Hi! My husband has a 6 yr old that he has never seen, the mother refuses the right for him to talk to him or contact him in any way, but the crazy person still receives her monthly check. So what I'm asking is how do we go about filling for child abandonment? He has no interaction with the child what so ever, the child is in a state almost 1000 miles away so its not like we could do weekend visits or any thing, but like I've said he has had no contact since the child was born, he doesn't even know what the child looks like. We would like to start a family and by all means proved on the Internet he has the right to not pay for that child. By the way the child has a "father" and mother that are together and raise the child. Please help!!

When parents separate and cannot resolve issues, it ends up in court, or should. Why is child abandonment against the father an option for the father? That's crazy. The father needs to know his rights and fight for them in a reasonable way, rather than going along with the program, and blaming distance and her for his predicament. An informed father can make an informed decision.

You both need to be much better informed so he can handle his business. I doubt any lawyer or court would allow a father to file abandonment against himself, nor allow a mother to file, given the circumstances.

I even question the Internet premise that he has a right NOT to pay child support. You rally doneed a lawyer to consult and find out what the law says, NOT just depend on the Internet.

First, what do you think filing for child abandonment will do for you? Second, where do you get the idea that it can be "proved ... he has the right to not pay for that child."

Does he dispute he fathered the child? If he is the father then he has a responsibility to, at least, financially support that child. There is no way he can get out of that responsibility!

As to not seeing the child, what has he done to try? Did he ever go to court to get partial custody and visitation? The mother does not have the right to keep the child from him if he gets a court order for visitation.

So, to summarize:

1) If he fathered the child he has a responsibility to pay child support
2) There is no issue of abandonment here
3) If he isn't a part of the child's life, it may be more his fault than the mother's.

Well he has never met the child and doesn't exactly have the money to fly the child out, even if the mother did agree. Child abandonment is the only way for us, with the mother like she is he wants nothing to do with it and simply wants to move on. And its not crazy, why should he pay for something he will never get to see or talk to? This is a informed decision, I have read up on it but most of the internet is geared towards the mother abandoning but its not like were doing that, as I've said the child has a father figure and doesn't even know that that is not his real father.

The court will find abandonment where the evidence shows that the parent "voluntarily left the child alone or in the possession of another not the parent." If, upon leaving the child with the nonparent, the parent "expressed an intent not to return," that will be sufficient. If the parent did not express such intent, but did not provide for child support, the parent must be away for three months before the court will make the abandonment finding.

If the parent left the child alone or with someone else, including the other parent, and fails to provide for support for six months, the parent is considered to have abandoned the child.

As per the law of my state technically he already has "abandoned" the child

Child abandonment is the only way for us, ... And its not crazy, why should he pay for something he will never get to see or talk to?

If you think Child Abandonment is the only way for you, then you have no way. Child abandonment may be used as grounds for something else. But it is NOT grounds for ceasing support. You are saying that he abandoned the child therefore he shouldn't have to pay. It does NOT work that way. As I said before, if he is the father, then he has a responsibility to pay and no court anywhere will relieve him of that responsibility. You ask why he should "pay for something he will never get to see". I've answered that, because he fathered the child. As soon as he decided to have sex with this woman, he took on responsibility for whatever resulted from that encounter. So you can forget about him getting out of that responsibility.

There is one way that he may be able to get out of it. That would be if the mother remarries and the step father wants to adopt the child. And there is nothing he can do to get that to happen. It would be totally up to mother and step father.

I don't know about this law you were quoting. When referencing some law you should include a link to where you found the law so we can refer to it and see how it applies. But, as I said, it does not apply to his situation.

I'm sorry, I know this is not what you want to hear, but you are not making an "informed decision". You are looking for ways out of a situation that you don't like. But, unfortunately, for him and you, the ways you think will get you out do not apply.

Bottom line, no court is going to relieve him of the responsibility for support unless someone adopts the child.

What he could have considered doing, six years ago, was not agreeing to the mother moving the child 1,000 miles away, with the help of legal advice.

I think you don't like the idea of money going out of your budget with your husband, to pay child support. I think most reasonable people would be putting the child first, and realizing it isn't an option to pay support. He has many more years to go.

I don't get the impression that you are encouraging your husband to seek contact with his daughter. You just want the child out of the picture. Many adults are mature enough to do whatever is necessary in order to maintain contact.

He should seek legal counsel as has been suggested, and find out what he can do- now- to gain access, and at least information and updates, and exchange information, etc. If you and your husband can afford to start a family, surely you can afford a couple of airline tickets to go and see this child?

I even question the Internet premise that he has a right NOT to pay child support. You rally do need a lawyer to consult and find out what the law says, NOT just depend on the Internet.
More than just question the premise; it's just flat-out incorrect.

But yes, they really need to consult an attorney (in the state where the child lives).

A couple of questions here:


Is OP husband named on the birth certificate?
Is there a court order (or administrative order) requiring him to pay child support, or has he merely been paying voluntarily?