Hi I am a 21 year old college student and have always been a strong willed and stress free person. I have had a girlfriend for over a year now and feel very connected to her in every way. She is the most important thing to me and I love her to death.

For some reason about 2 months ago I started feeling anxiety while at school. This anxiety lasted about a week until I finally got control of it. A few days later the anxious feelings came back along with some unwanted thoughts. The more I tried to get rid of the thoughts the stronger they became. Eventually the thoughts developed into unwanted gay/homosexual thoughts. It started as "are you gay?" Or "your gay" a few times a day, then developed to more serious gay thoughts for the majority of the day.

I have never had an attraction towards the same sex and can honestly say I love women. But now that all these thoughts are running through my head it has become harder to think that way. I have always been able to get hard and stay hard easily but with these thoughts running through my head it has become a lot more difficult. I don't want this to ruin my relationship or my view on women. I know I'm not gay but how do I get these thoughts to stop and realize that?

Just wondering if anyone has gone through this before and how you dealt with it. These thoughts are very persistent and annoying. I need to get rid of them before they ruin my relationship and life. Please help!

Why are you giving these thoughts so much power over your whole life when they are just thoughts, often triggered by events or just daily happenings. Or even a TV commercial. Met any gay people you like as people lately? Thoughts can come from anywhere, anytime, at anyplace so just keep them in perspective and don't dwell or get to carried away by them.

Why even worry if YOU KNOW you aren't gay? Don't let random thought bother you, next year will be something else.

That is true, but for some reason I just can't get rid of them. They follow me everywhere, no matter what I might be doing! I have an aunt and uncle that are gay and everyone in the family including me is totally fine with it. I just hope I'm not turing gay. Any tips on dealing with these thoughts?

Stop dwelling on turning gay. Its not a disease that runs in your family. Or any family. Hell its not a disease or CHOICE, and you cannot TURN gay. Despite the hype and misinformation, its just another variety of human.

You must have too much time on your hands lately. Or are a worry wart, must be stress. Got stress? Or are you confused about life and the future and UNSURE of yourself?

I'd suggest that you talk about this with your uncle.
We have one regular here at the moment who is openly gay, and also eloquent and very helpful. Hopefully he will be along.

Do you ever find yourself dwelling on something that makes you cringe with embarrassment? What color that person's skin was who did something you didn't like, what innuendo someone made that was really innocent but it hit you as sexual, what country makes you so mad you want to nuke every citizen?
I used to buy a sweet and a gallon of milk when I got gas, and joked with the clerk about buying out the store of that sweet. One day I didn't say a word but he said 'You know you want it,' and I said 'No, I'm making my own these days.' I went home and became obsessed with him meaning 'You know you want SEX' for about a week. Drove me nuts, and I couldn't stop thinking about it, until I went in and sort of growled at him about nothing in particular, just called him a troublemaker.
Not the same as gay anxiety, but I can't imagine any young person not wondering. I know I did.
I sort of like what I heard from one young woman, to paraphrase: I don't consider myself straight, gay, or bi; I am what I feel for someone at the time. I've know some gay men who feel intense love for women, and jealousy too, not wanting them to be 'involved' with anyone else. Sex is not the important part of many relationships. Sex might not even be part of it at all. Most people are clearly defined but not all by any means.
Maybe you want to experiment. Maybe you just have irrational fear because you think you can't have 'thoughts.' Only you can figure that out.

I just want to say thank you for spending your time helping a complete stranger, your obviously a very kind person. I am going to arrange a meeting with a therapist tomorrow to see how that goes. I don't want to experiment with any gay men or even look at gay porn. The one time I did left disgusting images in my head that were even harder to get rid of. Honestly I know that I'm not gay or even bi, I have never felt attracted towards another man ever! But these thoughts just keep reoccurring and haunting me. I can't focus on my studies or relationship properly and I don't want either of them to fall apart. I know I love my girlfriend with all my heart, but I just need my head to be back where it was a few months ago. How long do you think it will take me to get over this? Ive been through many forums that suggest different ways of dealing with the HOCD but none have worked long term for me. I just want have the reassurance that I will be myself again one day.


Stop dwelling on turning gay. Its not a disease that runs in your family. Or any family. Hell its not a disease or CHOICE, and you cannot TURN gay. Despite the hype and misinformation, its just another variety of human.

You must have too much time on your hands lately. Or are a worry wart, must be stress. Got stress? Or are you confused about life and the future and UNSURE of yourself?

I am currently enrolled in university and wouldn't say that I have too much time on my hands. But I guess you could say that I am a bit of a worry wart. Is there a certain point in your life that you can turn gay? Or is it always there? This is the one and only time I have felt this way that's why it is causing me such concern. Thanks again for your help, it has already started to make me feel better!

Countless men 'turn gay' (as you say, although it isn't really turning) anytime, even after years of marriage to a woman, and having children. They don't suddenly find women revolting. It's usually more of a realization that was there all along, an undercurrent, a maturing of the mind that allows someone to think for himself, free of family and social pressures. They don't lose love for their families. It's just not black and white! And there's no rules, or sets of statistics, because the variety is infinite. Plenty of gay men 'just know' from the time they are quite small, even before puberty, even in the face of the same social pressures. Some know they are gay but won't ever act on it, and will find a woman willing to accept them, or a man who understands, while others know but refuse to acknowledge it, ever.
Again - the variety is infinite.

I'm not gay, that answer was very unhelpful and made me feel even worse. Thinking about being gay makes my stomach upset and makes me sick. This wasn't the kind of help I was looking for.

You asked ' Is there a certain point in your life that you can turn gay? Or is it always there? ' and I did my best to answer (basically yes for some/yes for others) with as much understanding of the world as I have encountered in my long life. I'm sorry it wasn't to your liking. Now I'm wondering why you are even here asking anything at all, given how easily you get upset, and how sure you are of yourself. In your first question, you were at your wit's end with anxiety, and even having a hard time making love to the woman you love. Perhaps some therapy is what you need. Please don't jump down my throat over THAT.

I'm not gay, that answer was very unhelpful and made me feel even worse. Thinking about being gay makes my stomach upset and makes me sick. This wasn't the kind of help I was looking for.

Relax why don't you. If you are not gay then don't worry about turning gay. It's the obsessive thoughts that are dragging on your mind and you must not have it clear in your own mind that you aren't gay.

NO, you cannot suddenly turn gay, but you can worry yourself crazy thinking about it. To change your thoughts, change your focus. For example, when an unwanted thought occurs, get up and do something that takes concentration on to change what you are thinking about. After doing this for a while, it will become a new habit.

Where this obsessive thought come from we have no clue, but you can learn a lot by an honest self evaluation, and maybe find that you have misinformation about your own thoughts and behavior or are influenced by fear, in the absence of FACTS.