Okay, my boyfriend and I have been dating almost 8 months and I truly think we are in love. He's 17 and I'm 18 and I'm sure people think "this is dumb. they're so young. stupid kids". Be we are very very mature for our age. We met through work and our relationship took off. We've invested so much time into each other that we are each other's other half, leaving isn't an option. We look at our relationship like a marriage, no walking away, deal with problems, etc. But lately the same argument keeps coming up and it's straining our relationship. We had sex for the first time 3 months into dating, We both had the morals that you should be in love when you do it and it's not just something you do, it means something and it's a very special connection. We lost our virginities to each other. At first, the sex was rocky but over time it got better. At the time it was summer and of course we had nothing else to do so we had sex almost every day. I just graduated high school at the time. Now I'm a freshman in college and he's a senior in high school. I am a biology premed major so obviously I don't have much time outside of school. I take school and work very seriously and I have to get good grades, no exception. Now that I'm in college, I don't have time for him like I used to. I still see him almost every day, but I'm usually doing work while he's with me or I'll see him for an hour or two. Every time I'm with him he wants to have sex. I get that he's a horny 17 year old boy in his first serious relationship and he doesn't have anything to do really because he's still in high school and doesn't care about school like I do. He understands my situation and tells me he never wants me to pick him over school and that he wants me to get my work done. But every time I'm with him doing work he'll start kissing my ear or neck and pouts that he wants to have sex. I'm fine with having sex, but my reasoning is, there's a time and a place for it. Obviously, life isn't perfect and you can't have sex all the time. I'm fine with having it 2-3 times a week when there's time or it's the weekend. He says normal couples have it at least 6 times a week. When we go three days without, he gets miserable and cranky. If I don't want to, he'll say it's because I just don't love him as much. He says, "I don't want to have to suppress my urges, we're kids, lets be kids." If he comes over my house, he'll want to do it on my couch or in the car or in my bathroom while my parents are upstairs. I'm sorry, I think that's disgusting. It's called making love for a reason. A small cramped bathroom is not the place to make love, that's just a last resort when you're horny and want to get it in. If I'm going to have sex, I want there to be privacy and no time restraint and romance, not sitting on a sink top or a toilet or cramped in a car worrying if someone will see. I love him, I do, but I do not need to have sex every day. Just being with him is good enough for me and when I have a thousand other things to do, sex is the last thing on my mind and I can't focus. I tell him, "Do you really want me to be uncomfortable? Just do it because you want to and not enjoy myself?" He says no but then says that I'm closed minded and that the possibility of getting caught is exciting, I think that's just horrible. Sometimes I feel like he's just in it for the sex and that's all he thinks about. We argue about this all the time and it just ends in us being mad at each other for a while until we finally have time to make love and make up. I'm scared that our relationship will end if we keep fighting about it. I don't know what to do. If it was summer, I'd obviously have sex with him more, but I will not have a ten minute "quickie" just to have sex. That is not what I want, that is not making love. If you're that horny, there's a problem. I can't just put off my classes and schoolwork to have sex. Usually, I have a good amount of time for him on thursdays or tuesdays and the weekend but then he says that we're scheduling sex and we shouldn't have to do that. We should be able to do it whenever the feeling strikes and I say that just isn't realistic. You can't push someone to change their attitude when it comes to sex, it's wrong. I like having sex but I wouldn't consider myself a horny person. If we ever have sex it's because he comes on to me and puts me in the mood. I never just go "wow, I really want sex I'm horny" ever. I never just feel the urge to do it. I don't know if there's something wrong with me, but I'm also very mature and know what needs to come first and what I need to do, there's always something to do. So when I'm thinking of a million things I have to do, of course I'm not going to be horny thinking about sex. I know my best friend went through this exact situation with her boyfriend and it was the very reason they broke up. I feel like if this keeps happening, it is going to destroy us. We'll have a really bad fight over it, he'll leave, think about it, come back and he'll say he's being selfish and he's sorry and needs to learn to just be patient and he knows that I have a lot of stuff going on. He'll say he's not mad and we'll be fine for a day until he gets horny again and the same thing happens. The problem is that I can't even kiss him without him trying to unbutton my pants. Any touch, or kiss makes him horny and he says it's just because he loves me so much and wants to be as close as he can to me. I like being close to him too and a couple times a week is enough, you don't need to do it everyday. And if I tell him no he feels that I don't love him and I'm rejecting him which hits his self esteem. I feel like he needs to have sex to show him that I love him. I know he has self esteem and security problems because of his rough childhood with his crazy dad who left them when he was young. He says love is just a word and you have to show that you love someone, "actions speak louder than words" is his favorite quote. I can't just say I love him, it's like I have to show it every day through sex even though I do a lot of things for him to show him I love him and he shows me he loves me through the little things he does for me. Can anybody help us?

Obviously, life isn't perfect and you can't have sex all the time. I'm fine with having it 2-3 times a week when there's time or it's the weekend. He says normal couples have it at least 6 times a week. When we go three days without, he gets miserable and cranky. If I don't want to, he'll say it's because I just don't love him as much. He says, "I don't want to have to suppress my urges, we're kids, lets be kids.

This is going to sound harsh, but didn't you start your question off saying how mature you both are? Doesn't sound like he's nearly as mature as you think he is, and no, normal couples don't have sex 6 times a week. Normal couples aren't kids, have to work, have kids to raise, and sex every day just isn't possible.


I love him, I do, but I do not need to have sex every day. Just being with him is good enough for me and when I have a thousand other things to do, sex is the last thing on my mind and I can't focus. I tell him, "Do you really want me to be uncomfortable? Just do it because you want to and not enjoy myself?" He says no but then says that I'm closed minded and that the possibility of getting caught is exciting

Translation "I'm a 17 year old boy, and sex is the only thing on my mind, it's on my mind 24/7. I pretend to understand where you're coming from, but really, all I want is sex, sex, and more sex.


If it was summer, I'd obviously have sex with him more, but I will not have a ten minute "quickie" just to have sex. That is not what I want, that is not making love. If you're that horny, there's a problem.

That's the difference between men and women. Women want to believe they're making love. Men, they don't care, as long as they get sex. He's that horny because he's a 17 year old male. It's not a problem, it's just nature. The problem here isn't that he's always horny, that's normal for his age. The problem is that sex is all that matters to him. He won't listen to how you feel, he won't accept sex 2 or 3 times a week, he wants it every day, all day if he can get it, and until he does, he won't be happy. That speaks volumes for his maturity.


He'll say he's not mad and we'll be fine for a day until he gets horny again and the same thing happens. The problem is that I can't even kiss him without him trying to unbutton my pants. Any touch, or kiss makes him horny and he says it's just because he loves me so much and wants to be as close as he can to me.

LMAO! I guess that's what boys say now. In my day boys said "If a guy doesn't have sex at least every 2 days, he can die!" Too many girls fell for that one. Sex isn't love. If he can't love you without having sex, he doesn't love you at all. He loves the sex.


He says love is just a word and you have to show that you love someone, "actions speak louder than words" is his favorite quote. I can't just say I love him, it's like I have to show it every day through sex even though I do a lot of things for him to show him I love him and he shows me he loves me through the little things he does for me. Can anybody help us?

Wow! Now I want to smack him. He actually told you that you have to have sex with him to show you love him? What an a$$! I don't give a crap about his past, there are people (myself included) that had it a lot rougher than he did, and we didn't use people for our own satisfaction.

Sex isn't love. If you have to have sex with him to show you love him, than he doesn't deserve your love, nor does he return it.

You started this question saying you're mature for your age. If you really are as mature as you claim to be, read your entire thread, the whole page long paragraph, and figure this out. It really is a no brainer.

Me, I'd tell him you no longer want to have sex, you want to work on your actual relationship, and sex isn't a part of that. If he doesn't want to have a relationship without sex, then his words of love are just that, words. Showing you love someone goes two ways. He only has one way, and it's sex. Don't put out, and he won't love you. Cross your legs and he'll find someone that won't. That's my prediction. But hey, maybe he'll surprise me and actually listen. But sex isn't love. If you can't show him love without sex, you have nothing but sex. Love doesn't exist in this relationship unless he can go without and still stay by your side.

Good luck.