I'm sure this is a common asked question and a lot of the answers on here have opened my mind a bit but I felt like telling my own story and obtaining some advice.

My ex and I started dating when we were in high school. I met her near the end of my sophomore year and she was a freshman. I won't bore you on how we met and all that nonsense but we did end up going out for a couple weeks. This was my first girlfriend ever. The first girl I ever managed becoming friends with. I'm a shy and different guy to say the least. Anyway, that didn't work out and she broke up with me wanting to stay friends because it was pretty rushed, we just met after all. It pained me because that was the first girlfriend I ever had and I felt as if I blew that chance to hell. I got over it, she moved on, we didn't really talk much. Months later, school started up again and my birthday was approaching so she wished me a happy birthday over Myspace (When that was thing). We ended up catching up and even spending a little time together a week later. From there we talked on a regular basis and months later, February of 2009, I asked her out and she said yes. That's just some brief history.

The year is now 2013 and she had broken up with me earlier this month. I don't know what to do, when there is really nothing I can do. I knew our relationship wasn't going great near the end there, but it was manageable. In fact, days before she had done the deed, we had a long discussion about our relationship; what's wrong, how we can fix it, and the future. I was all for it, we were too deep to have problems. The thing is, that's happened multiple times before. We'd talk, I'd say I would change, but then I would always lose sight and go back to being an issue. I feel terrible that I would always slip after being so good with her. I had my fair share of problems. I wasn't too attentive, loss of motivation, not too communicative, jealousy, got lazy, and she flat out wouldn't be my main priority sometimes. That's messed up, right? That wouldn't be all the time though, just random spurts. Other than that I would love her as much as you'd figure anyone would want to be loved. She also had some issues. She has had a handful of guy friends. Which is why I would get jealous. One of which is her best friend, and the other is some guy she's talked to online longer than she's known me. Anyway, she slowly decreased in telling me about problems she's having, that frustrate her and depress her, but direct those issues to her guy friends. One time not talking to me for a week and being emotionally dependent to her online friend. When she told me, she felt really bad about it and I let it slide. Even if it was messed up. Back to the matter at hand, she broke up with me saying she didn't feel like she was in love with me anymore. That we were growing apart and we were different. She wasn't happy. I wasn't meeting her needs. Her mind was set too, so there was nothing I could say or do. I was submerged in depression for a few days. I felt as if we didn't end it on a better note so I asked if we could meet in person to get some closure. We did, it went well, she hadn't changed her mind about me but suggested that we could still be friends because she still does care about me and would want me to be a part of her life. I stupidly agreed. I was stoked about it at first, thought it would be good for us. It's proving me wrong and it does nothing but keep the feelings that I already had locked and set in play. We've watched movies at my house and she rests her head on my lap and does certain actions that make me think she stills has it for me in a way, but I'm sure I am misreading that. She's made it clear she has no feelings for me yet I go about everyday feeling everything for her. I'm just lost on what to do. I know it'd be better for me to just give up on being friends with her but that pains me because I've been through so much with her. I'm closer to her than some of my best friends. She was someone who understood me, sometimes better than I understood myself. I also feel like I need her in my life because just knowing she's apart of it makes it a little easier for me, yet harder at the same time. I'm only 21 and barely scratched the surface of my life, but she was definitely the only good thing I had going for me. I'm working an average job, I haven't gone back to school since graduating high school, and I know this now gives me time to work on that and a lot of other things about myself but it's like hitting a brick wall. She's been doing fine with this. It's almost like she never went out with me when I see her. Her life was pretty stressful which I'm sure was a reason of letting me go. Busy going to school everyday for 9 hours and working on the weekends and still trying to fit me in. She would always fall asleep when we would spend time together at home because she was so overwhelmed. Getting her back just seems selfish but that's the only thing on my mind. I want her to be happy but that would be me letting go of my own happiness. You can't win. I'm not a sobbing mess anymore but I have my days of constant wonder. So with that, any thing that I can do to make it easier? No matter what I do to take my mind off it, it always just comes back like a swarm of bee's. I might add too, even though it's really not the most important thing to me, but a crappy feeling s that for 4 years I spent with this person, never did we have sex. Not because we were going to wait it out for marriage or anything but because she didn't want to risk anything, even if condoms are safe. I was very respectful to that. We still did other intimate things and we got by with that, hell, I didn't mind it. By the time I asked earlier this year, she said she felt as if we missed our chance. I'm sure that's when she was starting to have second thoughts of being with me or it could have been some other intimate personal issues she has. So now the thought of her being with another guy just destroys me even more than it would already.

My apologies if this is super long.

First an foremost I am so sorry for the hurt your going through. What really helps me get through tough times is thinking "everything happens for a reason" then I would try and make improvements on my life. You should focus on yourself and how you can make yor own life better. You are still so young and can still do so much with your life, like, start a military career, work on a higher education, or just go do something you have always wanted to do. It sounds like your ex is trying to move forward and you should let her. And you new o do the same for yourself. Maye someday she will realize that you are capable of success and she let something great go!

Hey thanks for the reply. That's a very common response but I appreciate it none the less. You're definitely right, I need to focus on myself. I have the want, but the drive is lacking. Just when I have my head high telling myself I can get over it, I sink back down with the tiniest memory (seeing a place that we'd go to all the time, a certain song plays, etc). We spent more time than we should have been spending after the break up, just as friends and I thought I would be able to pull that off. Not as easy as I thought. I'd have my good days where I'd be normal, then bad where old feelings envelope me, ruining the day and making it an awkward mess. I definitely dug myself deeper into this hole that I am in right now. I do feel that I can do this though. I'll struggle a lot, but it can be done. She never out of the blue has contacted me, it's always been me since the break up. She didn't mind that I would do that but I was always getting a weird vibe. Days ago she told me she was going to be busy for the next two weeks, which drives me nuts because I know her schedule and I feel like I know she is not that busy to where she cannot spend an hour of her time hanging out or even text me but I know she has multiple conversations with other people ( she would do that when we'd spend time together). I know, it's over-analyzing and being paranoid, which I shouldn't be doing for someone I'm not even with anymore. How long until you stop thinking about a person? Like where they are, who they're with, what they're doing, if they're okay, if they're even thinking about you? It's like until that goes away then I can completely move forward.