I am 32 and met a woman who is 35. We hit it off straight away. She was in the process of coming out of a violent 11 year relationship with a man of 47. We began to see each other and the sexual chemistry has being amazing. I have helped her move on from her ex gave her the strength and courage to move out of her old flat and into somewhere new, I have been a very positive influence on her. Over the course of the first 2 months we have been waiting for him to remove his stuff from her old flat, which he has now done but she is still left with the dogs. He has agreed to take them at the end of the month she had mentioned this will be her final closure for her.

She said she was falling in love with me which was a surprise but nice and a week later I had naturally came out that I loved her. A week later I had noticed one night at mine that she received a text message from some guy, I asked who it was and what was going on after her declaring her love for me.. I told her I was not going to put up with it and was assertive about it. She then agreed that it was a stupid thing to give her number out and told him to stop texting her which he agreed too as she was seeing me, she showed me the text. And because of it I became slightly paranoid, wondering what she was up to, this is not my nature as a person so you can understand why I was.

I gave her the benefit of the doubt, asked her why she would want to confuse things more as she was still in process of ending it with her ex. Because of this she has begun to doubt us and does not want to be answering to me as she felt I was becoming possessive which is total nonsense, her ex was a total control freak and I have told her and she knows I'm nothing like this, just got a bit paranoid after giving her number out that all.

She had become distant says she needs space, wants to be alone and doesn't want anybody in the background. Our connection over the past few months has been amazing, spiritually, emotionally and sexually. She knows how I've made her feel and been a very positive influence on her. I had pursued a little much after her wanting time, we still talk and had bumped into her the other day and kissed cuddled laughed and I could see the passion was still there between us. She says she doesn't know what she wants at the moment but needs to be alone, I've told her I can't be friends only romantically and what I want but I'm not pushing for a relationship. I'm happy to give her time but have told her she will eventually loose me if it goes on too long as it's hurting me.

Her mother has told her that she may lose 'The one' if she continues to look for other guys. Her choice.
She still likes and cares for me and I do also and we get on lovely so I'm just confused. She had admitted that once she gets rid of the dogs she may feel better about us? Maybe she been emotionally smothered because of my concern for her and her ex, but I was naturally drawn in and we had both opened our hearts to each other...

What you think people. :)

Well, first I think that you should stop posting this over and over and maybe give us some time to respond.

Anyway, it sounds to me like this relationship is doomed. She was in a bad spot, jumped out of that right to you... no time to heal on her own or get over it. Now, it seems pretty clear that she is interested in more than just you. Probably after spending 11 years with the guy, she is looking to be a little more free and not tied down.

Were you wrong for confronting her? I can't say... I probably would have done the same. Was it possessive or controlling? I wasn't there so I can't tell you. What I can say is that she is probably confused because she got into this relationship with you before she was ready for a serious relationship.

Give her time... give her space... but be prepared that you will not wind up as "the one". The way it seems now, if I were you, I wouldn't invest any more of my time or emotions into her.

You both seem to have latched onto each other in a time of need, but she needs a lot more time and space than you seem willing to give. You really should back off and stop the demand for romance when what she wants is a friend as she regains her strength and confidence, shattered by 11 years of a bad ending relationship.

If you can't be friends while she gathers herself, then leave her alone, as its obvious her healing is not complete as YOU want it to be. Nor is the way you both look at this friend with benefit arrangement. Yes you both benefitted for a time, but things have changed so respect her wish to explore on her own, and stop being paranoid and jealous, controlling and possessive.

Let it go, if you cannot keep it casual. She OBVIOUSLY wants an independent life apart from you and isn't wanting "the one" as you do. That's what YOU want.

I think you came on a bit strong. This woman does not seem to be ready for a relationship. You came along at a time when she needed a friend, not a boy friend. I would imagine she has strong feelings for you but she also wants to live life . Back off and stop the paranoid jealousy stuff. That probably reminded her of what she just got out of.
If you can't just be a friend, leave her completely alone.

We both came on to each other strong. She has plenty of friends that have told her to get out of that relationship which she never did. I may have acted abit possessive but it was only natural after her giving her number out. We moved past that. She has been living life going out with her friends, her ex only used to see her twice a month so maybe she just used to being alone, so am I. But we connected and she knows what's out there.

Well maybe she is not as hooked on you as she thought or you thought.
She needs some time alone and to heal.

At the moment no she probably isn't. Women's feelings can change like the weather. I've been good to her in all areas, she knows how I've made her feel. Why she reciprocate kissing and cuddling.. I left her with a smile in her face

At the moment no she probably aint. Women's feelings can change like the weather. Iv been good to her in all areas, she knows how Iv made her feel. Why she reciprocate kissing and cuddling.. I left her with a smile in her face
And you think that can erase years of control and abuse? You think because you made her feel good she owes you, would be beholden only to you? Perhaps this attitude is what has turned her off.
This woman needs to heal and enjoy life.

And you think that can erase years of control and abuse? You think because you made her feel good she owes you, would be beholden only to you? Perhaps this attitude is what has turned her off.
This woman needs to heal and enjoy life.

Yeah that's a fair point. Although I don't think that really. She did say she loved me and I have been very supportive and given great advice for her. I understand how she is feeling but we made it work. I will leave her be give her more time to heal. I know she still has feelings for me, once she has handed over the dogs it may all become clearer for her? Who knows.

Even if you had a 'right' to be hurt about the guy she gave her number to, it sounds like you didn't let it go as quickly and easily as you are trying to lead us to believe. The time between declaring love for each other and when she gave out her number and then he texted her sounds very short, and she deserved a very quick understanding from you, and instant letting it go. But the damage is done, and she realized that she might be starting on another 11 years of a controlling man. MIGHT. She doesn't know you well enough yet, and words don't count, only time. So yes, it was too soon, and she needs tons and tons of space and time.
Jealousy is such a poison, a killer. We all feel it (in varying degrees), but if we want a relationship to last, we force it down, put a lid on it, keep quiet. Letting it out is self-indulgent and counter-productive. Love is WORK.