Hi, I was dating this girl for about three years. Let's call her Sarah for this post's sake. We were young. She went overseas to study, and I had to stay behind to serve the army. I couldn't commit enough time to give her the attention she deserved. She found someone else there, and I somehow found out but I didn't tell her I knew.

When she came back about 4 months later for the holidays, she asked to meet because she wanted to tell me what had happened.

Thing is, I still loved her, but I guess my ego didn't let me forgive her enough to try again. And this is my biggest regret - not even trying.

I did ask her out for a final date a few days later however. We held hands and pretended nothing had changed. sort of like having a day outside of reality. The best date I have ever had in my life. And at the end of it, we broke up.

It was the best and most sweetest break up I have ever had. We are still friends now, about 3-4 years later. I've had two relationships since, and she has had one.

I convinced myself that the girl I am currently with is good and right for me. And let's call this one Jane.

However, I've recently gone abroad to study too. And the time alone to reflect on my life without distractions, has made me realize that nothing much has changed. Except that I absolutely don't care about past mistakes. I love Sarah. And it's not really the first time I've felt this way. These feelings have always been resurfacing no matter how hard I try to shrug them off. Just that it's stronger now than ever.

I don't know if Sarah would feel the same way about me. Jane loves me to bits, and I really feel like a terrible person every time I have to lie to her about my feelings now. I know the right thing to do is to break up with her and not lead her on. But I hate doing it overseas, and on the phone.

I should wait until I return home in 3 months to break up with Jane. Then talk to Sarah, and find out she doesn't love me the same. And eventually end up with what I deserve. Alone. Right?

I'm not being emo, but I'm trying to be as realistic and as fair as possible to Jane and Sarah.

Sorry I really can't repress these feelings. I have to let it go somewhere. And I really just need some honest unbiased comments. Please. Thanks guys.

Hopeless unrequited love is the stuff of my great romance novels. In reality they keep you stuck and distracted on the great things you have done and the people you have met. In truth you have wrapped your happiness in replacing someone that dumped you 3/4 years ago?

You haven't dealt with your feelings very well and Jane is no longer the object of affection she once was. Now you face a decision, dumping Jane. In order to rationalize it and NOT be alone you drift back to the great love that got away. I get your feelings have changed for Jane, it's a normal part of life and common for a partner to have those changes in feelings of romance and love. Sarah did.

So break up and be alone and move forward in your life and see what the future brings, alone or not (probably not), and give up for now the notion that there is a chance at what has already failed. You need time to heal from this latest relationship, and then look around at your options and opportunities after you are healthy, and not just give in to the fear and guilt, frustration of a break up, or the fact you may be alone for sometime.

Chasing old feelings and memories of past happiness and romance is hardly a good idea when dealing with present disapointments. So be alone and without a relationship for a while to think and regroup before you even consider retracing your past.

Fight for sanity, and clear thought not for love. Or what is probably a false hope for love.

Build a life that you enjoy without Jane, or Sarah, with friends, family, and activities, and endeavors, that make you happy. Who knows who you will meet, and attract by doing so.

Hello Ben:

Sorry I really can't repress these feelings. I have to let it go somewhere. And I really just need some honest unbiased comments. Please. Thanks guys.
This is easy. You don't need to repress ANYTHING.. BE in love with her. There's NOTHING wrong with that.. I'm STILL in love with EVERY girl I ever loved, and that includes Jane Crocker in the 3rd grade.

Oh, I can't BE WITH Jane, as you can't BE WITH your old gf, but that doesn't mean you have to stop loving her.

excon

Wow, that was really good advise.
Thank you so much for your time and help.

It really does make a lot of sense.
I really will think twice about what I want to do now.

Thanks again. :)
I really appreciate it.