I'm 19 and have been graduated from high school for almost 2 years now. I have silently questioned my sexuality since I was in middle school, then just suppressed it once I got to high school, but it still kind of came to my attention at times during. My best friend, also 19, and I met in our favorite teacher's classroom when I was a junior and she was a sophomore. We were inseparable for the rest of that year. I was there for her for everything and she was there for me as well. We would tell each other pretty much everything and be completely honest with each other. We would talk on the phone most nights for at least half an hour. She began to help me with my depression and I would listen to her about her passion and family. We would constantly play with other's hair and I love playing with girl's hair, because I love the way it feels when my fingers brush through their hair, and I love the way it feels when people play with my hair. It relaxes me, so we would do that often and she would also comment on my physique a lot, not always good comments though. You can say we were each other's first best friends. Well I have always play flirted and acted as a little lesbian with most of my friends and never thought anything of it, but the first time I ever did that with her, something felt different. I played footsies with her, because I thought it was funny and cute how she would get all flustered, but I just ignored the slightly unusual feeling I had. Then for her sister's graduation she grabbed my hand and held it, so we wouldn't get lost in the crowd. I felt butterflies and got a little smile when she did that. We ended up finding her sister and meeting back up with her family, but we were still holding hands for a little while. Once again I just brushed off the feelings. After that there was a time when we were hanging out at my house and she was telling me how she missed me and loved me (We tell each other we love each other often, but as sisters) but when she did she gave me a really big hug and we fell on my bed with her on top of me. We laid there for a while and I started to feel something down south and thoughts began to pop into my head, but when she finally got up I just tried to act like nothing happened. That would be the first time I really began to question our friendship as just a friendship. I never really tried to ask her if she has ever had feelings for me, because she would always tell me she was straight and I was always kind of nervous to like a girl. I was not really brought up religiously, but my family has always frowned upon same sex relationships, so I was always told that it was a sin and what not, but now that I am a Christian and am taking my spiritual path, I am learning that love is love and we are not to judge. My parents and immediate family have said they would accept it if it were to happen, but they think it will be my brother to come out as gay. I doubt they think it would be me saying I'm in love with my best friend. As for my friend, well she was brought up as a catholic and even volunteers at the church. Her mom is completely against same sex relationships, so that definitely would keep my friend in the "closet" if she were. So like I said I never asked her or myself, because I never thought it was right. I did constantly question her sexuality though, because she would always want it to be just us two when we would hang out and get extremely jealous when someone else had my attention. She would also say little almost romantic things when we would hangout, so I would joke around and tell her that I was straight and would not be her girlfriend, she would get really defensive and protest that she was straight as well. So that's why I would always dismiss any feelings I had, but a few months ago after making up over a huge fallout (We have had many little fall outs, mainly because I didn't spend as much time with her as my other friends) we hung out and for most of the day I was happy and enjoyed her company, but I was a little nervous because a few weeks before I had a dream where we confessed our feelings for each other and kissed, so a part of me was not at ease. Anyway that night when I took her home, we sat in my car for hours talking. She told me that would constantly forgive me for treating her badly because she considered me as her "first love" when it came to friends. I compared myself to an ex that I had plenty of trouble getting over and realized I was an "." She laughed and said that I was a cute one though. I sat silently and played with my ring, she asked me what I was thinking about and a part of me wanted to tell her that I might have feelings for her in ways that I had feelings for guys, but instead I looked away said that I felt bad for always being a bad friend. Her sister and brother then came out and interrupted our conversation for a while and when we finally were by ourselves again, we realized it was very late and her mom would probably be wondering why she hadn't gone in the house yet. She laughed and said, "She probably thinks I'm having sex." I got really uncomfortable and told her, "She would throw a fit, because 1. Premarital sex is a sin and 2. Same sex relationships is even more of a "sin." She just laughed again. Finally her mom came out and told her to go inside, we made plans to spend her birthday gazing at the stars, she got out the car, made me get out the car to give her a full hug, and went inside. The next few days, I was completely repelled to talk to her. I ignored her text messages and Facebook notifications. The day before her birthday I told her I couldn't spend it with her and then stopped talking to her again. That almost 2 months ago, we have barely spoken since then. I don't know if I should try telling her that I might have feelings for her and that's why I have been acting so distant, because I didn't know how to handle them, or if I should just let it go along with our friendship. Can somebody help me? And do you think it seems like she has feelings for me?

You went from warm and loving to cold turkey without a word, and it's been 2 months? Ouch.
She may be so hurt by now that who knows if you can even regain what you had, but you should certainly tell her the truth. I would write it down first, and maybe send her a letter (that her parents won't open!) about why you 'repelled' her.

It's impossible to say what she was feeling, regardless of how much you write, because it's your viewpoint, and we aren't hearing from her. You can't go online and get assurances that she felt romantic towards you, no matter how it sounds. It's something only you can find out, and the only way you can find out is by telling her how you feel.
And don't forget to apologize.

I agree with Joy.

I would also add stop the game playing. That is to both of you two. Appreciate the fact that good friends don't come along every day.

Tell her the truth. "I think I am gay and am not ready to fully accept it. I also think I am in love with you and am afraid of rejection and losing your friendship. I feel like we've both been testing the situation and it scares me." If she is the great friend you say she is, she will be compassionate even if she maintains that she is straight. She sounds like she has the same concerns and may also be gay. In any event, you have a duty to be truthful in relationships. Your treatment of her is not right, so fix it!

First, there is not "one sin" worst than another sin, sorry it is all just sin. I have no idea where people get these ideas.

Next honesty is a must, things bad because you were never honest with best friend

First, there is not "one sin" worst than another sin, sorry it is all just sin. I have no idea where people get these ideas.

Next honesty is a must, things bad because you were never honest with best friend

I agree. I think it may be our way of thinking that makes us think of one sin being worse than another one. I mean is a little white lie better than a full blown one? No.