still in love I thought she was the greatest in the world then she did it again andagain so I was out. I then met moved on and found out most people are not like that so much beter out there.

what should I do? Should I hang out with him?

His fling must be over, so he calls you, and as you see it works to confuse you, and your thinking about him and being with him. Don't fall for that old game, and give him a chance to weasel his way back in your life. Why should you, since your life is getting better. At least it was until you heard from him again. Stop answering his calls, and send a real message that you are not Miss Easy, and you have moved to better things.

Yeah you guys are right. I think I'm just going to tell him to leave me alone. This is so hard.:(

Im going through the same thing as we speak my boyfriend of a year broke up with me after we were living together and said he didn't want a g/f for a really long time but now he's seeing some girl that he works with its bs and he won't even be my friend

Im going through the exact same thing as we speak my boyfriend of a year broke up with me after we were living together and said he didnt want a g/f for a really long time but now hes seeing some girl that he works with its bs and he wont even be my friend



Yup. Mine did the same thing. He broke up with me, told me he wanted to be single, that there wouldn't be anyone in his life for a long time blah blah blah, then literrally two days later he is dating some girl from work... the funny thing is that the girl ended up just using him to make her ex boyfriend jealous because now she is back with him and my ex is all alone. And he's recently been calling me a lot to hang out but I want nothing to do with him.

You shouldn't hang out with him, Im young and probably don't know a lot about guys but there all about the game, they want what they can't have, don't answer his calls, and when you feel like talking to him think about it, wheres it going to get you? No where except probably more upset

I'm A guy and I'm not all about games. My ex fiancé broke up with me 5-6 times now she was all about games. But you can't say they are all like that.

I know Im sorry let me rephrase that, a lot of guys are about the game, but so are the girls. I just thought I actually found the one that would never hurt me and I was proved wrong, Im just going through a hard time

And yes I would move on because this guy will probably do it again. Don't fall into his games.

Are you talking about me or confused?

I know Im sorry let me rephrase that, a lot of guys are about the game, but so are the girls. I just thought I actually found the one that would never hurt me and I was proved wrong, Im just going through a hard time
I don't blame you one bit I know what you are going thr and the hurt will go away in time it's been 3 months since my ex broke up with me again and the hurt is gone I still think of her, But listen to every one on here. Buy listening to people on here I'm strong enough not to take my selfish ex fiancé back.

Its very hard though, I didn't have any friends for a year cause I gave everything away for him, and I don't want to bad talk him because he really really is a great guy, maybe it was me that did something wrong

are you talking about me or confused?
Talking about confused11 and if you are going through same thing I guess you too.

I also gave up a lot for my ex hanging out friends doing thing I like to do. And before I answer you I'll have to read your thread.

My ex is definitely about games. When he broke up with me he told me that we can still be friends and hang out and just because he feels like this now he might feel different in a few weeks and he still loves me more then anything but is not in love with me. It all just didn't make any sense. He basically wanted to date this other girl and still have me waiting in the background in case it didn't work out with her. Well the last week or so he's called me a bunch of times and asked me to hang out, he wanted to go to my soccer games and wanted to go to the movies and stuff like that I kept on saying no, and when I asked him why he wanted to hang out he said it was just to be friends. I can't just be friends with him because I still love him and its easy for him to be my friend because he is probably over me. But anyway, the other day I had to call him to ask him something important and he doesn't even bother picking up the phone or calling me back when I call him, so its just a big game to him and I'm not falling for it anymore.

Well speaking of my ex. He called me today. About 3 times. I finally picked up the phone to see what he wanted. We ended up talking for about an hour and it was really really nice. He told me that he misses having me around and that his heart was broken too and he wanted to know how I was doing and he was just really nice. Is he possibly having second thoughts? And if so how do I tell and what do I do?

well speaking of my ex. he called me today. about 3 times. i finally picked up the phone to see what he wanted. we ended up talking for about an hour and it was really really nice. he told me that he misses having me around and that his heart was broken too and he wanted to know how I was doing and he was just really nice. Is he possibly having second thoughts? and if so how do I tell and what do I do?

I see that there could be one of two things going on..

It is possible that he does miss you, he wanted to be your friend, you said so yourself. Its probably tough for him to accept that you cannot be friends with him, and he misses having you as his friend. Im sure during the relationship you could have seen yourself as best friends, and he is missing that friend in you. That does not mean that he wants you back.

It is also possible that he is "playin a game" beucase he realizes that your no longer sitting on the sideline waiting for him to come back to you. It scares him that you are moving on, and he wants to know that he still has control over you.

Its really hard to say what he is thinking, as no one really knows but him. All I can suggest is that no matter what you do, be very careful. You said yourself that he likes games, and you don't want to fall prey to that again...

Just because the shock of not having you around anymore hurts him DOES NOT necessarily mean he wants you back.

Yeah you are totally right. I'm not going to get my hopes up and I'm not going to do anything different. I'm going to continue to try to move on, he already knows that I cannot just be his friend and the next time we talk I'm pretty much going to tell him that he either wants to get back together or he needs to let me go so I can continue to move on. The way he was speaking today though kind of made me think he wanted me back. He was saying how its hard to find girls like me who like sports and video games and etc and how he misses waking up with someone. When I asked him what happened with the other girl at work, he pretty much said that she liked him more then he liked her and he really wasn't that into her, he pretty much said she was fun to look at and that's it. He made it pretty clear that though he could be with someone, he is not... so I don't know. He said he would call me soon, so we will see. I'm not going to jump into anything. Thank you so much for the advice. Really appreciate it.

Confused,
I know exactly what you are going through. Last year, my boyfriend of a yeaer broke up with me out of the blue, saying all the same stuff your boyfriend told you. He just didn’t know what was wrong with the relationship, he didn't feel the passion, etc. We had no contact for 6 months. I knew through a friend he dated someone for a month during that time.

During those 6 months, I was exactly like you. I was depressed, lost 20 pounds, slept and cried, and was really miserable. Every day was a struggle just to get through. Looking back it was a blur. I had a brief 2 month relationship, but I wasn’t nearly ready. It was just a distraction. Every day I acknowledged that I was depressed and wanted him back.

Then, out the blue, my ex called and wanted me back. He begged, said he had changed, etc. I wasn’t going to get hurt again, so I was sure to ask him all the “are you ready for a commitment,” “have you changed,” “what was wrong with us the first time,” “did you leave me for someone else,” questions. After he gave me all the answers I needed to hear, I took him back.

Things were great for three months. Then, one day he was a little distant. At the end of that week, he asked me for space and time, told me he was depressed, that he thought his medications were making him feel lethargic. He didn’t want a breakup.

Two weeks went by. He wasn’t calling, wasn’t returning calls, etc. Finally, I told him that we had to break up. There was no way I could support someone who wasn’t even talking to me. And eventually, if he was ignoring me, I wouldn’t even LIKE him as a person, much less love him anymore. If he needed me and wanted me to support him through the depression than that would be great. He STILL didn’t want to break up. He asked for a break. I said NO. Really, what was the point? We had all but broken up anyway.

So, it’s been two weeks without contact. Tonight I went over to his house to see if he wanted to go for a walk. I figured that as his friend, I would encourage my depressed, lethargic sad ex-boyfriend to get out of the house. Well, depression has been suiting him just fine. He was clean shaven, looked nice, dressed up, his car was freshly washed, and obviously he was anxious to have me leave his house. Turns out he had a date with someone he’s been seeing for several weeks, since before the break-UP.

The whole point of this is to tell you that
1. he’ll come back to you. That’s a given. He will call, and if you let him into you life by returning the calls, then you may even get back together, whether right or wrong
2. Sometimes a breakup needs a couple times to stick. Sometimes we just keep trying to make something work when it never will. It's not illegal to give the relationship another try, you just have to know you might get burned again.
3. Everything you’re feeling is natural. Every day is a challenge but remember that you are the normal one and you WILL get through this. You can't change him and what he does. You can only change how you will deal with him.
4. This happens to almost everyone. You and I are not the one people on earth to go through it.

So, put on some “hopelessly devoted to you,” cry your eyes out tonight ONLY, then tomorrow, put on Gloria Gaynor’s “ I will Survive,” (or the Cake remake of it which is much more angry), and move on with your life. That’s what I’m going to do.

Hang in there

Hey groovygal!
Thank you so much for the advice. I'm so confused and torn about this whole thing.I mean I don't even know what his intentions are, maybe he just wants to be friends and has no interest what's so ever to get back together. I really don't know. All I know is that I can't get my hopes up. For some reason my heart is telling me that getting back together would be the right thing to do. I mean at one point I thought he was THE ONE and I know he felt the same way for me. I know we both did things wrong in the relationship, I know I did something's wrong too, so maybe if we had another chance, we could have a better relationship. I really don't know. Its so hard. All I know is that I'm still totally in love with him, and maybe he needed time apart to realize that he loves me too. I don't know. Its all so confusing.

Stop all contact for 6 months, and work on finding happiness without him. Stay busy focusing on yourself and what makes you happy without him. When he calls be busy or unavailable, which means brief or not at all. Hard as it will be, it will benefit your emotions, and give you the clarity you don't have now.

Its been almost two months, since my boyfriend broke up with me out of nowhere. Well today I went back to our place for the first time in a long time to pick up the rest of my stuff. He was supposed to be at work till later but while I was there he actually called me. He asked what I was doing and I told him I was actually there at his place picking up my stuff. And he was like oh OK, and then he asked me If I wanted to grab something to eat with him. SO of course I said OK. He was being really nice, so I figured why not. So we went to get some food,we had fun, we talked, kidded each other and just felt like old times. I was going to pay for my dinner but he insisted on paying and it really just felt like back in the day. Well anyway, before all that happened, when I first got to his apt, I saw that he had taken out all this stuff that I have ever given him. I once gave him this big stuffed penguin and one other stuffed animal and they were both laying on his bed like he's been sleeping with them. I also gave him a couple of other things, a bubblehead doll and this picture and they were both hanging above his bed when they weren't there before. Also cards that I had given him for valentines day and his birthday and stuff where sitting on his desk like he's been reading them recently. Also my notepad that I had always used to write important things was laying on his bed so I picked it up and in it was a poem that he had written. It was about all the pain that he was in and how we sometimes thought he wanted to end it all, it was just really depressing.
So when we came back from dinner I asked him. I said do you ever miss me? And he just flat out said no. I asked him if he was over me and he said yes. I said how do you get over someone that fast. And he said you know me, I can burry stuff deep inside.
But the thing is that while he was telling me that he was over me and wasn't missing me, I could pretty much tell that he was lying. So my question is why would he do all that stuff and then just flat out tell me he is over me? It doesn't make any sense. Is he just saying that to make himself believe it? Or is he really just over me?

He broke up with you "out of nowhere"... or there were signs and you either may not have seen them or have not been willing to see them... sometimes, when we love somebody so much this happens...

He is obviously over you.
So you went out to have something to eat, he was nice...

He broke up with you.
He tells you he does not miss you.

Move on.
Don't look for meanings that may not even be there.

Don't go into the pretzel brain twisting... not a good thing.

Anyone else have any advice? Id really appreciate it.