We have known each other for eight years, dated for almost four years. In 2010, we found out she was pregnant and everything at the time was fine though neither of us worked. We never fought throughout the pregnancy nor before the pregnancy but once the baby was born we fought almost once a week. She ended up getting a job first, when our daughter was six months old, so we both agreed I should stay at home instead of watching my paycheck go to strangers baby sitting our kid.

A few months after she got her job, she started acting very shady. Hiding who she's with, what she's doing after work, hiding guys name as girls on her phone, clearing texts, etc. I only found out because I was looking through her purse for something of mine and found a MapQuest to a motel which brought up a question to search beyond that. I ended up finding numbers, receipts for places she doesn't go with me (nowhere near our house either) and other random things.

I questioned her calmly in the AM basically asking her to speak truth. I will accept whatever the outcome is and we can try to work this out as adults, for the sake of our daughter. She just went out with her friends and I'm over reacting. So a month passes and I'm at the theater to see Batman. I come back to find an email she copy/pasted (I often leave links as paste for future) on my computer to a guy saying "I'm sorry about last month and (me) calling him. blah blah blah" I questioned her and every since then we fought daily for two weeks until she up and left. A few months after the breakup we 'hooked' up (almost at sex) but our daughter walked in the room. She felt weird and got up and ran out saying that can't ever happen again. After that, she hired an attorney and started dating some other guy. I understand wanting to date someone, I did as well. But when I did, she was all up in my business asking question after question acting like she wanted to fix us. As soon as me and the girl split, she went back to her old self acting like a b*tch towards me.

Is there a way I could either win her back, or get over her? I still have strong feelings towards her and I miss what we used to have.

It is impossible for us to know the reality of her alleged infidelities. We can't tell if you are overly suspicious or if she was cheating, or both, or some of both, or what. People ALWAYS explain away their snooping ('just looking for something of mine... just saw the link.. etc') when snooping is what gets you in trouble in the first place. And snooping is a sign of mistrust, jealousy, and suspicion. And you just casually mention that she got a lawyer, something she usually wouldn't do unless there was a lot going on that you haven't said.
So again - impossible for the stranger (us) to judge, regardless of what you may add.

Therefore what to do? I think it's unredeemable. Work out a court ordered custody arrangement for the child.

If you and your ex were on the same page, wanting the best possible situation for your daughter, the two of you would have by now, been working on solving all these perceived problems, and real problems. Clearing away the clutter to the truth would have been much easier to see just what you were dealing with.

Both of you moved on to date other people.

That she has hired an attorney, means serious business. You should be doing likewise, and establish visitation, and child support. You realize that your relationship with your daughter is paramount to her emotional well being, and development I hope. You do not have to have a relationship with the mother, but I hope you step up and be a good father.

Try moving forward with your life, instead of sliding back into that place where you think things might work out. You will only find yourself going around in circles, because it doesn't seem like the two of you are/were willing to attend counseling to help build a relationship. If even for the sake of the child.

OP here.

I will admit I was snooping after I found the MapQuest but I think any person would snoop a tiny bit after that. As for the email, that was on my own computer (she has her own) so it's not really snooping when you're expecting to come home and watch a video or read an article you saved earlier, imo.

I suggested therapy before we even split. I did go however for six or so months weekly. We currently have an order in placed along with support and the like. Most of her driving force after the breakup is her parents. When her and I meet up to change the kid over, we're pretty friendly for just having spent over $10k in attorney fees. The attorney by the way was paid for by her parents, not her. She lives with them and must do as they wish if she wants a roof. They also don't like me one bit, never have, so they'll do whatever it takes to put a knife in my heart.

What hurts the most to me is our daughter will always look at photos of us as a family and she'll go, "Daddy and mommy!" or in person she'll have me and her mom hug or tell us to kiss. I know she's to young to completely understand what's going on but she's not stupid. She's barely two and she already knows the whole alphabet, how to count to twenty, multiple kids songs (word for word), how to work smartphones all by herself (she likes to look at photos and Skype), etc.

I know nobody on here can tell me what to do or what I should expect. I'm more looking for opinions and if anyone else has been through this.


Thanks for the replies :)

Treat this as a divorce and be good parents and never expect reconciliation no matter what she says and how nice she says it. In this way you can avoid the head games and being stuck on false hope.

Then at least you can build a life that you enjoy without her being a big part of it. That's what most divorced people that share children strive to do. Be a good parent, and be happy with their lives. You may never get over her but at least you can deal with reality in a healthy, positive way, and not be jerked around by BS, and drama.