Lately, I've been really confused and I think it's time for me to get some advice from a man's point of view.

5 months ago I broke up with a man I have been in a relationship with for over 3 years. I felt like there is no point in anything anymore like there is not even a point in getting up in the morning. I was broke. I was sad, confused, lonely and angry.

After some time, my friend decided to take me with her to a country where she used to live so that I can have some time away from everything and to just forget about everything.

We were just taking care of ourselves. I swore to myself that I will never be so naïve and stupid again and I will not fall in love, at least not for a while. It's not like I didn't look at men or anything, exactly the opposite I would start noticing men and I finally belcame more confident with myself but I just didn't want any relationships.

I met this guy. The moment we saw each other I knew that he thought I was attractive, it was very obvious. The way he looked at me.. He kept looking at me when he was talking to someone else and kept turning around to see where I was and I fancied him too.

A few days after we met again and this time we actually spoke to each other. We kept talking and talking and talking... We went for a walk and ended up in a hotel room. I'm kind of embarrassed but yeah, IT happened, first man since so long.

The next day he walked me home and when I told my friend about it she said I was stupid because he will not talk to me again as she knows him and that's what he's like. It made me feel a bit cheap, but I didn't expect anything from him.

After a few hours I received a phone call from him even though everyone warned me he won't call me. We kept texting and phoning each other. We still do even though I'm back to where I live and he's in a different country...

We talk for about 2 months now and at first it was just normal stuff like how was your day kind of thing but then after some time we started talking about our lives he shared his problems with me I shred mines and after some time he told me that he loves me, to me is a bit crazy to fall in love that fast but he just kept saying that he does I never said I loved him back...

After some time he kind of opened up to me even more which surprised me but I was quiet happy to give him advice and all that.

He would let me know what's happening in his life and talk to me about it, but suddenly he stopped talking for a while which made me think of what my friend said about him but I also knew he was going through some hard time so I got really confused and decided to phone him he explained he needs time so I gave him time and now we talk again..

He complains that I never speak to him first but when I do he ignors me or says brb and he never does but when I add pics on fb from a night out he gets really jealous

He told me he wants to be with me and he hopes that I want it too and he remembered what side of bed I like to sleep on which makes me happy but he seems kind of indifferent when we talk.

I am going over to see him soon but I'm kind of scared as I don't really know what he expects from me. I don't know if he wants a relationship or just a good time.. I guess I'm just too shy to ask him.

I hope you people can give me some advice and tell me what you think about this whole situation?

Although you slept with him on the first night you guys hung out, there's no reason to be emberassed. People make mistakes and eventually move on. As for the trip to go see him again, I suggest talking to him the way you guys normally do, but when things start to get intense and you feel as though he wants to do it again, think about it. If you're fine with doing it again, then have at it. If not, don't be shy to speak up. If it's something you're not comfortable with doing, then don't. If he doesn't understand your reasoning, he wasn't worth the trip. The whole "ignoring you" thing is somewhat mysterious. I mean, it's just a text or a phone call, no biggy. If he really loved you like he said he did, he would find time for you and on top of that he wouldn't pressure you to do it again when you go to visit him. As for your friends, listening to them sometimes is fine but you also have to question and look into things yourself. Don't always depend on what other people tell you because they might not always be the right thing or true. Good luck with your trip, I hope I helped (:

I suspect that all the times he says brb and doesn't come back means that he's playing the field.
I suspect that he does genuinely like you.
I suspect that he strikes out a lot with women, as most guys who chase every girl in sight do, and when he does, he wonders if maybe he should settle down. But then continues to be a player.

I don't think that going to see him is a good idea. For one thing, 5 months ago you were broke. What changed? Who's paying for this? He should be the one visiting you. Otherwise your fears are justified: what does he want? Who knows? It's still a very superficial relationship, despite all the talking.

It isn't so much that you hopped into bed with him so quickly, it's more that you need to know a lot more about someone before you tie up your emotions on him. You don't even live in the same country! The odds of anything working out are slim on that fact alone. Are you prepared to move there, even if you get dumped after 6 months?

I suspect that all the times he says brb and doesn't come back means that he's playing the field.
I suspect that he does genuinely like you.
I suspect that he strikes out a lot with women, as most guys who chase every girl in sight do, and when he does, he wonders if maybe he should settle down. But then continues to be a player.

I don't think that going to see him is a good idea. For one thing, 5 months ago you were broke. What changed? Who's paying for this? He should be the one visiting you. Otherwise your fears are justified: what does he want? Who knows? It's still a very superficial relationship, despite all the talking.

It isn't so much that you hopped into bed with him so quickly, it's more that you need to know a lot more about someone before you tie up your emotions on him. You don't even live in the same country! The odds of anything working out are slim on that fact alone. Are you prepared to move there, even if you get dumped after 6 months?

You're totally right, I mean he begged me to come as he just lost his mum and maybe he noticed that I do care for him he offered to pay for my trip but I didn't want him to. When I said was broke I meant emotionally because of my ex but this guy kind of made me open my eyes. I'm just a little bit confused and wonder how he feels about me. Thank you for your help, I appreciate that :)


Although you slept with him on the first night you guys hung out, theres no reason to be emberassed. People make mistakes and eventually move on. As for the trip to go see him again, I suggest talking to him the way you guys normally do, but when things start to get intense and you feel as though he wants to do it again, think about it. If you're fine with doing it again, then have at it. If not, don't be shy to speak up. If it's something you're not comfortable with doing, then don't. If he doesn't understand your reasoning, he wasn't worth the trip. The whole "ignoring you" thing is somewhat mysterious. I mean, it's just a text or a phone call, no biggy. If he really loved you like he said he did, he would find time for you and on top of that he wouldn't pressure you to do it again when you go to visit him. As for your friends, listening to them sometimes is fine but you also have to question and look into things yourself. Don't always depend on what other people tell you because they might not always be the right thing or true. Good luck with your trip, I hope I helped (:

Thank you :)... I tend to overthink stuff and maybe that's why I'm cofused and decided to put it here. I didn't know if it was a good idea for me to go and visit him but I thought to myself that I'd rather go and see what happens than not to go and wonder what would have happened :) so thank you for your time

The whole point in you going to visit your friend was to get away from all the drama, hurt, and depression of getting over a long term relationship. The adapting to life without your boyfriend of 3 years, takes time. I think it was a good idea to just go and do something different and enjoy yourself.

But, to sleep with a guy right off the bat, was, in my opinion, a huge mistake. Sure we all make mistakes, but, what were you thinking? A relationship doesn't usually work out too well with two strangers in a hotel room for a few hours...

My opinion now is, that his impression of you is, you're easy, and he can say very little to keep you interested, and just enough to get you to visit. And the purpose of that visit is what?

I would wait at least a few months and correspond with him, and see if the doubts you already have dissipate, and you actually do find some substance through your conversations with him, to justify going back again to see him.

I put a lot of faith in my friends, and when I get a warning about a person, I listen. Your friend had your best interests at heart when she not only had you to visit, but warned you clearly that the guy was a player. Why didn't you listen.

I think it's a really bad idea to put too much faith (not to mention money to travel) into seeing a man that you do not know.

Please allow yourself time as I said, and while your friend may be wrong about him, what you have said about him so far, says she was right.

As long as you are willing to go see him its obvious he will take it, but I bet he doesn't want you bad enough to come see you. Betting that's as far as the attraction goes, you making yourself available to get some feel good to replace what you lost.

I thought you were to broke for this nonsense? Who's paying for this booty call?